A/N – (is stoned to death out of Righteous Reader Wrath)

The epitaph to Faith’s tombstone?

“Here lies the single WORST fanfic author EVER to grace this GREEN EARTH. And she wondered why she sucked and hardly anyone read her crap?!? AHA!”

(Pops up out of grave) Speaking of which, thank you Cyh Scaevola and Ishasuki Mitochi for reviewing, despite my horrid laziness. Yes, I greatly love you both. AND, to all you who don’t review but just read this, I’d like to thank you too. I’d also like to apologize for being AT LEAST a week and a half late.

Heads up, Cyh: Shameless Lydia plug-in approaches. For all those who don’t know, read The Irony Gods, in the Saiyuki section. Like my stuff? You’ll want to marry Cyh’s works. XD And yes, this is your quote from me today.

I feel like I should warn you: I wrote this when I was reeeeeaaaallllyyyy tired, so it MIGHT be a little bizarre . . . .

Disclaimers are a BANG! I don’t own any frozen food companies, especially the one with a giant green dude as their mascot.

Session 16 – Deidara Part One

“DEIDARA, DEIDARA, DEIDARA, DEIDARA, DEIDARA –” Faith’s tirade of shouting continued on and on. The only pause in her mantra was when she took an occasional breath.

She was so wrapped up in sniffing him out that she didn’t notice the horrendous arrival of a horrendous individual who was just ten or so feet away from her.

When she finally did notice it, though, she was shocked and horrified. How could anyone miss it?!

She stared up at the it before her. It was dressed in tight green spandex with a darker green vest. It loomed over her with a malicious smile that sparkled in the moonlight.

The very sight of it made the great and almighty doctor want to pee her pants and run to Europe. It made her want to go on an off-road expedition in the Rockies with Lydia behind the wheel, it was that bad! (Sorry, Lyds – we know you’ve got rocking driving skills, it’s just . . . think of the passengers! XD)

She blanched. “I-I thought . . .” He was too green . . . could it be him . . .?

Its grin broadened. “Yes, oh youthful young one? Are you lost?”

“I-I-I . . . I thought I killed you a long time ago.”

Its brow furrowed. “What?”

Panic rose in Faith. “DANGIT!” she shrieked. The wildlife stirred at the ear-splitting, obnoxious volume. “I thought I killed you, Green Giant vegetable guy!”

It stared blankly as she ripped a stick of dynamite from her pocket. She screeched once more in an obnoxiously loud tone, “AND NO, CARRYING EXPLOSIVES ON PERSON IS SO NOT ILLEGAL!”

It backed away in terror. “H-huh?!”

(Insert horrible sound effect here – KABLOOM! BAM! BANG! Pick whichever one you like best!)

A joyful, fiery inferno rose to the heavens! WHEE!

Bambi and the other wild furry critters didn’t know what hit them.

XxXxXxXxXxX

Neji and Tenten jumped from tree branch to tree branch with their nifty ninja hop abilities. They felt horrified; they had lost all sight of Lee and Gai-sensei. To lose the both of them would be like unleashing Barney AND Godzilla upon a civilized nation.

Needless to say they were eager to relocate them.

Tenten asked as her eyes flicked to and fro, “Neji, can you see anything with your Byakugan (A/N – I probably spelt that wrong but I’m too tired to look it up. SORRY)?”

Neji shook his head. “I don’t see that crazy therapist and her comrades either.”

Tenten sighed. She opened her mouth to say something but before she could even get a syllable out something feathery and spazzy slammed into her face. Tenten squealed in a high-pitch voice and fell off the tree branch. She WHOMPED onto the hard forest floor.

The thing that smacked into her face flew up into the air in a seizure-like dance. It made deep throaty gurgling sounds that could’ve past as mutated bird calls as it disappeared into the woods.

Neji jumped down beside her and helped her up. Tenten gawked stupidly at the place where the weird bird thing had disappeared. “Was that a . . . was that a . . .” she repeated in a quavering voice.

Neji shushed her and began to pull her away. His eyes shiftily shifted about as he replied, “Never mind Tenten; we saw NOTHING here.”

XxXxXxXxXxX

As Faith crawled out of yet another scorched crater in a forest, she spied a twitchy black speck flying towards her from the woods. Grinning, she scrambled to her feet and merrily skipped over the burned remains of that part of the forest, shouting, “Habakkuk Maryland Richardson the Fourth! You’ve returned to me!”

The half-bird, half-reptilian looking creature landed clumsily on Faith’s outstretched arm. Faith cooed to Habakkuk Maryland Richardson the Fourth, “You’re such a good Archaeopteryx, Habi . . . Now, tell me who these new people are . . . .”

XxXxXxXxXxX

Deidara and Sasori walked briskly down the Akatsuki’s halls, heading towards The Leader’s office.

Sasori muttered to himself, overall creeping Deidara out, “I’ll kill those wretches, those stupid girls who DARED to tie me up a tree . . .”

Deidara gave a cocky grin. “Ah, I bet they were just overexcited fangirls, Sasori-danna. No need to go CRAZY on us again and suck another maiden’s soul.”

“If you keep it up you’re next on my list.”

“And what list would that be? Your SOUL-SUCKING one?”

Right when Sasori was going to strangle the blond, a figure draped in the Akatsuki cloak shuffled past them. Sasori blinked in surprise. Temporarily forgetting his rage against Deidara he asked him, “Who was that?”

Deidara answered in equal confusion, “Dunno, danna. (Try saying that three times fast! It sounds like you’re saying “dododanna” XD Right, sorry, no more interruptions.)”

“I didn’t know Leader hired the elderly.”

“Hmm? Hired? Oh, I thought that maybe he was Kisame’s grandfather. What?” He laughed at the look his danna was giving him. “Can’t you see the family resemblance?”

“You’re cruel,” Sasori chuckled darkly as they continued down the hallway.

“And YOU’RE sadistic.”

“Keep it up, and I’ll –”

“Someone help me, HE’S GOING TO SUCK MY SOUL!”

XxXxXxXxXxX

Lee sniffled as his huge saucer-like eyes roved across the suddenly dark, foreboding forest closing in around him. The sky clouded over (wait, isn’t it night –? INCONSISTENCY!). The world was suddenly cold and lonely.

Because poor Rock Lee was aaaaalllll alone in a creepy dismal woods.

Somewhere off to his right, he heard a mad cackle and an explosion.

Lee wailed, “G-Gai-sensei?!”

XxXxXxXxXxX

A/N – Lol, I think I so totally killed the “soul-sucking” joke by now. I WAY overused it. XD

Sorry for being late. Sorry for the super-duper long author note up there. Sorry for not actually progressing the story any (i.e. Faith finally giving Deidara therapy). Crackers, man, I have LOTS of things to grovel for forgiveness for . . . .

I swear I’ll update soon. (Readers – “Sure.”) I swear! (Readers – “Right.”) SERIOUSLY! (Readers – “Mm-hmm, and we SERIOUSLY believe you.”)

Geez. I WILL GET THE NEXT ONE OUT SOON! GRAAAAAAHH!