|Where We're Wanted
Author: c. sherwood PM
Hiding from his friends after a fight, Remus finds solace in a very unlikely form. Slash.Rated: Fiction M - English - Drama/Romance - Remus L. & Severus S. - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,157 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 01-29-07 - Published: 07-28-06 - id: 3071920
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
//Notes: Ahem. Note the rating upgrade. This story will end eventually with four chapters, at the end of which I'll try to explain my thoughts on it, specifically on why Sirius is so fucked up. This will become more and more evident in the later chapters.//
Remus watched as Sirius's fingers turned the pages restlessly, silver eyes scanning the pages but not really seeing. He shifted nervously, aware of the arm draped loosely across his shoulders. Sirius didn't seem to notice it.
"Sirius." he murmured, touching his shoulder gingerly.
"Yeah?" the other boy moved so he could look at Remus, his arm falling to his side.
"I can finish this, if you want to go on to dinner." Sirius looked at him for a moment before nodding brightly.
"Thanks, Moony." He leaned in and hugged him for a moment, tightly, before rushing to his feet and from the library. Remus watched him go with a frown, one of his hands moving to smooth out the page of the book. There had been a lot of touches like that, lately. Small ones, whenever they fell silent. He didn't know what to think of them and so he tried to think nothing at all.
"You two look like you've gotten closer." The voice from behind him was dry and laced with venom. He turned slowly, looking up at Snape with wide eyes.
"Severus." His voice came out a whisper in face of the taller boy's eyes.
"Lupin. May I speak with you?" His words were politic but they didn't sound so. Remus looked around desperately.
"We can go elsewhere." Sighing softly, Remus stood and followed him out, both standing at a distance from each other as they walked. They went down the corridor until they found the first empty classroom and slipped inside. He watched as Snape flicked his wand and locked the door, but said nothing. He sat on the edge of the teacher's desk, watching Snape warily as he took a seat in the desk in front of him. They sat in silence.
"I don't know what to say." Remus murmured finally, looking defeated.
"Than I'll speak." Snape replied sharply, rising to his feet again to get a better look at the boy. "How can you let Black treat you like he does?"
"He's not been treating me badly." he started to protest but stopped at the look on Snape's face.
"Not for the past few days, no, but what about after you two left the library?" Remus didn't move. "Honestly, Lupin, he had you against a wall!"
". . .he's got a bad temper. He overreacted."
"He has overreacted before, though, hasn't he? Often?"
"No. . .no. Severus, I'm sorry. About what happened." Remus stared at his feet, eyebrows furrowed. "I think it might be my fault."
"You need to stop blaming yourself." His voice was gentler, though, and he sank down next to him. "It's infuriating."
"I'm sorry." he repeated.
"You shouldn't be." A hand was raised slightly, moving to touch tawny hair with only a slight tremor of hesitation. Remus swallowed hard, biting back an overwhelming cry, turning to look at the thin boy with his hand now threaded through the soft hair at the nape of his neck, his other hand resting above his knee. Remus made a soft, wet noise and didn't struggle when he felt the brush of thin lips on the pale skin of his neck.
"Sirius. . .Sirius hates you." he whispered, like a child divulging a secret, lowering his head to bury it in the neckline of his robes, nuzzling against a sharp collarbone.
"Do you hate me?" The whisper was rough, like the hands that started to roam across the lightly haired skin underneath Remus's sleeves.
"No." Remus breathed in deeply. Snape smelled of spices and ink and dust. Sirius didn't. Sirius smelled like chocolate, chocolate and wet grass and the wax he used to polish his broomstick. His touches were insistent, tugging him by his wrist, wrapping an arm around him, cradling him against his chest when he insisted on carrying him back from the forest without help from the others. These weren't that way, though. They were fleeting and deep, deft hands holding Remus still and surprisingly warm lips working their way up until they were a moment from his own, and he couldn't take it anymore. Bending forward, he kissed him, both of their mouths parting in a rush of warm shared breath.
"Then it doesn't matter, does it?" Snape murmured into the kiss before they both pulled apart and surveyed each other, a brilliant shy smile working its way across Remus's lips.
"I suppose not." It faltered a moment later. "He. . .no one can know, though. They wouldn't like it."
"He wouldn't like it." Snape murmured, slipping from the desk and sliding to the floor, sitting with his legs pressed tight to his chest. Remus stayed where he was, looking down anxiously. Dark eyes moved up finally, meeting his gaze.
"You're in love with Black." He stated this as if it was a fact, but added in a shaky afterthought, "Aren't you?" Remus opened his mouth but found his breath caught in his throat. Coughing, he moved to the floor next to him.
"I'm too young to know anything about what love might be. Especially concerning Sirius Black."
"You are that, then." Footsteps rang through the hallway outside the door and they felt each other tense where their arms were touching. They looked at each other for a moment before Remus stood abruptly.
"Dinner will almost be over by now. I should be going." He reached out a hand and helped Snape to his feet. They kissed once more, almost awkward, but soft and leaving Remus with the same feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"We'll talk again." He whispered, backing towards the doorway.
"Soon." Snape agreed, and they watched each other until Remus disappeared and set off at a run down the hallway. He stumbled once outside the doors and found a warm hand steadying him. Looking up, he saw Sirius, James, and Peter in front of him, staring.
"Why were you running?" James asked, smiling crookedly.
"I wanted to get here." Remus replied, breathing heavily, "For dinner."
"Well, we brought you some." He gestured to the plate he was holding and Remus smiled gratefully.
"Thanks, James." Sirius's hand was still on his arm, and it tightened slightly, making Remus start and gaze up at him.
"Where are your books?" he asked.
"My. . .oh. Oh, I must have left them in the library." Remus felt his cheeks flush, and he shifted uncomfortably. "I'll go get them."
"I'll come with you." Sirius murmured, leading him away with a hand on the small of his back. A few minutes later he stopped abruptly, turning to Remus.
"What's wrong with you, Moony?" he asked, genuine concern written over his face.
"Nothing's wrong, Padfoot." he said, smiling carefully up at him.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course." Thoughtlessly, he took Sirius's hand and pulled him gently through the doors to the library. As they shut behind them, he started to let go, but found his friend's fingers lacing through his insistently. Blinking, Remus ignored it, but as he went to pick up his books, Sirius stepped in front of him. He picked up the small stack and hefted them into his own arms, watching Remus with expectant eyes.
"You don't have to do that." Remus said, almost roughly.
"Maybe I want to." Sirius's smile is half sardonic and half fetching, his dark hair falling like uneven bars in front of his eyes. He waits for a moment before turning on his heel and walking out. Evening his breath out, Remus caught up to him and they walked in a humid silence until they got to the dormitory. Bounding through the door with his usual energy, Sirius dropped the books neatly on the end of Remus's bed before throwing himself down beside them.
James was sprawled out on his own bed; Peter sat on the floor close by, a textbook open but forgotten in his lap. Remus stared at them for a moment before walking gingerly to sit down on the other end of the bed, careful not to touch the boy who was taking up the majority of it.
"Oi, Padfoot." James tossed his head in Sirius's direction, making the other boy look up. "Did you tell Moony about our plan?" Remus felt his heart sink. He knew what was coming.
"Another prank?" he asked, trying to keep his voice light.
"Mmm-hmm." Peter said, through a mouthful of bubble gum, grinning in pink.
"Are you going to tell me about it?"
"Only if you promise not to go all prefect on us." James said, arching an eyebrow.
"I'll try." he promised, stretching out a little more comfortably and letting his feet dangle off the edge of the bed. Sirius and James stood as if by some unison impulse and sat in front of him, leaning in reverently.
"Prongs managed to get the password to the Slytherin dungeons." Sirius whispered, eyes glinting with what Remus might have identified before as mischief but now seemed to be nothing but malice.
"We're going to redecorate the common room," James said, flashing a grin, ". . .and the Slytherins." Remus managed a smile, small and shaking.
"How do you think Snivellus will look tarted up?" Sirius asked,
"Oh. . ." He tried to laugh, hoping it looked right. "I don't know."
"Probably better than he looked before." James said, and Sirius tore his appraising gaze from Remus to laugh happily, laying backwards, his hair brushing Remus's throat as he settled next to him.
"Do you want to help us with the research?" he asked softly, smiling up at him.
"I still have Arithmancy homework." Remus murmured apologetically, starting to sit up until Sirius took his hand and pulled him back down.
"Come on, Moony. I'll help you do it later."
"Sirius, you don't even take Arithmancy. And I need the grades, you know that." he said, a little angrily, tugging away from him and stumbling to his feet. He took his bag in one hand and swung it over his shoulder as he started for the door.
"Hey. Moony, wait." He could hear Sirius following him down the stairs but, for once, he didn't stop. When he reached the opening to the common room, a hand wrapped around his arm and tugged him back, tight into the corner. He felt Sirius before he saw him, arms crossed over his chest and eyes wide with something that might have been concern or might have been something completely different.
"What's wrong with you?" he asked, for the second time, angling his head to get a better look at Remus who was squirming ineffectually away from him.
"I've already told you. Nothing." Remus said
"Don't lie to me, Remus. Don't you think I can tell when something's changed with you?" He looked down to his feet, shaking his head roughly. "Look, I didn't want to ask you before, but. . .have you found a girlfriend?"
"Oh." Remus wrinkled his nose a bit, touching Sirius's arm so he would back up. "No, no. I've not found a girlfriend."
"Because if you did, you could me. You could tell all of us."
"I know, Sirius." He smiled up at him and that time it was truly real, warm and bright and the kind of smile he'd only ever let out when Sirius was around. Sirius looked at him again, wistfully.
"Have fun with the Arithmancy, then." He backed away more before starting back up the staircase, slowly. Remus watched him go, before leaning back into the corner and shutting his eyes tight.
He never got his homework done.
"We need. . .we need to find someplace to go." he whispered, sadly. "Someone could find us." Snape growled a little at this, just in the back of his throat, but he relented. He straightened Remus' robes for him in a strangely affectionate gesture, touched his hair softly to flatten it back out.
"Let's go outside before it gets dark." he suggested, almost taking Remus' hand but thinking better of it a moment later. They walked side by side away so their shoulders just touched. It was a small act of rebellion against their hiding, to be seen together at all.
Outside, night was just beginning to fall, so shadows hung like cobwebs over everything. Snape' fingers slipped through his, finally, as he led him toward the edge of the lake. They sat together, and he dipped his free hand in the water, spreading it over Remus' throat experimentally. He gasped at the feel of the cold water, dripping down his chest. Snape smiled earnestly, teased at a few of the buttons until they came loose to reveal inches of pale skin. He ran a finger down it, slowly, until he stopped as if someone had slapped him. He unbuttoned the rest of the shirt roughly, ignoring him when Remus started to protest, and guided his hands over several long scars that crossed his belly, jagged and angry.
"Who did this to you?" he demanded.
"No one." Remus replied, scrambling away to get to his feet, awkwardly.
"Nonsense. It was Black, wasn't it? He did this." Snape stood in turn to face him, eyes stormy black. "Lupin. . .Remus. Tell me."
"It wasn't Sirius. It happened a long time ago, and I can't talk about it. Not now." he said firmly, resting a hand on his elbow to calm him.
"I wish you wouldn't keep secrets from me." He walked forward until they were chest to chest, sharing the same air. Remus leaned forward and kissed him softly, lingering.
"I'm so sorry. I'll you someday, I promise."
"All right." He picked up Remus' shirt and helped him dress. "Let's get back before your friends start to worry." Remus tried to ignore the strange tone to his voice and chose instead to focus on how nice it was to have someone warm beside him on such a cold night. He walked him all the way to Gryffindor Tower, and they kissed once before parting, Remus into the portrait hole, Snape back to the staircase.
Neither of them realized that Sirius Black had been in the hallway the entire time, coming back from the kitchens beneath the invisibility cloak, and that he had seen the entire thing.