Author: asteriskjam PM
He's mean. She's violent. And they're...dating? What. The. Hell. [SasuSaku] [Oneshot]Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Sakura H. & Sasuke U. - Words: 1,285 - Reviews: 199 - Favs: 388 - Follows: 32 - Published: 08-29-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3130515
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: Naruto IS MINE, OHMIGAWSH it's miiiiiinnnnneeeeeee and NONE OF YOU. YOU or YOU or YOU or YOU can STOP meeeee—
"Jerk! At least have the decency to respond in the like!"
(punch. slam. F--K!)
"Good morning, Sakura."
"There! Now you're acting like a regular Konoha citizen! …Not your usual 'I'm a semi-emo-goth Avenger."
"…Dobe's idiocy has rubbed off on you."
(smile) "As long as you're not in 'I'm Angst-slash-Brooding so BACK THE HELL OFF' mode, then I'm peachy with you're sarcasm."
"Ever the charmer, aren't you Sasuke-kun?"
"No need to stare at me so intently, Sasuke-kun. A kiss will suffice."
"You're stupid, you know that?"
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"Have breakfast with me, Sasuke-kun!"
"Great! I know this pancake stand down the street…"
"Isn't such a beautiful day, Sasuke-kun? Come! Link arms with me and let us gallivant!"
"…No. The hell have you been smoking?"
"Tou-chy. Lighten up will you? Smile a little?"
"There's nothing to smile about."
"Hey! What about the fact that you're with me? "
(punch. slam. crack. more censored curses.)
"Sasuke! Your glaring is totally driving people off! Look at that kid! He's crying, Sasuke-kun! Crying!"
"I'm driving people off? You're the one throwing around these monst—(twitch)…catching peoples' attention."
"Just let them look."
"…I don't like being looked at."
"But you're so cute!"
"Don't use me in the same context as cute. Ever."
"Fine then. You, majestic young shinobi, you. Better?"
"…I'm leaving you behind."
"Shut up. Let's go."
"Bastard! I didn't even see you yesterday!"
"I know you missed me!"
"Why would I miss you? I just saw you the day before."
"24 whole hours without me. What else could you have done?"
"…Yeah. Because I absolutely need to think about you every time I take a breath of air."
"I'm glad you finally brought that out in the open, Sasuke-kun. Isn't it nice to have gotten that off your chest?"
"…What have you done to Sakura, you spiteful fan girl?"
"You're talking crazy, Sasuke-kun. Now let's order some pancakes!"
(turns to chef. orders buttermilk pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream.)
"And you Sasuke? …Or should I assume tomato-filling?"
"Can you squirt some ketchup on that please? Oh, no. No relish. Just the ketchup. Thanks."-
"Here you go! Ketchup spread just like you wanted!"
"…I'm not eating that."
"…And that is perfectly okay because I am willing to feed you!"
"Only if you say 'ah.'"
"C'mon, Sasuke-kun. They're strawberries! I know how much you love strawberries!"
"I never said that. Idiot."
"You said you liked my shampoo the other day. That was strawberry."
"The hell? I never said that!"
(glare) "Fine, then. …Geez, all you had to say was 'I REALLY don't like strawberries, Sakura."
"…I really don't like strawberries Sakura-AHMPH."
(forces pancake with strawberry and whipped cream down his throat)
(grin) "Now chew. Swallow! Very good, Sasuke-kun! I'm so proud of you! Congratulatory kiss?"
(COUGH) "You almost choked me!"
"But it was good, wasn't it?"
"Your turn to feed me, Sasuke-kun."
"Hmph. Fine then. No more for you!"
"Did you not hear me say I didn't want anymore of that crap?"
"The rest is mine!"
(Someone new walks in.)
"Oh, Good Morning Keitaro-san!"
(blush) "…Good Morning to you too, Sakura-sama."
"See? He replies when I say Good Morning!"
"Oh! What was it that you needed Keitaro-san?"
"It's Tsunade-sama. She needs you as soon as you're available!"
"Okay. That'll be soon. I'm just finishing my breakfast."
"Ok, then. I'll wait for you."
"See that, Sasuke-kun? It's a little thing called common courtesy!"
"Shut up, Sakura."
"Sakura-sama? …Is this guy giving you trouble?"
"He's treating you with such little respect, Sakura-sama. How can you so casually converse with him?"
"Him. He's been insulting you since this morning, Sakura-sama! And as your lov—friend I just want to make sure that you're not…hurt."
"…How 'bout if I make it up to you? Would you like to…I dunno, maybe come to dinner with me tonight? I know this nice place…"
"…Are you asking me out…on a date?"
"…What the F--K?"
(punch) "Shut up, Sasuke-kun!"
"Hey. You. What the hell does it look like we're doing now?"
"SO sorry, Keitaro-san. Uh…this is Uchiha Sasuke. My boyfriend."
"Yeah. We're kinda on a date."
"…What the hell? H-he doesn't treat you like his girlfriend!"
"And how would you know, idiot?"
"…By the way you two act, maybe?"
"That's just Sasuke-kun. He's emo—I MEAN, always carefully contemplating the value of life. …Still, I'm trying to work a wider array of emotions into his system."
"I have emot--!"
"I meant besides anger and depression, Sasuke-kun."
"Oh, and here!"
(holds out ring finger)
"Sasuke-kun just gave me this promise ring the other day."
"It's not a promise ring."
(blink, blink) "…It says: 'Future Dwelling of Uchiha Offspring."
"I know! Isn't it sweet?"
"I Don't. Do. Sweet, Sakura."
"I mean, absolutely amiable, of him."
"I suggest you leave. Unless you'd like a helping of chidori up your ass."
"…Er. See you at the office, Sakura-sama!"
(guy scurries off at a speed unknown even to ninja)
"That guy was an idiot."
(She hugs him.)
"You know I wouldn't have you any other way, Mr. I-Don't-Really-Get-Out-Much."
"…And see! You might not have verbally said you liked my shampoo but you're always taking such long whiffs of it!"
"It's your imagination."
"Then I must have a pretty vivid imagination. Or did I not just feel you blow against my ear?"
"Hm. Don't you have to go to the Godaime or something?"
"Aw. Trying to get rid of me so quickly, Sasuke-kun?"
"Jerk. I'm not leaving without a kiss goodbye."
"If I shout out to the people near here, will that eliminate your shyness of PDA?"
(looks to random passersby)
"HELLO, RANDOM CITIZENS OF KONOHA! GUESS WHAT?"
"Shut up, Sakura!"
"THIS IS SASUKE-KUN. MY BOYFRIEND OF FIVE MONTHS!"
"Shoot me. Somebody kunai me to death. Right now."
"THOUGH WE MAY NOT SEEM IT, WE ARE EXTREMELY HAPPY TOGETHER."
"DAMN it. Where the hell's Itachi when you need him?"
"WHY JUST THE OTHER NIGHT…"
(blush) "…SAKURA! JUST SHUT UP."
(wink) "Make me!"
"HE WENT TO MY HOUSE AND WE—"
(he kisses her roughly, effectively shutting her up and making her feel all tingly inside.)
And as they pull apart, the random citizens at the pancake stand are amused…
…but at the same time so utterly, utterly baffled.
A/N: Ta-dah. Witness the product of my imagination plus sugar plus coffee plus rainbows plus lack of sleep plus monkeys plus daisies plus candy plus pompoms plus kunais plus chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiibbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssssssss—
Shutting up now.