Author: Drunken Shinigami PM
Onesided Aibacest. It seems you never know how much you love someone till you lose them... or almost lose them. I never knew that just one bullet aimed at my brother could open up so many thoughts about him... and about myself.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Romance - Words: 1,166 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 08-30-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3132182
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
By Drunken Shinigami
I'm watching you, silently, protectively, needingly. If anyone dares to lay a hand on you that means to cause harm, I'll make sure it leaves. If anyone tries to take you away to a place I can't go, I'll stop them.
You'v fallen asleep on the couch, as usual. You were watching a news special on the Ryvius, the contents still blaring softly in the backround. My eyes settle on your peaceful expression, the white light from the television making it glow white against the black and blue couch. I then look to your right shoulder. It's twisted under you from lieing on your side, body propped up on a few fluffy brown pillows.
The scars hurt you still; the doctor says you'll never regain 100 efficiency of that arm ever again. A twitch of pain in my cavity occurs, and I grimace at my own feelings.
But never the less, I walk out quietly to the couch which faces the television. I first turn off the noisy machine, which in turn causes you to stirr from the change in surroundings. I hold my breath, watching your face scrunch up a bit, then relax as you fall into a deeper sleep.
I can no longer see you perfectly, but I know where you are by touch. I reach out, gathering you in my arms bridal-style while you still rest on the couch. I grunt as I attempt to lift you – you were always the heavier one between the two of us.
Having trouble, I put you back down as you moan in your sleep. I decide as much to leave you down here, not wanting to trouble myself any further that necessary.
Instead, I quietly roll you over onto your back, barely disturbing your sleep. I take a step back, eyes scrounging around in the little light that shone through the simple white blinds for any means of a blanket.There should be one at the end of the couch. Just as I thought, a simple matching brown blanket that was thick enough to keep the heat in, but not thick enough to overheat you was found folded neatly beside your feet. I fold it twice over, then pull it over your sleeping form.
Taking another step back to observe my handywork, I decide to head off to sleep too. I turn around and flick my eyes at the digital clock atop the TV. It read 1:42AM.
With a groan, and a last look at the peaceful form of you, my older brother, I walk up the stairs quietly. You shall never know of my presence, or this new side of me that has developed since after Ryvius.
I can no longer sit by ignorantly and let you leave me, like you almost did.
Sometimes, it takes one experience to see something that appears to be completely worthless turn into something that is actually very precious to you. I learned that lesson. The Hard way.
"Yuki, can I ask you something?"
Kouji's slightly uneasy face poked out from between the dividers, his chocolate-brown hair still sticking on end from his sleep he awoke from a few hours ago. I look up at him, my music droning out his words, yet his lips were what I read. I pressed stop on my MP3 player, and grunted, signalling to him that I accepted his presence.
He didn't bother closing the divider behind him; he shuffled over and sat at the very edge of my bed. My eyes stay glued to his bent over form, not ever leaving my focus on his startling pair of green eyes like my own. They looked troubled, so I sat up properly and pulled one leg up to my chest.
"Mom… said she wasn't home till 2am, and that she found me on the couch with a blanket over—" He began, but I cut him off.
"You probably just did that without remembering." I interjected, eyes glaring at him with a steely overtone. My voice made him jump, his expression becoming sad.
"Oh." He faltered, "I see. Sorry to bother you, then." Kouji then stood up, a bit wobbly, and made his way for the door. Once it shut behind him, I threw myself back onto my unkept bed, and rolled over.
Stupid. I thought to myself. I couldn't even tell him such a simple fact. It was I who did that for you, coming out of my bedroom late at night, half of me already knowing you had fallen asleep.
It was lately that I had begun this streak of kind actions, doing little things that were either looked over or covered up by me… for Kouji. I keep telling myself it's out of respect for him, but I know I know the true answer inside myself.
I'm afraid I might lose him.
I almost did, I thought Ikumi had killed Kouji back on the Ryvius. Judging from the amount of blood that had come out of his arm, and the area of the shot, I was sure he had a lung punctured. The strangled scream that tried so hard to leave his throat instead opted to pool around the opening of his mouth, making it like he was dieing.
It was then, that very moment, did I realized how much I wouldn't be without Kouji there to keep me arrogant, to keep me hating him and to keep my actions at top notch. I wanted to prove I was better than he was, proving to him that I could be better.
Yet if Kouji died, whom would I be proving to anymore? I guess you could say our relationship for the past twelve years was like some twisted, hate-filled version of the little brother wanting to be just as good or better than the older one. Because when I was little, that's who I looked up to, my big brother Kouji.
So now, I'm reduced to hiding my actions of caring. I'm just as bad as that ass Aires Blue, he and I never will be able to show our feelings to the people we care most about. Because we're cowards.
I open the door slightly as I hear someone go down our stairs. My eyes narrow in on the brother of my thoughts, telling our mom he's going out to do a bit of shopping.
Perhaps a tear was shed when I realized Kouji still onlooks me as the same brother before Ryvius, I can't quite recall.
But this I know for sure, brother. I will be your silent protector. No one will try to tear you from our world, because I will stop them. These thoughts you'll never know, because I'm afraid to even admit them to myself. I'm… I'm sorry.
Oh, fuck that hurt.