You Are My Refuge: Chapter Eleven

"Hey Nik, could you bring out some more boxes to the patio, please?"

Jay's voice interrupted Nikki's afternoon for the half dozenth time. She dropped her magazine on the table and gave up in defeat.

"One sec." she called back, climbing off the couch. For the past hour, she'd been unsuccessfully trying to relax. Since she had returned from Santa Palma, almost a week ago, the entire house had been in an uproar.

The news of the new AvaG boutique had switched from giddy excitement mode to over-stressed, hard work mode. Susannah and Ava were busy packing up the upstairs, meeting with the Realtor for the final arrangements, and planning the renovations inside the shop. To top it off, Ava's fall line was underway, yet horribly behind schedule.

And then, Jay got to announce his big news.

Isobel was expecting his baby, and he would be moving in with her immediately.

Needless to say, the house was in chaos. Cardboard boxes lined the walls of the living room, either belonging to her aunt's business or Jay. The daily chores were being largely ignored by the adults, and Nikki spent the past few days pitching in to help out.

She went into the garage, grabbing as many boxes as she could carry, and proceeded in taking them out to the patio. Jay and Johnny were packing up the boat house.

"Here." Nikki dumped the boxes on the patio table.

"Thanks, Nikki." Johnny said gratefully as he emerged from Jay's room, wiping his sweaty forehead. "You know, you should really take a break. You've been helping out a lot, why don't you call up Cameron and escape this bedlam for a few hours?"

Nikki turned away from Johnny, taking a box from the patio table and folding it out. She shrugged. "Maybe, but I think he's busy."

Johnny was taping up an already packed box, "Huh, well I haven't seen him around in a few days. What's he up to?" He asked her, setting the box on top of another sitting on the patio.

Nikki shrugged again, concentrating on taping up the bottom of the newly constructed cardboard box. "Just...stuff." she quickly changed the subject. "So, I think I might go the bookstore or library or something, so if Aunt Ava asks, you can tell her, okay?"

"Sure." He took the box Nikki had made and tucked it under his arm. "Go, get out of here, and try to have some fun."

She grinned, "I'll try. See you later." she waved and went inside the house.

She went upstairs to grab her purse and cell phone. Johnny was right, she did need out of the uproar of her household. Ava's business moving to a more permanent location by itself would turn the house upside down, but add in Jay's big announcement, and the results were less than relaxing.

It was typically sweltering as she walked to the library. The heat from the concrete of the sidewalk radiated through the soles of her sandals and the relentless sun beat down on her bare shoulders. A week had slipped by since she accompanied Cam to Santa Palma--and since their showdown outside the gas station. Though both too stubborn and proud to call him first, Nikki had to admit--just to herself, of course--that she missed him, and was worried about him.

And yet, he seemed too stubborn and proud to call her, as well.

She sighed. Of course, she could never turn off her over-active mind. She could only imagine the worst of Cameron's family therapy session--yelling, tears, hostility. She was weary just thinking about how bad it probably was. Not that she knew for sure, considering Cameron hadn't bothered to call her in a week.

She finally reached the Playa Linda Public Library. She was eager to bury her mind in the troubles of some bygone heroine of yesteryear. Anything--Austen, Bronte, Tolstoy--would be better than her own saga.

The inside of the building was a 180 from outside. The air conditioning was on full blast, the temperature change raising goosebumps on her bare arms the moment she stepped inside. She walked to the familiar section of the library, the classic literature. A place she often dragged Cameron when--

Stop, she told herself. No more obsessive Cameron thoughts.

Frustrated with herself, she tugged the first book she saw off of the shelf. Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens. Engrossed in the synopsis of the novel in her hands, she found it was awfully depressing. Dickens' twisted characters were not her number one choice for lighthearted reading. She put it back on the shelf and moved down the shelf.

She picked another, North and South. She had heard of it before, and it looked pretty interesting. She took the book and went to the armchair in a secluded corner of the library.

Soon, she was wrapped in the story of the heroine Margaret. It was a nice distraction from her own life, being caught up in 19th Century England. Her focus was solely on the novel and its plot so she didn't notice someone approach behind her.

"Hi." a voice said behind her. Startled, Nikki glanced up to find Cameron standing to her left. She was surprised to see him, all things considered.

She closed the book in her hands. "Um, hey." This was awkward, for them.

"Johnny told me you might be here. Can we go outside and talk?" His voice was low, to keep from alerting the librarians.

She nodded, setting the book down in the chair and following him through the library. Once outside, he led her to the sidewalk before he turned to speak to her.

"Nik," he reached out and touched her elbow for a second. "I'm sorry, okay? I acted like a jerk to you."

She wasn't sure what to say, except to agree with him. "Yeah, you did."

"Look, I just..." he paused. "I'm not used to this." He motioned between them. "I keep things bottled up. I've had to. Trying to talk about it...it's weird."

Peering up at him, she spoke. "Okay."

He looked expectant, but she didn't say anything more.

"I'm...I'm trying to let you in. I want to talk and tell you things, it's just taking awhile."

They stood on the sidewalk in the bright sunlight. Cameron was waiting for a response, trying to read her expression. He looked uncharacteristically serious standing there in his khaki shorts and red t-shirt. This was a breakthrough she had waited for.

"You know, Cam," Nikki broke the silence between them. "When we met, you know what made me like you instantly?"

Cameron looked thrown off and a little confused. "No...what?"

"When I came to Playa Linda, right after my mom and dad died, everyone would ask me about why I moved here, and when I told them, they immediately shied away from me after saying how sorry they were." She paused. "But when I met you, and you asked why I had moved here, do you remember what I said?"

"No."

"I said I didn't want to talk about it." she told him, "And you told me if I ever wanted to tell you, you'd listen, and then you dropped the subject and asked me if I wanted to be your partner in the three-legged race." She finished. "You have no idea how grateful I was that you didn't prod anyway."

She locked eyes with him, holding his gaze steady. "So, if you don't really want to talk about everything, I'll step back. But if you want to talk to me, I'm here."

It took a lot to resist her natural urge to push for answers and explanations. But if that's what Cameron needed and wanted through all of this, she would hold back. Her signature character flaw was being a tad too inquisitive about most things, but she was willing to suppress it for his benefit.

"Cameron, I don't want to force you to let me in. I don't really want to be that person. I want you to want to talk to me." Vulnerability wasn't his forte--but it definitely wasn't hers either. "I don't want to push you, Cam."

He was shaking his head. "Nikki, you have to push me."

"Do I?" she asked, taken back.

He nodded. "Nik," he seemed desperate to explain. "I've finally had to admit things to myself, to my mom. I owe it to you, I need to talk."

She was struck by how odd it was, that they seemed to have switched places. He was the one pushing for more communication, and she was the one resisting.

"Alright." she said, after a pause. She held out a hand to him. "Let's talk."

An hour later they were at Playa Linda Park, near Cameron's mom's house. They sat side by side on the swing set. Cameron started to tell her all about the therapy session from the week before. Nikki had to resist the urge to interrupt him and ask questions, instead letting him say what he needed to. It was one of the only times he opened up to her completely. So often he kept things to himself, but finally he was letting her in.

"...and then, I stormed out of the building." He stopped his story. "And, you know the rest."

She nodded, letting the story sink in. It was worse than she imagined. He had admitted more things that made her skin crawl--the first time Kyle laid a hand on him, among other things.

"I'm sorry all of this happened, Cam. Really. I wish you didn't have to tell me any of this, but I'm glad you did." Her response was insufficient, but she couldn't think of anything else to say. A rarity, for her.

"It was a lot to talk about. I wasn't prepared for how overwhelming it was going to be."

She nodded, gripping the metal chains of the swing tightly. She sunk her bare feet in the sand. "So, what's next? Are you going to go again?"

"I actually called him on the phone, two days after the visit."

Nikki glanced over at him, surprised. "Really? What did you say?"

He looked embarrassed. "I didn't really talk. I yelled." he paused, "A lot."

She raised her eyebrows. "You...yelled?"

"Kind of, yeah." he admitted sheepishly.

"How'd that approach work out for you?"

"Good, actually. I think it made my dad shut up and listen to me, finally." He shrugged. "There are some things you don't need a counselor to help you say."

"Like what?"

"Like...'Dad, I'm mad at you. I'm pissed because you treat me like shit and make me feel like shit. If you won't stop, I'll cut you out of my life for good.'"

Nikki didn't respond, instead gripping the chains of her swing harder, studying Cameron's profile.

"Would you?" She finally asked.

He shrugged again. "I-" he faltered. "I don't know, it's hard to explain. Maybe its an empty threat on my part, but...maybe not. I'm mad as hell at him, Nikki." He looked over at her. "I know I already said it, but I am so mad." He kicked at the sand beneath his swing angrily before continuing to explain himself.

"The past two years haven't been easy, and its been hard for me to admit everything was so messed up at home. I just want him to know that me forgiving him isn't going to be easy, he's going to have to work for it. Its going to take more than rehab for me to trust him again."

She nodded. "You're..." she stopped, searching for the right words. "Cam, you've been really brave. I don't know if I'd be able to handle it, like you have."

He shrugged. "I don't think so. I've had to do what I've had to do, I guess." he paused before adding, "That doesn't make me brave."

She shook her head. "Not everyone is that strong, but you are."

"Yeah, well..." He shrugged, before changing the subject. "I saw him yesterday. I had to go to another one of those family things."

"Really?" Cam just kept the surprises coming. "How did it go? Better than last time, I hope."

"The actual therapy part sucked, of course. It was more or less the same. He's, well, not enjoying himself, but I thinks it has really helped him. I'm cautiously optimistic."

"Cautiously optimistic" coming from Cameron meant a lot. It was the first spark of hope Nikki had seen in awhile. He didn't look nearly as stressed as he had, for one. He continued talking.

"We went for a walk together, just us. It was weird at first. But then he started telling me about how much he wants us to go back to how things were. It was kind of...nice." He seemed embarrassed. "I hope I'm not completely naive to believe a word he says, but--" his sentence trailed off.

"He's your dad." Nikki finished for him. "Of course you want to believe the best."

"Yeah." he nodded. "I do."

His statement hung in the air between them as they sat on the swings side by side. Nikki wanted to let him know it would all be okay, but she couldn't bring herself to utter those empty words. Neither of them knew what was going to happen, so she refrained from muttering the less than confident half promise.

"Let's go back to my house. It's way too hot outside."

"Okay." She agreed.

He stood up from the swing, stretching. His mom's house was only a short walk down the block from the park, luckily, because the Playa Linda heat was suffocating. Nikki was longing for the comfort of Cam's air conditioned house.

"So, you went by my house?" she asked him, getting up from her swing. They began to walk.

"Yeah. I saw Bradin. Erika was there, and a bunch of boxes. Is she moving in or something?"

"Nope, But she might as well. She's there all the time now. Yesterday morning, I walked in on them asleep. Let's just say there was a clothes trail on the floor." she confided in him.

"TMI." He grimaced.

"I know."

Erika and Bradin were being smart enough to keep their relationship on the DL for the time being. Jay was devoted to Isobel, yes, but it was still a sore subject around the house.

"What does Jay think about that? It's got to be awkward."

"Jay, of all people, went and announced a few days that he and his girl thing, Isobel--who he has been seeing for all of a month--are expecting a baby together, and he's moving in with her."

Cam let out a low whistle. "Jay? A father? Wow."

Nikki nodded. "I know. Strange world we live in, huh?"

He laughed. "At least someone is moving out for a change, instead of another person moving in or something like that."

"Agreed. The house is already filled to capacity. I think Johnny is going to move into the boathouse after Jay is gone. He's been crashing on the couch for the past couple of weeks."

"So I take it he and your aunt are still dancing around each other?"

"Yep. I think they're moving toward some kind of relationship, though. I woke up late a couple of nights ago to get a bottle of water, and they were up talking."

"Late night talks. Good sign." Cam commented.

"Definitely." Nikki agreed. She got a large thrill at the thought of Johnny being her official uncle someday. "They are so perfect for each other, you know? I wish they could just see it. Then they'd be so much happier."

Nikki recognized the house as they approached, though she'd only been there once. The gray house was small, but homey and nice. Cameron led her up the walkway and let them inside.

"Is your mom home?" She hadn't seen her car parked outside the house.

"Nope, she's at work."

"Are you thirsty? I think we have some lemonade my mom made last night." He asked.

"Yeah, sure, that sounds great." She followed him into his kitchen.

Cameron opened up the fridge, extracting a pitcher. "The cups are in that cabinet." He pointed to one near Nikki, setting the pitcher on the counter top. She grabbed two glasses and handed them to him.

"Do you want anything to eat?" he asked, pouring them each tall glasses of lemonade.

"Nah, I'm not hungry right now."

"Neither am I. Come on, let's go to my room." He had both of their drinks in his hands. "I got guitar hero, have you ever played before?"

"Cam, I don't play video games." She replied, following him down the hallway to his room.

He laughed. "Hey, it was worth asking." He pushed open the door to his room with his foot. "I promise it is way more Nikki-friendly than Grand Theft Auto."

"I think every video game is more me-friendly than Grand Theft Auto." she plopped down on his bed. He set the glasses of lemonade on the nightstand and started to fiddle with his PlayStation by the TV. He set up the game and the credits began. He came back over to the bed, handing the miniature guitar to Nikki.

"Here," he slipped the strap over her head. "This is the controller." He showed her the keys, and how to strum.

"You get more points if you use the whammy bar, too." He showed her the metal bar at the bottom of the guitar. Cameron set up the tutorial mode for her.

"So when I note comes toward you, hit it and strum." He instructed. "Slow Ride is an easy song."

The first note came slowly toward her, but she missed it. And then the next one.

"Wow, I suck." she said with a grimace. "I can't do this." She tried to hit the green button and strum, but she missed yet another note. She tensed as another note came toward her, and, again, she missed it.

"Okay, Nik," he watched as she messed up on another note. "You're being too tense, you're playing a video game. Loosen up."

"I'm not tense." she objected futilely, but she knew she was. She missed another note.

"Loosen up!" He clasped her shoulders and playfully shook her.

"Stop, Cam!" she she protested, but then started to laugh. And then she hit her first note.

"See?" Cameron said, with a grin. Nikki hit another note. "You're getting it."

She missed a lot of notes, but hit a lot of them, too. Soon she was singing along with the music.

"Oh, this is kind of cool." she said with a grin, after finishing the song. "Definitely better than that time you made me play Grand Theft Auto."

"Want to see me play?" He asked.

"If you must show off and impress me, go ahead." She rolled her eyes, handing him the guitar. He put the strap over his shoulders and went back to the menu, selecting the hard mode.

He picked a Kiss song off the list of music. As the song began, Nikki was impressed.

"Wow! It's so fast." She watched as Cameron hit all the notes--even the orange one. He acted as if it were the most normal thing in the world. He cracked a grin.

"Jealous?" He asked playfully.

"No. You're just a show off."

"Only for you." He replied cheekily.

Cameron finished her song and let Nikki try--on easy, of course. She failed after attempting Slow Ride the first time, but then managed to squeak by. Then they tried multiplayer, Cameron generously let Nikki use the guitar and pick the song. She was by no means even mediocre, but as she relaxed she found she was able to hit most of the notes, on the easy songs, at least.

After over an hour of playing, she finally had to admit she was having fun.

"Okay, so I really like this game." She told Cameron, after successfully playing Rock n' Roll All Night.

"What? Nikki Westerly likes a video game?" He appeared shocked. "Has hell frozen over?"

"I guess so." she said, grinning in spite of herself.

"I'm going to go put up the glasses, and I'm going to call and see when my mom will be home from work." He climbed off the bed and grabbed the empty lemonade glasses. "Do you want anything?"

She shook her head. "No thanks. I'm going to attempt to pass that Poison song."

He laughed. "Good luck." She had already tried it a couple of times,and to no avail.

She took Cameron's advice and relaxed. Instead of anticipating the notes, she just let them creep up without thinking about them, and was able to hit them.

She finished her song, barely passing, but passing all the same. Her arm was cramped from holding the guitar at an awkward angle. She set the guitar down on the bed, and laid back on the bed, propping her head up on her arms, closing her eyes. She took a deep breath and relaxed into the mattress.

"Getting sleepy?" A voice asked from the doorway.

Her eyes popped open. "Not really," she replied. "Just thinking, is all."

"That's never good." He said with a half grin, approaching her. He laid down on the bed next to her, rolling on to his side to face her. She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. "So, what's on your ever churning mind?" he asked her, propping himself up on one elbow and looking down at her.

"Are you excited about next year?" she questioned him, rather than answering him directly. She met his gaze.

He shrugged. "Sure. It's good to be out of junior high, I feel like I should be in high school already, to tell you the truth."

"Me too. I can't wait to just jump in and get everything started, you know?"

"You sound like a nerd, Nik, I'm not going to lie." he teased playfully.

"Hey, that's not fair!" She protested, rolling off her back and onto her side, to face him. "It's not like I'm super excited for learning Geometry, or something, I just want to meet new people and make some new friends."

"Yeah, whatever you say." He grinned. "You know Amber is going to have a field day chasing all the upperclassmen around."

Nikki groaned. "You know what sucks? You're completely right."

"We should take bets on how many guys she dates." he quipped.

"I'm thinking she'll only actually date a couple, but she'll definitely Facebook stalk all the others. She is as boy crazy as they come."

"And what about you?" Cameron asked, raising his eyebrows. "Should I handcuff you to me so no one steals you away?"

"Hey, there's no need." she grinned. "And unless Jeb becomes straight, I doubt you have anything to worry about. Now, me, on the other hand..."

"You don't have anything to worry about, either." his tone was lighthearted, but his bright blue eyes were serious. "I would choose you over any girl any day of the week."

Her heart fluttered in her chest. He'd left out the "high school" qualification she'd left in her own statement a couple of months before. She leaned over and kissed him softly on his mouth.

I love you, she was screaming to say it in her mind, but kept it from coming out of her mouth.

"Let's make high school great, okay? But let's do it together."

"Okay." He smiled, holding out his pinkie. "No Jeb?"

"No Jeb." She agreed, clasping pinkies with him. He smiled again, exposing the cute gap in his teeth. He leaned over and kissed her. She wrapped an arm around his neck and kissed him back, zealously. She felt a lot less guarded than she usually was, she held him tightly and kissed him eagerly. Every little thing about him when they were together drove it home in her mind--she was in love.

A sharp shiver shot down her spine and she snuggled closer to him. Cameron's intense kisses slowed to a more tender pace. He kissed her softly one final time before pulling away. She curled up closer to him, still keeping her arms wrapped around him.

"This is nice." Her voice was muffled in his shirt. They were rarely alone, it seemed to her.

"Mmhmm." he agreed. She could hear the steady pace of his heartbeat through his shirt, so even and constant. Her eyes slid closed. He twirled a strand of her hair around his fingers. She loved when he played with her hair. She felt so peaceful and relaxed. She was still basking in the glow of Cameron's earlier words, I would choose you over any girl any day of the week.

Did that mean he truly loved her, then? Was it possible that he felt just as strongly for her as she felt for him? Or was it true that girls naturally just fell harder, faster? She couldn't bring herself to accept that as fact. He had to feel strongly about her, otherwise why was he making the effort to let her in on his deepest, most difficult times in his life?

Perhaps she didn't know the extent of the strength of his feelings for her, but for now, just being with him, was good enough.

Authors Note:

Hi! Long time no see. I'm a terrible, procrastinating, mean fanfic writer. I know this is true. I have neglected YAMR, but I'll have you know--a day doesn't pass when I don't think of this story or of where it is going. I'm excited for the upcoming chapters, and it makes me SO happy to still receive reviews. I know Summerland ended a long time ago, but it gives me hope when you guys keep reviewing. There's so much more for Cameron and Nikki in my upcoming chapters, and I can't wait to finish their story. I have gone back a revamped this story (I know I've said this before) so I suggest, if you get the time, to go back and reread it. It's much better the second time.

So, I have to ask, do you like where the story has been going? I'm anxious to hear from you, my reader. Thank you for continuing with this story, and I hope it makes your day that much more enjoyable. :)

THANK YOU: fictiongirl101, back2tennessee, hkcjphillips, Cynthia1993, hollywOOdgrrl, Jess, Kaeti, xEMAZZAxGURLx44, Annbeau, Drowning-In-Your-Eyes, KaitieAngel911, &&& ANONYMOUS!

Love,

Chris Grace