Ok people,I was bored as hell and having a serious brain fart while trying to write my other fic "Flames of the Heart". The following is guaranteed to be stupid as hell so don't complain. This is my first shot trying to write Roxas/ Organization XIII crack (but mostly Roxas). I'm not bashing any of the characters if it seems like it. I love them all (except pluto. pluto can die) Read and Review bitches!

Claimer: I wish i could claim Axel and Demyx, but Noruma-san beat me to them. Oh well...

Episode 1: Fleas

“Here’s your new Roxas-puppy. Now take care of him.” Xemnas said handing the red leash to Axel. At the end was… well, Roxas, his new Roxas that Xemnas was giving him, Axel having broke the last one cause it ran away into the sewer to get away from him trying to molest it too hard… Don’t know how you can molest it too hard but Axel did it and Roxas ran away. And that was the 37th one. Roxas yipped happily his eyes all big and sparkly, which made Axel squeal in delight dragging the Roxas puppy out of the room behind him and slamming the door on the poor thing’s imaginary tail.

“Make sure he doesn’t get any fleas!” Xemnas called, plea falling upon deaf and horny ears as Axel was busy with the new ultra molestable version of Roxas, having hot rough boysex on the marble just outside the Superior’s office door… What a shame. Zexion walked by, his eyes getting all big and pupiless, the molestation too much for his young eyes. Oh censor.

“Ahh! Boysex!” Demyx screamed coming out of nowhere and waving around a really big bat, beating Roxas version 38.0 and Axel senseless before running off after Zexion. Axel looked from Roxas to the screaming Demyx to the pupiless Zexion and then back to Roxas. He grinned.

“Wanna go for a walk, boy?”

“Fuck me!” Roxas cheered getting back into the leash and let himself be dragged around by Axel again.

The Rain That Never Was was falling around The World That Never Was outside The Castle That Never Was and on top of The Buildings That Never Were and now on The Axel That Never Was and his ever-faithful Roxas That Never Was Version 38.0. The Axel That Never Was dragged his Roxas That Never Was Version 38.0 into The Plaza That Never Was and then he screamed- it was the legendary Pluto That Never Was! The Pluto That Never Was was The Axel That Never Was’s worst enemy and had been the destruction of his last five Roxases That Never Were! Except for Roxas Version 37.0 cause Axel molested it too hard and it ran away from him into the sewers where it met Sexy Minnie Sewer Mouse and had lots of Sexy Minnie Roxas Sewer Mouse babies together. Don’t forget that.

“It’s you!” Axel said pointing with the hand that was dragging Roxas Version 38.0 by the leash. Legendary Pluto barked and Axel gasped. “The horror! Sic ‘em Roxas!”

Roxas bounded forward and they waged a mighty heroic battle in which the only one that got hurt was Axel cause he was too stupid to let go of the leash. But they lived happily ever after though. Pluto growled as Roxas whapped him over the head.

“Fuck me.” Hot Pluto-Roxas boysex on the ground next to Axel’s shoe gives a whole new meaning to doggy-style. That’s not normal. Censor.

“I’m freeeeeeeeeee!” said a tiny voice as it jumped out of Pluto’s fur and landed right on the middle of Roxas’s for head for all to see though no one sees it so its kinda pointless. He’s there though. A big blue dot. Axel dragged Roxas-puppy Version 38.0 back to The Castle That Never Was where they go and visit Xigbar.

“Dude it’s like Axel’s new Roxas-puppy! Dude that’s like totally wicked man.” Xigbar said all sufer-dudeily patting Roxas Version 38.0 on the head. The thing is is that Xigbar doesn’t know the difference between ‘pat’ and ‘stab repeatedly with a gun-arrow’ so Roxas gets stabbed multiple times. Onward to visiting Lexaeus.

“Pet, pet, pet, pet.” Lexy pets the Roxas-puppy as it continues on to biting at his own leg. “Roxas-puppy, why don’t you talk to me?”

“Fuck me.”

“Ooooo!” Lexy squealed just as Axel yanked Roxas away.

“My sex machine dammit! Go get your own. Roxy, lets go visit Vexen. He needs to give you your stupidity shot.”

Roxas barked before they magically appeared in Vexen’s secret lab that every just happens to know about. Why’s there a sex swing hanging from the ceiling?

Vexen poked and probed the Roxas-puppy until he noticed the big uber blue dot on its forehead. “Axel, I have bad news.”

“What? Is Roxas fixed? No!”

“No, no, he’s not fixed. Roxas is still nateable to mpreg. I’m sorry to say this, but Roxas has... flea!” Vexen said dramatically bringing the back of his hand to his forehead and fainting on to the floor. It seemed at that very moment that everyone else in the Organization was in the room, which was really cramped cause it used to Xemnas’s old walk-in closet, which explains the sex-swing and all the lingerie everywhere.

“Flea?” they all gasped, bunched together like sardines in a sardine can. Larxene let out a scream that sounded like one from a horror movie while Zexion’s got even bigger and more pupiless, the flea too much for his young eyes. No censor.

“Fuck me?” Roxas asked looking up from the observation table/sex swing he was strapped into.

“Ahh! Flea!” Demyx screamed, swinging his bat and beating everyone in the room senseless but missing the flea altogether.

“What will we do, Xemnas?” Luxford asked, reading his hand which had everything he was going to say for that day scribbled all over it. Everyone looked at Xemnas who was busy changing into his sexy pink lingerie he had recently bought from Victoria’s Donut’s Secrets.

“To the Emergency Organization XIII Roxas-puppy Flea Bath aka EORFB!” he proclaimed prancing out of the room in his pink stiletto heels and pink feather boa. Everyone followed. The Emergency Organization XIII Roxas-puppy Flea Bath aka EORFB turned out to be a pink and blue Roxas-puppy sized plastic kiddy pool complete with Scrubby Bubbles TM and Roxas-puppy Shower Cap TM so Roxas can keep his cool hairstyle.

“Now we just put him in there.”

“Fuck! Fuck me fuck me fuck me!” Roxas-puppy clawed at his leash tying to get away from the Organization members that were going to try and drown him in the kiddy pool.

“I’ll get in there with you.” Axel said suggestively.

“Fuck me!” Roxas jumped fully clothed into the water splashing Scrubby Bubbles TM on everyone. Once his clothes melted off of him they put on his Roxas-puppy Shower Cap TM, which was decorated with rubber duckies, and Axel got in with him. Along with everyone else. It was like an episode of Girls Gone Wild but with men that were goin’ too wild for legal law.

“Fuck me!” Roxas glugged from under the mass of bodies.

Everybody got pregnant with multiple inseminations that night including Axel who had to flush his Roxas-puppy Version 38.0 down the toilet the next morning cause his batteries shorted out from all the hot Xemnas-Xigbar-Xaldin-Vexen-Lexaeus-Zexion-Saïx-Axel-Demyx-Luxford-Marluxia-Larxene-Roxas boy/woman/man/hermaphrodital sex. No one knows what happened to the flea except he was the one playing the world’s smallest violin at Roxas’s flushing.

--Credits--

Music begins playing in the background followed by Demyx in his boxers on the stage…

Written by Axelismrnewbooty (Axelownshardcore)

“My humps my humps my humps my humps my lovely lady lumps in the back and in the front.” Demyx sings belly dancing while grabbing both his ass and his moobs in his dance. Oh too sexy.

Casting by Axelismrnewbooty’s brain

Blooper Reel!

… Pluto growled as Roxas whapped him over the head. “Fuck me… Wait no CUT! AOH come here!”

AOH walks onto the scene, eyes all big and scared. “Wha? What I do?”

“Why do I have to fuck Pluto? I don’t wanna fuck Pluto!”

AOH nods. “Um, ok. STUNT DOUBLE!”

Enter Sora in blonde Roxas wig. Roxas skips away.

“Sora, fuck Pluto.” Sora nods. “K, ACTION!”

Pluto growled as Sora whapped him over the head. “Do me.”

“CUT!” AOH storms onto the scene. “Sora you idiot the line’s ‘Fuck me!’ It’s not that hard! Roxas only says two words repeatedly the entire show!”

Organization XIII and all the Things That Never Were go to Square Enix and Tetsuya Noruma

… "Roxas has... flea!” Vexen said dramatically bringing the back of his hand to his forehead and fainting as he fell into the sex swing with Roxas with his head… there.

“CUT! Vexen stop trying to fellate Roxas!” AOH hits Vexen as Axel giggles and Roxas moans.

“But he’s so good!”

“More! More! Vexen is so orgasmic!”

AOH shakes her head and walks away. “Everyone take five while Roxas is getting blown!”

Pluto goes to Disney. Sexy Minnie Sewer Mouse also goes but they might not want the ‘Sexy’ or the ‘Sewer’ parts

Offset bloopers!

Roxas smacks himself in the forehead. “Goddamn this thing itches… oh, I mean ‘Fuck me.’”

Filming by R.I.F. (Reading is Fundamental) which is Axelismrnewbooty’s filming agency

Axel has joined Demyx in his belly dance, followed by Zexion.

“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and their life is better than yours damn right it’s better than yours I could teach you but I have to charge.”

“I can see you’re on it, you want me to teach thee techniques that freaks these boys, it can’t be bought…”

Wow. They’re all synchronized and shit in their dancing. Have you guys been practicing?

Special thanks to all my fans who also know me as Axelownshardcore. I love you all! Please review my fanfics!

“Kairi! Why are you here?” AOH marches up to Kairi who is hanging out on the set with Sora. “We don’t need you until episode 19! This is only episode 1! Go home!”

“Wow… you’re like my Italian clone!” Kairi squeals reaching out to touch. AOH slaps away her hand.

“Don’t touch me bitch. Go away! I can’t have you disturbing Sora! He has stunt doubling to do!”

“Do me!” Sora’s rehearsing.

“Sora! No! It’s ‘Fuck me!’ How many more times do we have to go over this?”

Sora’s trying. “D-fuck me?” Straining. “I’m sorry. I just can’t make the ‘f’ sound in ‘Fuck me’!”

“YOU JUST SAID IT!”

“What?”

“FUCK ME!”

“Um, ok.”

“NOIDONTWANNABEMOLESTEDBYSORA!”

--Stay tuned for the next installment of “The Adventures of Roxas-puppy (Oh Censor)!” Episode 12- Sperms!

“Who’s your daddy?”

“You are! You are!”

“That’s right bitch all night long!”