this is a prologue to a story i've been working on since 2001. hopefully i'll be able to post some of it on here without any problems. any way, i'll try to update as fast as i can. enjoy!

It can be easy to just to run away. Not having to face your problems on a day to day basis or so it seems. Of course if you have as many problems as I do, you can see why that's my only option. I know what you're thinking though. If you run away from your problems, won't they eventually catch up with you? I try not to think of the downside of what I did. When you want the pain to stop, it doesn't matter how you do it. As long as it stops even for a second, that's all that counts. Everything else just gets in the way. That's why I ended up alone in the first place. How I got to where I am now is still a mystery to me. Everything was just a blur. Fate seemed to favor me again. Then I pulled rug out from underneath myself.

I wonder sometimes how I got myself into this mess. If only I didn't open up my heart up again then I wouldn't be in this situation. I wouldn't feel this much pain, this much guilt. I wouldn't be crying right at this moment, trying my best to forget about the one person who brought me back from the brink. I'm about to run away from it all like I do all of my problems. It all happened so fast. I never thought that happiness would find me. I always thought I was unworthy, too far gone for something so special. I've been hurt so many times that I just felt dead inside. Almost like a ghost. Then he just came into my life like an angel sent from heaven. Of course when I first started to feel my darkness leave me, that's when I freaked out. I pushed him away because I was scared of what I was feeling. It had been so long since I felt that way about someone. I also didn't want him to find out about my secret. That would've sent him running for the hills. God why did I let myself turn my back on the best thing that ever happened to me? How could I had been so stupid? I guess to know what I'm talking about, I'll have to start from the beginning. Down that dark path once again...