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Author of 18 Stories |
Disclaimer: The characters and situations hereby depicted are the intellectual property of J.K. Rowling and not myself. No money is being made and no infringement intended. Beta by the wonderful and fabulously helpful dustyasymptotes.
QUESTIONS OF SCIENCE
Science! meet daughter of old Time thou art
Who alterest all things why thy peering eyes!
Why prey’st thou thus upon the poet’s heart,
Vulture! whose wings are dull realities!
(Edgar Allan Poe; Sonnet -- To Science)
one / scientific
The difference, Anthony Goldstein thinks, between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff girls is extremely subtle, and the only reason he is able to detect it at all is because he has spent most of the last year studying a prime specimen from each House. He has compared the two of them in almost every aspect, and now on their last day of term before the Christmas holidays are to begin, he feels confident that he can present his first-round findings in an orderly and succinct way.
Of his friends, Terry Boot is the most interested, as one of his specimens happens to be the girl Terry has had his eye on long before this study began, while Michael Corner and Stephen Cornfoot only have a passing curiosity. (Both are already attached to Ravenclaw girls, and therefore have no need for a study of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff attributes.) Kevin just laughs at him, but that is to be expected, as Kevin would rather dip his nib in an entirely different pot of ink.
He delivers his findings evenly, careful not to sound too excited when he gets to the section on the way they revise for Transfiguration. He derives a distinct joy in the way the Hufflepuff prefers to take notes in pencil, mainly, he suspects, so she can chew on the gummy eraser when she comes to a particularly difficult concept. He continues along his recitation, when Michael raises a hand and diverts his attention.
“But, what about the way they kiss?”
two / unnerved
He has been given a specific set of instructions by Michael that, by the holiday’s end, Anthony should have kissed both of his subjects in order to accurately showcase their differences. Because, quite honestly Michael said, kissing is the only thing he is actually interested in when it comes to the difference between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff girls.
These instructions leave a bad taste in Anthony’s mouth. He had wanted to complete his study purely through the observational method. He knows that if he gets physically involved with his subjects, he will more than likely succumb to a preferential bias. That is not his intention at all. He just wants to know the difference, for Terry’s sake and to satisfy his own intellectual curiosity.
He just won’t do it. And really, why should he? It is not as if Michael is funding his study. Michael does not even have that vested an interest in the findings. Michael, Anthony decides, just wants to vicariously get his jollies. Yes, that must be it. And therefore, there is no need for Anthony to compromise his study with physical involvement.
But he can already hear Michael laughing at him for his cowardice, because Anthony knows that that is how Michael will perceive it. Why this bothers him, though, Anthony cannot quite tell. Michael has laughed at him about this sort of thing countless times before, so why is this instance any different? It is unsettling to think that Michael should have this effect on him.
three / preoccupied
Anthony sits drumming his fingers on the table in the library, unaware of how conspicuous he is being. Four days have passed since the challenge - that is what it was, he has come to understand - has been issued, and he has found himself unable to draw his eyes away from his two subjects’ lips when he observes them. He is fascinated by their similarities and even more so by their differences, which are quite captivating in their subtlety.
Mandy Brocklehurst is seated across the table from him today, her quill poised above a sheet of parchment and a brilliant toothless smile on her lips. Before the challenge was issued, Anthony would have been aching to know what she was preparing to write, or fastidiously recording the exact angle at which she put the quill to paper, but now he can only see her lips.
Mandy’s lips are full, pink, and decidedly pouty. She often chews on her lower lip, almost to the point of breaking the skin, though she usually only succeeds in making them even more swollen then normal. She then runs the tip of her tongue along to soothe them.
She keeps quickly looking up at him, as she’s noticed his blatant staring, but he sees nothing except her lips. He has forgotten that Terry wants Mandy because now he wants her. He has not even noticed that on her parchment, Mandy has scrawled over and over again in her careless, looping script ‘Amanda Layne Zabini.’
four / indulgent
Mandy is shockingly easy to get alone. Of course, Mandy has always been trusting, far too trusting for her own good, Anthony thinks, which is why he also feels a bit upset at himself for exploiting her freely-given trust. Still, there is no turning back now, as she is standing expectantly in front of him in the empty corridor that leads to the Ravenclaw dormitories.
He is not exactly sure how to proceed from here, though. A part of him (a part that sounds suspiciously like Michael Corner) says to just go for it, lean in for the kill and don’t stop until she reciprocates. Another part, the more honorable part, wants to explain the situation to Mandy so that she is not taken aback by his abnormal behavior.
Anthony focuses on her lips and all at once decides to listen to his first instinct. He leans forward and captures her in a kiss, giving her no time at all to stop him. His hands linger lightly at her hips, afraid to grasp for fear that he will not be able to stop at just a kiss for scientific purposes.
After a moment, he pulls away and draws his stare away from her lips to see the expression in her eyes. She looks bewildered, at first, and then, uncharacteristically for her, furious. “How dare--” she begins, but he cuts her off.
“I’m sorry,” he says. He turns and heads through the portrait hole, contemplating how best to describe his findings.
five / belligerent
Anthony knew he was going to hear it from Terry, but he had not counted upon hearing it from Blaise Zabini, too. The Slytherin cuts an extremely imposing figure as he traps Anthony up against a wall outside the Transfiguration classroom.
Who would ever have guessed, Anthony thinks, as Zabini verbally assaults him, that good-natured, wouldn’t dream of hurting a fly, sweeter than sugar Mandy Brocklehurst would be the impossibly happy girlfriend of a dark-hearted, probably soon-to-be Death Eater like Zabini? How had their relationship began?
This adds an entirely new dimension to his study, Anthony thinks, idly. Perhaps there is much more to Ravenclaw girls than he has ever imagined. Is this where the strange similarity between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff girls ends? What of his other subject? Is she, too, interested in the darkness and mysteriousness that Slytherins seem to offer?
Zabini realizes, then, that his target is not exactly listening to him, so he withdraws his wand from his trousers pocket and hits Anthony with a sharp Stinging Hex. As a prefect and stickler for the rules, Anthony wants to issue a detention or at least take away points, but as a gentleman, he feels that perhaps he deserves this.
And as a gentleman, he also wonders what he should tell Terry. Should he tell him to abandon all hope, or to pursue? Either way, he is sure that that Terry will not succeed. And neither will he. At the very least, he is halfway through his challenge.
six / salacious
Anthony has never been one to put stock in rumors, as he does not feel that there is anything scientific about the gossip that is spread amongst the upperclassmen at Hogwarts. Where people get their strange ideas, he does not know, but usually, he is not bothered by what is said.
This time, however, he cannot help but be angry. For the news of the relationship between Mandy Brocklehurst, that sweet, innocent girl, and Blaise Zabini, that dark, arrogant boy, has spread like pestilence, and it is entirely his fault. Had he not wanted so badly to satisfy his scientific curiosity - he was rationalizing Michael’s challenge yet again - he never would have involved Mandy in such scandal.
He feels terribly for her, as he watches her mope dejectedly around the Ravenclaw commons. Most of her female friends ignore her, with the exception of Morag MacDougal. (Although this, Anthony is afraid to admit, is to be expected, as Morag has a distinctly dark air about her as well.) The stories spread faster as the day goes on, until the generally-accepted fact throughout Hogwarts is that Mandy had been cheating on her upstanding boyfriend with Blaise.
Terry is devastated, which is also to be expected, as he has been in love with Mandy since forever it has seemed. Anthony is not sure what to do to help his best mate, so he simply continues to brood over these vapid rumors and contemplate if he should continue his study or not.
seven / persistent
Ironically, Terry, who no longer seemed to have much vested in the study, is the one to encourage Anthony the most. He now seems almost desperate to know the difference between Mandy and the Hufflepuff girl. This seems to add yet another dimension to Anthony’s study, as he finds himself fascinated by Terry’s continued interest.
Terry manages to find Anthony as often as he can to inquire whether or not he has kissed the second subject yet. He encourages Anthony to do it quickly, while the memory of Mandy’s kiss is still relatively fresh in his mind. This, of course, is essentially meaningless, as Anthony had already made sure to document his every feeling in his data book, but it appears to make Terry feel better to be reassured that he will do it quickly, so he plays along.
Terry even points the Hufflepuff girl out on every possible occasion - at mealtimes and in the library, in the great hall and on the outside grounds. She brushes past the two of them, walking with her friends, and smiles mysteriously at Terry. Anthony has to warn Terry that he is being too obtrusive; that he almost let the subject know that she is being observed. He still seems unconcerned by that, though, and just continues to tell Anthony that time is running out.
Anthony knows this, but he finds himself unable to pursue, perhaps for fear of reprisal from some other secret boyfriend. And yet he knows he must persevere.
eight / difficult
It is almost impossible to get Susan Bones alone, but Anthony has already known this from his previous observation of her. Susan is always surrounded by a group of friends - male and female, alike. That was initially one of the differences between them, actually. Mandy was usually seen with one or two of her closer female friends, but Susan, without fail, was with a large, mix-gendered group.
Anthony sits on a stone bench in the courtyard with Terry, watching the various students crossing through on their way to and from the castle. He observes Mandy casually as she practically floats along with Morag. Something exceptionally good must have happened with Zabini, and he cannot help but imagine what that exceptionally good thing might have been.
He glances as nonchalantly as he can at Terry, but his friend’s gaze is diverted by Susan - and Susan, alone. Anthony’s breath catches in his throat, and he tries to cough to cover it up, but Terry has heard him. Terry turns and smiles at him, nods in Susan’s direction, and gets up to head inside.
Susan is about to cross Terry’s path, and Anthony watches helplessly as Terry impedes the observational process by knocking her down. Anthony observes as Terry offers a requisite apology, and as Susan laughs it off good-naturedly. Terry then further encroaches upon the scientific method by waving obnoxiously at Anthony and gesturing that he join them.
As he walks over, he keeps his eyes firmly on his notes.
nine / attractive
Terry is talking on, and Anthony cannot get a word in edgewise, which of course he is grateful for, as the less contact he actually has with his subject, the better he is able to be objective. Yes, he is rationalizing again, but he finds that he does not want to know the actual reason behind his inability to speak to Susan.
When Anthony had first proposed his study to his friends nearly a year and a half ago, it had been easy to choose Mandy as his Ravenclaw subject because she was Terry’s object of desire. He had chosen Susan because she was the prettiest Hufflepuff girl, and as Terry said that Mandy was the prettiest Ravenclaw girl, it seemed only fair.
Now, he was regretting his decision. From far off observation, Susan was very pretty. Standing right in front of her and watching her light up from whatever it is that Terry is saying - he cannot hear coherent sentences - she is beautiful. Why he had not noticed it before, he is not sure, or perhaps he had and had simply forgotten when the stakes of the study had been raised by Michael.
“So you’ll join us in the common room for chess tonight?”
Anthony blanches. Terry has effectively ruined his study, but moreover, he has just put Anthony in a very difficult position. Has Terry so quickly forgotten Mandy? Or is this purely for Anthony’s sake?
“I’d love to,” she answers, and offers a mysterious half-smile.
ten / indecent
It is nearing midnight when the impromptu chess tourney (as more Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws kept arriving as the night went on) concludes with a championship match between Terry and Wayne Hopkins. Terry claims the honor, but before people can start leaving, he grabs their attention back with a licentious suggestion.
The notion of strip chess sends the more moral Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws scurrying back to their dorms, and though Anthony is tempted to climb the steps to retire, the fact that Susan has remained firmly in her seat keeps him also in his. He is also surprised to discover that Mandy has not moved either.
Well that settles it, he thinks. Another perfect opportunity to observe.
Terry manages to arrange the games so that he is opposite Mandy, while Anthony is opposite Susan. Anthony sees a look of discomfort cross Mandy’s face and makes a mental note to record that before he is diverted with capturing Susan’s knight.
She casts her brown eyes up at his, and her lips quirk into that maddening half-smile. She then raises her arms and slips her black cardigan up over her head, setting it at her side. She is wearing a pink satin brassiere.
A minute passes, and Anthony captures her bishop. She slowly undoes the buttons on her green skirt and shimmies out of it, setting it on top of her cardigan. Her knickers are the same shocking pink.
And, Anthony knows right then and there that he absolutely must win this game.
eleven / lascivious
Anthony is afraid to go to sleep at night.
In his dreams, he has kissed Susan countless times. He has done more than just kiss her. He has touched her all over, run his fingertips over her smooth skin, gripped her hips and kissed her with almost bruising force. He has tangled his fingers in her long brown hair and felt her soft lips on his neck. He has felt her quiver beneath his touch, has heard her breathlessly call out his name, and has watched her burn with passion for him.
He wakes up in the morning sweaty, sticky, and red with embarrassment. Sometimes her name is still on his lips. Anthony sighs and casts a cleansing charm, hoping none of his mates will look in before he can make himself presentable. He is not supposed to feel this way about his subject. How is he going to be able to look at Susan without recalling the things he has done to her in his mind?
He finds that he does not have this problem with Mandy, but perhaps it is because he wants Susan much more than he wanted Mandy. With Mandy, he believes it was just a passing fancy, or perhaps a surge of hormones to help him better process the kiss he shared with her. But with Susan, everything is so different. With Susan, Anthony wants to invade her - and in his dreams, he has.
These dreams are definitely a detriment to the scientific method.
twelve / bitter
Michael returns, as do the rest from their Christmas holiday, and he laughs when Anthony admits his failure. He informs the other Ravenclaw blokes that he knew Anthony would not be able to do it. He is fairly shocked that Anthony was even able to get a kiss from Mandy, but he was certain that Anthony would never have gotten very far with Susan.
Anthony is filled with embarrassment and anger - the former because he hates when Michael laughs at him for his inexperience, and the latter because he hates that Michael has this power over him. It is unfair that Michael should assume so much control. This was just supposed to be an experiment. It was supposed to be a scientific observational study, and Michael has turned it into some sort of kissing contest.
Anthony loathes Michael Corner.
He sits on a ledge in the Astronomy Tower, staring out at the grounds and hating Michael. How dare he ruin everything! How dare he impose such an impossible task on what was supposed to be so simple! And moreover, how dare Michael condemn him for not being as openly sexual as he is!
(Anthony knows this really is not Michael’s fault, knows this very deep down inside, but Michael is an excellent person to place the blame upon.)
Someone sits down next to him, interrupting his mental tirade. He casts his eyes to the side, annoyed to be interrupted during what should be a private moment.
“Hello,” Susan whispers.
thirteen / dominant
Anthony freezes. He cannot turn to address her greeting because his mind is swirling with all manner of thoughts - some delicious, others entirely platonic. He does not know what he should say to her. What can he say, when he has no idea what he feels for her - if anything besides misguided lust.
“Anthony.”
She addresses him in a voice no higher than a stage-whisper, and he inadvertently shivers. He then feels her shift slightly closer to him on the ledge, and a cynical part of him wonders if she knows exactly what it is she is doing to him and is purposefully exploiting him, or if she has somehow cast some sort of spell on him to make him behave the way he is.
Susan is sitting entirely too close to him because as she turns her head to speak to him, her lips brush lightly against the outer shell of his ear, and he shivers again.
“Anthony, I want to kiss you,” she says.
He pales but manages to turn to face her. This must be a dream, he thinks. A girl like Susan Bones does not just say things like that to a guy like him.
She is looking at him through her eyelashes, and then, slowly, she leans forward and presses her lips against his. She parts his lips with her tongue and gently massages it against his, as her hands cup the sides of his face.
Mandy Brocklehurst does not kiss like this.
fourteen / fevered
He is not sure where to put his hands, now that this is happening in real life as opposed to his dreams. They jump frantically from the hem of her jumper, to the sides of her face, to tangling in her hair. He is praying for some sort of guidance - there are no practical manuals for kissing (at least, none that he has found) - because he does not want her to think he is incapable or anything.
(It was not so difficult for him to kiss Mandy.)
Anthony is shaking ever-so-slightly, as Susan pulls away and looks at him. Her eyes are so clear, Anthony imagines he can see all the way through to her insides. They sit, staring at one another, until her gaze becomes entirely too intense, and he just has to lean forward and kiss her again.
She drags her lips away from his, moving down to kiss his neck. She is murmuring something in between kisses, but he cannot hear anything except the pounding of blood in his ears.
He breathes out and can see the heat they are creating come in contact with the cold January night air. He has always been fascinated with that particular property of heat and cold and makes a mental note to thank Susan later for helping demonstrate it so perfectly.
But then she nips gently at a curve in his neck, and he cannot quite think rationally anymore. Anthony exhales sharply, and Susan looks at him wickedly.
fifteen / new
In the days that follow the Encounter on the Tower, Anthony and Susan do not speak of what transpired between them, but things have changed. He notices her more than he ever has, including all the time spent observing her for his study. He cannot help but grin at her when she passes by (which is happening more frequently, and not only because he goes out of his way to traverse the Hufflepuff corridors), and he loves that she always, always smiles back at him.
Michael tries to get more sordid details out of Anthony. He is not satisfied with the truth - that they just kissed (and kissed and kissed). He thinks that from the way Anthony is practically dancing on air, it must mean that Anthony has, in Michael’s impolite words, ‘become a man’.
Anthony just smiles at him and keeps his mouth shut. And when he bumps into Susan outside the Potions classroom - he convinces himself that it could hardly be a chance coincidence - he cannot help but lean forward for a kiss hello. She obliges him, and Anthony feels electric. All the nerve endings in his body are stimulated, starting with the tips of his fingers as they come in contact with the smooth skin of Susan’s cheek.
Terry and Michael start to catcall, and Terry nudges him in the side, ruining the moment. Anthony blushes, but Susan just looks at him, a knowing smile on her lips.
Susan has the most beautiful eyes.
sixteen / obsessive
This is so fun, Anthony thinks. Scary fun, but fun nonetheless. For the first time in his life, Anthony feels something more than just cold, hard science. He is seeing things that are not just factual. When he is with Susan, Anthony feels fulfilled and alive.
Things might be going a bit fast. Susan is obviously more skilled than he ever was in this area. There are some times when he does feel a bit intimidated by her experience, but he forgets all about his fears when she gives him that decadent look and that saucy half-smile. He is finding time to spend alone with her almost every day. Sometimes they just talk - most times, they do not have the time to talk.
He does record his encounters with her - some things never change, and in the back of his mind, he knows he will need something to compare should he ever reach this plateau with Mandy. But he finds that he is not as extremely concerned with his study anymore, and neither are his friends - Terry and Michael especially.
In fact, Terry does not seem to care at all about the difference between Susan and Mandy. He seems to have forgotten all about Mandy, as a matter of fact. Anthony wonders if it because Mandy and Zabini have given up all pretense of having a secret relationship or if Terry has found someone new.
It does not matter, though. He is only concerned with Susan now.
seventeen / livid
The difference between Susan and Mandy is slowly becoming more apparent. He had noticed before that Susan was never alone and always in the company at least one bloke. He had never really known what that meant, but now something seems to click.
She is too charming, he thinks, too friendly. He knows that other boys are interested in her (other boys were interested in Mandy, insists a voice in his head). It makes him nervous that she will just up and run away one day; perhaps, she will grow bored with him.
He watches as Seamus Finnigan bumps into her, knocking her things to the ground. She looks at him and smiles (the smile Anthony desperately wishes was only for him), and as she bends down to pick up her things, Seamus blatantly leers at her. A rush of adrenaline surges through Anthony, and he bolts forward, grabs Seamus by the shoulders, and shoves him back against the wall.
“Keep your eyes to yourself, you dirty mick!”
Susan gasps, her fallen books forgotten, and Anthony turns his head to make sure she is all right. It is a foolish move, for Seamus takes the opportunity - however uncouth - to draw back his fist and land a punch to Anthony’s jaw, knocking him squarely to the ground.
It hurts, more than anything else that has ever happened to him, and yet, it makes him feel much better when Susan rushes to his side and cradles him in her arms.
eighteen / comatose
These late night prefect’s rounds are starting to take a toll on Anthony, especially considering all the time he spends with Susan, making sure she is out of trouble. He does not want to abandon his duties to the school, but he finds that he really just wants stay at her side instead. (Not, he argues furiously with himself, because he does not trust her.) This is why he has to take the very late shifts.
He walks slowly down the corridor toward the Ravenclaw dorms, brushing a hand through his curly brown hair, and occasionally rubbing at his eyes. Why he is so tired, he is not exactly sure, as it is not terribly, terribly late yet, but he is looking forward to pouring himself into bed and sleeping until late in the morning.
As he rounds the corner, he sees two figures walking ahead of him on their way to the portrait hole. Suddenly, he recognizes the long, satiny hair of his scientifically-inexplicable girlfriend. He starts to move forward to catch up with her, when he sees that Michael is the one walking with her. They pause just in front of the painting, and Susan turns to Michael.
Anthony goes closer, as he cannot hear what they are saying to one another, but he is getting mighty angry with how close Michael is suddenly getting.
Michael and Susan are laughing, and Michael reaches out to brush a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
Anthony stands very still.
nineteen / thawed
Anthony just does not know what to do. His heart has jumped into his throat, and his stomach has tied itself into knots. He cannot move from that spot, staring in obvious disbelief at the scene that is playing out before him. He cannot even process what is going on, such is the level of his confusion and hurt.
Michael is stepping closer to Susan, and she is backing up against the wall. He’s going to kiss her, Anthony thinks. He’s going to kiss my girlfriend right here in front of my face.
So here is the difference between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw girls. Ravenclaws are true to their feelings, their boyfriends. Even though she is dating a good-for-nothing Slytherin, Mandy has refused to stray. Even though she has been effectively shunned by many of the people she used to count as friends, Mandy has refused to stray.
But Susan will stray. She is straying. Perhaps she has been straying all along. All the kisses, all the mysterious gazes, all the nights spent just talking about anything and nothing - all of these have been lies. Perhaps this has all just been a game to her. And perhaps if he had managed to stay objective, none of this would matter at all.
He is concentrating so hard on keeping himself from lashing out, trying to ignore the harsh pricking of tears in his eyes, that he does not see Susan angrily shove Michael away and start off down the hallway alone.
twenty / complete
Anthony turns to the wall and falls back against it, scrubbing a hand over his face. He does not want to see what they are doing in the shadowy alcove in front of the Ravenclaw portrait entrance. (Although, it cannot possibly be worse than what his imagination is conjuring up.) But then he feels someone pass by, and his eyes shoot open.
“Susan?” He hopes.
She turns, arms wrapped around herself and angry tears streaming down her cheeks. Somehow, she has never looked more beautiful. She walks over to him, still closed-off and wrapped tightly, with her eyes cast downward.
He smiles, as the tears he did not want to let fall rain down. He opens his arms to her, drawing her in, and hugging her tightly. He runs a hand over her hair, and she slithers her arms around his waist and buries her face in his chest.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and he immediately shushes her because she has not done anything wrong.
Later that night, they lay together in front of the fireplace. Susan is asleep with her head in his lap, her fingers clasped with his. He watches her for a while, before leafing idly through the notebook he has been carrying for almost two years now.
Perhaps, the difference between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff girls is too small to measure exactly. That, or it just does not matter at all.
Anthony tosses his notebook onto the fire, and just like that, the great experiment is over.