A brief essay explanation of the preceding story. About a year late, maybe more or less, but...well, frankly, I really don’t feel like doing my Statistics homework right now.

Lie Awake Tonight: Disambiguation

Section One

The event tipping off this entire story isn’t clear yet, although I hope it was implied as something to do with someone’s life and someone’s death. Draco has been thrown completely off his game by whatever this event was and he’s beginning to retreat into himself.

Meanwhile, the survivors of the battle which probably cause this person’s death are all living in Hogwarts, sleeping in the Great Hall where our story begins. Draco is greeted first thing in the morning by Hermione (“Her words are emotionless and hollow”), who has also been extremely touched by this person’s death and is just trying to survive and force herself to believe in life. Shortly thereafter (“We are silent for a long minute”), Ron wakes up and joins their conversation (“Do you hear that?”). The theme of victory and defeat in contrast is introduced and Draco reveals blatantly that he feels he has no further reason to live, or at least no reason to care about life.

Section Two

Draco is sitting in a high tower of Hogwarts Castle, watching Hermione, Ron, and two or three other survivors (who I did not have identities in mind for) play in the leaves. Roughly two months have passed since Section One and while the others appear to be moving on, or at least keeping their hopes up, Draco has only become more depressed and reclusive.

Draco mentions that it is “only a few months before the end of the world.” He is referring to their not-yet-quite-planned attack against Voldemort’s remaining forces. As he sits watching others play on the ground, Pansy walks past him and flirts with him. Pansy flirts with Draco a lot throughout the books and this story wasn’t exactly intended to shove lots of new pairings into the fore; it was more an interpretation of one possible ending to the epic tale of Harry Potter and company, as viewed through the lens of “this is what war can do to people.”

Draco spurns Pansy’s advances and she walks away, frustrated. He thinks about how tragedy is supposed to make people “better,” but he doesn’t really believe that it always does, only that it gives people the opportunity to change themselves. He is beckoned down to join the others in the courtyard but pretends not to notice, looking instead at the “ominous” grey sky which is not so ominous because it has looked exactly the same for several days.

Section Three

The central tragedy is hinted at again as Draco comments on what has happened since the anti-Voldemort efforts were really started in an organized fashion. “The first rally—and coincidentally, the final one” was where this event took place, and it can probably be guessed what happened. Anyway, Draco explains that he initially joined the effort with thoughts of grandeur and assumptions that if he participated in the effort, he would come out of it a hero. It was not long before others stopped telling him these things and then he stopped believing them himself.

Draco could not possibly come out of the fight a hero; destroying Voldemort and saving the world is and always has been all about Harry (“There would only be one hailed as a conqueror after that battle was done”). Draco’s morale has been lowered sharply over the last year or so and he has no faith in their efforts, but does not oppose them nor raise any objections so long as the others continue to plan and believe in their fight. He decides that they can continue fighting so hard because they all have someone or something left to believe in; since Draco is no longer connected to his family and “someone” is dead, he feels he has nothing and believes this is what separates them from him.

The mention of Draco evading the clutches of love was my temptation to hint at Harry/Draco, but then remembering that it was supposed to remain only that: a subtle hint.

Section Four

The child is, in fact, Hermione and Ron’s, although it was not expected that anyone would assume this. She was meant to indicate a passage of time. Though Draco initially said that the “end of the world” was a few months away, this was incorrect; they thought it would be but in fact it was not. Their efforts have taken much, much longer than anticipated. Long enough, in fact, for Hermione to conceive and have a child who has grown to about three or four.

This child does not effect Draco at all, and he is completely uncaring for her presence. In fact, he is exhibiting strong signs of massive depression—he has been in bed from one night until at least 3:00 the next afternoon. The reference to army time, “1500 hours,” indicates further his detachment from reality and the actual purpose of their fight. For him, the war is about fighting and only fighting. Someone wins and someone loses, and then life goes on and no one will remember him.

Section Five

Draco believes that he is close to a drone to be sent into battle at the discretion of his superiors—really his colleagues, but since he is not making an effort to plan the attack, he elevates their status well above his in his mind. So do they, but they try to pretend he is still useful and worry about him.

The next passage is the strongest indication thus far of the event to start this whole story rolling: the world put all its faith in Harry to kill Voldemort without really supporting him in any tangible fashion, assuming he would win since it was his “destiny.”

The eleven- or twelve-year old child (possibly Hermione and Ron’s, possibly not) is another indication of the immense amount of time this war effort has taken. The “freedom fighter” label is ironic in Draco’s mind and he intends it somewhat derisively. He snarls at the child (not with real fangs, that was a metaphor) and she backs away; he has no interest in being “rescued.” (That was a subtle jab at Mary-Sue fanfiction, because that’s just...necessary.)

And then: bada-boom, all is revealed. Harry is dead and the world is reeling from the loss, Draco strongly included. Draco tries to make himself significant in some tiny way by being the only one to remember the bad things Harry did during his life, but he fears that while others will remember only the good and probably remember it better than it was at the time, he will do exactly the opposite and remember Harry as worse than he was. He determines that he still does not matter in the world and is moving from “depressed” to “resigned.”

Section Six

One of the children (the “second generation”) comes to try to cheer Draco up. He shuns her completely. This is an incredibly obvious jab at Mary-Sue fanfiction because I just like to make fun of it so much. That was pretty much the point of this section; yeah, it establishes that Draco is entirely reclusive, but really...it was about making fun of Mary-Sues.

Section Seven

After several, several years, Draco has resigned himself to the fact that if he wants to live for anything at all, it will have to be for fighting because he has nothing else left. He believes the war in and of itself is stupid and would rather die than live through it, but while he is around, he might as well help out.

“I don’t know if we will ever see him again”: Harry

“if we will ever see any of them, ever”: everyone else who has died during the war

“I do not know if he would want to be seen”: Harry again. I don’t think Harry wants to be a hero, or that he especially wants to have the fate of the world resting on his shoulders in the first place. If, as Draco implies, they could ever see one another again, Draco wonders if he would be immediately shunned and assumes he probably would. Harry has finally escaped the world’s spotlight and he should be given that peace, “the sanctity of our final fantasy”—that is, the peace of death.

“The end is nigh, as they say. I will lie awake. Let’s pretend again.”

Death is immanent, and even if it isn’t, it hits everyone eventually. There is no avoiding it and it shouldn’t be tampered with. Draco will stay and fight as long as he can, but behind a façade of caring when he really does not. He realizes, however, that this is how things have to be and he’s willing to put up with it until he dies.

Isn’t that just cheerful?