Kingdom Hearts/ Final Fantasy Theatre

Disclaimer: I don’t own Kingdom Hearts!

Copyright: I own Axis Oracle, and the temp. host; Ringo Blue Sosu

Episode IV:

Hey! Where’s Axis!?

“H! Vltg3” by Linkin Park plays in the background as a black haired teenager with blue eyes walks onto stage. He’s wearing a black sweatshirt that has the Gears of War logo painted in blue, and a pair of black cargo pants with blue stitching on them. Everyone in the audience, and even those on stage stare at him questionably as he sits at the desk.

Cloud: Hey. You’re not Axis!

Tifa: Yeah! Where’s Axis?

Boy: I know I’m not Axis.

Leon: Then who the hell are you?

Boy: Just some Square Enix addict. No one important, really.

Leon: Then why are you at Axis’ desk if you’re not important?

Boy: Because he’s not here.

Kite: Holy shit! It’s… It’s RINGO BLUE! (Waves happily)

Ringo Blue: Yo. (Waves back, with less enthusiasm)

Leon: You know him?

Kite: Of course I do! He’s the director’s OC that has yet to appear. It’s Ringo Blue Sosu! He’s bipolar…

Ringo Blue: That’d be me.

Vaan: He’s bipolar?

Ringo Blue: (Ignoring Vaan’s statement) Hello. Welcome to episode four of Kingdom Hearts/ Final Fantasy Theatre. I’m your unmotivated, bipolar, sarcastic, pessimistic, violent, and semi-perverted temporary host, Ringo Blue Sosu. Sadly, Axis is sick so therefore I am filling in for him today. I do believe there are two questions in this pile (Looks at a large pile of envelopes) somewhere… I guess we’ll have to call him… or something… Anyway… (Unfolds a paper) Thank you Polish, Lancetree, Chbi Shimmy, Godslay, Wild Fantasy, YingYangWhiteTiger, Raven the Ravenous, anobodywithaheart, Aqua Hikari13, IluvAUs, and last but not least Ame Shizuka for viewing episode three. (Yawns)

Leon: He really is unmotivated…

Ringo Blue: Damn right I’m unmotivated!

Yuffie: At least he admits it.

Ringo Blue: (Unfolds one of the envelopes) First three questions are from Ame Shizuka… (In a low monotone voice) Q. Sora, everyone I know that likes Kingdom Hearts says that you have very dirty/black feet. So is that why you have such ginormo shoes? And what’s with your eyebrows? They’re so CrAzy! (Looks at Sora) Well Key-Bearer?

Sora: (Looks at his feet) My feet aren’t dirty… (Starts to take off his shoes as he says “see”, when suddenly a Pikachu paper weight hits him in the head) Oww! What was that for?!

Ringo Blue: I really don’t want to see your feet… So for the love of Shiva, keep your shoes on. (Sora stares blankly) What about your other question? Why are your eyebrows so CrAzY?

Sora: They’re not crazy! They’re normal looking!

Ringo Blue: Whatever… Next question is for Roxas. Q. Roxas, I recently saw the KH2 FM+ secret ending… Is that blue haired chick your girlfriend? Cuz, if she is, poor Namine…

Roxas: That wasn’t me.

Ringo Blue: That was Ven. (Looks around) Hey Ven.

Ven: Huh?

Ringo Blue: See no worries Namine. I think Aqua Hikari13 said that the blue haired girl is named Aqua.

Aqua: What?

Ringo Blue: Don’t worry about it. Anyway, the next question is for Zexion. Q. Zexion, will you marry me!? (Makes random faces to correspond with the smilies at the end of the letter. Everyone stares at him as if he was on crack)

Cloud: What are you doing?

Ringo Blue: The girl put a bunch of random smilies at the end of her letter… so yeah… (Shrugs)

Zexion: No. I’d rather marry-

Zack: Demyx?

Zexion: (Angrily) NO!

Demyx: Dear Shiva no! That’d be disgusting!

Zexion: (Twitches) …

Ringo Blue: I’m sure Axis would marry you. Not that I care… nor give a shit… Alright (tosses the current envelope into a nearby draw, and grabs another one off the desk. He rips the envelope open) Next two questions are from IluvAUs. Q. Riku, Sephrioth, are you two related by chance? I think you are. More than likely father-son.

Riku: No he’s not my dad! (appalled)

Sephrioth: He’s not my son.

Riku: My dad isn’t some psychotic makohead whose mother is some outer space chick who wants to destroy the world… At least as far as I know!

Ringo Blue: Let’s just hope he’s not…

Sora: That’d be cool if he was though.

Riku: No. No it wouldn’t.

Ringo Blue: I just had a thought… Who would do Sephrioth anyway? If I was a girl, I wouldn’t! I mean… he’s mentally unstable… He’d probably eat your babies. (Everyone stares at him) He’d probably rape someone. That’d be the only logical conclusion.

Reno: …what the hell?

Ringo Blue: …what? I’m just saying.

Everyone: (To themselves) He really is psychotic and perverted…

Ringo Blue: Anyway… Q. Vincent old buddy, old pal, where are ya? Why weren’t you in Kingdom Hearts I or II? Ur like my fave character! Yeah! You are one of the coolest characters! Lot’s of Final Fantasy characters that deserve to be in Kingdom Hearts… aren’t! Like Zidane, Rufus Shin-Ra, and Lulu! Who wouldn’t put a guy with a tail, a psycho, and a voodoo lady in Kingdom Hearts!? Even Rude and Reno! Why is that?

Vincent: Ask Tetsuya Nomura.

Ringo Blue: I think… I will… (Looks at the camera) We’ll be right back after a short commercial break!

Commercial: (A man in a suit is standing behind a podium. He has a very serious face on as he says the following) Each day killer Moogles are taking control of major cities. Help prevent this by killing any Moogle you may see, then dispose of their bodies in molten lava. Thank you. (Commercial ends)

O.O WTF!?

Commerical Two: (A different man in a suit is seen on the screen) Buy the new Tonberry Knife! (Holds up a Tonberry Knife) Use it to kill your family members without the mess!

...WHAT. THE. FUCK!?

Ringo Blue: Welcome back to Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy Theatre. These next three questions are from Aqua Hikari13. Q. Zexion, what made you become so emo?

Zexion: I am not… emo! (Twitches)

Axel: (Points at Zexion accusingly) That’s a downright lie! (Zexion glares at him) Just kidding!

Ringo Blue: No. Zexion’s right. He’s not emo. He’s just a wrist cutting-quiet-nail polish wearing-suicidal nobody. That’s all he really is. But, he’s certainly not emo.

Demyx: Uhm… That’s basically saying he’s emo…

Ringo Blue: Pretend it’s not. (Takes a sip of his Fruit Punch Snapple)

Demyx: Er… Okay…

Zexion: (Fuming) …

Ringo Blue: (Shrugs) Q. Sora, do you use hair gel?

Sora: (Stares at the floor thoughtfully) At least I think I do…

Kairi: You don’t.

Sora: I don’t?

Ringo Blue: Nah.

Sora: Really?

Balthier: Certainly.

Sora: Are you sure?

Reno: Yes we are very damn sure! So shut the hell up!

Sora: Ughh… (Holds his head) My head hurts….

Ringo Blue: … Okay…

Kite: How do you not know? It’s your freaking hair!

Sora: I should but I don’t!

Ringo Blue: I believe Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories is finally getting to him. It’s quiet something to see the downfall of a main character… (Sighs) At least that’s what I think.

Larxene: It is.

Ringo Blue: (Nods) Q. Cloud, who do you prefer, or Sephrioth? (Makes an angry happy face) You know what I mean…

Cloud: No… I don’t know what you mean.

Ringo Blue: (Almost throws up) I… do…

Cloud: Alright, what does she mean?

Ringo Blue: You really don’t want to know…

Cloud: I want to know.

Ringo Blue: Trust me… you don’t want to know…

Cloud: Tell me!

Ringo Blue: …Do you really want to know?

Cloud: Just tell me already!

Ringo Blue: …Are you really sure you want to know?

Cloud: (Angrily) YES!

Ringo Blue: It’s your call… (Shrugs) Who would you do?

Cloud: What the-

Ringo Blue: Hey you’re the one who wanted to know so don’t blame me. I’m completely innocent.

Cloud: But that’s… gr-

Ringo Blue: (Interrupts) It’s called Yaoi, stupid. Fan girls actually find that you and Squall make a good couple. And as disturbing as it sounds… there are… ten pages, and counting, of fanfics with you two… gay…

Cloud: I think I’m gonna be sick… (Runs out of the room. The sound of Cloud throwing up echoes the stage)

Cid: ‘Poor Chocobo Head…

Yuffie: Yeah…

Ringo Blue: (Tosses the envelope into a draw, and grabs another one. He tears it open. His eyes widen as he looks at the paper) Holy shit… The next… 14 questions are from Wild Fantasy. Actually two of them are statements. (Shrugs) Oh well. S. Don’t deny it Saix, you have something going on with Xemnas! (The sound of Cloud throwing up gets louder) Hey! Keep it down in there!

Saix: We DON’T have anything going on.

Xemnas: (Twitches) Yeah…

Ringo Blue: Yeah… Q. Sora, what’s your favorite Keyblade?

Sora: (Thinks for a moment) It’s a tie between the Oathkeeper, and Monochrome Keyblade. I like the noise the Monochrome Keyblade makes.

Ringo Blue: Heh. I do too. But I think the Diamond Dust Keyblade kicks ass. Anyway… Q. WILL YOU MARRY ME CLOUD!? Uhm… Cloud’s kinda busy at the moment. He’ll have to get back to you… uh… later…

Reno: Holy shit! He’s still throwing up?!

Ringo Blue: (Eyes gleam with vicious intent) I think it’s about time you found out about all the RenoRude pairings. Didn’t know you loved Rude enough to give him a bl-

Reno: (Interrupts) SHUT UP! WHY WOULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING!?

Rude: … (Looks disturbed)

Ringo Blue: (Laughs) It’s the fan girls fault. Go kill about a good thousand of them… or ten thousand of them.

Reno: I’m just going to join Chocobo Head… (Leaves room quietly)

Ringo Blue: (Thoughtfully) I wonder how many more guys we’re going to lose to Yaoi? Er… Anyway… Q. Seifer, is Leon your bitch? I spoke to soon didn’t I?

Seifer: What the fuck!? Hell no!

Leon: …You people are sick…

Kite: Aw… That’s not nice…

Leon: So?

Luxord: That is a bit appalling…

Seifer: Shit! It’s beyond appalling!

Ringo Blue: Hey whatever floats peoples’ boats. Q. Axel, why did I hear strange noises when you were with Roxas so late at night? (You know what I mean. Heh. Heh…)

Axel: Oh! You mean when Roxas and I were trying to move my couch to the other side of the room? That thing weighed a lot…

Roxas: Yeah.

Ringo Blue: Okay… Q. Sephrioth, why do you entrust your revival with three idiots? (Yazoo, Loz, and Kadaj)? Yeah. Why did you entrust them? One’s a crybaby, one looks like a prostitute, and the other is a psychotic fuck.

Sephrioth: Believe me. If I had a choice… I wouldn’t of chosen them. They’re a bit… non-reliable.

Kite: Non-reliable! You couldn’t even take out Cloud the first time around! You’re a wimp! And you couldn’t even take him out the second time either! You’re a disgrace to all villains everywhere! (Continues on without stopping) At least that guy in… that one Final Fantasy game actually managed to complete his goal. He blew up the whole freaking world! Then you had to go back in time and beat the shit out of him! At least he accomplished his goal! At least he didn’t runaway thirty plus times! How hard is it to take out some guy who is impersonating his hero!? HUHN!? Fuck you, man! You‘re not the greatest villain ever! A great villain doesn’t run the hell away! You're probably only the greatest villain ever because not only do you kill Aerith and look badass while doing so, you burn down Cloud's home town! (Fumes)

Sephrioth: (stares at Kite, and growls) …

Yazoo & Kadaj: He’s got a point…

Loz: You big meanie!

Kite: (Angrily) Real mature!

Ringo Blue: (Laughs) Alright… The next question is for your beloved host Axis. (Grabs the telephone off of his desk, and punches in a few buttons. He presses a button to put it on speaker)

Axis: (Coughs uncontrollably as he picks up the phone) H-Hello? This is Axis Oracle speaking.

Ringo Blue: Hey. This is the temporary host for KH/FF Theatre. I have a question here for you. Can you answer it?

Axis: (Coughs) Er… I suppose I have about a minute or so before I throw up again. So sure. (Coughs again)

Ringo Blue: Okay… Q. Axis, why ARE you sick and delusional?

Vexen: That is a good question.

Axis: Well… Every time I hosted for the show I was sick, and didn’t really (Coughs) know what the hell was going on. So therefore I was sick and delusional… and currently still am… (Long pause)

Sora: A-Axis are you al-

Axis: (Screams) GOTTA GO! (Hangs up)

Everyone: …okay… (Sits in silence)

Ringo Blue: I really hope he’s okay so I don’t have to do this again… uhm… Anyway… S. Xemnas!! Haha, you’re name spells out Mansex if rearranged! (Thinks for a moment) Holy crap… It does! (Laughs)

Xemnas: I am quiet aware of that… (Breaks a cup)

Ringo Blue: Hey. Hey. It’s just a joke. Chill out.

Xigbar: Ch’yeah man. Chill out.

Axel: Hahahahaha…

Zexion: Heh… (Snickers)

Kite, Selphie, Sora, Tidus, Demyx, & Kite: (Screams) HOLY CRAP! D-DID ZEXION JUST… LAUGH!?

Ringo Blue: Uh… yeah…

Selphie: (Screams) It’s the apocalypse!

Ringo Blue: Chill Selphie! Everybody laughs… I think… Okay… Q. How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon? I’d say-

Marluxia: Eighty million!

Ringo Blue: No, there’s-

Sora: Nu-uh! One hundred thousand!

Riku: No way! Sixteen million, and a shit load of Weed.

Everyone: (Stares at Riku) …what?

Riku: Don’t worry about it.

Ringo Blue: Okay… that was weird… Very weird… But like I was saying before I was interrupted two or three times… You can’t get to the moon with any amount of sugar. Probably could get there with Weed or PCP, but I REALLY don’t recommend that… Trust me. Your brain cells… or the moon…

Olette: Life’s tough choices…

Hayner: Yeah…

Ringo Blue: Next question… Q. Axel, you’re hott! How come you die in KH2? I’ll admit I did cry when you died… I mean faded away to nothing. I wasn’t sad when Demyx died though… He was fucking screaming like a psycho when he died. It actually creped me out really… (Shivers)

Axel: Men don’t cry!

Ringo Blue: Nobodies don’t cry! And whoever told you that… deserves to get punched in the face. Now answer the question dammit!

Axel: Ughh… Fine… I don’t know why I had to die. I was really pissed too… I mean seriously. I had to join up with the rest of the nobodies when I faded. And gee… Vexen wouldn’t leave me alone because after all… (Sighs) I’m the one who killed him.

Vexen: You shouldn’t of killed me!

Axel: You shouldn’t of been so god damn annoying, and then just maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t of enjoyed killing you!

Zexion: …Why’d you have to kill me. Not you, but why did you have to get Replica Riku to kill me?

Axel: Because…

Zexion: Because what?

Axel: Because I felt like it! There you have it! Now go back to being emo!

Kite: Ooh! Dis!

Zexion: Shut up, Kite. (Turns at Axel) You got Replica Riku to kill me… Because you felt like it?

Axel: (Nods) Yeah that pretty much sums it up.

Ringo Blue: Yeah… You two finish fighting while uh… I read the next question… Q. Roxas, what do you think of yourself being paired with Sora because of fan girls?

Roxas: (Left eye twitches) …no comment…

Ringo Blue: No comment is a comment…

Roxas: …

Ringo Blue: You’re just really disturbed right now… aren’t you?

(Roxas nods)

Ringo Blue: You could always join Cloud and Reno in the Throw Up Lounge…. Just a suggestion.

Roxas: I think I can handle.

Namine: You look pale, Roxas.

Roxas: I’m semi-fine.

Ringo Blue: Sure you are. Q. Tifa, where’d you get the boob job, my friends know they’re fake! I’ve always wondered if they’re real… Are they?

Tifa: (Glares at him) …what?

Ringo Blue: (Quickly) N-nothing!

Tifa: (To Quistis) Did he just ask me about my boobs?

Quistis: Yes.

Tifa: (Glares at Ringo Blue) … (Cloud and Reno enter and sit next to Yuna and Selphie)

Ringo Blue: H-Hey! I’m just the host! I’m innocent!

Tifa: They are real! Now gee! Everybody stop asking me about them! AND NO RENO! YOU CANNOT TOUCH THEM!

Reno: (Sighs) Aww…

Ringo Blue: Okay… We won’t ask about them again… I hope. Uh… next question is for Cloud, who ironically just returned. (Points at Cloud) Q. Cloud marry me please! Lol jk. How come you always use big freakin’ swords? Are you compensating for something?

Cloud: What does she mean?

Ringo Blue: Don’t worry about it.

Cloud: Right. I use big swords because they take of a substantial amount of damage.

Ringo Blue: Good… Alright then… Q. Sora, do you know where they sell good hair gel?

Sora: Uhm… You could try Wal-mart.

Riku: Or K-Mart

Reno: Or you could try the stores in Costa Del Sol!

Ringo Blue: (Tosses the paper into the cabinet, grabs another one, and opens it) Alright. Next two questions are from anobodywithaheart. Q. Organization XIII, how many hair products do you go through in a day!? I mean those hair styles don’t really look natural to me.

Xaldin: We don’t use any hair products.

Marluxia: Our hair is naturally elegant!

Kite: No. No it’s not.

Marluxia: Shut up.

Kite: Make me.

Ringo Blue: Seriously Kite. You’re the one to talk. You have green hair… with pink highlights. That’s beyond normal…

Kite: …So! And I wasn’t born with the pink highlights! (Looks over at Leon) That fag over there did it!

Leon: And I enjoyed it.

Kite: Fuck you Leon. Fuck you!

Leon: No.

Ringo Blue: …Next question is for Larxene. Q. Larxene, if you could go out with one guy in the Organization, who would it be? (Eyes widen)

Larxene: Hmm… Marluxia probably.

Rikku: (Outraged) WHAT!?

Larxene: (Tauntingly) What’s wrong little girl? Do you like Marluxia?

Rikku: Darn right I do! (Stands up in protest)

Marluxia: Now. Now. Don’t fight over me!

Larxene & Rikku: (Turning at him angrily) SHUT UP!

Ringo Blue: OWNAGE!!

Marluxia: Meep… (Sits down)

Zell: CAT FIGHT!

Ringo Blue: (Screams) Shut up, Zell! Don’t give them any unnecessary advice or ideas!

Zell: CAT FIGHT!

Leon: If you do not shut up within in the next ten seconds I am going to put a bullet in your skull. (Takes out Gunblade)

Zell: Er… Violent much…

Leon: Sit down… Zell…

(Zell sits down)

Ringo Blue: (Screams) SECURITY! (Tseng and Elena rush in, and pull Larxene and Rikku away from each other, then escort them off of the stage) Phew… That was a close call. I thought I was actually going to have to get up and do something…

Zack: You’re lazy.

Ringo Blue: I know… (Tosses the envelope into the draw, and pulls one off of the table. He tears it open, and studies it) Alright… the next three questions are from Lancetree. Q. Leon… why a gun blade? Why mix a sword with a gun? Why not just take a god damn grenade to do the job? Besides, it’s not like you ever see it shoot anything. I always see you throw fireballs or something.

Leon: Because I like my Gunblade. I don’t care if it doesn’t shoot anything. Actually, I’m just to lazy to shoot someone, if it isn’t Zell. If it’s not Zell I’m shooting, then it’s no fun really.

(Zell slowly moves away from Leon)

Ringo Blue: Erm…

Laguna: …Okay Squall…

Leon: It’s LEON!

Ringo Blue: … We’re gonna move on to the next question. Q. Sora & Kairi, what’s it like to be a Heartless?

Sora: It’s scary!

Kairi: I never became a Heartless.

Ringo Blue: Yeah, she lost her heart, but she didn’t become an actual heartless.

Kairi: Yeah, what Ringo said.

Ringo Blue: My first name is RINGO BLUE! Not Ringo! RINGO BLUE!

Sora: That’s weird.

Ringo Blue: Shut up. Next question! Q. Riku & Sora, just to get it straight… are you gay?

Sora & Riku: (Angrily) NO!

Sora: Riku is my best friend!

Riku: Yeah! You people have some twisted minds. Sora likes Kairi. I like- (Stops)

Sora: …what was that last part?

Riku: Don’t worry about it… (Looks away)

Sora: Ah come on! Tell me!! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL-

Ringo Blue & Reno: (Angrily) Sora…. SHUT UP!

Sora: (Pouts) Fine…

Ringo Blue: Q. Kite, Taron says if you don’t get that fixed… he’s gonna fix it for you… with a pair of scissors… or green dye.

Kite: (Stares blankly at Ringo Blue & then starts screaming) NOT THE HAIR! NOT THE SCISSORS! NOT THE SCISSORS!!

Ringo Blue: Whoa! Whoa! Chill out!

Kite: NOT THE HAIR!

Leon: Kite, calm down…

Kite: NOT THE HAIR!!

Yuffie: Kite, it’s okay!

Kite: NOT THE SCISSORS!!

Cid: SHUT THE FUCK UP! (Knocks Kite out with a metal waste basket) ‘Bout fuckin’ time!

Reno: What’s his deal?

Riku: Don’t worry about it.

Ringo Blue: (Twitches) I’ll pretend I didn’t see that… (Tosses the envelope into the draw, and grabs another one off of the desk. He opens it slowly) The nest three questions are from Raven the Ravenous. Q. Yo, this goes to both Cloud and Leon A.K.A Squall. Why the f’ing hell are you two so lucky? Cloud, you got Aerith and Tifa, and Squall/Leon you got Rinoa and Quistis. So why aren’t you having ‘fun’? (Makes an extremely happy face) You two really aren’t gay… are you? Cuz if you are, then Aerith, Tifa, Rinoa, and Quistis, kill them, yeah ya heard me. I’m evil, mwhuahahahaha!

Leon & Cloud: WE’RE NOT GAY!

Demyx: They’re lucky because their weapons have +999 Luck on them.

Ringo Blue: And for some unapparent reason, they have the worst luck here.

Demyx: Yeah.

Ringo Blue: Anyway… Q. To the four silver haired men, excluding Riku, since he fell into a bucket of permanent silver paint, learn to stop stressing out. Either that or lemme cut off all of your hair. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sephrioth: Try it.

Xemnas: I dare you.

Xehenort: …

Ansem: I will tear your heart out.

Ringo Blue: Whoa! Whoa! That’s a bit extreme! I’m sure he was only kidding… right? Uh… next question… Q. Is it possible to fly on a seagull? This one is directed to you Mr. Cid Highwind. You rock!

Cid: Of course I fuckin’ rock!

(Yuffie coughs)

Cid: You say somethin’, Yuffie?

Yuffie: N-No.

Cid: Thought so. And I don’t it’s possible to fly a seagull!

Leon: I think it’d die the moment you sat on it.

Demyx: Ohhh dis!!

Cid: Shut the fuck up, no heart!

(Demyx shuts up)

Ringo Blue: Owned… (Tosses the envelope into the draw, and grabs another one off the desk. He opens it slowly. So slowly that everyone starts to get pissed off)

Riku: Hey Ringo Blue! Hurry it the hell up!

Ringo Blue: Perhaps I don’t feel like hurrying it up. Perhaps I just feel like stalling time. Perhaps you’re the one not hurrying it up.

Balthier: Please just open it up.

Ringo Blue: Fine… (Sighs) The next question uh…eight questions are from… YingYangWhiteTiger. First one. Q. Reno, who is the best character in KH in your opinion?

Reno: Hmm… That’s a tough one… yo. I think it would have to be… Axel.

Ringo Blue: That’s cause he freaking looks and acts like you, right?

Reno: Yeah.

Ringo Blue: Knew it… (Looks back down at the letter) Q. Rufus, why did they let Reno into the Turks?

Rufus: (Shrugs) I don’t know.

Reno: What d’ya mean you don’t know!?

Rufus: Reno, there is no hidden meaning in “I don’t know”.

Reno: (Sighs) Whatever.

Ringo Blue: Q. Kairi, what do you think of Riku/Sora together? (A frown appears on his face)

(Kairi throws up on the unconscious Kite.)

Genesis: That’s disgusting!

Ringo Blue: Uh… ew.

Sora: Poor Kite…

(A Moogle drags Kite off the stage, and Kairi runs to the bathroom)

Ringo Blue: … Well I think that answers her question.

Leon: (Snickering) Yeah…

Ringo Blue: … Q. Rude, have you noticed your name doesn’t suit you? And have you noticed that Reno, Rufus, and Rude all have R’s in them?

Rude: (Adjusts his glasses) Yes.

Ringo Blue: That’s all?

(Rude nods)

Ringo Blue: A man of many words! (Looks at the letter) Q. Tseng, have you noticed how much Elena lo- (A vase hits him in the face) WHAT THE FUCK!?

Elena: Do not finish that sentence.

Ringo Blue: Y-you just hit me in the face with a fucking vase! What the hell is your problem?! SECURITY!

Elena: I am security.

Ringo Blue: Shit… Oh yeah… (Holds his bloody nose) Hey… uh… Elena… Can I get… a tissue or something? I promise not to finish that question…

Elena: (Tosses him a pack of tissues) Nice doing business with you. (Leaves the stage)

Ringo Blue: My nose…

Reno: Damn, yo. That must’ve hurt.

Ringo Blue: Oh, what you don’t know… Alright… I think I can do the last few question… (Read the letter) Q. Zack, aren’t you angry with the fact that Cloud stole your girlfriend?

Zack: (Shrugs) A little bit…

SPOILER WARNING FOR CRISIS CORE: FINAL FANTASY VII!!

Ringo Blue: (Starts to cry) God dammit! The end of Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core was so sad! Dude! I know he was gonna die at the end… and I laughed when he died in Final Fantasy VII, cause it didn’t look so real. You know how after a while of playing as a certain character, you start to feel very fond of him/her. That’s how I felt! And his last thought was of Aerith! Zack you fuckin’ rock man! (Wipes his tears) DAMN YOU SQUARE ENIX! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

SPOILER ENDS HERE!

Zack: (Stares at Ringo Blue) It’s okay, man. It’s okay.

Ringo Blue: … Uh… Anyway… Next question. Q. Zack, you must be a very brave SOLIDER to be Sephrioth’s friend! Sephrioth, what do you have to say about this?

Sephrioth: Zack is annoying.

Zack: (Smiles) You’re a psychotic idiot.

Ringo Blue: Ooh yeah. If only… Sephrioth didn’t find out about Jenova…

Sephrioth: Humph…

Ringo Blue: Anyway… Q. Riku is hot comparing to Sora, don’t you agree Kairi? Kairi is… kinda busy… She’ll uh… have to get back to you on that one…

(Everyone sighs)

Ringo Blue: (Tosses the envelope into the draw, and grabs another one off of the desk. He tears it open, with much difficulty due to his bloody nose) Damn nose… Damn Elena… Q. Axel, which would you pick? A 10 minute make out secession with Squall (Leon: WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME!!) or fighting a thousand Sephrioth clones?

Axel: Is suicide po-

Ringo Blue: Oh. Whoops I forgot the last part. It’s written in tiny, tiny, tiny letters. No suicide/anything else that’ll get you off of this challenge.

Axel: Dammit! A thousand Sephrioth clones it is!

Ringo Blue: Good choice man. Good choice, except… Sephrioth is gonna kick your ass!!

Axel: (Shrugs) Hey I died once. I’m ready for the second one.

Ringo Blue: That’s the spirit! (Laughs) Next question! Q. Tifa, why the huge mam- (Another vase hits him in the face) WHAT THE FUCK!? (Falls on the floor)

Reno: Damn.

Ringo Blue: (Gets to his feet) Gah… (Grabs a few tissues, and puts them on his nose) I’m not going to be able to finish that question seeing that some people (Coughs) Tifa (Coughs) like to throw very hard objects at me… TIFA!

Tifa: (Innocently) Hmm?

Ringo Blue: Fuck it. Next question… Q. Cloud which game would you pick? Resident Evil or Silent Hill?

Cloud: Resident Evil, definitely. Silent Hill has a confusing story line. In Resident Evil all I have to do is kill a bunch of zombies and we’re good to go… Silent Hill… what are those things?

Ringo Blue: (Shrugs) Beats me. I beat every Silent Hill game, and Resident Evil game… Yeah… I have no life. Er… anyway. Next question is for Axis! (Picks up phone and dials Axis’ number. He presses a button to put it on speaker phone. After a moment or so Axis picks up the phone)

Axis: (Coughs) H-Hello… This is Axis Oracle speaking…

Ringo Blue: Hey Axis. It’s Ringo Blue! We have a question for you.

Axis: (Coughs) Ask away.

Ringo Blue: Okay. Q. Axis, if you ever played the Resident Evil series, which one would you consider your favorite?

Axis: I love playing Resident Evil (Coughs) Outbreak: File One and Two. The main games don’t provide much of a challenge for me. It’s really fun… though I wish you could make your own character. As for the main games… (Coughs) I’d say Resident Evil Four was my favorite, only because Leon was a badass mother fucker, and when you got mad, and there were no villagers around for you snipe, you could always kill Ashley. Of course though… you got a game over… then it pissed you off even more, that you killed her again just for the hell of it. (Coughs) Yup…

Ringo Blue: Thanks, man. We’ll talk to you some other time. (Kairi walks in, and sits next to Setzer)

Axis: (Coughs) Peace. (Hangs up)

Ringo Blue: (Hangs up also) Alright! We’re almost done! Almost done! (Cheers, then looks down at the letter) Q. Okay, I really have to do this! Give it up already, Xemnas! Don’t you- (A vase is thrown at him, but he ducks under the desk) Don’t you have the hots for Saix!? (Stays hidden underneath the desk)

Saix & Xemnas: WE DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING GOING ON!!

Ringo Blue: (Takes a deep breathe, and while holding his bloody nose, he grabs the last two envelopes off of the desk) Okay. The next six questions are from Chibi Shimmy! Q. Kairi, did you have some fun with Selphie while Riku and Sora were away?

Kairi: (Nods) We played Twister, and dodge ball. And a bunch of other fun games. (Giggles)

Riku: You were having fun while Sora and I were risking our asses to make sure you were safe?

Kairi: Uh… Yeah…

Sora: C’mon Riku. Everybody has gotta have fun!

Riku: …Whatever…

Ringo Blue: Alright… (Throws his bloody tissues into a metal waste basket, and grabs some new tissues, then put them on his nose) Q. Seifer, what’s with the girly dress thingy? It should be Zell calling you a chicken wuss!

Seifer: (Outraged) It’s not a dress! NOT A DRESS!

Ringo Blue & Leon: You look like a gangster in Kingdom Hearts II.

Seifer: SO! And Zell is a chicken wuss! Why should he be calling me a chicken wuss!?

Zell: Cause you are.

Seifer: Shut the hell up!

Ringo Blue: Someone’s a little cranky…

Seifer: Shut up. Ringo Blue!

Ringo Blue: No can do, sorry. If I did shut up… the show wouldn’t end. And we don’t want that now do we?

Seifer: … (Fumes) …prick…

Ringo Blue: Only on Sundays. Anyways…Q. Sora, I freaking luff you, will you go out with me?

Sora: Er… Sorry… can’t. I’m going out with Kairi remember?

Ringo Blue: …Uhm… let’s see… next question… Q. Rinoa, since Leon is cheating on you, who do you go out with now?

Rinoa: No one!

Leon: That was straight forward.

Rinoa: Hmph!

Ringo Blue: If I were her… I’d beat the shit out of you! (Laughs) But that’s just me!

Rinoa: (Innocently) I do have the urge to beat him to a bloody pulp, but that wouldn’t be very lady like, now would it?

(Everyone stares at her, disturbed)

Ringo Blue: Just a thought… but Rinoa you might want to try going in for some counseling. (A vase hit’s the desk that he is hiding under) …Phew… Anyway! Q. Rikku is Leon cheating on Rinoa with you also? Actually… Rikku likes Marluxia. That’s why her and Larxene aren’t here at the moment.

Zell: That fight was pretty intense…

(Selphie nods)

Ringo Blue: Q. Irvine, WHY AREN’T YOU ON THE SHOW!?

Irvine: Been here for a long time. Nobodies even bothered at ask me a question though.

Selphie: Poor Irvine.

Ringo Blue: YEAH!! (Cheers) TWO MORE QUESTION!! The last two questions are from Polish! Q. Saix, why do you have that scar?

Saix: (Looks over at Xigbar and Axel) They did it.

Axel: Heh… we didn’t mean to!

Xigbar: Ch’yeah man. We didn’t mean to.

Saix: …Idiots…

Axel: It was technically your fault…

Saix: How so?

Axel: Well. Xiggy and I were just chilling out, minding our own business, when you busted into the room while we were sparring, and it just so happened that I was about to slice at Xiggy, and he teleported and I cut you across the face. So there. It is your fault.

Reno: Actually it sounded like it was your fault, Axel.

Axel: Whose side are you on?!

Reno: Neutral.

Axel: (Sighs) Thanks a lot man. Thanks!

Reno: Any time, yo.

Ringo Blue: LAST QUESTION! WOO!! Q. Xigbar, did Saix give you that eye patch?

Xigbar: Actually Marluxia did. Dude thought the scar on my eye looked hideous, so he told me to put the eye patch he gave to me over it. I look like a bad ass pirate, don’t I, man?

Ringo Blue: Er… sure… Bad ass pirate… (Crawls from underneath the table) And that concludes, Kingdom Hearts Final Theatre Episode Four!! Peace out! (Runs off the stage before anyone could throw anything at him)

(Rahzelia accidentally leaves the camera rolling. Kite is seen walking onto the stage holding his head)

Kite: What the hell happened to me?

Riku: Don’t worry about it, Kite. Trust me.

Kite: (Unsure) Uh… okay… (Goes to find Cid, Yuffie, and Leon)

Rahzelia: (Notices she left the camera on) Oh no! (Turns it off)

Thank you please come again...

Holy shit… Nineteen freaking pages…

Ringo Blue was a prick wasn’t he?

Everyone thank Lancetree & Legacyofdawn for the lovely update…

Stay tuned for the next episode!

Don't forget to leave a question in your review!

- Aerial Visions Productions