YES! Hello to all! This is cappyandpashy4ever, with my newest fic! It was supposed to be the sequel to Ham-Ham Interviews, but somebody COUGHbastardCOUGH reported it. So this is sort of a replacement thingy. But it’ll be really funny all the same.

There will be 12 chapters total. And chapters 2-11 will have guest stars featuring some of your favorite author’s characters! (Don’t worry, I’ll tell you who they are before the chapter so you’ll know.)

So let’s get on with da ficcie! Peace out y’all!

Ham-Ham Channel by cappyandpashy4ever

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“Quiet on the set!” yelled one of many camera-hams, clapping his paws together. “The news will be broadcasted to every hamster’s television from here to Sunny Peak, so you guys better be ready!”

“Oh dear! Oh dear, dear, dear!” Radar, a gray hamster with very large ears, mumbled, pacing the floor of the clubhouse and shuffling his papers in a flurry. Every now and so, one of the papers would fly from his hands and Radar would scurry over to retrieve it, small beads of sweat flying off his face all the while.

Pashmina leaned in towards Bijou and Sandy at the table and whispered, “How is he so calm when the news starts?”

Bijou and Sandy gave her blank shrugs.

“Hey all you ham-babes!” Stan positioned himself in front of the camera with a pair of sunglasses and his maracas shaking wildly. “Stan the Man here! Feast your eyes on this!”

He began a complex dance with his maracas, which was soon interrupted by his twin sister Sandy dragging him away by his tail.

“Like, what do you think you’re doing, Stanley!” Sandy snapped, using his full name for emphasis. “The camera isn’t even on!”

Stan gave her an ‘aw come on’ look. “I was like, just practicing sis.” Stan said like a three-year-old who had just been caught stealing cookies.

“Oh dear!” Radar raced passed the arguing siblings. “It’s starting in just a few seconds!”

All the occupants of the clubhouse raced into the middle around the table. Even Jingle and Snoozer had joined them. Everyone was ready for the big show.

“And we’re on in three…two…one…” a camera-ham called. Then the red light buzzed into life on the black camera, and Radar rushed to the center holding a microphone.

“Good afternoon everyone and welcome to Ham News Updates, hosted by yours truly, Radar!” he spoke with much experience. No trace of his previous worry was left in his voice.

“Today,” Radar went on. “This reporter is live in the Ham-Ham Clubhouse! Every one of the unique hamsters in this clubhouse has a story to tell. They’re all going to share their most prized possessions with us! So let’s get started!”

Radar walked up to Hamtaro and held the microphone up to him. “So Hamtaro? What would you say is your most prized possession?”

“Heke?” Hamtaro said blankly. “I guess my friends! Without them, my life seems empty!”

Radar accepted this answer and moved on to Oxnard. “I’d have to say that my seed is my most important object. It goes everywhere with me, and I never, ever eat it!” Oxnard patted his seed and stuck it behind his ear.

“Moi?” Bijou asked, after Radar offered her the mike. “Vhy, my ribbonz of course! Zey are my beautiful treasures! I vould not give zem up for anyzing!”

“My gymnastics ribbon!” Sandy twirled her ribbon for the camera. “It’s like, really special to me because my owner gave it to me!”

“My owner gave me this scarf too!” Pashmina smiled to the camera. “That’s why it’s my favorite thing.”

“Ookwee!” Penelope squealed.

“She says her blanket is her most cherished item.” Pashmina translated.

“My apron a’course!” Howdy chuckled, patting the red material. “It’s so much more stylish than something worn by somebody.” Howdy glared in the direction of Dexter.

“And this is my bowtie.” Dexter said plainly. “Red suits me unlike some people.” He glared right back at Howdy.

“I never go anywhere without my dictionary!” Maxwell told the camera. “It helps me out in difficult situations.”

“And my maracas are my most treasured items!” Stan shook them around. “They attract they ladies, if you like, know what I mean.”

Boss came up to the camera. “My shovel. It’s sturdy, useful, and I spit polish it every day!”

“Zuzuzu…” Snoozer snored as the camera panned up to his face. “Sock…zuzuzu…good for sleeping…zuzu…most cherished…zuzuzuzu…”

“I’d have to say my hammer.” Said Panda after a moment thinking. “It’s great for jobs around the house.”

“My guitar is what I cherish most.” Jingle said poetically. “More than toast I like to boast about how I traveled far and wide, much more than a human stride, just to play these golden strings.”

“My hat, my hat!” Cappy bounced in front of the camera. “I’m on TV right now! Hiiiii mom!”

“And of course,” said all the ham hams together. “We all love the clubhouse!”

“Well, that about wraps things up!” Radar positioned himself in front of the camera once more. “I’ll see you all next time on Ham News Upda-”

But Radar couldn’t finish because of the muffled screams coming from the ham hams. “What the…” he said, his eyes growing wide with the strange sight in front of him.

A small figure of a hamster, glowing purple, was floating just above the table, covered by a billowing black cloak. It seemed to be floating, until the figure pulled off the cloak, revealing a feminine body with shoulder length dark hair, and silky, feathery wings. Her face, though, remained hidden in the shadows.

“Nice report!” she spoke in a soft but menacing voice. “Hope you don’t mind me borrowing this stuff!”

She swooped down and picked up everyone’s most cherished item. Oxnard’s seed, Bijou’s ribbons, Pashmina’s scarf, Snoozer’s sock, Penelope’s blanket, Sandy’s ribbon, Cappy’s hat, Boss’ shovel, Howdy’s apron, Dexter’s bowtie, Panda’s hammer, Maxwell’s dictionary and Jingle’s guitar. Everything disappeared into a large black sack.

“What are you doing?” Hamtaro asked.

“You’ll see!” said the girl, now hovering over the table with the bag. “If you ever want these items back, you’ll just have to come get them!”

And without warning, she dived, not out the door, but into the television itself. The ham hams expected a crash to follow, but they were in utter shock when the girl disappeared into the depths of the television!

“Okay, that was like, too freaky!” Sandy shuddered. “I want my ribbon back!”

“I don’t feel right without my hat!” Cappy sobbed. Penelope felt much the same without her blanket.

“I don’t know how, but I say we follow her!” Boss suggested.

“But how do we do that?” Panda asked.

“I just said I don’t know how!” Boss cried.

But nobody had to think any longer, because at that moment, Oxnard yelled, “Seed! I’m coming for ya!”

And he disappeared into the television just like the girl.

“That’s the way!” Dexter and Howdy cried together. “Hey! I was gonna say that!”

So without further questions, the ham hams dropped one by one into the black depths of the TV screen.

“Amazing!” Radar cried, still taping the events. “This is truly amazing! Let’s just see what became of them.”

He turned on the TV. A long period of silence followed.

“Uh oh,” he spoke to himself. “I don’t think they all ended up in the same place…”

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Yahoo! Prologue down! The next chapters will be a lot funnier and longer too, so keep an eye out! This didn’t really count as a chapter anyway. So I’ll see you in the next chapter!

-cp4ever