|It's All Over but the Crying
Author: Kiseki-no-neko PM
She left her clothes in a pile on the floor, twisted with his, maybe as a memento, maybe as a picture of what was and couldn’t be again, she wasn’t sure. -Oneshot- -FangxNudge aka Fudge-Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Drama - Fang & Nudge - Words: 2,743 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 5 - Published: 10-07-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3186986
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
It's All Over but the Crying
Disclaimer: …yeah, right, Maximum Ride belongs to James Patterson, who, last time I checked, is not me…damnit.
So, my first MR fic, and if all goes according to plan, not my last. Fear the angst, and the strange couple (Fang/Nudge), and the uber confusion that has seeped into my writing (It's supposed to be that way, trust me, so any comma's that aren't there, but should be, is done on purpose, don't sic the grammar nazi on me pleases). Just some notes beforehand, this is set four years after SOF, the world is saved, they're all settled down, and Nudge's power went temporarily wonky, so that she ends up hearing things even when she doesn't touch stuff…if that made any sense. And one big thing, the Flock has the ability to, let's see, how shall I phrase this…they can retract their wings, and it takes only seconds, they gained the ability shortly after saving the world. Hope y'all like it!
She really didn't have a right to be doing this, to be curled up in his bed, next to his warmth, breathing in his scent, and trying desperately to stop her tears. Then again, it wasn't her fault they had kissed, that she had ended up in his arms, in his bed, she hadn't planned it, she just wanted the voices to stop, and he just wanted to forget his pain. They were home alone, the voices weren't so bad when there weren't that many people around, but Max had refused to let her be alone, so she had ordered Fang to stay home with her. Stupid Max, why'd she have to be so fucking bossy anyway? Stupid Fang, why'd he have to be so damned gorgeous, and heartbroken? And stupid her, why'd she have to have a psycho power?
All she had wanted was some sort of solace, some sort of peace and quiet from the chaos in her head, she had no idea it'd come in the form of him. She almost felt like she had taken advantage of him, given how depressed he was over his break-up with Max, and she sort of hated the girl for that, for hurting Fang like she had, and not giving it a second thought, or maybe she had, and that's why she made him stay home with her, maybe she knew this was going to happen, but that was just ridiculous. Well, none of it mattered now, because it was done, and there was no going back.
She sat up slowly, pulling sheet clad legs up to her chin, resting it on her knees, as her dark hair fell around her face. She just really needed to get up, gather her clothes and retreat back to her own room, her own bed, and try and forget about this night, his scent, his touch, his taste, everything. At least, that was the plan until a warm hand was placed on her lower back, causing her to stiffen, "Leaving?" he questioned quietly.
She looked over her shoulder to meet his eyes, and really wished she hadn't, because there were a thousand different emotions in those dark orbs of his, all of them washing over her, until she didn't know what belonged to her, and what was his, and now she wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms, where she was safe, "Yes…no, I don't know…" she bit her lip, hard enough that she tasted blood, hoping that would give her focus, but all it did was give her the nasty metallic taste that she hated.
Long fingers traced the dampness on her cheeks, wiping away salt, and bitterness, as if it had never been there in the first place, replaced by the warmth of his lips against her skin, tracing up to her ear, where a promising whisper reached deep inside of her, "And if I asked you to stay?"
Please do you can't I want this stop, "Don't." she whispered back, begging her disjointed thoughts to stop, and maybe at the same time begging him not to ask.
He pressed a kiss to her forehead, as arms slid around her, automatically causing her to turn her body around to face him, and press closer to his form, "Stay, please."
Of course he had to ignore her, "I can't," she whimpered, burying her face into his chest, unable to stop herself from gently scraping her teeth against his skin, salt, sweat, regret and want trickling into her mouth, and she couldn't help but be pleased at the moan he gave.
He buried his fingers into thick, curly hair, angling her head upwards and away from his chest, leaning closer to her, so close, their breathes mingled, "Yes, you can," He captured her lips with his, words, and thoughts, and promises, and sweet, sweet aches burrowed themselves underneath her skin, into the deepest nooks and crannies, and she clung to him, fingernails digging into his shoulders, reopening furrows that had only just healed, blood staining her fingertips, only right he bled for her, she caused him those wounds.
Reality poured over her like ice cold water, and she tried pulling away from him, from his kiss, because it was wrong so very wrong and why was she here and not in her own bed, but he held her tighter and deepened the kiss, pleading with her without words to stay, because she wasn't the only one that felt safe. She was finally able to pull away, gasping for the oxygen that had left her lungs as soon as his lips touched hers, "I want to, but I can't…" Tears clung to her eyelashes, threatening to spill over at any moment, and man, was she ever sick of crying.
Dark eyes met her own, searching for answers that she couldn't find, so he wouldn't be able to either, but he still had to look, because what else could he do? She tried her best to avert her eyes, to focus on something, anything, the black sheets twisted around her, the black carpet, the desk, anything, anything but those searching orbs of darkness, but they held her like a vice grip, not willing to let her go, not until they got what they wanted, but she didn't know how to give it. His hand traced up her cheek again, catching the crystal drops of heartache as they fell onto his fingertips, and he exhaled slowly, organizing the words he wanted to say, needed and had to say, "This wasn't…I don't…"
"It's okay Fang, I get it, I understand, one-time thing, I wanted the chaos to go away, you wanted your pain to go away too, mission accomplished." Her voice came out more bitter than she had expected it to, and already it was creeping up on her, laughing and jeering, and waiting for her to escape her safe haven, to capture her again, and she had to keep talking to keep at bay, because it was the only thing left to do, as kissing Fang was most certainly out of the question, "I mean, really, I came into this knowing it wasn't going to be anything, well, I guess I didn't, 'cause it happened so fast, and I wasn't really expecting it, but you know, shit happens, and I get it, you still love Max, and why wouldn't you? She's, well, she's Max, and who can compare to Max, and mistakes happen and-"
"Goddamnit Nudge, just shut the hell up." His words were harsh, but his voice said otherwise, and he kissed her again, pulling away, his eyes glittered like the darkest of onyx, and her breath caught in her throat, "When did I ever say this was a mistake? I'm pretty damn sure I didn't, and I know you don't think it's a mistake," he held up a hand to stop her from saying a word, "for once in your life, just shut your mouth, and listen. You are not just a rebound, you're not just a one-night stand, or a quick fuck, or anything like that," he ignored her muttered comment about how it was anything but quick, and tilted her head upwards to make her look at him, "You're better than that."
"And if I say I'm not? That you're wrong? If I was better than that, I wouldn't have came to you in the first place, I wouldn't have…I wouldn't have used you, Fang!" she cried, strands of curly hair sticking to her damp cheeks, that he easily tucked behind her ears, pulling her to him, "You didn't use me."
"But I did, I just wanted all the voices to stop, I didn't know what was right, or wrong, I couldn't tell what thoughts were mine, and which were everyone else's, and I wonder if that's how Angel ever feels, but it doesn't matter, because it all went away when I was with you, all of it, everything, it was just…peace." She shook her head, nails digging into her palms, trying to convince him what was right, what she had done was wrong so wrong and God she hated this hated herself it wasn't fair.
He unclenched her hand, tangling her fingers with his, squeezing gently, before bringing her hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to soft caramel skin, "If that's the case, then I guess I used you too, Max hurt me, she hurt me so bad, I didn't even want to get out of bed some mornings, and other times, I just wanted to hurt her back, hurt her the way she hurt me…" he sighed, shaking his head, a rueful smile on his face, "I feel like I'm in a shrink's office," This comment earned him a tiny smile, and the same gentle squeeze to his hand that he had given her, "But I mean it, this wasn't a mistake, it was…" Whatever else he meant to say trailed off, as his eyes strayed from her, towards the doorway, and she knew who it was before she could know, because who else could it be?
Without thinking she let his hand slip from hers, and stood up, sheets falling back to the bed, and she really didn't care about the chilled air hitting her body, as she collected her things, pulling on the dark purple lace underwear, that was a gift from Max for her 16th birthday, which was really hilarious when she thought about it, she hadn't worn them until tonight, for reasons she couldn't fathom before, but now made perfectly bittersweet sense. She finally turned to meet Max's narrowed eyes, and she almost smiled, because she didn't need to be Angel to read Max's mind, how could they I trusted them I trusted him this isn't right it's not fair, and the eyes really were the windows to the soul, and she left her clothes in a pile on the floor, twisted with his, maybe as a memento, maybe as a picture of what was and couldn't be again, she wasn't sure. She could hear the rustle of sheets behind her, and knew she had to leave, because she couldn't take this, couldn't take the questions, and the shouting and the hurtful, bitter implications that were probably all true, but she wasn't going to admit that, and she left her sanctuary without a word, jumping as the door slammed shut behind her.
Immediately the demons were back, cackling at her, threatening to pull her under the waves she had fought so hard to get away from, and she stumbled and her shoulder painfully hit the wall, but she kept going, had to get to her room, away from the escalating voices, that she knew would wake up Iggy and Angel, but not Gazzy, because he could sleep through a nuclear bomb, well, maybe not, because he'd probably be too busy trying to figure out how to build one himself. And she hadn't realized before that time had passed when she was with him, and that the others had been home long enough to actually fall asleep. She choked on the stifling air around her as she reached her room, closing the door, leaning against it briefly, as she tried to catch her breath, unfortunately, this wasn't the breathlessness she got when she was with him, this was the choking-on-despair-need-to-get-away kind of breathlessness, the kind she was tired of, and didn't know how to stop.
Clenching her fists, she ignored the voices down the hall as best as she could, still able to hear her name, and the bitterness of Max's voice, and the resentment in Fang's, because what right did she have looking at him like she was, cursing him out like this was all his fault, when she had hurt him first, and shouldn't he get some solace, why should he pay because maybe she was having second thoughts? She clenched dark eyes shut, and prayed to whatever God was out there to just make it all stop, please, and without even opening her eyes, she threw on some clothes, and opened her window, letting the icy rain hit her face, stinging like needles, but at least it was better than the breaking of her heart that only he had been able to stop and start to glue the pieces back together, and she would just have to deal with it.
Hopping up onto the window seat, she let her wings escape their prison of skin, wincing at the pain that was always there and at the rip of her top to allow her wings to come through, and she relished the thought of being able to flee, because really, in the end she was just a coward, and she didn't want Max to hate her, even though she sort of already hated the blonde, and that wasn't really fair, but neither was this, feeling the way she did, just to have their beloved leader storm in and take back something she had so freely given away without a second thought, and damn her, and her second thoughts, and her fucking feelings, and none of it really mattered anymore. She could hear footsteps almost directly at her door, two sets, two sets of footsteps that she didn't want to hear, that she didn't want anywhere near her, and without a second thought, she leapt from the window seat, wings unfurling, and even over the wind she could hear his angry growl directed at Max, and see the rolling of her eyes, obviously saying, "She'll get over it, you were just a crush, after all."
Maybe it had just been a crush, Fang had always been handsome to her, even something of a safe harbor, even though he used to have the habit of flying off when it suited him, which was ironic, because that's what she was doing now, and she didn't want him to follow her, because he'd see her like this, like a giant mess of feathers, and frizzy hair, and tears, and that wasn't an image of her that she wanted imprinted into his mind, because maybe she was just a tiny bit prideful. She didn't know how long she had flown, just knew that she was no longer anywhere near home, and that's how she wanted it, so she landed and curled up into damp overgrown grass, glad that nothing could shield her from the rain, and she scrubbed uselessly at her eyes, as they closed, and watched the pictures unfold behind her eyelids, watched as it all came crashing down, and there wasn't anything left, it was all gone away, it was all over but the crying, and maybe that's what she deserved.