***

I hate Youzen. Not personally. Somehow I've never felt connected to him. Although we're both sendou, it's like we're living in different worlds. You only have to look at us to see it.

I suppose if you wanted to categorize, you'd say that I'm a physical guy, my approach is always competitive. But, although Youzen's a competitive guy-though he seems to care more about winning than the actual game-he's competitive in an intellectual way.

I've never really thought that much of him before, but now, oh, I hate him. I hate him in that itchy way that makes me want to put tacks in his underwear. Because we're about to reach Menchi Castle and he's got me on rear guard. And I don't doubt, with all those sendou to the fore, that if there is any action it'll be blocked from my the view by about 500 horse's rears.

One of which is Youzen himself.

That thought made me smile just a little. The resemblance of the Tensai Doushi to the ass of an ass had surely never been contemplated before, and I liked to be original, in my way. Besides, it kept me from looking around for Hatsu.

I have to keep some control over myself, lately I've become frighteningly... well, soppy. Sometimes I listen to my thoughts with a careful ear and think, is that me or has a school girl somehow invaded my mind?

Granted, I doubt even a soppy school girl would be dumb enough to fall for Hatsu. No, it takes a man to make a mistake of those proportions.

I did get a small part in that battle after all. Not much, but enough to let me relax a little back into my familiar role. It was good to feel myself again.

Just... don't forget yourself.

The gloom was again cast over my momentarily sunny face. I was losing sight of what I wanted. That was my own doing... but I wasn't sure I wanted to hang on to the delusion. I couldn't face down some of my problems without facing all of them, which meant perhaps falling into the despair of the dying...

No, I wasn't dying. Perhaps that was a delusion, but it was one I was sure I needed.

The soldiers were being re-organized and rested after the encounter, and I found myself searching out Hatsu's tent. I could talk to Hatsu, or I could talk to Taikoubou. Taikoubou was very important, a great ally, someone I'd die protecting, if need be, but... I didn't think I would like what Taikoubou had to say. It felt like a pre-judgement had been made, and Taikoubou was too good at tricking people into what he wanted.

Hatsu I could trust to be blunt and honest. Besides, if I couldn't confide in Hatsu, I wasn't really in love with him. Although, as I knocked on the tent pole and received a gruff invitation, I remembered that Hatsu seemed to have his own problems lately.

As we neared Chouka he had gone more and more silent. His passionate flings died down and, instead, his sleepless nights were due to sitting outside his tent, staring at the stars. When we stopped he would refuse to get out of bed, as if he didn't wish to face the day-completely opposite to Hatsu's usual nature. He seemed older and thinner every moment, as if some unseen wound was draining him as mine drained me.

I didn't know what to do around Hatsu's uncharacteristic silence. When I came in, Hatsu was massaging his feet-goodness only knows why, since he rode a horse all day while I walked-and his refusal for any help told me this was just a distraction from thought and more purposeful action.

I sat down and watched Hatsu, debating to myself. I didn't know how Hatsu managed to be so cheerful and positive; I had less idea of how to make him more so.

Let's see... money... power... sex appeal...

Maybe if I were Dakki, but Hatsu didn't seem to notice anything right now, content-or not even that-to exist in some sort of mechanical non-state.

"Hatsuuuuuu..." He didn't notice. "Hatsuuuu, my love..."

There was a pause of a few seconds before Hatsu fell off his chair. Shakily pulling himself back on it, he gave me a frightened bunny-like look that would have done Taikoubou proud.

"Hatsu, what the hell is wrong with you lately?" I swung my cigarette around into my back teeth, gritting my face in an expression that bode the end of my patience.

"Hm?" Hatsu's eyes flitted after an insect that had wandered into the tent. They were brought back to attention only by my pulling him off his chair and sitting him down, my hands grasping either side of his dull face.

I stared into his eyes a moment. They were still that intense, forever blue-green, but I felt something lacking. Sighing, I let go and flopped onto my back.

"Y'know, I think 'm dying, Hatsu."

Hatsu's stubborn expressionlessness slipped off again. He immediately moved a hand to my bandaged side; I winced.

"I knew it... it hasn't been healing at all, has it?" Hatsu's eyebrows lowered over his eyes, glowering at me for hiding it.

I smiled a little. "It hasn't even stopped bleeding."

A moment of silence. "How are you... still..."

"I'm sendou." And a stubborn idiot. They were all the reasons I had. Funny, telling Hatsu now... I felt calm. I closed my eyes.

"I was young. I trained to be a sendou. Make my pops proud. My aunt and my... my mother died... finally, real fighting... then there's the whole thing with you... and I lose pops and coach... and I ... I'm dying..."

My eyebrows had knit unconsciously and I carefully smoothed them.

"I don't know who I am, what I want or if it'll even matter pretty soon."

I let the silence hang after that, not bothering to open my eyes for a reaction. Not wanting to risk their tearing over. It didn't matter; in a moment Hatsu had picked me up and hugged me with those strong, steady arms that seemed all-encompassing with their draped fabric. All of it seemed a little less real, protected by those arms. Like a thin cloth sheet could shield me from the world.

"You know who you are, you just don't have a label for it," Hatsu said in his soft baritone, "You don't have to be... something, just follow your heart and that's who you are."

It was so corny, but Hatsu had a habit of saying corny things and making them work. It was hard for it not to work. His honesty with himself was one of his most admirable traits.

"As for... dying..." He sighed into my hair, making me shiver. "Even sendou die eventually. Knowin' your life is gonna end... it's just more of a reason to enjoy every moment of life you have."

I looked up, though unable to see him, of course. "Then why've you been acting like this lately?"

He hugged me closer, collapsing around me. "It's easier to give this advice than to follow it."

I waited. It came eventually.

"My anchan... then my pops... both of them went to Chouka and died. Now I'm going there..." He straightened his head a moment, shaking it. "Going there to beat some guy I never met for a position I don't want..."

I reached up and pulled his head back down to me. I let my hand hang at his neck for a while, not sure to say.

The people wanted Hatsu, even if he didn't want them. I didn't doubt he'd be a good king, because it was all a part of his nature.

"You are a big puppy, you know that?"

I laughed to myself a little, not able to see his expression but imagining it. I closed my eyes, starting to fall asleep.

"There will be... lots of parties and food... wine... women... a harem... Every time you go into the streets, the people will cheer your name, for saving them... everyone... everyone loves you..."

"Everyone will remember you... forever... the people are making it happen. You're supported by so many... but... you're the emblem." Like the Shuu symbol he'd added to his outfit. "We can all believe in you... we do believe in you... we'll always believe in you..."

"The only thing left, I suppose..." I was drifting off. "...is for you to believe in yourself..."

My mind was filled with an old festival song. People were dancing in the night, shaking odd instruments and blowing fanfare. Some of the words were so archaic I couldn't make them out. The meaning never seemed to matter. I felt entranced by the rhythm and the twirling crimson fabric against the dark night.

The swirling crimson... against the black...

But it all faded. The sounds of mass celebration to the sounds of mass fear. The dancing footsteps became stumbling, retreating ones.

The swirling crimson... against the black...

Blood splurted. Heaved from me by the tight contraction, the strain on my whole body to keep his hands from connecting.

I wasn't going to lose. Whatever my size, I was sendou.

I grinned, teeth baring over fangs. Through the veil of blood everything became so much clearer. Rhythms pounded in my head.

Whatever I was, I was the best at it. Would always be. Would be-'til the final spurt of blood and the grande finale.

Not because of talent.

Not because of teaching.

Not because of any goal.

Just because I could be nothing else.

...On reflection, it was the people. Not the sendou. But the common humans, Hatsu stumbling among them. He was just human, after all.

Wasn't it about fighting? Dakki had won so much without doing any fighting personally. Perhaps I was just too dumb to get it.

I clutched my hand tight against my side, but the blood just seeped through my fingers, refusing to be stopped. I'd really done it this time. All the years with my family, all my years of training, my short time with Hatsu that I still didn't understand-all foregone.

I tensed. If I was going to die just for trying to win, then dammit, I was gonna win.

...

When did the thoughts of Fate begin to turn?

When were the paths chosen, when were the pieces picked from the pile and set on opposing sides of the board?

What might have been, what would have been, what should have been...

...meaningless.

I didn't say goodbye, not to anyone. I didn't think, at that time, that I was going to live... still, I never wanted to say goodbye.

Now, looking back on it... looking down on it... what is there to do differently?

You just follow your heart, and that's who you are.

Maybe it's just the difference of being a rook or a knight, but...

Back then, right or wrong, we did what we did. We followed our hearts and our follies. We laughed, and we cried.

Now, it's just history.

And, as I turn and fade into mist... rook or knight or nothing at all... so am I.

-
Author's notes:
It's so much easier to write yaoi in the first person. It's weird, but no more of the stupid problems with the pronouns "he" and... "he" again. On a more important note... this was written because I finished the series and immediately began looking for fanfiction about my favorite, KiHatsu. (This explains any Hatsy worship you may have noticed) Finally I came across a Hatsu/Tenka fanfic with potential and nothing else. I'd seen the pairing many times and never considered it. I began to wonder if it could be done properly. I wrote this only to see if it could be done, and to see if I could write porn. I don't like Hatsu/Tenka as a pairing at all, and I didn't even like Tenka until he died. Although, after this fic... well, he grew on me. Darn jock.

I admit to blatantly stealing the bodyguard excuse off of that first fanfic. If you wanna compare (and debate on the extent of my theft) you can read it here:

There are also references in here to Space's translations, my own other fics, "Those Who Are Left Behind", Slayers and Chrono Cross, if you're looking. I'm sure I put more of that sort of thing in the other chapters, but I'm too lazy to check.

I tried not to repeat what happened in the manga, partially because if you've read the manga, you'd be bored by the repeat... partially because I have no idea what the hell they're saying or even what's going on in parts.

Thanks go out to Space Coyote, my official beta reader (wow, never had one of those before...) and Shi, my unofficial one.
-

Tan stepped out onto the balcony. The cheering crowds were gone and Hatsu addressed nothing but the wide panoramic skies.

He was flat out on his back, a disturbing prospect, with his middle still wrapped with the bloodied, unchanged bandages. His face he'd shaven; it was, to be frank, nearly as white as his sheets.

The adrenaline of the day faded with the sunset.

"Before you ask," said Hatsu, not looking back, "I haven't eaten anything because it would just fall out the gaping hole in my middle. I assure you, I'm not turning into Pops."

"...I never thought I would be reassured by hearing you say that." Tan's clacking footsteps approached Hatsu. "But I am."

Hatsu just watched the stars. It was easy, the sky was full of them.

"Remember doing this with anchan?"

Tan sat down and looked up. "Vaguely. Do you still remember their names?"

Hatsu rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure."

Tan traced the heavens with his eyes, even as he caught his hat falling off his head. He placed it beside himself.

"I believe that is Tasuki."

"What does it matter?" Hatsu's eyes were half-lidded now. "It could be the house of Aiyamafah Kinmouron, and it'd still be the same bunch of stars."

"I suppose. Although, one would look at it differently."

Hatsu sat, a bit stiffly, and got to his feet. The wind had died down; his cloth just hung heavily from his shoulders.

"Are you going to be all right, little big brother?"

Hatsu glanced over his shoulder. He was already leaving, without pause or goodbye.

"Didn't Taikoubou tell me I have no time to mourn?"

"Well, yes, once..."

"Didn't he say, hey, come on, yer not a human being, you're a king?"

"...no, no he didn't."

"Hmphff." Hatsu walked away. Somehow his boots did not clack as Tan's did. With his cape obscuring his feet, he seemed to float. It was creepy.

"I ain't got time to sit around thinking or mourning. Life's too short!"

He stepped within the shadow of the building, an arm curled around his waist like a belt. He felt it had just gotten a lot shorter. For the people. Because of the people.

"Because I'm a sap," he said aloud. "I blame you for this, Pops."

With a sudden burst of more characteristic energy, he topped the platform.

"Kou Tenka! Chuu'oh!" His voice echoed in the silent streets. "Say hi to them for me!"

And then the swish of fabric, and the silence of faded echoes and spent winds.