Chapter Three: In Which More Ado is Made Over the Name Kurosaki and Hisoka and Rukia Prove That You Always Hurt the Ones You Love

Ichigo was running. He was running like mad. He had to keep running. He was being chased by dozens of Chappy Bunnies. He didn't bother to try and fight. He knew that he wouldn't win.

Ichigo didn't dare look behind him. He knew that if he did, all of the Chappies would be carrying raspberry mochas.

They were gaining on him. He knew that they were gaining on him. He could hear their whispering voices getting louder. They all sounded exactly like Rukia. Why did they all sound like Rukia? If only he could make out what they were saying…

"Wake up, you idiot!" A sharp kick to the head sent Ichigo sprawling. He blinked a few times, trying to see past the colored spots that were dancing in front of his eyes. "Rukia…" he muttered, dazed. Then his brain kicked in. "Geez, Rukia, what did you do that for?"

Rukia shrugged. "You weren't waking up.

"Did you have to kick me in the head?"

"Maybe not, but I wanted to."

Ichigo was about to retort, when a dry voice interrupted him.

"Excuse me?"

Ichigo and Rukia turned their heads toward the blond young man Ichigo had seen before he passed out. Wasn't his name Hisoka? Yeah, Kurosaki Hisoka. Thinking about it gave Ichigo a headache.

"Yes?" Rukia responded very sweetly, ignoring Ichigo's glare.

"I was wondering if we could discuss why you two are here."

The older man, Tsuzuki, nodded. "Rukia filled us in one the details while you were sleeping."

Ichigo scowled. "Why should you get involved?"

"We're shinigami," Tsuzuki answered. "Spiritual disturbances in Japan are our job."

Ichigo blinked. "You're shinigami?" He looked at Rukia, who shrugged.

"Obviously things are different in this universe," she explained. "We need their help, you know. Even you can't think that taking on Aizen by yourself would be a good idea."

Ichigo glared at her. He wasn't afraid of Aizen! Sure, he had gotten his ass kicked last time, but he was a lot stronger now.

On the other hand, he hadn't turned down help the last time it was offered, and his friends had been invaluable in storming Soul Society.

"I guess you're right," he muttered.

Rukia preened. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?

"I said you're right!" shouted Ichigo, irritated. Rukia smirked.

Tsuzuki cleared his throat. "Anyway, Rukia has explained who this Aizen person is. Now we have to figure out where he is, and what he might do."

"How are we going to do that?" Ichigo asked. Sure, it was easy to talk about, but Aizen could be anywhere, and Ichigo didn't think that putting up "Lost megalomaniac-if found, please contact shinigami" posters was going to help.

"That's where I come in," a cheerful voice interjected. Ichigo turned and saw a blond man standing in the doorway. "Hi there," the man said. "I'm Watari Yutaka, resident mad scientist." He smiled a friendly smile and waved.

"Watari," Tsuzuki said accusingly, "you were standing outside, waiting to make the perfect entrance, weren't you?"

"Don't know what you're talking about," Watari assured nonchalantly. "Anyway," he said, addressing Ichigo and Rukia, "I think that if I can graph your spiritual energy, I could use it to find this Aizen guy. That is, if he has the same kind of spiritual energy that you two do."

Rukia and Ichigo looked at each other. Who knew what bizarre things Aizen might have done to himself?

"It should be the same," said Ichigo, after a pause, "but Aizen is kind of a freak."

Watari pulled out a pen and notepad and begin writing quickly. "Aizen equals freak," he muttered.

"Er, I don't think you need to write that down," Ichigo said awkwardly.

"All details must be recorded," Watari responded. He looked up. "You know, I don't think that I ever got your names." He gestured toward Rukia and Ichigo.

"I'm Kuchiki Rukia."

"Kurosaki Ichigo."

Watari raised an eyebrow. "Kurosaki, huh?" He looked at Hisoka, who shrugged. "Well, if I could have the two of you step into my laboratory, we can get started. Tsuzuki, Bon, you can come too."

They all followed Watari until they reached a somewhat battered door. Watari grabbed the knob and started yanking.

"The hinges are just a little bit welded together," he explained. "It's not a big deal. It just means that you have to pull a little." A few more hard jerks and the door flew open. Watari grinned. "See? No problem."

What have we gotten ourselves into? thought Ichigo. He entered the lab with some trepidation. Trepidation that he decided was fully justified when he saw the state of the room. "Is that a toucan?" he heard himself ask.

"Yep." Watari's voice was proud. "That's 001." He pointed to a penguin. "That's 002, and this girl here is 003," he finished as a small owl fluttered down to sit on his shoulder. "They're all very pleased to meet you." He beamed.

"Great," Ichigo said weakly. "Are all shinigami everywhere total nutcases?" he muttered.

Rukia kicked him. "People in Soul Society aren't nutcases. Well, not all of them," she added grudgingly.

"If you two are done debating our mental stability," Hisoka interjected coldly, "perhaps we could get to work."

"Er, right." Ichigo straightened up and eyed the contraption that Watari was fussing over. "Is that what you're going to use to measure us?"

Watari nodded. "This is it. I call her Jessica-chan," he said with an affectionate smile. Ichigo felt his eye twitch. "So, who wants to go first?" Watari asked.

"We don't know how it will react with us. It might be dangerous," Ichigo announced. "I'll go first."

Rukia kicked him again. "I'll go first." She stomped over to the machine.

"It's perfectly safe," Watari assured them. "Just stand right here, Rukia, and Jessica-chan will do all the work."

Ichigo was tempted to pull Rukia back, but he refrained. It would only make her madder. It wasn't that he thought that this Watari guy was evil. He just reminded Ichigo a little too much of Urahara. He watched apprehensively as Watari pulled a large lever, and the machine started to whir and beep. A red light passed over Rukia, and a stream of paper shot out of one end of the device.

Watari picked up the paper and scanned it, murmuring and making noises of interest. Finally, the whirring stopped, and Watari yanked the paper out. "Thank you, Rukia. All right, Ichigo, your turn."

Ichigo was relieved to see that Rukia didn't look hurt. He stepped under the machine feeling far less worried. Watari pulled the lever again.

It didn't feel like anything when the red light passed over Ichigo. The paper shooting out was the only sign that anything was being measured at all.

Ichigo jumped as the machine screeched loudly and the paper began to fly out even faster.

"Whoa!" Watari exclaimed as he grabbed the paper. He looked over it quickly. "Wow, kid, you're something else. Okay, that should do it." He pulled the lever, and the machine turned silent. "Now, I'll just code these results into my portable energy scanner, and then we should be ready to go Aizen hunting."

Ichigo was ready to grab Rukia and leave, when he heard feminine voices.

"Hello? Tsuzuki-chan?"

"Where is everybody?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Ichigo saw Hisoka freeze.

"Oh no," the blond young man murmured, sounding panicked. "It's them." He began to look around desperately, as if searching for a place to hide. Before Ichigo could ask what the hell was going on, two young women burst into the lab.

"So this is where you guys were," said the one with pigtails.

"Hisoka-kun, did you miss us?" exclaimed the girl with straight hair.

Ichigo could tell that Hisoka was prepared to send a biting retort, but before he could, the two women noticed Rukia.

"Eeee!" The girl with straight hair squealed. "She's so cute. What's your name?"

"Er," stammered Rukia, clearly unsettled by the attention, "I'm Kuchiki Rukia."

"Rukia-chan, it's Rukia-chan!" exclaimed the girl. "I'm Fukiya Yuma, and this is Torii Saya."

"Wouldn't she look fabulous in Pink House, Yuma?"

"She would, Saya, she really would."

"Hey," Ichigo said loudly, attempting to rescue Rukia from the crazy women. It didn't matter; they ignored him.

"She's little and cute."

Rukia scowled fiercely at that comment.

"We should put her in something straight from shoujo manga."

Immediately, Rukia's expression changed, and her eyes took on a hungry gleam. "You have shoujo manga?" she asked eagerly.

"Of course!" Saya nodded vigorously. "Would you like to read it?"

"Yes," Rukia replied quickly.

"Wonderful!" Saya and Yuma cheered. They seized Rukia's hands, and the women were off in flash, leaving behind three very confused men.

"So… Saya and Yuma, huh?" Ichigo commented, dazed.

"I'd like to say that you get used to them, but you don't," Hisoka said, voice heavy with resignation.

Ichigo shook his head. These people were all out of their fucking minds. "So, do you need me to do anything else?"

Watari thought for a moment, and then perked up. "I'd love to have a closer look at the device that you and your friend arrived in."

Ichigo noticed with some nervousness that Watari's expression was eerily similar to the one on Rukia's face when she had heard the words "shoujo manga." "Um, go ahead," he answered uneasily.

"Excellent." Watari grinned, then looked to the room's other occupants. "Bon, Tsuzuki, do you want to come along?"

Tsuzuki opened his mouth, but whatever he was going to say was lost as he yelped loudly. Hisoak had yanked hard on his earlobe.

"We'd love to, Watari-san," Hisoka told the scientist, his polite tone at odds with his death grip on Tsuzuki's ear, "but Tatsumi-san will be furious if we don't finish the paperwork from our last case by the end of the day. It was a pleasure meeting you Ichigo." He bowed, and then strode purposefully away, Tsuzuki in tow.

Watari took it all in stride. "Their loss," he said distractedly. He turned to Ichigo. "The break room is down the hall to your left if you'd rather hang out there. We'll see about finding you a place to stay later." With that he left the room, his attention clearly focused elsewhere.

Since he didn't have anything better to do, Ichigo went looking for the break room. It wasn't hard to find and it seemed as good a place as any to kill some time, so he went in and prepared himself for the strenuous task of waiting.

He'd been waiting about fifteen minutes when someone walked in. He was a tall man with dark hair, pointed ears, and strange markings on his face. He studied Ichigo suspiciously for a minute. "You the alternate dimension kid?"

"Yeah," Ichigo answered gruffly. "Kurosaki Ichigo."

"Kurosaki, huh?"

Ichigo huffed in annoyance. "So what if we have the same last name? There're probably dozens of Kurosaki families in Japan," he snapped.

The man shrugged. "Two guys named Kurosaki, both shinigami. It's weird."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Hey, I didn't mean to offend you. I'm Terazuma Hajime, by the way."

"Pleased to meet you," mumbled Ichigo, clearly not pleased at all.

Terazuma didn't bother to try to make further conversation, getting a cup of coffee and leaving the room without saying anything more. Ichigo was glad to be left alone. These people weirded him out. He hoped that Rukia was all right. Sure, those girls had seemed harmless enough, but being separated in this alien place was a bad idea.

Ichigo tensed when heard loud, hurrying footsteps outside the door. He relaxed slightly, but not completely, when Tsuzuki's cheerful face appeared. "Hi there! How are you doing?"

"Fine," Ichigo replied curtly. He didn't feel like talking.

Tsuzuki's grin turned wry and understanding. "That badly, huh? Let's get you out of here. Do you have a place to stay?"

Ichigo shook his head. "Watari said we'd figure that out later."

"Then, you can stay with me!" Tsuzuki said brightly. "My house is really comfy. We could leave now."

The offer actually sounded good to Ichigo, but first… "I have to find Rukia," he explained.

Tsuzuki nodded. "Sure. If she's still with Saya and Yuma, then I know where they'll be." He left the break room, and Ichigo followed.

"So, Rukia's your partner, right?" Tsuzuki asked as they walked. When he saw Ichigo's suspicious glare, he shook his head quickly. "Not like that. I mean, your shinigami partner. Like Hisoka and me."

Ichigo thought it over. "Not officially. That's not really the way it works. But, I guess so, in a way." He paused. "Speaking of that Hisoka guy, aren't you supposed to be doing paperwork?"

Tsuzuki laughed nervously. "Well, Hisoka is better at that kind of stuff than me, and anyway, making sure that you and Rukia are all right is more important." He looked around conspiratorially. "We should probably hurry though" he whispered. "I told Hisoka that I had to use the bathroom." Ichigo rolled his eyes and decided that he did not want to get involved. "Oh, here we are," Tsuzuki said. Ichigo looked down the hall, and sure enough, there were Rukia and the two excitable shinigami girls, all deeply involved in the manga that they were reading.

"Rukia," said Ichigo, trying to get her attention. When she didn't seem to notice, he scowled. "Hey, Rukia!"

She looked up and scowled right back. "What?"

"I'm going to be staying with Tsuzuki until this whole stupid mess is over. What about you?"

"Rukia-chan is staying with us," Saya (or possibly Yuma) chirped, hugging Rukia's arm. "We're going to have lots of fun."

"Er, all right." Ichigo backed away. He suspected that this was a Girl Thing, and that if he valued his sanity and his masculinity, he should stay far, far away. "Let's get going," he told Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki nodded. "Don't worry; everything's going to be just fine." He waved good bye to the girls. "I know! When we get back to my place, I'll cook you up a feast."

Ichigo felt upbeat despite himself. Free food was always good, right?

"Tsuzuki Asato, where the hell are you?"

Tsuzuki's eyes widened. "Run!" was all he said before bolting.

Ichigo sighed, taking off after him. These people were insane.

The next morning, Ichigo was fighting off waves of nausea. Note to self he thought, cradling his head in his hands, never eat Tsuzuki's cooking ever, ever again. He stumbled along, following Tsuzuki who was, quite unfairly, suffering from no ill effects.

They were greeted at the entrance of the building by an enraged Hisoka.

"It's about time you showed up, Tsuzuki," he snapped. "What the hell were you thinking, leaving like that?"

Tsuzuki drooped and looked at Hisoka piteously. "I'm sorry Hisoka. I was just—"

"Just nothing," Hisoak interrupted angrily. "Tatsumi-san is livid, and so am I." His tirade came to a halt when he looked at Ichigo. "Are you all right?" he asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Tsuzuki's… cooking," Ichigo managed to get out.

"Oh." Hisoka winced, and his voice was sympathetic and understanding.

Tsuzuki's face grew even more pitiful. "Everyone is so mean," he whined.

Hisoka glared at him again. "You deserve it. Now, come on. This may shock you, but we have work to do." He looked in Ichigo's direction. "You should come too. This concerns you." Without another word, he strode quickly away, with Tsuzuki following obediently behind. Lacking a better option, Ichigo went after them.

He was led to Watari's lab, where the scientist and Rukia were already waiting. "Hey there," Watari greeted. "Now that everyone's here, we can get down to business." He held up an object that looked something like a barcode scanner. "I've got Ichigo and Rukia's spiritual energy readings in here. Now you can go Aizen hunting."

"But, this guy could be anywhere," Tsuzuki pointed out. "Are we just going to search randomly across Japan?"

"Excellent question!" Watari gave Tsuzuki a thumbs up. "I've thought it over, and I've decided that Aizen is most likely to appear somewhere in Kyushu."

"Why Kyushu?" Hisoka asked.

"It's simple," Watari explained. "Whenever something chaotic, destructive, or just plan insane happens, it usually happens to you two."

Tsuzuki and Hisoka considered Watari's statement. "I guess I can't argue with that," Tsuzuki admitted reluctantly.

"Exactly. Now, here's the scanner; you kids have fun."

"You're not coming with us?" Rukia interjected.

"Nope, I've got plenty to do here. But, don't worry! The scanner's easy to work. You'll be fine. So, hop down to the human world and get looking. Try Nagasaki, for a start. Oh, you and Ichigo should hold on to Tsuzuki and Bon. There's no telling if your powers will let you teleport between our worlds."

Ichigo felt weird holding on to Tsuzuki's arm, but he complied. Rukia did the same with Hisoka. He saw Watari waving… and then he was standing on a side walk in a bustling city. He looked around.

"Why Nagasaki?" Rukia asked.

"I guess it's as good a place to start looking as any other," Hisoka answered.

"Well, Tsuzuki said brightly, "shall we get started?"

Ichigo looked at the scanner in his hands and pressed the big red button. A small screen lit up, showing two bright red dots at the bottom edge.

Rukia peered at the contraption. "Those dots must be us."

Ichigo stood up straight. "All right," he said confidently, "let's go that way." He pointed in a random direction. And with that, the four shinigami began their search.

A/N: Oh my god, it's an update! And they said it couldn't be done. A million thanks and apologies to everyone who's still reading this.