Title: FADE

Rating: R

Warnings: Violence/Sexual Content/Cliché Yamato Angst/ Yaoi

Summary: Yama-kun’s life seems to have completely stopped, everywhere he turns he sees that no one needs him. But someone does need him… YamatoxJyou

A/N: I’m a major Taito/Mimato shipper, but Mimi is kinda bashed in the beginning. Also I hate the Michi pairing. . At some points Yama-kun may seem a little paranoid or over-the-edge from what you’d expect.

Prologue: Yamato’s POV: All the Trust Is Gone

I ran as fast as I could, tears welling up in my eyes. I had been trying to play it cool all morning, just like any other day I would go outside our first class with my friends and wait as everyone arrived. Koushiro was always first, sitting in the corner next to the water fountain; then Takeru, Jyou, and I were next and we sat a few feet away. I would wait for Mimi patiently until she arrived, give her a kiss on the cheek which embarrassed me to no end, but I didn’t mind. Then Sora, Taichi, and Hikari arrived last. Even though Takeru and Hikari were a few grades below us, their elementary school was just a block away, and we always arrived early.

But enough about our seating arrangements right? It was anything but insulting when Koushiro had to hand me the note. Mimi was late that morning. I thought, maybe she was sick since she tended to stay home as she pleased. No, she was there that morning, except she wasn’t with me. She was with Taichi.

Despite Mimi and I both being together, I think Mimi had the thing planned out all along. She knew I wasn’t like most people. She said I was following the inane trend of homosexuality to escape the flocks of women that wouldn’t leave me alone. Except the same reason women flocked me, guys steered clear of me.

Koushiro had easily resumed his conversation with Sora, discussing how many kiss points Bob Barker would have if he went to Smoochy in Thousand Arms. Usually, that would amuse me. But my heart was torn from two directions. Not only had I completely lost Taichi, I’d even lost my best friend, Mimi.

Then, I just did what my father always did: I ran. I never blamed my Dad for anything, though. I’ve hated my Mom as far back as I can remember. All she’s ever done is blame Dad and me for the divorce. That’s why she moved so far away, so she wouldn’t have to see us. See him in me.

I didn’t want to see me, either.

I never wanted to cry, I always said I wouldn’t. Gabumon said it was alright to cry, it was a human thing, but it was moments when you’re so fallen apart that you don’t even feel alive or human.

Yamato punched the wall inside the restroom stall he was in, looking up at the window above him. A few tears raced down his cheeks but most remained inside, burning. When he composed himself and reached a gloved hand to wipe away the salty remnants he looked back down at the tile, to his shoes, and then exited the stall.

Jyou was looking down at his feet too, gathering his things as he was about to go to class. When he looked to his left he could see the familiar angst-walk of his comrade and greeted him.

Yamato mumbled, “Hey.” And continued out the restroom.

Outside he looked about for any site of Taichi and Mimi, hoping he wouldn’t have to stare into their happy faces. Everytime he would see either smile, his heart broke off a little more. Soon it would return to being nothing but a black hole inside of him. That darkness would come back. All along Mimi held that Hell back, now she opened the gates and it was going to slowly swallow him alive again.

And Gabumon wasn’t going to be around to drag him out of it. He was, for the first time in a long while, alone.

That afternoon he took the crowded subway home, to the apartment building a little ways from the TV Station where his Dad worked. He stepped inside the apartment and looked around. Clothes were thrown about like a Laundromat exploded, dishes piled in the sink; it was more like a bachelor lived there than a man and his son.

But Yamato spent most of his time in his room anyway, and after placing his boots and backpack by the door, that was where he went. He saw that his computer was still on from the night before, and his digivice rested not far from the mouse. Ever since returning from the Digital World, it remained inactive.

He always felt he was the most disappointed the leave out of everyone, maybe except Mimi until Palmon finally caught up to them. Yamato wanted to stay in the Digital World forever, and never come back. It was living in an alternate state of mind to its finest, and he knew it. So each day he waited for the Digital Gate to open.

Nothing.

Yamato lay on his bed, his head hanging upside down staring at the computer screen in what would appear to be a carefree position, but instead…

“Gabumon, you said you waited your whole life for me. I know you can’t be here now. I know you’re waiting on the other side of that door. But… I’ll find a way to get there, even if it kills me…”

“Son.” A knock at the door.

“Yeah, Dad?”

“You don’t mind cooking again tonight do you? I don’t know what it is you do with our leftovers that makes them edible again…”

Yamato stared at the sliding screen door. “No prob.”

The blonde male sat up in his bed. He looked over to the wall where he kept the picture they took in the Summer. It was in a frame.

Taichi and Mimi standing right next to one another. Somehow Yamato felt too far to the left, too away from everyone. ‘They can say I’m their friend, but I’m not in their Pack. I’ve been with Takeru my whole life, and it’s just been me and him as far back as I can remember. But he grew up. Then I was taken away from Gabumon. Now my whole group of friends I realize, really aren’t my friends at all…’

Yamato grabbed the picture from the desk and threw it against the wall, the sound of glass echoing his inner spirit, and then watched it drop behind the bed. Angrily, he huffed into the livingroom.

His Dad looked over at his distraught son, but then returned to the television and his beer. But Nancy’s words always rang in Malcolm’s head: “You need to pay more attention to your son, that’s why he acts the way he does.” “Yamato?”

“Yeah?” the child replied, watching the rice brown in the pan in front of him.

“Something on your mind?”

“It’s not you, Dad. It’s school.”

“What about school?”

“… Nothing.” Yamato tossed the rice to let it brown on the other side and added seasoning. “Do we still have that leftover fish?”

“In the back of the fridge. I don’t know how you can miss it when there’s barely anything in there.”

‘Yes, Dad, I know our finances are bad, don’t rub it in my face,’ Yamato bitched to himself and added the chopped fish to the meal.

A few minutes later it was done. Malcolm took the liberty of setting the plates and cleaning off the table, then the two sat down to eat. In silence. As always. But Yamato preferred it that way. He didn’t have to talk about anything akward, especially his love for Taichi and his now destroyed love life and friendships with the only people he had ever known. He couldn’t go back to them, just like he shouldn’t have gone back to them before. He should’ve stayed in the Digital World with Gabumon. And he knew just how he would do that.

“Yamato…”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t have my job anymore.”

And that was all that needed to be said… instead, Yamato’s Dad continued: “I’m putting you with Nan-“

“No!”

“Yamato, you’ll at least be with your brother. Look at this as a positive thing while your old man gets himself back on his feet. It’s for a week, tops.”

“Why do parents always say to view everything positive?” Yamato mumbled, and then said he’d clean up. After the dishes were washed and his father was passed out in the recliner, he went over to the silverware drawer and pulled out a cutting knife. Stuffing it in the belt loop of his jeans he went back to his room and closed the door behind him.

After removing the knife from his belt loop, he sat down on the bed. He barely remembered the shattered pieces sitting behind the piece of furniture.

‘I won’t let myself suffer like this, and I’ll be free why you… Mimi… Taichi… Everyone… You can be the ones that suffer because you’ll know why I’m not here anymore…’

He could feel his hands shaking with the blade in them. He gripped the knife in one hand and turned his other arm face up. A last breath escaped him. ‘I will come see you, even— Brrring. Brrring. Brrring.

“God damnit!” Yamato exclaimed, the knife falling to the floor. He scrambled to reach the phone.

“H-hi is Yamato there?”

“Jyou?”