Melee School Boys

-Six-

For once, in the whole history of the Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys (even though there were two female students named Stephanie and Kweneetra), all the students were in their respective classes and seats before the first bell. For the first time in the school's history, they managed to have some talented singer win the trophy, the ten bucks, and the box of Cheez Its instead of some talentedless schmuck like Gary Stu winning it. There were a lot of firsts in the school, including the first expulsion, the first home band competition, and the first time Mewtwo was nice.

Mewtwo floated into his classroom, as he did every day since 2001 when the school opened its doors for the first time. As he did every day, he floated over to his podium, "Think of the Evil and Sexy Pokemon!" coffee mug in hand, because Mr. Mewtwo liked his damn coffee. He sipped the dark liquid and placed it on the desk to the left of him, next to the "Please donate to the LMOA Foundation!", "Please donate to the LMIA Foundation!", and "I'm a SEXY Evil Bastard" mugs, all of which still had coffee in them (which had mould growing on the first two). He got the attendance sheet out, a clicky pen, and a big pencil eraser for erasing the Sharpie off of the dry-erase board, and placed these things on the podium, right in front of him. The class was silent, and the only sounds you could hear were the ticking of the clock and the tapping of a stylus on a DS touchscreen. This was Stephanie's shining moment in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, and damned if she was going to be interrupted by some stupid cat-like Pokemon teacher. Nicholas was still blinded, but Stephanie's pen and Marth's eraser were out of his damaged and mutilated retinas at last, so he was a-okay! His concussion was better, but he was prone to slipping into unconsciousness occasionally. Gary Stu was still in the Bottomless Pit for Talentedless Hacks, and thus was absent from class. However, he was in the school because the Bottomless Pit was in the school's basement, and therefore, he was in attendance. Somehow.

Link was actually prepared for class, which surprised even Din, Farore, and Nayru.
"I told you he was good at something other than killing people," Farore said. Her sisters didn't believe her until this day. That lasted for about five minutes, but hey, five minutes is five minutes. Link's notebook was in mint condition (this was because he never used one, which was the reason for his failing the class), his textbook underneath, also in mint condition. His faithful Sharpie (named "Hi Ho Silver" because of its colour) was on top of that. This marked the first time in Link's life where he wasn't leaning back in the chair, something he always did. All those years hanging around Marth rubbed off of him, one would guess. Link was also wearing his blazer, which was also very rare for him, as he hated jackets, and besides, it was cold outside.

Roy was rummaging through his bookbag for his notebook, and upon finding it, discovered it had no front cover, leaving it a mass of seventy sheets held together by the unstretched out part of the spiral spine. Spiral bound notebooks sucked like that. He placed it on his desk, along with his textbook, a pen, and a sketch pad (for when he got bored during class). Roy wasn't any different than he was any other day of the week; his uniform shirt was still untucked, his tie loosened, his blazer missing, and he was wearing the wrong kind of shoes. He leaned back in his chair, twirling a pen between his fingers, as he always did.

Marth was staring off into space, his mouth opened in shock. He had just found out that Dumbledore died, and that it was Snape who killed him. He closed the book in silence, mourning the loss. And then he realised his tiara was crocked and had to fix it. His books were in a pile on his desk, where they usually were, in a straight and symmetrical pile. Nothing unusual ever happened with him.

"Kiritsu, mortals," Mewtwo said, telling them to stand; he was examining the huge dustball on the floor next to where he was floating. He glared at it and it spontaneously combusted. No one cared, or even noticed, but Mewtwo's pyromanical grin made the class uneasy.
"Ohayo gozaimasu," the purple Pokemon said, bidding them "good morning".
"Ohayo gozaimasu," the class replied in unison.
"Rei!" Mewtwo said, and bowed. The students mirrored him. Mewtwo stood up and went back to his podium. The coffee mug was now in his hand as he took his pen and clicked it.
"Sit." It was a simple command, and the sounds of people shuffling their feet (and a few falling) were all that could be heard. Mewtwo sipped his lukewarm coffee, make a face, and placed it on his desk.
"Roll call," he said, and scrolled down the list of names.
"Stephanie Alvarez?"

A pink stylus was waved in the air.
"Hai!"
Mewtwo marked her in.
"Marth Lowell?"
Marth raised a finger, deeply engrossed in his Gundam Wing manga.
"Hai."
Mewtwo almost marked him absent, but realised his error and corrected it, marking him "here".
"Link Anaka Mekkai?"
"HAI!" the blond responded.
Mewtwo marked him in.
"Nicholas Pickéll?"
A feeble voice replied, "Hai," with his arm held in the air, supported by his other arm.
Mewtwo marked him in, as well.
"Roy Eliwood Pherae?"
"Hai," the red head responded, waving his arm.
Mewtwo marked him in.
"Okay, everyone's here except...oh no, wait, he's here." He marked Gary Stu in for the hell of it, and because Gary was in the school.

Mewtwo put the attendance in the sheet slip and placed it on his desk.
"Okay, puny mortals, who vandalised the dry-erase board?" Of course, no one said anything because no one knew what he was talking about. But that was normal, and they knew Mewtwo had bouts of insanity due to his LMIA disease.
"Um, Mr. Mewtwo?" Stephanie asked, raising her stylus again.
"What?"
"...What dry erase board?"
Mewtwo turned around. The dry-erase board was gone.
"What the f-hell?" He knew he wasn't imagining things, and figured some asshole stole it to hide all evidence. He would find that asshole and beat him with a shark. Yes, a shark. Meanwhile, some random student was hauling the dry-erase board around in the hallway, but no one (not even Mewtwo) noticed. Then a platypus crashed through the ceiling and squished the student. No one knew (or cared) if he was alright.
"Well, here's today's assignment. Read pages one hundred to one hundred and four, and do the activity. What you don't finish is homework." Oh god, the dreaded "h" word that all students hated. Everyone turned their textbooks to the aforementioned pages and began work.

Link and Roy had sixth period together, which was Computer Applications. Link and Roy were also the fastest typers in the class, the teacher's pets, and they got the most internet time and the highest scores in the class. They opened the door to the classroom; as usual, they were the first ones there, but that was because fifth period (History) was right down the hall. Link and Roy took their seats and logged in. They waited. And waited. And waited some more. Finally, before the late bell rang, the rest of their class poured in, as well as the teacher.
"Alright, take your seats and shut your mouths," the teacher, Mr. Lombardi, said, and slammed his grade book on the podium.
"Your assignment's on the board. You'll be presenting them later, so they'd better be done, and they'd better be good!"
"But I can't type fast!" a boy named Manolo said. He sat to Roy's left and annoyed the living hell out of him.
"That's too bad for you, then. Learn to type faster." Manolo sighed like the little emo boy he was and got to work.
"You're all here, that's good, no cuts, blah. I hate this job," was all the teacher said before sitting down at his computer and looking up Star Fox fanfics. Mr. Falco Lombardi was a masochist like that.
"Thank God it's the last day of school before spring break. I don't think I could stand this any longer," a boy named Mike said. He sat across from Manolo, and was also a slow typer.

Roy finished his life story slide show within ten minutes, due to his fast typing skills and the fact that he was rather quiet in class. He saved it to the H drive, printed the handouts out, and gave them to the teacher.
"Done as always," Mr. Lombardi said, and Roy took his seat. Link finished after him, saved it, printed it, and handed it in.
"YAY INTRANETS," Roy said, and opened Internet Exploder 7 (a product of Microhard). He typed in a random website, surfed around Wikipedia, and updated his livejournal. Link played Solitaire, and won every game. All the other students were working on their presentations. Most of the class wasn't done, and Falco didn't care.
"PRESENT, NOW."
Roy went up first.
"My life story." He clicked the mouse and it went to the next slide.
"My full name is Roy Eliwood Pherae. I was born in Pherae, which is located in Lycia, which is in Elibe." He clicked to the next slide.
"I only have one living relative, which kind of sucks. That would be my dad," he said, gesturing to the picture, "except twenty years younger. His name is Eliwood." He went to the next slide.
"I was homeschooled from the age of three until I was twelve, where I attended Ostia's School for Battle Arts, located in Ostia, Lycia, Elibe." He clicked onto the next slide, and the next, and basically everyone loved it and clapped went it was done.

"A plus, Mr. Pherae, as always," Mr. Lombardi said.
"Link! You're up!"
Link was not the type of person to go up in front of people and talk about anything. He hated audiences, which was ironic because he had no problems with Battle of the Bands. But I digress, as no one cared.
"My life story." He hit enter on the keyboard and moved to the next slide.
"My name is Link Anaka Mekkai. Contrary to popular belief, Link is not short for anything." He clicked Enter again.
"I have no parents, and I was raised by a tree." The class laughed.
"Hey, he was an awesome tree, too! But he died, sadly." He clicked to the next slide.
"I was born in Hyrule, and I grew up in Kokiri Forest." Click went the keyboard.
"I taught myself everything, as Hyrule has no grammar schools for poor people such as myself."

That was all that was to his presentation. Mr. Lombardi clapped, but the other students didn't.
"A plus," Mr. Lombardi said, and Link took his seat.
"This class is too easy," Roy said, and spammed his El Jay.

Marth hated sixth period, which was his seniour AP literature class. It was boring, they read books written by dead British people, and the teacher was boring as all hell. Mr. Game and Watch wrote on the board their assignment ("Read book four of 'Paradise Lost'), beeped a few things, and sat down on his lazy arse to do nothing but ring his little bell and beep. Someone had enough and threw their copy of "Paradise Lost" at the two dimensional figure, but Game and Watch ducked and instead it went out the window and hit Nicholas on the head. He was knocked out and had another concussion, but he was a-okay!

Marth opened up to book four and began to read. He liked what they read in class, but the teacher was boring and it was AP literature. He would have been happy with seniour honours, but no, his guidance counselour (whose name was Ms. Caulfield, if it matters) said otherwise. Everyone else in his class was throwing wads of paper, toilet paper, spiral notebook spines, pencils, pens, white-out, Purell hand sanitiser, Sharpies...you get the picture. Marth seemed to ignore all the chaos until a pen (thrown, coincidently, by a red head named Steve Burnside) hit his tiara and knocked it out the window.

The class got dead silent.
"Oh shit," Steve said, and ran like hell out of the classroom, screaming something about hot zombies chasing after him. Unless they were Crimson Heads, Zombies otherwise wouldn't be able to run even if their undead carcasses depended on it. Marth stood up, closed the book, picked up his belongings, and went up to the teacher.
"I'd like a pass, please," he said, his eye twitching. Mr. Game and Watch saw what happened and promptly wrote a "no-questions-asked" pass, ripped it off the binding, and handed it to the tiara-less prince. Mr. Lowell took it and walked, calmly, out of the room.

He went outside to where his tiara fell (in the stadium), picked it up, examined it, and placed it back on his head.
"They act like Freshmen," he said, and went on his merry way.

"Will all students and faculty please meet outside in the stadium for the spring assembly? Thank you," the lady over the intercom said, interrupting class. Link and Roy, who were half dead in their sophomore honours English class, were the first ones out of their seats and out the door. Mr. Georgeston let them get away with it since he thought Link was hot, and Roy was best friends with him, so why the hell not? The rest of the class stayed with Mr. Georgeston, who muttered paedophidelic things under his breath whilst laughing manically. Where they got him from, no one knew.

Roy took Link's arm and dragged him down the bleachers, bumping him into people as they went. Link got up and dusted himself off, made his hand a visor to cover his eyes from the blaring afternoon sun, and looked for a certain someone...
"There he is!" Roy said, and pointed. Link followed Roy's finger and saw who they were looking for...just not wearing what they expected him to be wearing.
"He's...he's in band?" Roy asked, and tried to contain his laughter.
"What's worse," Link said, laughing in between, "is that he plays the flute. The flute for Din's sake!" With that, Roy and Link were leaning against the railing, laughing their arses off.
"We...we should say hello," Roy said after he was done laughing.
"I dunno if I could stand it," Link said.

It was decided that they would stay where they were and chuck things at him instead. After all, they were right in front of the track, and the band had to go past them. Roy prepared an arsenal that consisted of paperclips, rubber bands, barrettes (from the female teacher behind him), white-out, straws, tooth picks, pens, bobby pins, and pencils. Link had all his notebooks and textbooks.
"We don't want to kill him," Roy said when Link got his History book out.
"Right, sorry."
This assembly was like no other. It was an at-home band competition. The other "team's" band looked menacingly at the home team's band. The aforementioned flute player stuck his tongue out, and that kind of weirded the other team out.

"Gentlemen and faculty! Welcome to our band competition! This year, in honour of our Football team's triumphant win-" The members of the Football team cheered and sang parts of "We Will Rock You" by Queen. "-we have decided to have the competition here, in our wonderful stadium. We will be victorious, like always, but we must ask that you don't bad mouth the other team, even if they do deserve it. Here we go!" With Mario's last words, the director of the band, Ms. Harkinian, made hand gestures and the band began playing.
"This looks boring," Roy remarked, leaning back and swinging his legs over the railing. Just for the hell of it, Link threw a paperclip into the tuba, which caused it to malfunction and blow up. Don't worry, the player was fine, albeit a bit dazed from the explosion. This caused all of the horns to stop playing, leaving everyone else to play on their own. The horns disguised the crappiness of the clarinets, so the percussion and flutes had to play louder to cover it.

"Well," Link said, "I never knew one paperclip could cause so much damage." He threw one of his notebooks like a frisbee at one of the snobby clarinet players, which collided with the clarinet and it broke in two. This caused a domino effect and soon the precussion, flutes, and the trumpets were all that was left.
"This is fun!" Link said as he caused utter destruction.
"Erm, Link?"
"What, Roy?"
"This arsenal was made to hit the other team, not ours."
Link was silent for a minute while Roy stared at him.
"Oh," Link said. Roy slapped him upside the head with his Japanese textbook and then chucked it at one of the members of the other team. The only female on the other team was promptly knocked out cold.
"Like that?" Link asked.
"Yes," Roy replied.

"Alright, so we've effectively knocked out half of the other team, and our team's back and running," Roy said as he sabotaged the opponents' instruments by putting paperclips in them. Link hit them with his History book and stepped on them a few times. All of this happened in 1.532 seconds during intermission.
"What are you two doing?"
The two fifteen year olds turned around to see a boy in the band uniform, concert flute in hand. The two looked at each other and then burst out laughing.
"Haha, very funny you two. You do realise what you're doing will probably get you suspended, right?"
Roy stopped inserting rubber bands into the flutes and said, "Yeah, but we might as well make sure we win, right?"
The boy in band merely shook his head.
"We'd win it regardless. Now get out of here before someone catches you."

Roy and Link ran like hell out of the little tent laughing their heads off. The flute player sighed and wondered where he got friends like them from. He adjusted his hat and put his one hand in his pocket.
"Where the hell is my tiara?" Frantically, he searched his person to make sure he hadn't put it in the wrong pocket. It wasn't there.
"Roy! Link!"
Roy and Link ran faster, knowing that their flute-playing best friend was going to kill them. Hopefully Marth would forgive them this time, as he had done in the past. Then again, Marth could probably knock their heads off with that flute...

"And the winner of this competition is...US! WOO!" The only reason the Melee Academy of Higher Learning for Boys won was because the other team's instruments were broken, and half of their team was either missing in action, knocked out, or dead.

Everyone filed up the stairs of the stadium to go to their lockers just as the bell rang. Marth sat on the steps, flute in his hand, band hat beside him. Link and Roy cautiously walked over to him, unsure as to whether he would use their heads for baseball or if he would be calm and collected. Roy, using some fishing line Link had in his pocket and a hook made out of a paperclip, maneuvered the royal headpiece over to the prince with a stick. Marth saw his tiara dangling precariously in front of his eyes and grabbed it. Putting it in his hair once more, he patted the bleacher next to him. Roy sat on Marth's left, Link sat on Marth's right.
"We wouldn't have won if you didn't do what you did," Marth said.
"But didn't you say-"
"Forget what I said," Marth said, interrupting Roy.
"But you're the voice of wisdom and-"
"I was wrong," Marth said, interrupting Roy again.
Pause.

"I'm gonna miss you guys," Marth said as he closed his locker door and shackled the combination lock, bookbag slung over his shoulder.
"Aww, it's okay Marth, we understand you have to go home for the break," Link said, leaning against the wall not too far from where the Golden Boys were.
"Yeah, I'm gonna miss you, too," Roy said, putting his arms behind his head.
"Roy?" Link said, raising an eyebrow. "You're not staying at the Manse?"
Roy shook his head.
"Father wants me to come home for the break. He's...he's not well and...you know how it is. 'Last days' crap."
"...So I'm gonna be by myself?" Link said, sighing in disappointment.
"Pretty much," Marth said. "But we'll be back before you know it." Marth put his arms around Link's and Roy's shoulders, pulling them close.
"Let's go home." With that, the three swordsmen walked down the corridor and out the doors, the sun shining through.

The End

Author's Notes: Wow. Six chapters, and this is the end. Like, the end. This makes me sad, but don't worry, 'cause there's gonna be a sequel! I have prom to tackle, still!

I hope you've enjoyed this part of the series. I really enjoyed writing it. Feedback is appreciated, as always.

Much love,
Jayden