Author: embracing PM
Lily comes to a realisation when she makes a wish on her dandelion. But it's not one that she would expect. A little fluff, and a bit of angst. LJRated: Fiction K+ - English - Romance/Angst - Lily Evans P. & James P. - Words: 2,390 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 11 - Published: 08-07-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3090766
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A/N: as usual, this is just another of my random rambles. It makes sense to me, but it may be a bit muddled up. I wrote it because Equations, Inequations and Formulae seem to be taking over my life all too soon. It may have some grammar mistakes, because this is the result of a very hard day at work, meaning that my brain is mush and I've probably made mistakes that you didn't think were possible. So this is very very very babbly, but I love it, and it would mean a lot to me if you reviewed.
I hate to say it, but it really all started with the bloody cooties. Yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking. How bloody shallow can you get? But really you sort of had to be there. There in the corridor.
I had been walking with Alice, my best friend, in first year. It was at that stage in the year, where it was early enough to not be used to everything magical in Hogwarts, but know your place in everything, and be comfortable with it.
The Gryffindors were heading to charms, which we all had next. We all used to travel as one to classes, I don't know how it happened, but it did. As a large pack we'd walk to the class, but in tiny groups of two, three, and four. The Marauder's, as they were just beginning to call themselves, would always lag behind, or lead the group, depending on how they felt.
That day seemed to be one of those days that brought everyone lagging. Outside was grey, that weather that made you think it would rain for days, but ended up just being cold and windy.
So, unusual for Alice and I, we were near the Marauders at the back of the pack. We seemed to be slowing down if anything. I don't know what it was, Alice always recalls that we were both in a state of melancholy and weren't actually talking, but I've always had this sense that we were caught up in our conversation and that's what was making us slower.
Anyway, somehow the Maruaders caught up to us, and even passed us by. But as usual, Potter was looking for trouble, he purposely bumped into me as he walked pass.
'Erg,' he said, shaking himself wiping the shoulder that had touched mine, 'Evan's germs!' He wiped it onto Black, who dramatically slithered in pain, passing it onto Lupin, who passed it onto Pettigrew, who passed it onto the next boy in the pack who passed it on, and so on.
So I started the same thing with the girls. I passed it into Alice who went to Betty, etc. It was amazing, because suddenly a new thing was born in the first year Gryffindors. It was like a game, but was also horribly exclusive.
After a while it passed over, but I was still angry with Potter. I guess I should've taken it lightly like the joke that it was, but my personality wouldn't let me. I'm a redhead, and my temper matched it. So I guess that was where my hate for Potter started.
I sit now, looking back on it all. I have a dandelion in my hand, and am slowly taking each single fluffy petal from the flower bit by bit. I'm surround by dandelions on the grass beside the Great Lake. They say that when you make a wish when blowing on a dandelion, with each blow it takes to blow every petal off, it takes as many days to make the wish come true.
I normally would have jumped at the chance to blow the dandelion with just one blow to make my wish come true, but that's the thing that has me pondering, tearing at the flower instead of blowing on it. The wish that came into my head first shocked me. Not the normal shock that you get when you think something that you usually wouldn't have, but the shock that has you staring at the thing that made you think that thought. At first I thought I was under some sort of spell, but I wasn't I realised as I looked back.
I wasn't under a spell, and it really freaked me out. It left me all alone without a shell of protection, raw, and grieving by tearing a poor innocent dandelion apart.
A dandelion with a fluffy pompom like shape, with flimsy little petals, had moulded me into this girl that seemed to have no connection with the girl I was four minutes ago.
I tear the last petal off the dandelion almost symbolically. I stare frustrated with it for a couple of moments, before crushing it and chucking it into the water.
I feel someone sit beside me, but I really can't be bothered at looking who. Instead I watch as the stem of the dandelion sink slowly.
'That's an interesting way of ridding a dandelion of it's petals, didn't you know that blowing on them are the traditional way? You get to make a wish too,' I almost flinch at the sound of his voice. Merlin must be against me today.
'Hey James,' I say defeated. He has a dandelion and is looking at it intently before I speak.
'Did you just call me James?' he asks in exaggerated shock. But I don't have time for his humour today, I've just come to a realisation, and I wouldn't have come to it if I hadn't sat down among the dandelions exactly eight minutes ago.
'Yes.' I say, in monotone.
'But why?' he asks, catching on that I'm not in the mood, but playing it out anyway.
'Well, I assume it's your name, since that's what everyone else calls you.'
He frowns at me.
'What's wrong Lil?' he asks concern in his voice. We'd sort of had this odd relationship ever since we'd started seventh year. I guess we'd called a truce since we' be working together as Heads. We'd had a friendship for a couple of months now, and it was going well. That had also made me come to my realisation.
I sigh, and pick up another dandelion before lying down, one arm behind my head looking at the bright clear skies. It's early autumn, when the breeze it crisp, but the days are clear and sunny.
'Dandelions,' I say and blow on the flower in front of me. A single petal drifts off. I sigh again.
He lies back with me and takes a blow at his own dandelion. All the petals fly in different directions. I look over at him surprised.
'Practice makes perfect,' he says.
I look back at the sky and twirl my flower between my thumb and index finger.
'And you?' I ask referring to our earlier question.
'Nothing's wrong with me,' he smiles. That's the thing I envy most about James, he is almost always happy.
'You just called me James for the first time in history, how could anything be wrong?' he continues.
His smile is contagious. I even laugh a little before going back to my state of some sort of bittersweet.
'Have you ever realised something, and not wanted to believe it, but then when you look back on it, you realise that it actually could be true?'
James looks over at me like I've been abducted by aliens and replaced by a robot.
I look back at the sky and try to explain myself better.
'Have you ever realised something that you didn't want to be true, but deep down you knew that it was?'
I think he gradually starts to grasp the idea and he nods his head.
'Yeah,' he says slowly.
'What did you do about it?' I ask, trying to seem calm.
'Well… I umm, took it in and I acted on it.'
'Oh, okay,' I whisper and with on big breath I blow all the petals off the dandelion. I sit up, and look back at James. His hair, as always is ruffled, and his tie askew. He's only wearing his shirt and pants, his robe missing. He's staring intently at me with his hazel eyes.
'What is it?' He sits up and I wish he didn't. I wish he didn't come up with that answer. I wish a lot of things, but somehow, I don't think the dandelions will have an effect before something happens.
I look away from his eyes.
'Lil?' he asks when I don't answer. He tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear.
I turn back to face him, and look briefly into his eyes. So many things rush in my mind, jumbled up. Things that made me wish that I hadn't even sat here just now. But ignoring all of that I lean forward and gently place my lips on his.
But, as I had feared, he doesn't do anything. So I break away from him, looking down. I get up quickly and turn away from him.
'Lil,' he says, his voice quiet. I look back briefly, and see him standing to.
'Forget about it James,' I sigh, and walk away from him. Because the first wish that had come into my head was for James to like me, and over the time that I had sat among the dandelions I had come to the realisation that I loved him.
So we drift apart. Well I guess we don't, I do. I don't really avoid him; I just don't really acknowledge him. It really really hurt that he hadn't kissed me back. But then, he hadn't asked me out since last year, so I should have expected he was over me.
But I'm wounded. Alice tried to help, but I wouldn't tell her what happened. So the days passed by slowly.
Winter seems to follow autumn all too soon. I go down to the Lake once again, and see one last limp dandelion.
I pick it up, and cup my hand around it, protecting it from the cold wind. It's so delicate, but powerful. Well, powerful in the way it makes you believe. And that's what had me think that wish. I hear footsteps come behind me and I immediately tense.
Somehow, I know that it's James. The way that you know that it's your mother that comes in late at night to kiss you goodnight. The same way you know it's Sirius that's pulled your chair from beneath you.
Common sense I think it's called.
I keep my eyes focused on the small delicate flower in my hands. It's slightly wilted. Out of the corner of my eye I see James sit down, his knees bent, his arms resting on them.
'Do you remember the last time we were here?' he says after a moment.
'How could I forget?' I say bitterly.
His eyes are fixed straight ahead. I know there's really nothing out there.
'Do you remember the question you asked me?'
I kneel down, a little behind him; I don't want to seem to friendly, I don't want his company. He knows this, and I know this.
I frown and think back.
'And you?' I recall, acting dumb. He sighs and drops his head to his hands, rubbing his temples. I'd like to say that I was enjoying his pain, but really I wasn't. It made me uncomfortable.
'You're killing me Lily Evans,' he groans. After a pause I answer him.
'Yeah,' I say quietly, crushed, 'I know the what your talking about. The one about realising something that you didn't want to be true, and then realising that it actually could be.'
'Do you remember what my answer was?' he asks, looking back at the spot he was staring at before.
'You said that you took it in and acted on it.' Something about this conversation is making me feel like a four year old. I want to tell him this, but he is eating up the chance to talk to me.
'Do you have any idea what I was talking about?' he asks, almost laughing, shaking his head.
'No,' I say in monotone, reminding me again of that painful day.
'I was talking about you,' he says, finally turning to look me in the eye. 'Didn't you realise that I had stopped asking you out in seventh?'
I look at him shocked.
'Well, yeah, but I didn't think anything by it, I just thought you were over me.'
'Lil, I'd liked you for five years, do you really think I'd give up so easily?'
No, I didn't, and I didn't like the way this conversation was going, I was getting more and more uncomfortable by the moment.
'What was I supposed to think James?' I whisper, getting slowly to my feet. He looks sharply at me.
'Over the holidays I realised that you would never like me back, and although I didn't want it to be true, I knew that it was.'
I don't gasp, but I come very close to it. My hand goes to my mouth, I feel a lump start to form in my throat, but I stubbornly push it back down.
He stands up too. My mouth opens, then closes. So many questions fly around my head, it's hard to think straight. Why didn't he kiss me back? Why didn't he say anything? What was he saying now?
'I was shocked,' he says simply, before lowering his lips to mine.
No fireworks explode, and no stars appear, but my stomach drops and I feel slightly dizzy. Yes, that's what kissing James Potter can do to you.
So the dandelions did make my wish come true, a little late, and I kiss James Potter with a dandelion held tightly in my hand the whole while.