|Haunted House on the Hill
Author: FastForward PM
Naruto is the biggest scaredycat in town, so what happens when he's dared to stay in a supposedly haunted house, and his rival finds out? Full summary inside. SasuNaruRated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Parody - Naruto U. & Sasuke U. - Chapters: 9 - Words: 30,575 - Reviews: 936 - Favs: 1,138 - Follows: 196 - Updated: 09-08-06 - Published: 08-30-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3132295
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
SUMMARY: Meet Naruto Uzumaki, resident scaredy-cat. No joke, he's afraid of his own shadow. So what happens when his friends dare him to spend one week in a 'supposedly' haunted house, and his most hated rival finds out? Can Naruto survive all the evil tricks Sasuke Uchiha has up his sleeve? Or will he just cave and run home?
What's this? OMG! FastForward just finished Pyro yesterday and she already has THIS out?
I feel the need to tell everyone: I have no life.
Anyway, yes... this fic was bugging me, it had to be written. It's utterly ridiculous and basically just around for a good laugh so I hope you all enjoy it. There's no angst (gasp! Shocking, I know!) and it's just here for some fun.
Disclaimer: Naruto would hate me if he was mine.
Note: Naruto is NOT overreacting in this fic... I would know... because I wrote him the way I am... yes, I'm a chicken. A big one...
Haunted House on the Hill.
Uzumaki Naruto rubbed his eyes sleepily as he made his way to the bathroom. It was four in the morning, and he freaking hated it when he had to go at such an hour. No more drinking before bed, the eighteen year old decided. Never again. From now on, the last drink I can have is two hours before bed. He walked into the bathroom to relieve himself before flushing the toilet, washing his hands, and walking back to his room.
As he neared it, he heard his cell phone ring, his room illuminated by the blue light his television was casting. He'd been watching a movie with a few friends before bed. They'd left during the credits, and Naruto hadn't wanted to leave his room in darkness, but if he turned on his light, his guardian—Umino Iruka—would harp about the electrical bill. With the door closed, Iruka couldn't tell that the television was on.
Snapping out of his half-asleep state as his phone continued to ring, Naruto ran across his room and snatched his phone off his desk. He checked the caller ID and frowned when he saw it was a blocked number.
His mind immediately went back to the movie he'd been watching with his friends, entitled 'The Ring'. Usually, you got a call the second you finished the tape, and this was about three hours later. But still... it could happen—right? He shook his head violently. No, it was a movie! And Iruka's going to wake up if I don't answer.
Taking a deep breath, Naruto flipped his phone open. He winced as he brought it to his ear, hearing heavy breathing on the other end.
Naruto shrieked like a girl before hurling his phone across the room and bolting through the door. He ran down the corridor at top speed and slammed through the door at the end of the hall, almost colliding with Iruka, who was on his way to check on the screaming Naruto.
"Iruka!" Naruto flew into his arms. "Save me! I only have seven days!"
"What?" the blond's guardian demanded as he tried to register the teenager's words through his sleep-muddled mind.
"I only have seven days before the girl from The Ring crawls out of the television and kills me!" Naruto exclaimed as he clutched Iruka tightly. "I told Kiba it was real, but he didn't believe me! I knew that the girl would target me, I just knew it!"
Iruka sighed before pulling out of Naruto's grip and walking to the blond's room. Naruto ran after him, grabbing the back of his shirt and holding it tightly as he followed. Iruka walked calmly into his room and turned on the lights, wincing as the harsh brightness met his eyes. He scanned the room until he found the phone lying in a pile of dirty clothes in the corner. With a sigh at Naruto's messiness, he walked across the room, said blond still clutching the back of his shirt, and picked up the phone.
Iruka flipped it open, as it had closed when Naruto threw it. He went to the blond's contacts and looked for Kiba Inuzuka's cell phone number. He called it the second it was found.
"Hello?" a sleepy-sounding Kiba demanded grouchily on the other end. The thing was, Iruka could tell he wasn't asleep. In fact, he was pretty sure the Inuzuka was grinning madly.
"I am failing you in our next in-class essay, Inuzuka."
Iruka heard a 'thud' which could only suggest Kiba had fallen out of bed. "Iruka! Hi!"
"Don't bloody 'hi' me, Kiba!" Iruka snapped, annoyed. "You scared the shit out of Naruto, and now I'm stuck with him all night."
"I couldn't resist!" Kiba insisted. "It was too funny! Iruka, seriously, that guy is such a chicken, he puts chickens to shame!"
"I don't care!" Iruka hollered angrily. "Dammit, Kiba! You're going to scare him to death one day! And don't argue that it's not possible, because it damn well is!"
"All right, all right, I'm sorry!" Kiba exclaimed. "Hand me to Naruto, I'll fix it!"
Iruka held the phone out to his adopted son. Naruto stared at it terrified before hesitantly reaching out and taking it. Shaking, he brought the phone to his ear and snapped his eyes shut.
"Hello?" He squeaked.
"I was joking." Kiba sighed. "It was me. I called you and said you only had seven days. I was just kidding. I'm sorry."
"You suck, Kiba!" Naruto flipped his phone shut and threw it angrily on his bed before crossing his arms.
"You have to stop letting him con you into watching horror movies." Iruka sighed as he shook his head, headed back to his room.
"Where are you going?" Naruto squeaked.
"Back to bed."
"Iruka." Naruto grabbed the back of his shirt, looking at him, embarrassed. "Can I sleep with you tonight?"
With a sigh, Iruka nodded. Even though Naruto was eighteen, he still acted very much like a child—and Iruka did not want a crying and screaming Naruto right now.
"I can't believe you bought it." Sakura Haruno flipped her pink hair over her shoulder as she smirked at Naruto. "You're such a wimp."
"Hey, it was creepy, okay!" Naruto insisted around a mouthful of ramen. "He sounded like her and everything!"
"You're still a wimp." Ino Yamanaka laughed. "Honestly. That movie wasn't even that scary."
"Japanese version was better." Kankurou Sabaku agreed.
"You guys all suck!" Naruto snapped before continuing to devour his ramen. His friends just shook their heads.
Gaara Sabaku stared at Naruto a long while before a thought occurred to him. Slowly, he turned to glance at the rundown house at the top of the hill a little ways from their school. No matter what time of day it was, it always looked like the house was shrouded in darkness—and it was said to be haunted. Of course, Gaara didn't believe that, but it posed a funny situation.
Shino Aburame noticed him looking elsewhere and followed his gaze. Immediately, he knew what Gaara was thinking, and he smiled behind his high coat-collar. Gaara turned back and saw Shino looking at him. Shino nodded and a shadow of a smile appeared on Gaara's face.
"Naruto, Gaara and I have a challenge for you." Shino said, speaking for the redhead since he probably wouldn't speak for himself.
"Huh?" Naruto asked, confusion evident on his face.
Shino pointed to the house on the hill, and Naruto paled before he shuddered involuntarily. "That place is creepy."
"We're going to make a deal." Shino continued. "Christmas break is coming up soon, so as soon as it does, here's what'll happen: you spend one week alone in that huge house, and you'll get anything you want."
"No way!" Naruto hollered as he jumped to his feet. Everyone in the cafeteria around them turned to look at him, but he didn't care. "No fucking way, Shino!"
"Not even for a month's worth of ramen?" Neji Hyuuga asked, finding the situation amusing.
"No more pranks?" Temari Sabaku inquired.
"So troublesome." Shikamaru Nara muttered as he covered his ears, his best friend Chouji Akamichi just smiling as he continued to eat some chips.
"Not even to date me?"
"N—what?" Naruto asked, his eyes going wide.
"You heard me." Sakura flipped her hair over her shoulder again, her green eyes dancing merrily. "If you can stay in that house for an entire week, I will date you for the rest of the year." Naruto's eyes widened as he weighed the consequences. He could die of fright in that house—but if he didn't, he would be able to date Sakura, someone he'd had a crush on since he'd found out what a girlfriend was.
"You'll date me and mean it?" Naruto asked.
"Yes." Sakura smiled sweetly. "I'll date you and mean it."
Ino gave Sakura a weird look, but the other girl shook her head, mouthing that she'd talk about it later. Naruto pressed his lips together before grabbing Kiba's shirt. The brunette had been about to take a bite of his sandwich when he found himself wrenched out of his seat, the sandwich falling onto his tray. He was dragged across the cafeteria as his girlfriend, Hinata Hyuuga, laughed at his predicament. Tenten Tamura waved jovially before turning back to Neji.
"Sakura, I thought you liked Naruto." Ino insisted. "Wasn't that what were you saying the other day? About how you realized you liked him and wanted to date him?"
"Exactly." Sakura smirked.
"But—if he fails, you won't be dating him." Tenten reminded her.
"No, I'll still date him. It'll be a consolation prize."
"So, basically, it's a win-win situation for both of you." Temari stated.
"Exactly." Sakura grinned. "It's Naruto own fault for being so sexy."
Meanwhile, across the cafeteria, Naruto had pushed Kiba into a corner and was now panicking.
"I don't want to do this." Naruto hissed immediately, his voice rising in pitch. "What if it's the base for a bunch of serial killers who want to steal our kidneys and sell them on the black market!"
Kiba raised an eyebrow and resisted the urge to slap his hysterical friend.
"Please tell me you did not just say that." He sighed and shook his head. "Naruto, this is your chance to get with Sakura. If you do this, she's yours for as long as you want her. You can have her, and she won't be able to do a damn thing about it, because she put herself in this position. And, in time, she'll probably start liking you as much as you like her. Don't you want to date her? Don't you love her?"
"Not enough to die and donate my kidneys to some drug dealer!"
Kiba rolled his eyes, letting out a guttural growl. "Enough with the damn kidneys, Naruto! Do you want this, or not?"
Naruto stared at Kiba for a long while before letting out a groan and rubbing his face. "Yes, I want this."
"Then get'er done." Kiba motioned the table.
Naruto walked back towards it slowly, trying to work up enough courage to say 'yes'. Kiba followed behind him, patting his shoulder comfortingly, but he was grinning like a dog. This was going to be hilarious. They reached the table again and Naruto sat down before taking a deep breath.
"All right, I'll do it."
"Yes!" Lee Rock thrust his fists in the air. "Youthful bravery has awakened in you, Naruto! You are—"
"Lee, no offence, but that's not cool right now." Naruto muttered, burying his face in his arms.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. For Sakura—I can do this.
Nobody in the group noticed someone else had been listening. Someone who hated Naruto, and would do everything in his power to make the blond scared to death in that house. Sasuke Uchiha had heard the entire conversation, and he was going to make sure Naruto stayed in that house for the week—and he was going to be scared.
"Let me get this straight." Iruka sighed as he rubbed his temples. "You told Naruto to stay in the haunted house on the hill for a week?"
"Yup." Kiba smirked. "It's gonna be awesome!"
"Why would you agree to this?" Iruka demanded. Naruto just shrugged, not willing to tell him it was for Sakura. "He's not going to last five minutes in there, you know that." Iruka sighed, shaking his head.
"No, he will." Kiba insisted as he went around the kitchen table to stand beside Iruka. "The electricity still works in there, I know, because of a dare from a few years ago. Shino and I are going to hook up my mini fridge, and we'll put milk and water and stuff inside. We can buy him a kettle so he can make ramen, that way he's got cereal for breakfast and ramen for lunch. We'll give him a bunch of bread and some cheese and ham and stuff so he can make his own food and stuff. We'll use Kankurou's inflatable mattress for him, and he can bring his own pillow and blanket. We've got this all planned out. He'll be fine."
"He'll be dead." Iruka insisted. "He's a scaredy cat! No offence, Naruto."
"None taken." The blond reassured him. It was true, he was everything that fell under the category of a chicken. He was terrified of his own shadow. Hell, he'd be scared of himself if he weren't himself! The boy needed a backbone, and as terrifying as this would be, it would probably be helpful, too.
"He can do this! Have faith, Iruka! Have faith!"
"That's Mr. Umino to you." Iruka stated, narrowing his eyes.
"Very funny." Kiba rolled his own eyes. "So, come on, we can't do this if you don't agree to it."
Iruka winced and cast a glance at Naruto. The boy looked scared, but he also looked somewhat determined. He wanted to do this. Iruka felt there was more to this than he was being told, but he wouldn't push it. If Naruto wanted to do this, despite being somewhat forced into it, then Iruka would let him.
"Fine, he can do it." Iruka sighed.
"Yes!" Kiba cheered, pumping on fist in the air. "All right!"
"But I'm giving him my cell phone, in case something happens to his!" Iruka added.
"Oh, good idea." Kiba agreed. "I hadn't thought of that." He wrapped one arm around Naruto. "You can call us if the ghosts start attacking you."
All the colour drained from Naruto's face and Iruka sighed, shaking his head. Naruto wouldn't last five minutes in that house. Screw five minutes, he wouldn't last five seconds. There were bugs, and creaky boards, and all sorts of dark rooms. Why the house hadn't been torn down to begin with was beyond Iruka's understanding, but still—Naruto was not going to last.
"I'll just sleep the whole time." Naruto said in a small voice. "I'll sleep the entire week."
"No, you won't!" Kiba insisted. "I will wake you up at the crack of dawn!"
"How about noon?"
"I will wake you up at the crack of noon!" Kiba corrected.
"All right." Naruto nodded. He took a deep breath. "When do I start?"
"Two weeks, baby." Kiba grinned. "Get ready to die."
Sasuke walked into his large house, kicking his sneakers off and dropping his bag by the door.
"Welcome home, master Sasuke." A maid said as she smiled sweetly at him.
He didn't reply, and walked right past her, dropping his jacket into her waiting hands. He trudged through the house lazily, walking up the large marble staircase to the second floor. He walked down the corridor to the end and knocked on the door.
Sasuke pushed the door open and shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked forward. His elder brother, Itachi, took his glasses off as he noticed it was his brother. "Sasuke. Can I help you?"
"I'm going to need a few things." Sasuke said.
"Oh?" Itachi asked with a frown.
"You know the house on the hill by my school? You have it set to be demolished next week, right?"
"Yes." Itachi leaned back in his chair. "That house needs to disappear once and for all. It's been there for too long, it's becoming dangerous."
"Can you postpone the demolition until January?" Itachi frowned.
"Naruto was challenged into staying in the house for a week during Christmas break. I was going to join him and scare the shit out of him." Itachi grinned at this, the action so rare that Sasuke almost took a step back in fear.
"You're not a very nice person, little brother."
"I don't want to be nice. I think it'll entertain me." Sasuke shrugged.
"All right. I'm sure I can have the date changed. Are you going to need a few things?"
"I was thinking about getting a few cameras set up so I could watch him from the attic. I'm planning on using it as my room, so he won't find me. After all, no one knows how to get into the attic but us."
"True." Itachi nodded. "It can be arranged. I'll call Kisame now and have it done. We'll move you in a few days before Naruto. Is that all right?"
"Perfect. Thanks, Itachi."
"Not a problem." Itachi picked up the phone as Sasuke left his office.
Itachi and Sasuke's parents had died when they were younger, but because of their father's business, they'd grown up with a lot of money. Once Itachi turned nineteen, he took over the company and continued to make millions of dollars a month. They were truly the richest people in the area.
The house on the hill used to belong to the Uchiha family. It was never used, but it had been their ancestors' first house, so it had been kept. Itachi and Sasuke used to play hide-and-seek there when they were younger, so Sasuke knew everything about it, from the secret passages to the entrance for the attic. He was always going to be one step ahead of Naruto, and he was going to scare the blond's tan right off him. And it was all thanks to his brother.
Yes. Sasuke loved his brother.
A/N: No, there is NO ItaSasu. He loves him as a BROTHER, you pervs! lol. Hope y'all enjoy this one :3