No HBP. That book never even happened. Characters belong to Rowling. The story contains slash and is rated M. You’ve been warned, now…. Enjoy

Chapter One

Draco Malfoy lay in his bed, his blond hair hardly sticking above the thick blue duvet.

“Draco! Are you still up there crying!”

He winced when at his boyfriend’s harsh voice from downstairs.

“Draco!” Daniel called again, his voice becoming closer.

Just act like you’re asleep, Draco thought.

Not a minute later, Daniel rip off the duvet, seeing Draco curled into a small ball with a red, tear-stained face.

“Aww…look at him,” Daniel said, every word dripping with sarcasm.

He sat on the bed beside Draco, softly placing his hand on Draco’s cheek.

“Draco,” He said in a too-sweet voice.

Draco mumbled a bit to give the illusion he was actually asleep.

“Draco!” Daniel screamed, breathing deeply and slowly to keep himself from hitting Draco.

Draco slowly opened his watery eyes, looking dazed.

“Hi, babe,” Draco said sitting up.

“Don’t give me that shit, Draco. I’m not up for it,” Daniel snapped.

Draco felt a shiver scurry down his spine. Was Daniel still mad at him?

“Sorry,” Draco murmured, sitting up.

“Draco, just shut up. You know how long you’ve been up here?” Daniel barked, his brown eyes flashing with anger that made Draco flinch.

“No, I’m sorry. I fell asleep, Daniel,” Draco tried to explain, now standing in front of him.

“Three hours! You were up here crying and then tried to make me think you fell asleep! Not only are you a whore; you’re a liar too,” Daniel said nastily.

Draco couldn’t help it. His eyes began to swell with more tears, his stomach lurched, and he immediately felt sick. He turned to go to the bathroom before it got worse, but Daniel grabbed Draco’s forearm, pulling him back to face him.

“Why you sick, love?” Daniel asked in mock innocence.

“I’m sorry…I don’t know! Please, let go!” Draco begged.

“No,” Daniel growled.

“Daniel, I-”

“Don’t talk back to me, slut!” Daniel ordered, slapping Draco across the face.

The slap was hard and loud. It left a faint handprint of Draco’s left cheek, and sent shivers down his spine.

Draco staggered and squeaked at the unexpected abuse.

“Stand up straight. Go get sick and come have lunch. You’re losing too much weight...again,” Daniel said and left the bedroom.

Draco ran into the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. He sobbed, holding his own blond hair back with one hand, while the other gripped the side of the toilet.

Forty-five minutes later, Draco came downstairs.

“Nice of you to join me,” Daniel said.

“I was sicker than I thought,” Draco answered, annoyed with Daniel. He now felt he didn’t want to put up with Daniel’s shit today. He sat down across from Daniel at the table, looking worn.

“Are you hungry?” Daniel asked in a smaller voice.

“No,” Draco quipped, not missing a beat.

“Why the hell not! I just listened to you puke your guts out!” Daniel’s head shot up from his cereal.

“And you weren’t even there with me!” Draco yelled, standing up so quickly, the chair almost fell backwards.

“You didn’t even ask me if I was okay! My throat is killing me, and I am not hungry! I am tired of you screaming at me!” Draco vented, his voice rasping even has he breathed, his chest moving up and down visibly each time.

“Okay..” Daniel said, before standing up and putting his cereal bowl in the sink.

Draco groaned as he watched Daniel do so, and then walk off in the direction of the living room.

“What, Draco?” Daniel huffed, running a hand through his brown hair.

“Aren’t you going to rinse that out?” Draco asked, indicating the bowl in the sink. Daniel raised his eyebrows. Draco sighed. “I guess that’s a no, but that means I have to do it later, Daniel!”

“So?” Daniel scoffed, as if Draco was the last thing that mattered.

“I don’t have time. I have school later, and I’m going to Hermione’s in a minute.”

“Who the fuck said you could go over there?”

“I don’t need your permission to go to my best friend’s flat, thanks.”
“Well, why are you leaving?”

“I need to get away form you for a bit,” Draco admitted, and ran up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door when he got there.

Draco changed into a pair of dark blue jeans, slipped his tennis shoes, and pulled and black t-shirt over his head. He turned around and looked in the mirror.

He hated his appearance now. It’ had only been two years after Hogwarts, he was 19. He didn’t like the way he looked anymore; he thought it was horrible.

Taking in his reflection, he saw his collarbone stuck out oddly. He was thin. No, he was gaunt. Draco saw his hair now. He liked his hair; it as long enough to touch the nape of his neck and flipped, like it was layered, but it was straight. It hadn’t gotten darker, but stayed it’s unusual and exotic shade of platinum. His gaze met...his own. He stared into his own eyes, blue and now, slightly startling. He didn’t know his eye color changed, but realized in his 7th year, after Blaise pointed it out, his eyes were blue; not sapphire blue or anything like that, but blue like a river or a lake…grey but with beautiful dark blue swirls that drew you in. His eyes saw his cheekbones, high and held above almost hollow cheeks. He closed his stormy eyes, lashing resting on the high cheekbones. Draco bit his lip, thinking of what he’d become…and what he used to be.

“I’ll be home later,” Draco said after pulling on a jacket and coming downstairs.

“Okay,” Daniel said gently, wrapping his arms around the blond’s middle.

“See you later,” Daniel whispered and kissed Draco’s cheek. Draco shifted his eyes and awkwardly pulled out of Daniel’s grip.

XXXXXXX

He’s so different from you, Daniel thought. He’s some gorgeous blond that’s younger, thinner, weaker, and more reserved than you. How could I ever tell him those things?

Draco knocked on Hermione’s door, waiting about three minutes until she answered.

She saw the blond hugging his arms, pulling his thin, zip up jacket around him.

“Oh, get in here, Draco!” Hermione said, pulling Draco’s sleeve, forcing him into the comfy, modern flat.

“Thanks. You didn’t take long, but it’s freezing,” Draco said and with a content sigh, eased down into the cushions of Hermione red couch.

“Mmm…warm.”

Hermione chuckled, and someone handed Draco a mug of hot chocolate.

“Thanks,” Draco said, taking the mug. It was like a double take. He saw him but looked up and stared into those piercing green eyes that smiled and gazed right back into Draco’s flat, expressionless ones.

“Harry,” Draco said, like an infant naming something he’d just learned ad saw it again, vaguely recognizing it.

“Hiya, Draco,” was the soft, friendly response.

Draco stood up, setting his hot chocolate down on the coffee table.

“Draco, you look….different,” Harry said. “I haven’t’ seen you in a year; you alright?”

Draco felt bad. He still hasn’t told Hermione, and Harry noticed something was wrong immediately. Hermione knew Draco was thin, always would be, so she thought he was just fine.

“I’m fine, Harry,” Draco lied. “And how are you?”

“Better than you, I bet. You’re emaciated! Hermione, feed him,” Harry ordered, wrapping his arms around Draco’s delicate body, out of habit.

Draco stiffened under Harry’s touch immediately. He remembered the many ways Harry touched him when they were 17…18….then Draco left, because he wanted to go to school in New York, while Harry said he was moving to California. Still, over the past seven or eight months, he’s been afraid of small touches, even from Hermione or Blaise…and now Harry, the person he would never stiffen under or flinch at his touch.

“Oh, sorry,” Harry said, when he felt Draco get tense and look around, as if looking for someone to rescue him.

“It’s fine,” Draco said, trying to say as less as possible, knowing his voice would be choked and scared. They would wonder what’s wrong, and he couldn’t have that happen because Daniel would not like it if anyone found out.

“Are you hungry, Draco?” Hermione asked.

“No. I’ve eaten lunch already, thanks.”

“Okay.”

“So what’s new?” Harry asked, sitting on the couch next to Draco, who’d just sat down.

“Oh, um…my boyfriend, Daniel, got me a job. I’m staring soon.”

“Oh, well, that’s good,” Harry said.

It wasn’t good. Daniel said Draco needed money to support him, so he made Draco go into prostitution. It was a horrible conversation when Daniel told him that. Draco had cried, oh did he cry…and Daniel didn’t care. He told him to stop whining and crying and to get over it. By this time, Draco had a pounding migraine by then, and took an overdose of Advil. Then he passed out, and didn’t remember the rest of that night.

“Yeah, it’ll be good,” Draco finally said. “Friday, I start…”

“What are doing at the job?” Hermione asked.

“No idea yet,” Draco said, forcing a smile. He always had to.

“Weird,” Harry said.

“That’s not too weird. There’s a lot of things to do, so I’m just not sure yet,” Draco said nervously.

“Draco, hon, chill out,” Hermione giggled.

Harry laughed. “Sorry.”

“That’s fine. Whatever. Um….I think I should go. Daniel wanted to see me before class, so no excuses, Hermione,” Draco said, standing up.

“Aw…I don’t want you to go. Come see me tomorrow? I worry about you. I’m stuffing your belly up until you burst.”

“I will; love you, ‘Mi. I’ll….see you later, Harry. Bye.”

“Oh, you’re home.”

“Yes, I am. Hey, Daniel, I still don’t feel good, so I’m not going to go to class,” Draco grimaced and took his jacket off, flopping down on the couch beside Daniel.

“Sorry…” Daniel said, wrapping an arm around Draco’s shoulders.

“It’s alright.”

“I love you,” Daniel whispered in Draco’s ear.

“I love you too.”
“Bull shit, Draco! You’re too arrogant to love anyone but yourself!”
“Well, what do you want me to say?” Gosh, that hurt.

“I know you mean it; I was joking. Hey, babe, I’m hungry.”

“You didn’t cook anything for yourself while I was gone?”

“No. I had cereal earlier. I didn’t want it again.”
“Then go to the store; you’re a big boy; you can do that, right?” Draco asked, fully irritated with Daniel by now.

“Don’t talk to me like that!” Daniel sat up and moved his arm.

“Well, sorry! Order a pizza; I’m going to take a shower,” Draco sighed.

When he tried to get up, Daniel snatched him with both arms around Draco’s waist, now standing behind the small blond.

“Why are you being mean, baby?” Daniel whispered, breath tickling his ear.

“Why are you?” Draco gritted out, struggling against his boyfriend’s strong grip.

“Shut up. You don’t care. You love me.”

“Prove it,” Draco mumbled.

“WHAT!”

“I said ‘prove it’!”

“You little slut!” Daniel let go, letting Draco fall to the floor.

“Daniel! Ow… Please, stop.”

“Say you love me,” Daniel growled.

“You told me to never lie to you,” Draco sneered.

“Get up!” Daniel kicked him in the ribs, and watched Draco scream and wince.

Draco covered his head and started crying. He didn’t want to, but it was the only thing he felt he could do. He was stuck and couldn’t leave, no matter how hard he tried.

“Draco, why do you cry? You know it doesn’t help anything.”
He felt Daniel kneel down beside him.

“I don’t know. Daniel, please stop. I’m sorry…..”

“Draco don’t beg; that’s not cute.”

Draco whimpered and curled up tighter.

“But, you know, you’re gorgeous, Draco,” Daniel said softly, running his hand gently through Draco’s hair.

“Daniel…”
“What?”
“Can I go take a shower now?”

“Can I come?”

Draco groaned. “Daniel, I don’t want to have sex.”
“In the shower, you know you like that.”
“No, let me go.”

Daniel moved and they stood up. As soon as did, Daniel wrapped his arms around him again and began feasting at the pale flesh of Draco’s neck.

Regretfully, Draco moaned, Daniel having bit, sucked, and licked the spot that drove Draco crazy.

They collapsed on the couch, Daniel on top. He tore Draco’s shirt off and began working on his jeans.

“You topping?” Draco gasped.

“You bet. When the fuck do you ever top? You wouldn’t last.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re weak. Stop talking,” Daniel snapped, finally getting Draco’s jeans off and throwing them across the room.

“Why do I get naked first…always?”

“I’m hornier.” Daniel took off his shirt and jeans, tossing them away too.

“Back or stomach?”

“Uhm…stomach?” Draco guessed.

“Good choice. Flip,” Daniel ordered.

Draco obeyed and a moment later, felt Daniel rubbing the lubricant in.

“Feel good?” Daniel asked, sticking one finger in as he heard Draco moan.

“Yes…’Draco gasped.

Daniel stuck another finger in, getting Draco ready.

“Daniel…”
“Hmm?”
“Hurry up!”

Daniel nodded, even though he knew Draco couldn’t see him, and pushed in roughly.

A few minutes later, Daniel came, with Draco following not long after.

“You’ve got a bruise on your hip. Did I do that?” Daniel asked, and delicately touched the bruised skin.

“Uhm...” Draco mumbled, still lost in the mist of his orgasm. “Hmm..”

“Is it?” Draco felt the weight beside him leave as Daniel stood up to get dressed.

“I suppose,” Draco managed to say.

“Sorry,” Daniel said, not sounding sorry at all.

“Whatever...”

“Are you hungry?” Daniel asked, smiling at Draco’s tired state.

“No. Not at all.

“How much have you eaten today?” Daniel put on his ‘you-know-I-know-better-than-that’ face.

“I got some crackers on my way home. Not. Hungry,” Draco groaned, his eyes still closed.

“Want to go to bed?”

Draco’s eyes popped open and he gazed at the man above him, who was now dressed.

“Yes. But, Daniel, I can’t move….can you carry me?” Draco raised his arms up like a child wanting his parents to hold him. Daniel smiled down at Draco.

“Fine. C’mere…”

Daniel bent down and picked Draco up, bringing the sheet with him.

“Yay…”
“You’re so tiny, Dray. Ready to go?” Daniel asked, putting one arm around Draco’s small frame and the other under the upside-down V of Draco’s legs, lifting him fully off the ground.

“Yes.”
“Go to sleep; I’ll tuck you in…”

And so Draco did. He was thinking about how sweet Daniel could be, and how he acted so ruthless and crude. Draco liked this side of Daniel, even though he felt like Daniel could be faking it. He guessed he wouldn’t ever know, and if he did find out…

Well, he fell asleep before he could finish that thought.

Chapter Two

You’re soft on the lips, but rough on my heart…

Draco was so confused. He was in English Literature, bored out of his mind, which is where Harry happened to be stuck. Draco just couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. It was unnerving. He was remembering the way he kissed, the way his skin felt against him, the touch of his fingertips, the intensity of his bright green stare. That perfect moment when everything went spinning as Harry said “I love you.” That terrifying moment when everything went black and he suddenly found himself sick in the club’s disgusting bathroom right after Harry said “I’m sorry. I’m moving to California.” Everything seemed so hard after Harry left. He was anti-social, didn’t eat for four days, and cried all the time. Hermione tried to help him, but even now, he couldn’t get the memories out of his head.

You pull me together and tear me apart…

Daniel popped into his head. He couldn’t leave him; Daniel would hurt him if he even mentioned seeing other people. It was hard, being with Daniel, and he had his reasons for staying with the 27-year-old man. Obviously, their relationship was different than he and Harry’s had been. They met in a club called “Silk”. It was a two story, high class club for gays, straights, and bi’s. Daniel offered to buy Draco a drink and Draco offered a little more. They had sex and Draco fell asleep at Daniel’s that night, Neither of them were drunk, tipsy maybe, but not bad enough to have a hangover in the morning. So, when they did wake up in the morning, Daniel threw Draco a muffin and asked if he wanted to go to lunch tomorrow. Draco, feeling awkward, not knowing whether he should say he w as allergic to blueberries or not, nodded. Hermione didn’t like Daniel as soon as she heard about him. She said he was too old for Draco, who was 18 at the time; Daniel was 26. She told Draco he should find someone their age, but he never did, and now he regrets it. That was one time Hermione could’ve helped him throw away a problem, but he was naïve then, and life was getting even more vague as it came along.

His thoughts were interrupted by his professor, Professor Oakrey. She was staring at him over square-rimmed glasses, impatiently tapping her black pumps.

“Did you ask me something, ma’am?” Draco asked timidly.

“No, but you look rather distant. I’d like to speak with you after class.”
Well, at least this is my last class for today…

“Of course,” he answered quietly.

He was now sitting patiently in the first row in English Lit. Professor Oakrey stood up, straightening her dark purple pencil skirt as she did so.

“Mr. Malfoy, what’s wrong? It seems as though you couldn’t concentrate at all today in class.”
Her voice was tart and Draco hated it.

“I’ve got a lot going on, sorry. Professor, someone is picking me up, and he should be here soon, so I better go. Sorry we don’t have more time,” Draco said, faking a sad smile before sliding out of the door.

“What took you so long?” Daniel asked as Draco climbed in their car.

“Professor Oakrey wanted to talk to me. Sorry.”

“That’s cool. You hungry?”
“Oh, very! Lunch, please…”

Daniel was surprised by Draco’s answer, since he hardly ever wanted to eat.

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know. A lot, though. I’m starving.”
Draco knew what he was doing. It was called bingeing: eating more than he normally would in a short period of time, and then he’d throw up. He’d been bulimic for about three and half months now, and Draco didn’t want to admit, although he knew, his case was getting worse. Daniel drove him to it, with the negative words and abuse. The fact he was supposed to go sell himself to anyone willing to buy in three days was adding to his fear and stress.

It was after lunch, and Draco told Daniel he was going to take a shower. After he turned on the water, he threw up, sticking his middle finger as far back as he could. The water would prevent Daniel from hearing the vomiting clearly; that’s why he told Daniel that.

After about 30 minutes, Draco was out and dressed again, sitting on the couch, waiting for Daniel to return from the store.

He tugged at the over-sized sweatshirt Daniel loaned him. It came down to Draco’s knees, because Draco was shorter and smaller; a sweatshirt was already big, but make it a large and put it on Draco, it looked like he was a child playing dress up.

Draco pulled his knees to his stomach, playing with a loose thread on the grey track pants.

Flipping through the channels on the television, he thought about calling Harry. Draco shook his head. Too Awkward, he thought.

“I was suppose to go see Hermione,” He muttered to himself, picking up his cell phone.

As if on cue, it rang. The caller ID showed Hermione’s number, so he answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Draco.”

It wasn’t Hermione; it was Harry.

“Hey, Harry. Uhm...did Hermione give you my number?” Draco asked, feeling awkward.

“Yeah…hope that’s okay,” Harry said shyly.

“Sure. So, uhm….why’d you call?” Draco felt like he might’ve been rude, trying to get Harry to move on and get it over with.

“Is your boyfriend home?”

“Not….right now,” Draco said, reaching over the table to grab the Daily Prophet. “He went to run some errands and go to work for a little bit.”

“Oh, well, in that case, I was wondering: Dinner?” Harry asked, as though they see each other everyday and Draco didn’t have a boyfriend; like everything was fine, and had been fine.

“I don’t know, Harry. Daniel’s going to be home in a few hours, and I don’t want him calling me. He’s just really protective of me,” Draco said with a nervous laugh.

“Well, I’ll bring you home afterwards,” Harry bribed.

“I….okay, fine!” Draco sighed. “I’ll come.”

“Good. Well, I’ll be over soon; Hermione gave me your address too.”

“Oh, okay….well, let me get off so I can get dressed, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Alright, Draco. Bye,” Harry chirped. Draco could hear the smile in his voice.

“Bye…”

Draco was upstairs in a flash, ripping the old, oversized t-shirt off over his head. He grabbed a blue t-shirt out of his closet and pulled it on. Stumbling out of his sweatpants, he grabbed a pair of jeans out of the drawer and was dressed in a matter of minutes.

Harry was there in less than fifteen minutes, and Draco wondered how the hell he did that; they lived in New York! Where was the traffic?

The doorbell rang again, and Draco rolled his eyes.

“Hold on!” He said, running a brush through his hair in a hurry.

Draco rushed to the door and threw it open; seeing Harry smile lit up his whole world suddenly; he’d missed that.

Harry was wearing a dark red t-shirt and jeans; good, he wasn’t supposed to dress nicely.

“Where are we going?” Draco asked.

“Where do you want to go?” Harry asked.

“I don’t know; somewhere with good atmosphere and good food, but not dressy, obviously,” Draco sighed and thought, ‘Good food’? Like it mattes…

“Okay, I know the perfect place!”

“What is it?”

“Chinese food?” Harry said sheepishly.

Draco smiled. “That’s great. Let’s just go.”

The lunch was awkward and strange; they tried to lighten the mood, telling small jokes or stories and laughing at the wrong time or not at all. Draco kept blushing, feeling embarrassed every ten seconds. Harry tried so hard to make him feel comfortable, but failed miserably.

“Uhm…you ready to go?” He asked, putting his card he used to pay back in his wallet.

“Yeah, I suppose.”

Harry led Draco out the door and to the car, opening Draco’s door when they got there.

“Thanks,” Draco said softly, blushing again.

Damn it, Draco, stop! He told himself.

Suddenly on the way home, Draco covered his mouth.

Harry looked over and gasped. “Draco! You okay? Need me to pull over?”

Draco nodded vigorously, so Harry did. As soon as they were on the side of the road, Draco slung his door open. He threw up, body shaking violently, still heaving.

Harry rushed to his side, rubbing his back. “Shh…..you okay? I think you got it all out.”

“Yeah,” Draco rasped. He was barely audible over the passing of cars every few seconds.

“Come on. If you want, we can just head back to my place; it’s closer.”

Draco blinked his eyes and open his mouth a couple of times, but nothing came out. He went through it in his head: Okay, if Daniel calls, say you’re at Hermione’s. That’s not a complete lie; they live together.

Draco nodded and smiled shyly. Harry patted his back once more before he got back in the driver’s seat.

“I have a question, Draco,” Harry stated, handing Draco a bottle of water.

“Go ahead.”

“Why are you so thin?” Harry asked, sitting across form him.

“W-what do mean?” Draco’s eyes scattered over the room, as if eh were looking for a quick escape.

“I mean, you’ve always been skinny, but now….well, frankly, you look….skeletal.”

“Skeletal! What!”

“Draco, if you have a prob-“

“I don’t have a problem! Why would you think that? Harry, I’m fat,” Draco said, emphasizing “fat” a great deal.

“No, you’re not! You-“

“Let it go, Harry; just drop it,” Draco interrupted.

“Draco, I’m worri-“

“Harry! Just….drop it!” Draco choked threw sobs. He put his head down so Harry couldn’t see him and grabbed his hair out of stress, looking like he was about to rip it all out.

“Draco, I’m sorry.”

“I…I have to go, Harry. I’ll catch a cab home.”

Draco left, still crying, leaving Harry by himself on the couch.