|XMen: EvoSwitched! Season 1, Part 1
Author: Peachy Lime Daiquiri PM
Parody of XME itself, with the characters completely switched up. Meet the team: Bobby, the redeyed fearless leader, Jubilee, the ultrapopular perfect psychic, Pietro, the fuzzy albino elf, Rogue, the gothic valley girl and Forge, the resident Sk8er Boi!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 8 - Words: 21,323 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 10-28-06 - Published: 08-19-06 - id: 3113262
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Hey guys! So this is an idearr I've had for a while since I read a ficcie where someone switched around the cast of LotR. I (sadly) can't find it anymore, though. But I pushed it to the back of my mind until the other day when I was watching Season 3 on DVD, and I figured, Dude, I have 3 out of 4 seasons, why not try it? Plus, it's a little side project I have until I find my dvds. So here it is.
Oh, to keep with continuity, the person cast gets the powers of the person they're playing…due to some…invention…thing…of Forge's…yeah. Physically, they don't drastically change.
So…I give you…Season 1!
Oh, and since Tabby doesn't have a ginormous role, she's the Director for most of the episodes.
DISCLAIMER: "Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it. I don't think that was my point."
Forge chases Pietro around with Jamie's SaCoLiRED present in one hand. "It's not that bad," he says.
"I don't WANNA be FUZZY!"
Forge stops, sighs, and shoots a barrage of spykes around Pietro, effectively trapping him. "Kurt, could you come here?" he calls.
"It's not that bad being fuzzy, really," Kurt says to Pietro. "Whoa, what's with that freaky gun thing? It looks like the Point of View gun from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy – the movie, anyway."
"It's Jamie's SaCoLiRED present," Forge answers.
"Jamie's Spray a Can of Lysol in Remy's Eyes Day present," Forge explains. "The person holding the gun shoots at another person, and that person gets their mutant powers."
"Oh, I got ya," Kurt says, then grabs the gun and points it at Pietro.
Episode I – Strategy X (Part I)
We open with a bunch of cheerleaders waving their poms and chanting "Touchdown! Touchdown!" …yeah, doing their cheerleader thing. Whatever. (1)
Paul the Cocky Quarterback Guy – and, you know, the rest of both teams – calls out the plan. "Blue 22! Blue 22! Hut! Hut!" Instead of passing the ball, he runs down the field and leaps for a touchdown.
Jubilee (but we shall call her Jubes now) runs over with a ginormous camera and promptly blinds Paul with flashes.
"…You're not Jean," Paul says, squinting at the camera lens.
"Well, you're not Duncan, either, but I obviously don't care," Jubes says.
"Get on with your lines!" Tabby yells from her seat labeled "Director".
"So, Jubes, did you get that for the yearbook?" Paul asks cockily.
"Nope. This one's for my personal collection," Jubes says, shamelessly admitting she's a stalker.
We cut over to someone's fingers twiddling with a quarter while the Announcer Dude…um…announces, "And Paul…WTFshislastname does it again, this time with a quarterback keeper. The Bayville Hawks seem to have this one wrapped up with time running out." A pair of ruby quartz sunglasses glares as he watches Paul walking off with Jubes.
"Bobby, are you seeing red?" Tabby asks, at bursts into laughter.
"That's not funny," Scott says indignantly.
"You go back to your plane of nonexistence!" Tabby yells at Scott, who pouts and slinks off.
An Arbitrary Football Dude walks over to Paul. "Hey, look! Daniels's at it again."
Paul gets a creepy predatory grin on his face as we see Evan lifting someone's wallet. "Hey, Coach!" Paul calls. "Could we be excused for a second?"
The coach looks over at the scoreboard (49-17). "Yeah, whatever, just hustle back."
Paul puts on his helmet, and he and some other Arbitrary Football Dudes walk off under the bleachers.
Meanwhile, Bobby drops his coin and it slips down between the bleachers. "Aw, man. My cash!"
Edward, wearing a matching polo and slightly darker shade slacks, gives him a skeptical look. "It's just a quarter. You can't buy anything with a quarter."
"It's the principle," Bobby says delicately. "You know what, I'm going down there to get it." He gets up and leaves.
"But it's muddy down there!" Edward calls. "What a loser."
Down under the bleachers, Evan is tossed on the muddy ground. "Well, if it ain't Evan Daniels picking up a little spare change," Paul says cockily.
"Hey, Paul," Evan says nervously. "Look, I can explain."
"Shut up, frog face!" Paul yells.
"Let's crush him, Paul!" an Arbitrary Football Dude says eagerly.
"Let's not," Bobby's voice cuts in. "How about we have him give the cash back? No harm done." Light flashes across his sunglasses…despite the fact that it's nighttime…and they're under bleachers…
"Yeah, yeah!" Evan agrees eagerly. "See? Here's the money."
"Whaddyou care about this scuzzo, Drake?" Paul demands.
Bobby opens his mouth and holds up a finger, thinks, then closes his mouth. "Good point," he concedes. "But, three against one isn't that cool."
"Well, neither's your sunglasses-at-night thing," Paul shoots back.
"Dude, I can take my sunglasses off anytime I want," Bobby said, and proceeds to take off his sunglasses.
Jubes comes running up as Evan and the Arbitrary Football Dudes (wisely) head for the hills. "Bobby, don't!"
So, Paul gets blasted by an…optic…blast, and the blast continues on to hit a propane tank. Kabloosh!
Okay, so it probably doesn't make a Kabloosh sound, since the "bloosh" suggests that there's a wet and/or squishy element…ya know, like if a body falls off the roof of a house. So the sound is probably more like Kabam!
Jubes has a confused look on her face. "So…do we call you Iceman or Cyclops?"
ATTENTION! This is the only time I'll do the opening credits, well, until the third season, cuz they change the opening credits.
The XME theme song starts up while the DR doors open to reveal Rogue, Pietro, Wanda, Forge, Bobby, and Jubes…also known as the X-Men!
There's a quick shot of the X-Men running out of the X-Mansion in full uniform, and then Alex, Ray, Remy, and Evan (aka the Brotherhood) running forward, and then Magsy putting on the old Cerebro headgear.
The name "Iceman" optic blasts itself onto the screen while Bobby (wearing a ruby quartz visor) jumps down form a hole in the ceiling and shoots off a blast-
"Oh, so we call them their old codenames," Jubes says. "This is so confusing."
"You are interrupting the opening credits," Tabby hisses.
-The name "Jubilee" brainwaves itself onto the screen while there's a shot of Jubes writing absolutely nothing on a paper, then flirting with Bobby, then Alex throwing a crate at her and her blocking it with her telekinesis.
Ray runs by at super speed, then turns and points a finger at Forge while the name "Forge" spykes itself onto the screen. Then there's a quick shot of Forge demonstrating his new Mad Sk8erboi Skillz, then Mastermind picking Forge up and Forge developing some spykes…well, that looks odd.
Kurt slashes his way onscreen-
"So, I have two fingers but three claws," Kurt says, peering at his new claws. "I CAN FINALLY FLIP PEOPLE OFF!"
-while the name "Nightcrawler" does the exact same thing. Then there's a shot of Ororo's angry glowing eyes. Then-
"Oh, get over it, ya big sissy," Tabby says airily to whoever just OH GOD-ed (pick anyone, whoever sounds funniest saying it).
-Mystique flies in through the open doors and looks around while the name "Mystique" lightnings itself onto the screen.
Wanda turns around in a hairflip (à la Charlie's Angels) while the name "Scarlet Witch" blitzes itself onto the screen, then touches an unconscious Bobby's forehead and shoots out an optic blast.
Rogue flies through a wall while "Rogue" ghosts itself onscreen, then walks back out and runs off.
Pietro ports himself out of the X-Jet while "Quicksilver" ports itself onto the screen, then dances on a table until Bobby yanks him off by the tail (albino white and fuzzy, since the Evo!Kurt looks hairless anyway), then ports away…
And drops in to land next to Magsy sitting moodily in a wheelchair while Bobby, Jubes, Kurt, Rogue, Forge, Wanda, and Mystique turn to pose in front of the camera.
THE NEW TOTALLY SWITCHED UP X-MEN: EVOLUTION! (2)
"Strategy X" flashes on the screen briefly while Magsy's car drives by and he stares out as the window rolls down.
The camera cuts back to under the bleachers, where Jubes has found Bobby's ruby quartz glasses. "It's too hot to touch, at least with my hands," she says, and TKs a burnt piece of wood off of the glasses and TKs them up to her.
Bobby, meanwhile, is sitting alone and looking like a poor kicked puppy…AWWWWWW! "You okay?" Jubes asks, putting his glasses on him.
"Jubes!" Bobby exclaims. "…You look weird all red."
"Thanks, I look weird," Jubes says tartly.
"Oh, no, I didn't mean it that way," Bobby says quickly.
"Face it, Bobby," Tabby cuts in while munching on a powdered donut, "You suck at ad-libbing."
"Fine," Bobby huffs, and walks off sulkily.
Paul, meanwhile, is being inspected by a med dude. "Concussion," the med dude says. "He's been hit hard."
The cop dude looks at the fire. "Looks to me like…"
The camera cuts to Magsy, who is glaring fiercely…at a spoon. "There is no spoon, there is no spoon," he mumbles.
Mystique turns around from the driver's seat. "Buckethead," she says. "You're not Buckethead anymore…which is actually a major improvement."
Magsy puts the spoon down and scowls at her, then glares at the cop. "Must've been a leak in that propane tank," the cop says dully.
Jubes runs over to Paul. "Paul, are you alright?"
Paul grins weakly at her. "Yeah, you know me. Skull like concrete," he says cheerfully, and taps himself on the head. "Ow."
"Oh, you poor baby," Jubes coos.
Paul flinches. "Please don't do that."
The camera pans away to Bobby, who is leaning moodily against the bleachers. Evan walks up to him. "Hey, thanks, man. Really."
Bobby, ever the angsty unrequited lover, turns and stalks off. "Whatever."
Evan squats down, looking slightly unhappy. Then he whips his tongue out and snags a fly.
"Ewwwww," Ororo cringes.
"Go back to your plane of nonexistence!" Tabby yells at her.
"Things are under control," Magsy says to Mystique. "We better hurry, though. We have a train to catch."
We cut to the Bayville train station, where Mystique and Magsy are waiting and looking around arbitrarily. "Pietro?" Mystique asks as a boy with two dufflebags gets off the train, glares at them, then walks off.
"That's not Pietro," Magsy says. "This is." He points at a hooded figure holding two dufflebags. "I do NOT like being fuzzy!" Pietro pouts.
"Deal with it, bub," Kurt says airily, then hops on a motorcycle and heads on down to a convenience store in…some…place. He pulls off a glove at looks at a newspaper. "Trouble at home," he notes.
"You want that paper?" the Arbitrary Convenience Store Dude asks.
"That's why I'm holding it," Kurt says, snatching it up. "Bottle of water, too. Cold."
"Warm weather we're having for this time of year," the ACSD says while getting a glass (?) bottle of water out of the fridge behind him.
There's a –snikt- noise, and the ACSD watches in confusion as the top of the bottle lands on the counter and Kurt chugs the water. "Recycle that, ja?" Kurt asks, and walks out.
We pan away from Kurt to a shot of Mastermind peering at him from far away.
Back at the Institute, Bobby pounds on the girls bathroom. "Give it up, Jubes, it's hopeless!"
"I'll be done in a second," Jubes says while brushing her hair and TKing a handmirror around her.
"Look, do you want me to blow this door…down?" Bobby asks as the door opens and Jubes comes out.
"Chin check!" she yells while knuckling his chin. "Come on, let's go!"
Bobby rubs his chin and follows. "That hurt!" he complains. "We're heading out, Prof-Man," he calls down the hall as he and Jubes, well, head out.
"Just a moment, you two," Magsy says. "Come here. I'd like you to meet someone."
Bobby and Jubes warily approach the hooded figure. "This is Pietro Maximoff. He arrived late last night."
"Hey, Pietro," Bobby says while Jubes waves chipperly. "This is Jubes. I'm Bobby. How you doing?"
Joey Tribbiani walks in. "That's my line!" he yells, and walks back out. (3)
"Hello," Pietro says, and shakes Bobby's hand.
"Whoa, dude, you're fuzzy," Bobby says.
"Yeah, I know!" Pietro snaps.
"And…you have a tail," Jubes notes.
"At least you still have all four fingers," Tabby puts in helpfully.
"Not helping," Pietro hisses.
"I was just telling Pietro how I set up this institute for gifted youngsters," Magsy cuts in. "Youngsters whose gifts are not always an asset. Right, Bobby?"
Bobby flinches. "So you heard about last night."
"Well, I am psychic," Magsy says. "And I still have all my hair!"
"Oh yeah, and be more careful," Magsy adds sternly.
"Come on, Prof-Man! I'm packing a bazooka behind each eyeball!" Bobby says, pointing at his eyeballs. "What do you want from me?"
"Control, Bobby," Magsy says. "That's what you're here to learn. That's why you're all here."
"…I thought we were here to learn how to kick ass," Jubes says.
"That too," Magsy agrees. "Bobby's eyes emit a destructive optic blast beam," he explains to Pietro.
Pietro takes off his hood, revealing his now-pointy ears. "Cool," he says, revealing his now extra-pointy canines.
"How about you, Pietro?" Jubes asks. "Got a special gift that brought you here?"
In answer, Pietro teleports to the other side of the room. "You know, I could have gotten there just as fast the old-fashioned way," he notes disdainfully.
(1) – I'm not hating on cheerleaders. I am one, in fact. But, I am football illiterate. Do forgive me.
(2) – I think you can tell why I'm only doing that once. It took a whole page!
(3) – Joey Tribbiani is from the TV show Friends (which I love). His famous pick-up line is, "How you doin'?"
Yeah, I split the eppie into two chappies because it was getting kinda long. So…yeah.
One more thing. The switched cast is pretty much locked down. Only a few are direct switches (ie Xavier and ol' Buckethead, Ororo and Mystique), the rest were traded around like insanity for a good half hour of A Knight's Tale. However, if there is a character you must absolutely have as certain person, mention it in your review, and I'll see what I can do.