That’s So Ron

By: TidalDragon

Pairings: Harry/Hermione, Ron/Luna
Summary: Ron delivers his speech as Best Man at Harry and Hermione’s wedding. What will the aftermath be? Majority delivered from Ron’s POV.

If there’s one thing people know about me, Ron Weasley, is that I’m definitely not a wordsmith. If you’re wondering where I came up with that last one, it’s a loaner from Luna. That’s what made me pretty nervous when Harry first approached me about all this. As you can probably tell, I’m still pretty nervous. When Harry named me Best Man, I thought it was bloody brilliant, the Best Man at wizard weddings doesn’t do too much. He’s pretty much a figurehead that gets to sit with the wedding party, which mostly means more food for me. Of course, leave it to Hermione to bollocks up my idea of a good wedding. I mean, honestly, whoever decided that the girls should control that stuff? I know bloody well that Harry’s paying for it all. He’s so weak-willed around Hermione. One of those “anything for you, baby” types. I tell him he’s completely whipped, but he insists they decide things together. I suppose if “together” means under threat of not getting any, then that’s probably the truth.

Anyway, like I was saying before, I have to give this bloody speech. I have about 15 minutes left and I haven’t a clue what’s going to come out of my mouth when I get up there. Fred said I should just forget about writing anything and down as much Firewhiskey as I can; I guess that way I can blame whatever stupid stuff I say on being drunk. Screw him though. I bet I can say something meaningful without anybody’s help if I really set my mind to it. I promised Harry a damn good speech and I don’t plan on letting any of the jokers here turn it into a Ron-being-Ron thing.

Well, in about two seconds, everybody’s going to know what a jerk I am. I probably should have started working on this speech before today, but I figured it would be easy. Hopefully I can get by with some sappy stuff for Hermione and maybe sneak in a few “married” jokes at Harry’s expense. Well, they’re telling me it’s time for me to say something. Luna said to shake a leg, I guess that’s some bizarre Crumple-Horned Snorkack thing. I’m not making fun though I promise. Oh, bloody hell, I’m supposed to be talking.

Back when I first met Harry here, I thought it was bloody brilliant. I thought to myself, ‘I just met Harry flipping Potter’. School will have to go uphill from here. Little did I know what a git Harry would turn out to be. Especially when he fell for this horribly bossy girl Hermione Granger that we wound up having to save from a troll. Hermione always told me I had the emotional range of a teaspoon. Well, you can say what you want, but I saw through all the best friends forever garbage they fed us all for years. When Harry and Hermione became Head students after we dropped that bastard Voldemort, I figured some of the boys and I would have free reign to wreak some havoc on some Slytherins. Well, Hermione was pretty quick to lay down the law like always and squash my fun. All that aside, I’m pretty happy they got together, though I still think it was completely predictable. I’ve really only got three things left to say. No booing, they’re really short I promise. Trust me I want to eat just as much as you do. Anyways, Hermione, I guess we’ve been friends for awhile now, even though you never let me break the rules too much unless we were on an anti-Voldemort quest, I’m pretty happy for you; mostly that’s because I can break rules without feeling you boring a hole in my back, but nonetheless I’m pretty happy for you. Harry mate, don’t completely lose your balls, no matter how heartless she gets. And now, finally, love may be great and all, but Merlin- LET’S EAT!

As Ron sat down to thundering applause from the audience, Harry and Hermione turned to face each other at the table. They both smiled knowingly at each other. “He completely pulled that one out of his bum,” Harry whispered. “How did he get all that applause? He pretty much just ripped on us.” Hermione giggled. “Oh, Harry. You never learn do you?” She giggled again as Harry pouted. “Come on Harry. You know he meant it well, just like we know why everyone liked it.” They turned to face the ground as Ron hoisted up the huge hunk of roast beef on the small serving fork for the entire crowd to see. “You’re right,” Harry admitted, kissing his wife softly on the lips. Their eyes met and then carried to Ron as he carried a full plate of food back up to the bridal party’s table and then spoke in unison. “That’s so Ron.”