Hey, everyone, this is a song fic. The song is Toby Keith’s, ‘I Wanna Talk About Me’ as sung by our own Yami Bakura. He’s a little sick of being seventh wheel…what? He got beat out by even the cheerleaders.

A little note before you start, there is an intro and then Bakura starts singing. As he sings each line they are indicated by /…/. Usually after a line there are reactions from the other characters.

I wish I were you people reading this for the first time.

Me, Myself, I and Not the Hikari

By Unrealistic

It was the end of the Battle City Duel Monsters Tournament. Seto Kaiba didn’t win. Apparently because he didn’t embrace his past, but one would think that even if he did, he would have lost anyway because we all knew from the beginning that Yugi err…Yami… well, both would win. So, it was a lose-lose situation for everybody.

So, when Yami won the final duel against Malik’s dark half, no one was surprised.

“Wow! I’m so relieved! That was a close duel!” Tea exclaimed.

“Yeah. I’ve never had so much anxiety in my whole young life!” Joey agreed.

…Well, some were more surprised than others.

Anyway, Yami won the tournament and Malik got his body back. Actually it’s kind of funny that he got his sanity back before his body. Everything was now right with the world. So now we go to what really matters: The Millennium Item count! Who ended up with what?

Shadi still has the Ankh (Key) and Scales. No surprise there. Yami and Yugi have the Millennium Puzzle, the Tauk, (Necklace) and the Rod. Of course they have the Puzzle, they’d be in big trouble without it. That leaves Bakura with the Ring and Eye. Not Ryou, because I really don’t think Bakura shares. Someone needs to go back to kindergarten.

“Finally, it’s over! We can go home now and find out more about my past!” Yami said joyfully.

“Yeah! Way to go, Yugi!” said Joey.

“We knew you could do it!” was the follow up by Tea.

“ We did?” Serenity asked “I thought we were all nervous and stuff because we didn’t know he was going to win.”

“ We’re cheerleaders, sis. We just do as we’re told. We are the comic relief from the duel if need be,” her brother explained.

“ I see…” Pun intended.

At this point Yami has become worried, yet still stays confident. “ Come on. Let’s go see Grandpa since we haven’t seen him since Bakura either knocked him unconscious or sent him to the shadow realm, you really can’t tell.”

“Grandpa’s in the hospital? Again! Man, we’re going to have a lot of hospital bills at the end of the month,” Yugi said exasperatedly.

It’s true, they did kind of forget about Grandpa.

“Wow, I sure am glad to have the Ring back…” Ryou said out of nowhere. His face suddenly goes blank and you can’t see his eyes…guess what’s coming next?

Out comes Bakura, the real bad guy of the series and he’s mad. “ That’s it! I can’t stand it! It’s Yugi this and Yami that! Don’t you have anyone else to bother?”

The cheerleaders and duelists give him blank looks.

Bakura sighed. “I figured as much. perks up Well, I’m sick and tired of it! He may be the pharaoh and the show’s namesake and Yugi may be the ‘chosen one’, but what about me? I brought the first legitimate evil to this group and I deserve more credit than I’m getting!”

“ Now wait a minute, Bakura…” Everyone’s favorite pharaoh tried to console his arch- enemy.

/We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk/

Bakura sings this as he points directly to Yami. Yami knows an insult when he hears one. The pharaoh was the boss, he knows at least that much. If he didn’t I’d be worried at the fact the fate of the world is in his hands.

“ Hey!”

/We talk about your church and your head when it hurts /

“ The voices! In my head!” Malik screamed.

Okay, so maybe he’s not all sane yet…

/We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother /

“ You’ve got that right,” Isis said in a deadpan voice.

/About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover /

Mokuba looks up at his brother in confusion.

“No. It’s not what you’re thinking.”

“You know what, Seto? I don’t believe you…”

/We talk about your friends and the places that you've been /

Picture of Egypt is show. Another picture of … everyone else… is shown as well.

A picture of Mailk is shown as he looks at the picture of Egypt. “I’m homesick.”

/We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin /

Mai screams.

/The polish on your toes and the run in your hose /

“ It’s not that bad…” Tea argues.

/And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes /

“ But…I like the tight leather…” Yugi squeaked out while crying a river.

Like Yami, Yugi knows when he’s been insulted.

/You know talking about you makes me smile /

“It does!” Ryou said, exceedingly surprised

Bakura himself gives the line he just sung the raised eyebrow. Yami just smirks.

/But every once in awhile /

To be cool, Bakura takes out a pair of sunglasses and puts them on. A microphone is finally tossed to him from out of nowhere. He catches it one handed as he starts to sing the chorus.

/I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me mine
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see /

Bakura thinks about girls, likes gold, knows everything about the past, wants the Puzzle and sees a whole bunch of idiots surrounding him. A picture of each thing is shown.

/I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occasionally /

The ‘you’s are Yami, Malik, Seto and Joey. Again, each is shown.

/I wanna talk about me (me,me,me,me,me,me,-background singers)
I wanna talk about me /

Bakura is now really into this and is enjoying himself and hopefully getting his point across. Everyone else is scared.

“Is anyone else thoroughly frightened by all of this? Bakura has a pretty good singing voice,” the nameless hair-wonder asked.

“American Idol, here I come!” Ryou plotted.

Tristan looked confused from his corner. “Isn’t that the guy with the live Man Eater Bug that lives in a golden pendant/ring that I knocked out at Duelist Kingdom?”

/We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes /

“I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling kids and your dog!” Malik accused.

Seto snickers while Joey sighs in defeat.

/your high school team and your moisturizer cream /

Mai and Tea are comparing cosmetics.

/We talk about your nanna up in Muncie, Indiana
We talk about your grandma down in Alabama /

The rest of the cast looks around to see whom Bakura is talking about this time, as they all live in Japan, not America. They are confused. Ryou blushes and groans, embarrassed Bakura is talking about his relatives.

/We talk about your guys of every shape and size /

A picture of Joey is shown. No one comments.

“What? I train at the gym! I talk about my other friends,” Joey defended.

“You have… other friends! I thought I was your best friend?” Yugi said, obviously deeply hurt.

“I thought he was my best friend,” Yami said as a side note.

/The ones that you despise and the ones you idolize /

All the guys are shown at once with the exception of Ryou. No one is shown for the second part.

/We talk about your heart, about your brains and your smarts /

Ryou is shown as Bakura looks directly at him during this line. Ryou blushes again.

Ryou sighed. “Well, I guess it’s the closest I’m getting to a compliment from him.”

/And your medical charts and when you start /

Grandpa is shown in his most familiar setting: a hospital bed with an oxygen mask.

“Grandpa!” Yugi screamed.

/You know talking about you makes me grin /

“Sadistically,” Ryou said rolling his eyes.

/But every now and then /

Bakura holds up his index finger.

/ I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me mine
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see /

Bakura thinks about getting attention. He likes treasure. He knows a whole lot more than anyone else on the show. He wants the Millennium Items. He sees dead people. Literally.

/I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about me (me,me,me,me,me,me-background singers)
I wanna talk about me
I wanna talk about me (me,me,me,me,me)
I wanna talk about me (me,me,me,me)/

“Poor Bakura, he must feel left out…” Tea observed.

Ryou sweatdropped. “Now they notice…”

/You you you you you you you you youyouyouyouyou /

Bakura points to, in order, Yami, Yugi, Tea, Ryou, Joey, Tristan, Seto, Mokuba, Malik, Isis, Duke, Rebecca and Grandpa.

/I wanna talk about me /

Shot of Bakura by himself.

/I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me mine
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see /

Bakura thinks rationally. He likes being unique. He knows more than you. He wants…stuff. He sees even more idiots.

/I like talking about you, you, you, you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about me (me,me,me,me,me,me-background singers)
I wanna talk about me
I wanna talk about me(me,me,me,me,me,me-background singers)
Oh me/

At the last note, Bakura drops to his knees, signaling the end of the song. He is exhausted and drops the microphone to his side. Everyone is shocked.

“Feel better?” Yami asked in a rare display of compassion towards Bakura.

“Yes, yes I do,” Bakura responded truthfully.

“Great! Now let’s go find out about my past!” Yami shot up with a wide grin on his face.

Bakura gawks. “Didn’t you listen to a word I just said? If this is some kind of petty revenge, I’ll kill you….again!”

Ryou had other plans. “ No matter how hard you try, you’re not going to get them to listen. They’re too focused. Now I’ve got to get you on American Idol.”

Suddenly, a strange man with brown hair in a braid runs by.

“You have my shades. I want them back. And in the meantime I’ll take back my microphone too.”

He proceeds to take Bakura’s sunglasses and microphone.

“ …I liked that pair.”

The End.

From the Desk of Unrealistic,

Duo Maxwell of Gundam Wing was in our last song fic and he had ‘the shades’. Bakura stole them. Surprise Surprise. Sadly, it was deleted off because of script format issues.

Hope it gave you a laugh. I’d like to hear your reactions through reviews.

Until Next time,

Unrealistic :-)