Treading the Pro Exam: Chapter 6 – Reflection

By Leitbur

Sitting at this desk alone in the Go Weekly office, Amano stared out the window at the night sky. While many of the reporters and editors preferred to write their stories in the comfort of their own home, Amano found the office at night rather… peaceful. Especially at this time at night when the only other people in the building were the janitorial staff, one of Go Association chiefs whose meeting had run long and of course the occasional errant pro who was either searching for that one specific game record or else just loved the feeling of being in this building.

The atmosphere in the building was different at this hour than it was in the daytime; the tension that filled it in the morning and early afternoon having dissipated leaving something of a Zen atmosphere. The quiet emptiness was… soothing, and it was in such an atmosphere that his writing reservoirs awakened.

Pulling his eyes away from the window and back to the paper in his hand, Amano adjusted his glasses and began to read over it once again. Every year Amano wrote this article, even if others such as his editor felt that it was a waste of his talents. Still every year he surrendered the chance to cover certain events in order to write this article. This year he’d been forced to give up the chance to cover the Oza Finals, but that didn’t matter all that much to him. After all, while some people felt that covering the present world of Go was important, like title matches and even the heroics of such young players like Kurata 7 – Dan, Toya 4 – Dan and Shindo 2 – Dan, Amano was quite aware that it was not in the current players, but rather the strength and potential of the next generation that Japan’s future lay.

That was why he chose to write the article on the new rookie pros every year, why he took the time to talk with and create relationships with the young insei. Granted the publicity department sent others people to acquire photos and short interviews with the three passers every year, but he would write the final version.

Kosemura had begun to figure this out as well, at least to the point where he had taken up an interest with Hikaru Shindo and developed a familiarity with him even if it bordered at times on devoted fanaticism. It was easier to write about the top players and their road to success when the reporter had been there as they walked the road, even if it meant that often those they developed such a relationship with didn’t go anywhere.

Reading over the names again of this year’s passers, Amano inhaled and exhaled, trying to let his knowledge of these young players permeate through his mind, allowing the words to describe each to appear before him. This was how he wrote, taking a step back and just letting it all sink and seep in rather than hastily writing down his highly tensioned and emotional thoughts seconds after the game’s resolution. Such styles might have worked for some, but for Amano, to race an article as if he were writing while chased by a pack of wild boars was unthinkable.

The first two on the list he was fairly familiar with from the Young Lions Tournament. Both Nase and Komiya had done fairly well then, Nase especially and Amano had even heard Hikaru Shindo stating that he thought her Go was improving during the tournament. Checking their Exam records Komiya certainly seemed the stronger of the two in regards to victories, including winning the direct victory, but Amano knew better than to make assumptions based on such things as that. After all, if he had gone just on the results of the exams, not to mention the Shinshodan matches, then Ochi should have been dominating the Go scene far more than Hikaru Shindo was. Granted Hikaru had brought with him something of a pro interest group in both Toya Meijin, Akira Toya, Ogata Judan and Kuwabara Honinbo, while as far as he could tell none of these three held any connection to top players save perhaps a friendship with Hikaru Shindo from their insei days.

Given the shortness of the article however Amano was certain he could make a fairly nice commentary for the first two players, but it was the last one that he was unsure about. This Kiyoshi Sato, Amano had barely spoken to him at all, given his quick rise to the top of the Insei League plust he had apparently only just reached 18th overall amongst the A League insei by May, leaving him out of the Young Lions Tournament. He was, quite simply, a mystery to Amano.

However out of the three players, this Sato was quite possibly the most interesting. Whether he had actually ever met or played against him the interview had not said, but in both his goals and under what he was most looking forward to he had answered that he desired an official game against Hikaru Shindo 2 – Dan. Given the notes added on the side by the interviewer, it appeared that this young boy was quite passionate about, even eager to play with Hikaru as a pro.

Of course it wasn’t possible from just this to tell for certain, but the way he talked reminded Amano of another young player’s words, in fact the words of the very player Sato wanted to play. Hikaru Shindo had talked this way about Akira Toya, and while back then Hikaru had barely thrown around the word, the others around both him and even Akira himself had; rival. Of course this didn’t make Sato Hikaru’s rival any more than Hikaru’s words had made Akira his, but it was something to store away in his mind for a later date. He’d just have to remember to ask some questions to Sato about it at the Shinshodan matches given that the other passers always came to watch one another play.

Yes, he’d just have to wait patiently until the Shinshodan series, and since barring a special request the publicity department would decide the playing order, meaning he’d just have to make sure that Sato’s pairing was… interesting.

Lying on her bed in a little ball, her knees tucked up to her chin with her arms wrapped around them, Nase continued to sniffle and cry. It had happened every night for just over a week now, ever since that Wednesday night. It had seemed like such a perfect Wednesday at the time, thrill and excitement over passing the Pro Exam, joy at getting to see Hikaru’s face, and then somehow it had all gone to pieces.

She was a horrible person. How could she have not seen it, not known that it had been Hikaru that Akari had been talking about, Hikaru that she had loved? Thinking back on it now all the signs were so obvious, the super strong friend who she was so confident could beat Nase, the eight-stone handicap, the fact that her friend didn’t go to school, and so many others. Well actually she’d said they didn’t go to the same school, but still. All of it, had she just connected the dots, would have spelled out the truth. Nase hadn’t wanted to know the truth though, she’d been too happy at having a friend like Akari who she could talk with about Go and boys and everything else to want to see what had been right there.

Burying her head into her knees as tears ran down her cheeks, Nase continued to weep. What must Akari think of her after all this, much less Hikaru? After all, not only had she given in to her emotions and kissed Hikaru, someone she cared deeply for, knowing that he wasn’t even looking for such a relationship, but then she’d committed a crime that no one should ever be forgiven for. Cursing herself silently, Nase rolled over on the bed. At the time the words had just slipped out, not even a conscious decision, but to confess Akari’s love for Hikaru right in front of him, it was the cruelest thing imaginable.

Sniffing as tears continued to fall, Nase struggled to regain control. She’d lost her last Pro Exam match to Mai Sasaki, and while a second loss didn’t hurt her in the least it had forced Sato to win his final match. She was a Go pro now, her lifelong dream fulfilled, and yet all she could do was lie here and cry. She was pathetic, not worthy of either Akari’s friendship or Hikaru’s love. She’d decided not to go to Hikaru’s home for lessons last Friday or today, but tomorrow was Waya’s study group. Hikaru would be there, but Waya was insisting that she come.

Her tears beginning to slow as she began to ponder her next move, Nase wiped her eyes and releasing her legs turned and dropped face first onto her pillow. This had to stop, as even if she tried, avoiding Hikaru would be impossible. Besides, she still had to face him one more time.

Turning her head to look at the fan sitting on her nightstand, Nase lifted her head ever so slightly. Yes, that had been why she’d gotten that fan, proof of her goal, a symbol of her promise to Hikaru. Her heart ached, and her mind cursed her for her recent actions, but neither were broken. She had once taken Hikaru’s fan and caused him pain that she had not realized was possible from such an act, and yet he’d forgiven her for that. Whether he’d forgive her a kiss was not in question, but rather how he would look upon her from now on.

Yes, Hikaru had not been hurt by her actions, save perhaps by the overwhelming knowledge of both Akari’s and her own intentions. No, Akari was the true victim of all this. Her rival in love or not, Nase just couldn’t let it go, the feeling of friendship in her heart. She wanted Akari to remain her friend, but was that possible still after everything, especially with her interest in Hikaru?

In some ways Nase knew that Akari would be happy with Hikaru, that their life together would be both happy and fulfilling. It would be easy to just give up on Hikaru, to allow Akari this win and regain her friend. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that simple, mainly because regardless of what Akari and Nase decided, the ultimate choice in that matter was not theirs alone to make; Hikaru would also have to be given a say.

Was Akari the type of girl that Hikaru would be the happiest with? While certainly a good housewife, Akari would never be able to challenge Hikaru in Go the way Nase could, to push him and help him gain strength even as she gained strength of her own. Go was such a huge part of Hikaru’s life, it certainly seemed that he’d favor wanting someone who could compliment that part of his life, share it with him the most.

Her tears finally stopping as she reached over and grasped her fan in hand, Nase inhaled and exhaled solemnly. No, she couldn’t go on like this, with this uncertainty. Hikaru had once told her that just like with life, in Go she had to put every last ounce of herself into her play, leave nothing on the board. If she did that and lost, then there wouldn’t be any regrets, and she would have honored her opponent, and the game itself. He had been right, and just as she would give her all in Go, she had to give her all in everything else as well.

Sitting up as she squeezed the grip of the fan, Nase let out a slight smile. Yes, she’d go to the study group tomorrow, embrace her Go and embrace life. Win or lose, she needed to talk to Hikaru and Akari and discover where she stood. Whether she would be able to win Hikaru’s heart or lose it to another Nase didn’t know, but if she didn’t give him her all, try with all of her heart to see if they could work out, then she’d spend a lifetime regretting it.

Not only that, but the time of her inferiority was over. She had done it, she was a professional Go player, standing equal everyone, Waya, Honda, Isumi, Ochi, Akira… and Hikaru. They might have gotten to the road first, but soon now she, along with Komiya and Sato, would take their first step onto the never-ending road of the Go player, walk that path with pride and conviction, chasing the Divine Move and all that came with it. Yes, the future might have been cloudy and uncertain, but it was also the first day of the rest of her life, and she would not let it pass her by.

Hikaru was already so far ahead, they all were, but she would chase after them all and climb to her own place on the road. After all, as a Go pro, there was nothing less she could strive for, and soon it would be her time to shine, to tell the world to remember the name of Asumi Nase. The path was now open.

Fin.

Author’s Notes:

And with that, this side story has ended. Yes I know, it certainly could go longer, but it’s not the main story, it’s the side story so many of the unresolved events were never meant to be resolved here, but rather in the main story. I tried to give it something of a resolution, but really this was about the Pro Exam and Nase’s journey through it, so with the Exam done, there really is nothing left for this side story to do.

Actually the description of Amano’s writing preference in this chapter is a lot like my own, which may or may not surprise you. Particularly in the environment in which I like to write and the time I take to soak in and ponder how I want to approach writing something.

Of course while this side story is over, it’s always possible that there will be more side stories in the future, and while it’s unlikely to feature Nase again, you never know. So now let me just say thank you to everyone who took the time to read this side story.

007: Thank you. Wow, you posted in every one of the side story chapters, one of only three to do so. I hope you enjoyed the story. I tried to not make it all too easy for her, but she did come in with a lot of strength and confidence. It actually isn’t uncommon for the players involved to know exactly what the score is even before the endgame. You just have to be able to calculate points. I hope you enjoyed the final chapter as well.

Keebler-elmo: Thank you. As you saw, she didn’t exactly crush all of them. Nase is probably more of a 3 – Dan in strength (this is pretty common for a player to pass the Pro Exam), so it’s surprising that she struggled a little. The average A League insei is at 1 – Dan level, so she did have an advantage over most of them. Oh, so you know I don’t consider Hikaru to be at 9 – Dan level, but probably closer to that of 6 or 7 – Dan. Akira too.

LokiGirl: Thank you. It was cool, or at least I thought so.

Kirikiri Mai: Thank you. Yes, it was funny that they kept the names to themselves, but it certainly backfired in the end huh?

Faith Wesley: Thank you. Yes, it is entertaining to think of Hikaru playing himself. I bet you he wins.

Zeynel: Thank you. Glad to see you enjoyed this. Hikaru’s effect on the Go world is multi-dimensional for certain. Well she didn’t end undefeated, but she was pretty close. Yes, Sato is an interesting character and the idea of a rivalry is intriguing. Kind of interesting given that I originally didn’t create him to be this big in the story, but he’s very popular. As for being Hikaru’s student… we’ll see.

GoldenRat: Thank you. You were one of the three to review every chapter, and one of two to do so starting with the posting of the first chapter. I do try to add as much detail as possible into these stories. Yes, this was designed to add new twists to the love triangle, and hopefully it did. And of course she couldn’t win them all, it’d be anti-climatic. Glad you enjoyed this story.

Blackspinx: Thank you. Yes, I know you’re a shipper for Hikaru/Nase, or at least in my story. Yes, she certainly did need to pass, it was definitely time for her. I hope you enjoyed Chapter 31, as it really was the link between these two stories. I know, sad to see this end, but all good things must end.

Chiiiiii: Thank you. I like Nase because she’s a complex character that caught my eye in the series and then sort of dropped off. I like Sai too.

Cokeboi: Thank you. The last to post every chapter. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

Darkxknight: Thank you. Word’s still out on how their relationship will deal with the revelation, but waiting is half the fun.

Seamarmot: Thank you. Yes, the outcome of that meeting is still unresolved. Well now that this story is over you know who won, so I hope you enjoyed it as you got all the players you wanted to pass. Komiya is an interesting character, and I felt not bringing him back would be a shame.

Kuzusama: Thank you. Yes, I did update.

Fooboo27: Thank you. I appreciate your thoughts on my OC’s since I only have a couple of them all together. Of course Nase is also one of the biggest developing projects.

Mystic neko-chan: Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed the interactions between Akari and Nase. It was for that reason that I most wanted to write this side story as there’d be no room in the main story to develop that before the Chapter 31 incident.

GW: Thank you. I’m glad you find this just as fun as the main story.

Zippy: Thank you. Well Sato did win, as he is the third passer of the Pro Exam. Hope you enjoyed this story, and Sato thanks you for your support.

AzureSky123: Thank you. I hope you enjoyed it.

Akki no Tama: Thank you. Yes, undefeated might have been too easy. Still, it wasn’t so much Nase becoming a prodigy as it was gaining strength and confidence from Hikaru. Before you can do anything, you must first believe you can.

Sakimi1014: Thank you. Well now you know what happened with Akari and Nase. Hope it didn’t disappoint.

Mikiel: Thank you. Well as you saw Hikaru couldn’t avoid the troubles with the girls, but what will happen is still anyone’s guess.

Isleofthewinds: Thank you. Yeah, I don’t know why you’ve come to dislike Nase so much, but it might have something to do with you just not liking the possible pairing, or the strength she’s begun to demonstrate.

Kiku: Thank you, and I’m certain you saw the result of the Nase/Akari encounter.

Jho: Thank you, I’m glad you liked the side story.

To all of you who didn’t review, let me say thank you to you as well. I greatly appreciate that you took the time to read my story.

So this is it, the end, no more, nothing left but The Never-Ending Road (which feels at times like a story that never ends. ("This is the road that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends. Some people started walking it not knowing how long it was, and they’ll continue walking it forever just because…")). I hope you all continue to read my other story, and continue to enjoy it and let me know what you think. So I say once more thank you, and adieu, adieu, it was fun. ::bows::