A/N:

Disclaimer: -sigh- I do not own Naruto. But I wish I did. –kicks Masashi Kishimoto- Yep. He owns Naruto.

Yay! My first fanfic – it's supposed to be funny. In a slightly alternate universe because of Saraiyu and her wind manipulation and talking to animals.

I do try to keep the characters in character, which is sort of hard cause I rarely watch the show… but I do read the manga and stuff.

Please review!

Chapter 1:

Of Talkative Girls

xXx

"Art is a bang," one of the four people at the table stated. Though he had girly hair, which was blond and tied in a ponytail, yet it let a fair of hair hang down, hiding half of the man's face, Deidara was still quite obviously a man. Okay, maybe not that obvious…

Red eyes belonging to another man with equally red hair fixed the girly-looking guy with a glare. "Art is immortal, long las-"

"Sasori! Deidara! Art is stupid, so both of you just shut up." The annoyed remark came from a man with pale blue skin, gills under his eyes, and an over all shark appearance. This comment immediately raised indignant protests from the other two.

"Art is a bang!" Deidara said yet again, at the same time Sasori yelled, "Art is immortal."

The fourth man at the table merely glared at each of the people in turn, his red-black eyes kinda creepy. Very few people knew that over-use of the Mangekyo Sharingan had deteriorated Uchiha Itachi's vision to a near-blind state. But everyone at the table knew since they lived with Itachi and saw him walking around, trying to pretend he could see, well, everyday, pretty much.

The other three went over this conversation God knows how many times, and it annoyed Itachi to no end.

"What do you think, Itachi?…yeah." Deidara asked (as he usually did at this point of the conversation.) Thankfully, this night, Itachi was spared from answering because of a knock on the door.

"I'll get it…" Kisame sighed, reluctantly getting up.

xXx

"Wtf?" Was the shark-man's first comment on seeing the young girl standing at the door. She looked about thirteen, and had curly blond hair and bright blue eyes.

"Hi!" She piped with a big smile. Which didn't wilt one bit under Kisame's glare. On the contrary, it seemed to make her more talkative. "You know, that's not really polite. The first time you've seen me (sorta) and the first thing you say is wtf? I mean, if this was Tsunade-sama in you're position, the first thing she'd say would probably be 'Who the hell are you?', which is a great deal better than 'Wtf?'."

All Kisame could do was stare at the girl who wore a white blouse, sleeves rolled up at the elbows, and brown pants. A brown cloak was pinned at her shoulder by a silver brooch that appeared to be the leaf symbol that the ninja from Konohagakure wore, the same symbol that was slashed out on Kisame's partner's head protector.

Finally, the fish man managed a slightly strangled, "Who the hell are you?" The girl smiled… approvingly?

"Well… I'm Saraiyu." She said simply, giving only one name in an offhand manner. Kisame stared. "Wtf are you doing here?"

"Well, Naruto is off studying with the Legendary Pervert, Sakura is with the Legendary Sucker, and Sasuke is with the Legendary Freakishly-Scary Snake-man. And I was booooored. So I decided to see if I could find the Akatsuki and see what they were up to.. And judging from your horribly ugly robes, I'm guessing I found them?"

"How the hell did you find us?" Came yet another question from Kisame.

"Don't say 'hell'. It's vulgar." The girl – Saraiyu – said absently. And then added, "Well, I followed the signs. You know, the ones that said. 'Secret Akatsuki lair – 10 miles', and 'Secret Akatsuki lair – 5 miles – Almost There', and 'Akatsuki Lair – 1 mile. Don't go any further if you fear death.' And eventually, I came to that god-ugly black-and-red sign that said, 'Welcome to the Akatsuki Lair.' It really wasn't that hard… You should consider making this place slightly harder to find."

Kisame was taking this all in, somewhat dazed, and barely processed what the girl was babbling. A couple of words like "Naruto", "Sasuke," "God-ugly", and "Legendary" managed to rekindle the evil intelligence that was there. Sort of.

His voice still a little strangled, he asked, "You know the Kyubi container?"

"Yes… he's my twin, duh. Except he looks a little different because of the Kyubi," the girl paused to shudder. "Ew. To think I'd have whiskers if the Fourth decided to trap the Kyubi in me." Another shudder.

Whiskers? What is this girl talking about? But… the Kyubi container's sister. He would most definitely come after her if he knew we kidnapped her… and we could easily lay a trap for him!

"Hold on a second." Kisame ordered. "Don't move." Saraiyu merely nodded, and proceeded to talk to a squirrel that had been perched on her shoulder.

xXx

"You mean the girl says she's the Kyubi container's twin?" Itachi asked, yet again, after his partner managed to tell him who was at the door.

"Yes!"

"Then we should keep her here and let it be known that we have her. The boy would certainly come here after her!"

xXx

Though she was not a shinobi, Saraiyu manipulated wind. Wind was one of her friends, and did what the girl asked. Asked, mind. One did not go around ordering their friends. Well, a decent friend didn't.

None of the four Akatsuki members gathered in the kitchen area noticed that a window had blown open, carrying winds that wafted through them out the window and to Saraiyu. The winds bore words that Saraiyu could hear; she Listened to the winds.

"Kyubi container's twin?" An unknown, harsh, voice asked.

"Yes!" That was from the fish who had opened the door.

"Keep her here… boy would certainly… after her!"

Though her skill in Listening was imperfect, Sarai got the main idea. The Akatsuki planned to hold her captive so they could lure Naruto and capture him… Thwarting them, and making them regret their decision dearly would be fun. The door opened, revealing the fish once again.

"Come in." He said, and stepped aside to let the talkative, energetic girl in.

A/N: Dun dun dun… Hehe, please review! I'll love you forever if you do!