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PASSO DOBLE CHAPTER ONE

Atlantis

"Take us through it in you own words Rodney."

Elizabeth Weir was staring at him over the rim of her coffee cup, wearing a determinedly straight face. To her left, Carson Beckett was doing the same, looking uncharacteristically grim in the process. And on the other side John Shepherd was struggling not to laugh. Rodney felt his face going red. He'd had trouble explaining this in his report, he saw no need to go through it again, but he suspected that this was payback for his stealing that last bit of coffee from the commissary three days ago. Elizabeth did not like being without her caffeine…

"As I have already explained, Elizabeth, I went to planet P3X94 in order to examine a local piece of art which a certain under-qualified party," (he glared at Shepherd) "had assured me looked like a ZPM."

"Hey, it lit up when I walked by," Shepherd protested.

"Are you sure that wasn't the curator of the gallery? Because she sure as hell lit up the last time you were there too-"

"Sore loser," John muttered.

"Is your middle name Tiberius?" Rodney inquired sarcastically.

"Children!" Weir called. "You can pull each other's hair just as soon as we've finished the meeting." John stuck his tongue out ever so slightly at Rodney, earning a rebuking glance from Weir. This would've made the scientist feel much better if a second later she hadn't grinned as the colonel stuck out his tongue at her. He then grinned at Rodney, that annoying smirk which seemed to say "She likes me better." And they wondered how all those rumours got started…

"Since I am considered a valuable asset to this expedition," Rodney continued, glaring at John in a way that assured the colonel this tag could not be applied to him "I couldn't just walk around an alien planet on my own. Colonel Shepherd asked Teyla to keep an eye on me."

Weir widened her eyes in mock surprise. "I'm curious, Colonel: why didn't you stay with Doctor McKay? Given his important status?" Her eyes were wide and dancing. She knew damn well why John hadn't volunteered, but she wanted him to admit it. Rodney belatedly remembered why he'd always liked Elizabeth.

"Well, uh, I thought that I should try my hand at diplomacy, y'know, meet and greet, that sort of thing. Might mean I get into less fire-fights." Rodney had to admit, Bed-Head could think on his feet.

"But patching up the puddle-jumpers is nothing compared to trying to repair inter-stellar relations in your wake, Colonel. I would have thought you'd figured that out by now."

Again the smug smirk. "Have you had any complaints from our new trading partners?"

She grinned back, equally smug. "The day is young, Colonel."

John suddenly looked quite worried.

"But getting back to the order of business, can ye continue please Rodney?" Trust Carson to keep this up.

"I have some really pressing tests I should be doing-"

"RODNEY!" all three barked.

"Fine, if you're all going to gang up on me…" He cleared his throat. Damn, was it getting hotter in here? "Teyla was sent along with me to keep me out of trouble. Which she did. She just didn't expect the kind of trouble she got…"

Four days previously…

Teyla Emmagen rarely felt the need to question John Shepherd's leadership. She accepted that, out here in the field, she just had to trust him, and to be fair his judgement in these matters was seldom wrong. However, as her father had been fond of telling her when she was little, no leader is infallible. Everyone, no matter how good they are, makes mistakes. The problem is that those beneath that leader usually have to live with the consequences.

The consequences, in this instance, were tumbling through the bush behind her, making more noise than an armada of Wraith warships and complaining more than a gaggle of old women about his situation. Teyla knew Rodney McKay to be a brilliant scientist, and (though it appeared to often be against his better judgement) a reasonably brave man, when he had to be. It just seemed that his situation had to be truly dire before those more admirable qualities came through. Most of the time, he was what Carson Beckett called "a colossal pain in the arse." A pain in the arse, moreover, who was at the moment in her care.

The Athosian gritted her teeth and sighed softly to herself, trying to keep a lid on her temper. She'd been in such situations with McKay before, and probably would be again, and it would do her no good to give into her current inclinations and knock him unconscious. Besides, then she would have to carry him.

Overhead, the Firrine scout-ship which had been pursuing them for half an hour swooped lower, trying to get a clear shot at them through an upcoming patch in the tree-cover. Despite their reputation for being backwards and religiously intolerant, they apparently had a perfectly serviceable fleet of scout-ships; one would think that their unwillingness to embrace medical technology or the most rudimentary human rights for their men would mean they were backwards in the area of warfare too, but there one would be wrong. They had been pursuing both herself and Doctor McKay for the best part of two hours, and all because of a simple mishap. Rodney had apparently touched something which only the Holy Woman of the village was supposed to touch, a small statue in the shape of a sun-disc. The Canadian hadn't even been paying attention to the sacred object. He'd walked backwards into it, and then suddenly Teyla's peaceful day had descended into chaos. Before either of them knew it they had been running for dear life, and they had been running ever since.

She stood up suddenly, raising a hand to stop the scientist. Unfortunately McKay, so attentive to the slightest deviation between schematics and drawing when he was building something, apparently did not wish to bring such focus to their flight. He smacked headlong into her, knocking her sideways (how in the Ancestors' name had he managed to do that?). The pair tumbled head over heels down the slope to her side (the slope she had been so careful to avoid); fortunately their descent was stopped by the painful intervention of a large tree.

Teyla shook herself, carefully dislodging the undergrowth which had covered her. McKay was still moaning. She squeezed her eyes shut, mentally repeating the Mantra of Serenity which every Athosian must learn in childhood, reminding herself that all life is sacred to the Ancestors and that violence makes slaves of us, not heroes. And that if she did shoot him, there would be a mountain of paperwork.

Teyla cocked her ear, listening carefully. Ahead, in the clearing she had just avoided, she could hear the tramp of feet. The Firinne pilot had apparently been skilful enough to land her craft. "I think this is broken," the Canadian was saying mournfully, holding up his power bar, apparently oblivious to the fact that he was talking loudly enough for John Shepherd to have heard him back in the city. Raising her eyes heavenward, too annoyed to even try and ask, Teyla stuck her hand tightly over his mouth, motioning in the direction of the Firinne with her eyes. Despite the indignant look on his face, he finally fell silent.

She looked around, unconsciously pulling him around by the face as she did so, searching for somewhere to hide, or at least a decent place to make a stand. The forest floor was damp and moist down here, and there were no dry leaves: at least they could move quietly. Before them stood a huge tree, at least the height of one of Atlantis' watch towers. At its base she could see a shadowy cavity. A cave! Teyla smiled to herself, silently thanking the Ancestors. They could hide in there, and even if the Firinne did follow them in (they did not appear to coming this way, but you could never be sure) she would have the elements of darkness and surprise on her side. Without even thinking (she didn't trust him enough to remove her hand) she dragged McKay towards the cave…

Atlantis

"I don't get what you're so upset about, Rodney, she just dragged you into a dark, cold place for your own protection," John interrupted. "There's plenty of men who wouldn't mind having Teyla do that to them."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Be careful John, or I'll let slip what you just said. I don't think Teyla would be impressed."

"Yeah," Rodney nodded, "and it's not very nice of you to talk about her like that either, John. She's not just a lust object for every over-grown schoolboy in the city!" The other three officers exchanged surprised looks. That had been a little…vehement for Rodney. Especially since it didn't involve food or his own safety. Elizabeth found herself intrigued…

"So you went into the cave," she prompted, beginning to suspect that there was more going on here than she'd supposed. Of course, given the way John'd found him, she knew it had been far from run of the mill. It's not every day your head scientist is found wearing women's clothes and covered in jam…

Rodney sighed like a martyr. "So, we went in the cave…"

A/N Should I continue? Let me know…