Title: Dress Me Up
Author: SVZ
Fandom: Hikaru no Go x TeniPuri
Pairings: Touya/Shindou, Tezuka/Ryoma
Disclaimer: I don't own Hikaru no Go or Prince of Tennis.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Touya learns that a simple misunderstanding can get blown way out of proportion when Shindou and especially lavender shirts are involved. CRACK.
Notes: CRACK. Fic fully blamed on Kish, Lauren, and Aja.

Dress Me Up

by SVZ

When he and Akari were ten, she had once told him that he was too flighty and he needed to ask questions before quickly jumping into conclusions. Naturally, Hikaru took those words to heart; listened very carefully to his best friend’s wise words and refused to talk to her for a week after until they were partnered together for a school project.

Anyway, that was seven years ago and Hikaru was now an adult (well, almost) and willing to owe up to some of his character flaws (some of them anyway) and he had to admit that he had the rather nasty habit of jumping to conclusions too soon and he really was trying to work on that. Truly.

But what he witnessed yesterday deserved no explanations except…

Touya Akira, Hikaru thought angrily, is a dead man.

The first thing Touya saw was that Hikaru wasn't happy. The second was a blur, and the third was complete darkness.

"You," Hikaru hissed, as soon as Touya came to, "are a complete SLUT."

Touya blinked, still feeling woozy and nursing a rather hard blow to the side of the head. He tried to steady himself in his chair with one hand on the table while the other made sure there wasn't any blood. "Huh?" he said, intelligently and winced when he realized that was that the completely wrong thing to say to his sometimes-boyfriend, sometimes friend-with-benefits, all-around enigma and full-time rival.

Hikaru’s face was mere inches away and Touya felt like scurrying to the other side of the Go Salon. Thank god it was a holiday and they were the only people crazy enough to actually be there. (Ichikawa-san practically threw him the key after he showed up on her doorstep earlier that morning. Touya had made a mental note to always call ahead of time unless he wanted to see Ichikawa-san wearing with a green face mask and a fluffy pink robe first thing in the morning. )

On a second thought, Touya wished he was back home. Hiding under his bed and pretending that this wasn't happening because he had no idea what the fuck was going on and the scene that was unfolding in front of his very eyes was very much like a bad train wreck; complete with Hikaru rambling about complete nonsense.

"I bet it's from all those clothes you wear!" Hikaru said, ranting. He did a quick one-over at Touya's clothes and a made a disgusted sort of sound that was a cross between a snort and a little “che” sound. "You look like a colorblind member of w-inds at a tacky magazine photo shoot! You scream 'jailbait' to dirty old men by the way you dress. I would have thought you would have gotten the hint after Ogata excused himself to go to the restroom five times at your father's last study session."

Touya nodded numbly, trying to get the little birds to stop singing and the stars to stop circling around him so. It was very distracting and possibly making him dizzy and light-headed.

"I thought he said he was sick." Touya pushed his bangs off his forehead and massaged his temples. Ah. That was a bit better. At least the birds have stopped.

"Did you see how many tissues there were in the wastebasket?" Hikaru demanded.

After seeing Touya's stunned expression, Hikaru rolled his eyes and continued. "I'm getting off topic-- I saw you with him yesterday."

Touya tried his best to jog his memory. God, what did he do yesterday? From what all he knew, he had a match, had lunch with his parents and some relatives, and got dragged around Tokyo. Touya frowned. What guy? Did Hikaru mean--

"Hikaru," Touya said witheringly, "Ashiwara is straight."

"That's what you think.” Hikaru sounded almost smug. “Obviously, you've never walked into Ogata and him getting it on in the bathroom of the Go Institute."

Hikaru decided to cut straight to the chase. "You were hanging out with him downtown yesterday," he said, pointedly. "Tall, dark, handsome.” At Touya’s still blank look, Hikaru rolled his eyes. “He was a tacky lavender shirt that looked exactly like the one you wore for your last match?"

Something clicked. Touya shot his head up so quickly that it made the birdies come back and the stars revolved around his vision even faster. Lavendershirtlavendershirtlavendershirt--

"Tezuka?" he croaked, eyes wide. "You mean-- Tezuka?"

“Is that his name? By the way you were acting towards him, you should have remembered his name sooner.”

Touya blanched. “Wait, wait—Tezuka and I—“

“You could have told me you had a boyfriend!" Hikaru yelled. "You're such an insensitive dick to him, going behind his back and all. I mean, seriously-- we screw at least a couple of times a week--"

"Hikaru. Technically, we haven't really--"

"-- and you're probably giving free peep shows to all those old men who come around here, not to mention god knows what you do when you hang around Ogata."

Taking in a deep breath (and swatting the few lingering birds away), Touya stopped and counted to ten. Don’t say anything in the heat of the moment, don’t say anything in the heat of the moment--

"--AND," Hikaru proclaimed with a flourish, "You’re probably giving handjobs to Ashiwara-san on the side! Just admit it, remember when I saw you guys come out of the restroom the other day? Ashiwara-san looked way too happy--even for him!"

Thirty.

Touya gritted his teeth. "Hikaru?" he said, tersely.

Hikaru paused. "Yes?"

"Tezuka is my cousin."

There was a brief silence that followed his statement and Touya could practically see the little wheels turn in Hikaru 's head and a lightbulb going off. Good, he thought, feeling the tension flow out of his shoulders. Hikaru now understands the situation—I can go get an ice pack for my eye… and maybe there will be some make up comfort sex. Um, without the sex because blowjobs don’t count as sex, do they?

"That's it, Touya. I am so not having sex with you anymore."

" Technically, we never actually-- WHAT--" The tension came right back. Motherfucker.

"I mean, the Ogata thing-- I could sort of figure since he's creepy as all hell but he probably had tons of experience, right? Ashiwara-- you were probably trying to cheer the poor guy up when Ogata was being emotionally abusive and the old geezers, well, it's purely for business reasons."

"BUT YOUR COUSIN? Touya, that's INCEST." Hikaru frowned. "I think."

Touya was ready to punch whoever came up with "take deep calming breaths, count, and everything will be all right" in the mouth. Calming, my ass-- he thought darkly, as he tried to recollect his thoughts and control his actions in a manner that wouldn't result in him throwing his chair in Hikaru's face.

After careful consideration and futile attempts to get Hikaru to shut the goddamn hell up long enough for him to talk, Touya decided to screw it all and strip down to the basics.

"I did not have sexual relations with Tezuka Kunimitsu!"

"Touya, in case you haven't noticed-- I consider blowjobs as 'sex'," Hikaru informed him, glaring. "And can I get back at the 'ewww, that's gross' factor? Because, really, he's your cousin."

"Which is exactly why I didn't have sex with him! We're not in a relationship, we're related, and the only reason we were together yesterday was because our moms dragged us to go clothes shopping!"

"... Clothes?" Hikaru asked, eyes wide. He appeared to be too surprised to remember he was angry at him and Touya realized with discomfort that Hikaru was taking the opportunity to look him up and down-- his gaze lingering at his crotch a few seconds too long.

Fuck. His pants suddenly felt a lot tighter. Clearing his throat, Touya continued, "Tezuka and I rarely see each other... He’s always caught up with tennis and I play Go so our schedules are crazy. Our parents are always complaining that we don’t spend enough time together. Yesterday was the first time I saw him in months.”

"Clothes," Hikaru repeated. Touya fought the urge to run head-first into a wall. Well, at least no one could tell him his--um, rival-- wasn't simple-minded.

"Uh, yes, clothes." Touya tugged on the hem of his long-sleeved shirt self-consciously; feeling the cool, crisp lavender fabric between his fingers. Blinking, he snapped his fingers in front of Hikaru's face, a bit disturbed by the vacant look in the other Go pro's eyes. " Shindou?"

Hikaru shook himself out of his light daze. "Huh? Oh!" He frowned, looking Touya from head to foot again and Touya fought the urge to cross his legs from his seat. A twitch of a small smile tugged at the corners of Hikaru's lips and there was a mischievous glint in his eye. "You know," Hikaru purred in a low drawl, propping his elbows on the table and leaning forward. "I could always go clothes shopping with you."

"Really." This was certainly sudden and different, Touya reflected, and not entirely unpleasant. “I don’t think we have the same taste in clothing.”

Hikaru, to his credit, didn’t tease him for his “utter lack of fashion sense” (as Hikaru once called it). Quite the opposite, Hikaru looked positively cheerful and he also wasn’t very easily discouraged. "I think I know you well enough to know what you like.”

God, why did that sound like a sexual innuendo? Touya gulped and nodded.

Hikaru tilted his head sideways and looked at Touya’s shirt critically. “From what I see, you and Tezuka seem to like the color lavender a lot.”

A hand reached up to loosen his collar. The temperature in the room seemed to have skyrocketed within the past thirty seconds. "Mother told me it went well with my eyes," Touya answered diplomatically.

Hikaru's grin grew even wider if even possible. "Want to know what my opinion on the matter?"

Not really, Touya wanted to say, but he knew bait when he saw it and he decided to bite. “Yes?”

"I think you look like a pussy in lavender."

Touya was pretty sure his pants hated him right now. There was something in the way Hikaru said it that made all the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

“Honestly? I think you look better without anything on, period.”

Oh yeah, Touya could feel his pants hating him right now. Damn hormones. How could Hikaru make such a lousy one-liner sound seductive? He twitched, shifting in his seat and trying to ignore Hikaru's pointed leer. Dammit, he really didn't want to be stuck doing laundry again while his mother was out--

Thankfully (or maybe not), Touya didn't have time to ponder his options (which had been a) RUN AWAY b)... actually, option a pretty much covered it all) because Hikaru took it upon himself to pull Touya out of his seat by his tie (and to his own dismay, his favorite tie. It figures, damn hormones) and into a sloppy kiss.

"Hikaru!" he hissed, tearing himself away quickly. "The windows! Just because no one else is here doesn't mean there aren’t people passing by outside!”

“And we’re in the way back,” Hikaru said, pointedly. He gave Touya a look that suggested that if he was so concerned about getting accidental go pieces up his ass (it had only been kinky the first time) or tainting his jailbait schoolboy image, there was a perfectly nice bathroom about thirty feet away.

“You do realize I’m going to have to buy new clothes after this,” Touya informed him, glancing at his ruffled long-sleeved shirt, tie, and trousers.

“I know,” Hikaru said, cheerfully. His fingers were still clasped around the end of Touya’s tie and he used it like some sort of leash to lead him into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Things were actually getting good until Touya realized something was amiss.

“Shindou, what are you doing with the--ahh--“

“Wow, I never knew liquid soap would be such efficient lube!”

Touya wasn’t sure if it was out of guilt or maybe pure curiosity, but Hikaru had asked to be introduced to Tezuka. It was a bit odd, but Touya just brushed it off as another Hikaru-ish quirk so he called his cousin up and Tezuka agreed; keen to learn more about the professional Go world that Touya so often mentioned.

“Saturday at the McDonalds near the Go Institute?” Touya had suggested and Tezuka had agreed readily after being assured he was free to bring a friend along.

Fast forward to Saturday. Touya and Hikaru spotted them easily when he entered the fast food restaurant and Touya was quick to make introductions.

"Hikaru, this is my cousin Tezuka and--" Touya paused, and then shook his head apologetically after realizing his cousin never gave him his friend’s name. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I got your name—“

"Echizen Ryoma," Tezuka supplied quickly, shooting a warning glance at the younger boy beside him. The said boy rolled his eyes and nodded.

Touya and Hikaru went off to find an empty booth while Tezuka and Echizen went to order drinks.

Hikaru let out a low whistled and leaned back in the booth. He shot Touya a small, embarrassed grin. "I'm sorry I said you were jailbait last week."

Touya nodded stiffly. "It's fine," he lied.

To Touya's surprise, Hikaru shook his head. "No, I'm really sorry," he insisted. His eyes followed Touya's cousin and his friend to make sure they weren’t in hearing range, then added, "Especially since Echizen's the real jailbait here. Damn, you're related to a complete cradle-snatcher."

“Shindou!” Touya frowned. “You don’t even know if they’re gay or if they’re even dating.” Personally, he didn’t think Hikaru had the wrong idea either.

Hikaru gave him a knowing look. “Oh, I know,” he said confidently. “Your cousin is such a pedo. He’s going to be the next Ogata.” He then dug around in his bag for his portable magnet Go board.

Unbeknownst to Hikaru, along with his uncanny ability to make teachers wet their pants whenever he corrected them (feel free to interpret this line anyway you wish), Tezuka also had the uncanny hearing.

He twitched, almost dropping his wallet as the girl behind the counter went off to fetch their order. Ryoma slipped his hands into Tezuka's pocket. "Shh," he said, snorting. "They're just jealous because we have better sex than them.”

Tezuka relaxed slightly. “Echizen, hands,” he warned.

Ryoma withdrew his hands reluctantly, bristling. “Prude.” He accepted their tray of drinks and frowned when he noticed the neon red sign that indicated the toilets were to their right. “Buchou?” he said, trying his best to look innocent.

Tezuka glanced at him sideways. “Yes?”

“I have to use the restroom.”

Tezuka followed his gaze and raised an eyebrow after nodding pointedly in Touya and Hikaru’s direction. “They might miss us.”

“They’re too busy having mental sex with each other through their go game,” Ryoma said, already walking toward the toilets.

Echizen did have a point. With a shrug, Tezuka followed his boyfriend in and watched with amusement when Ryoma pressed him against the back of the door and began trailing kisses down his throat. Tezuka was vaguely aware of the faint ‘pinging’ sound of his buttons being popped off in Ryoma’s haste.

“Buchou, have I told you how much I liked your new shirt?”

Tezuka made a small mental note to later ask Touya if he wanted to go clothes shopping again tomorrow.

--fin--

Notes:

The Tezuka-and-Touya are cousins concept and the lavender shirt connection is all Aja's idea. I just ran off with it.

(I wouldn't recommend using liquid soap as lube. It'll sting. D:)

Special thanks goes to Kish and Lauren. :D This is pretty much unbeta'ed and completely written on Yahoo Messenger save the ending and very beginning. All spelling and grammar errors are mine so please feel free to point them out.