Chapter 9

Sirius had finally been forced to clean out his sock draw, an unpleasant job at the best of time, and it was then that he discovered the list of Do’s and Don’ts he had lost before the holidays, albeit a little smellier and crumpled than last time they had been seen. Running out of the dorm and down to the common room where his friends sat pretending to do homework while secretly drawing rude pictures in each others text books. ‘Guys!’ he called, ‘Look what I’ve found!’ He waved the papers madly about in the air as he came towards them before grandly plonking them on the desk.

‘Gosh, they SMELL!’ cried James, pulling away, ‘Where did you keep them, in your sock draw?’

‘Well, as a matter of fact, yes.’

‘Shall we keep going?’ asked Peter hopefully, ‘I mean, we have nothing better to do.’

‘Might as well,’ replied Sirius, sitting himself down on a spare chair and picking up a discarded pencil he pulled the papers in front of him and began to write.

37. Never ask quidditch boy about said game involving hoops, flying balls, mad children on broomsticks etc. on pain of death, or two hour lecture on all things quidditch from the dark ages to the present day, that being the abridged version, which is equal to or worse than death.

‘Hey! What’s that meant to mean?’ James cried.

‘Just what it says,’ replied Sirius condescendingly, ‘Anyway, I speak from experience.’

‘Fine, if that’s the way you want it.’ Retorted James, snatching the paper from Sirius he began to write…

38. DO NOT give Sirius sugar, anything that resembles sugar, tastes vaguely of sugar, or was ever in a hundred mile radius of a speck of sugar if you wish to retain your life and sanity. Unfortunately we now have neither; thanks Sirius.

Sirius snatched the paper back…

39. Never question the supreme master of the world, Sirius Orion Black!

By this time Remus had looked up from his ‘work’ and come around to stand behind Sirius and James as they wrote. After the last comment, James once again made to take the paper from Sirius. Remus intercepted before he could reach it and took it back to his seat where he began to write…

40. Never let James have too much firewhisky. He is then deluded enough to think Lily actually likes him and proceeds to stand under the window of the girls dorm reciting terrible Shakespeare.

41. Same rule applied to Sirius in relation to any girl, some of the teachers and any trees resembling human form which happen to be in the vicinity.

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Thanks to everyone who made suggestions. I won’t name names because I’ll forget someone but you know who you are.