Author: DarthGabithaTheHutt PM
Carth once told me the eyes are the window to the soul. Revan’s eyes don’t tell you anything because he doesn’t have a soul.Rated: Fiction T - English - Words: 2,859 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 10-07-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3187638
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Carth once told me the eyes are the window to the soul. I'm not sure what my eyes say about me, then. Plain grey, usually pretty emotionless, except for when I get angry. I get angry quite easily. Not surprising, when you think about it.
Revan. Who I am. What I did.
When Malak told me, I honestly thought he was just trying to mess with my mind, throw me off balance. But he was telling the truth. Bastila confirmed it and my very, very fragile world shattered. And Carth, my best friend, turned and looked at me with such hatred and such horror…
Then Bastila was captured and I ran halfway across the galaxy to save her. At least, that's why I thought I did. Because I loved her. But what does a Sith Lord know about love, except how to exploit it? Even his own. The truth is I kept running in the hope that I could run away from what I was. What I am. In those first few weeks, I wanted to steal one of Carth's blasters and pull the trigger. But I had to save the day, be the hero. Well, that and the fact that Carth looked very close to pulling the trigger for me. Why should I ruin his fun? But he forgave me and the Jedi forgave me. Hell, even Bastila forgave me. She still loved me, even after falling herself. Or maybe because she fell.
Gods, I can hear them again. The voices. The innocent whose blood I swam in. His voice-
You mean your voice. You really think you can ignore me? I am you! Admit it, embrace it, and you'll be free!
-and screaming, always screaming. The two always seem to go together. Should I tell the others? But I love them all-
You don't know what love is! You pushed them away to make you stronger!
-so much, they wouldn't understand, they mustn't know the truth-
Let me out!
Revan still lives. He's inside me and he will get out. The Jedi didn't get rid of him, they just built me on top of him. When Bastila and the Jedi were talking to me, they kept saying if, if Revan re-surfaced. Not if but when, I wanted to say. That was when I heard him for the first time. Inside of me, listening to my thoughts, seeing through my eyes. Seeing who I love.
So do I start running again? Do I break Bastila's heart and abandon my friends, all in the name of the light? What a joke. But I can't control him, he's stronger than me. It would be so easy to-
Yes! Let me out, let me take control!
No! I can't, I won't. Gods, I don't know what to do! I can't keep lying to the others. I think Carth might already know, or suspect at least. I think that when Revan is in the forefront of my thoughts, there is something in my eyes. They get darker or something. And I heard the whole crew talking about me. Or my hands, maybe. Ever since I learnt that I had my Sith tattoos on the backs on both hands, I can't leave them alone. It's like an itch, under my skin and I know if I can just stop it, the tattoos will be properly gone. I can still see them, the tattoos, faded but still there. I scratched so hard they started to bleed. More blood on my hands.
You have the blood of entire worlds on those hands. What's a little more?
Shut up, shut up! I can't think! Fear and hate lead to the darkside, but what do you do when the darkside is inside you? How do you stop it?
You don't! You give in!
The others don't know what I'm doing, or what I am. Neither do I, and that is what really scares me.
Is it? Doesn't this scare you more?
Jolee and Juhani, standing against Bastila, Revan in the middle. He turns, his lightsabers shining blood red in the sun and raises his hand, sending the blade soaring through the air and Juhani's chest…
Mission, her face twisted in terror, screaming at him to stop this, to be Kyle again, and not even the spark of anger that had kept her alive all those years on Taris was enough to save her from Zaalbar, who cut down his truest friend on the orders of a man he had respected more than anyone…
Revan watches, disgusted, as Zaalbar challenges him to account for Mission's death. Revan does not even have to signal as HK raised his blaster and fires, killing the wookiee in one fluid motion…
Revan and Bastila, their faces already altered by the sheer power of the Star Forge, slicing through wave upon wave of soldiers, revelling in the blood and raw power that fell from each man. Canderous and HK, fighting alongside them, almost drunk on battle fever and blood lust…
Revan ripping the life from each of Malak's prisoners, using them as links to feed his growing need for more power and blood. Malak lying in his own blood as Revan stripped him of his last breath and gloried in the power of the Star Forge…
Carth trying to pull him back from the edge of darkness, not realising that Revan has gone far beyond that. Revan slams into Carth with both his fists and the Force, slowly shattering each and every bone in his body, leaving him struggling for breath with snapped ribs for a few moments before reaching down and twisting his head to the side, breaking it almost instantly….
Bastila challenging him, apprentice against master. She drew her lightsaber, twin red blades emerging from the long handle in her hands. Revan let loose a storm of pure lightning from his hands and listening to her shriek for such a long time until her blackened body hit the floor with the stench of cooked flesh….
You feel it, don't you? The power? Just give in and you'll never be scared again. You could rule the galaxy!
Yes, the power…
I pull free of the visions, tasting bile at the back of my throat. It had felt so good, the power and the freedom. I stand up, pacing the cargo hold. I don't want to rule the galaxy. I didn't even want to lead the odd crew who still journeyed with me. So why was his offer so tempting?
"You know, I had hoped not to have to do it this way, but it'll work as good as any other,"
It's his voice. Like mine, but with so much more emotion in it. I spin round and he's standing there, shimmering like a Force ghost. Shimmering red instead of blue. Carth once told me the eyes are the window to the soul. Revan's eyes don't tell you anything because he doesn't have a soul.
"Just because I couldn't use your body doesn't mean I can't use the Force." He smiles at me, a smile that comes from nothing but anger and promises nothing but pain and sorrow.
"You're not real," I stammer. To be honest, I am so screwed up I don't know what's real any more. And he knows it.
"I am as real as you made me. I am here because you fear it. So afraid of me getting out and that fear was an entire banquet of power and strength. And here I am." His hands take in his 'body' and the cargo hold. "Alone with my better half. So tell me, Kyle," he spits the word out, "Where do I start? With you, the Jedi's poster boy? Or with the other freaks on this ship?"
My hand inches towards my saber, still strapped to my belt. Revan raises a hand; I am flung into the wall. My saber detaches itself from my belt and floats over to Revan. Great, so now he's armed! With my weapon!
I raise my own hands, creating a stasis field around him. He steps through it, laughing at my pathetic attempts to stop him. I call on my lightning, letting it rip through my hands. I misjudge the amount of power I release and my hands start to burn, lightning bolts dancing between my fingers. Revan soaks up the power and my pain, he becomes more solid.
"No body, Kyle. You can't stop me that way. You can't stop me any way."
I move around him, keeping my body low like Canderous taught me. If weapons and Force powers won't work, my semi-charred hands won't do any good either. I've never had a problem I can't fight my way out of before. I dive at him anyway, my hands connecting with nothing as I fall through him. I hit the floor, my head ringing. I feel him walk past me, out into the corridor. I pull myself up, swaying slightly, and run after him. I let him destroy the galaxy. I won't let him destroy my friends.
"She is so cute, Kyle," Revan says, his hand held high and squeezing something. I see Mission, her feet not touching the ground, her face turning purple as she fights for breath. I pull her down, using the Force to distort the air around us both. Mission falls to the floor, gasping in air. She stares around frantically.
"Kyle, who was that?" Her voice is sore and croaky, but it's her words.
"Jolee!" I scream. He'll know how to stop this. He has to.
Jolee comes running; he must have sensed Revan's presence. He stands there, horrified.
"How do I stop him? Jolee, I don't know what to do!" The words that I had never dared say on our mission. I don't know what to do. It's just another weakness for Revan to exploit. Part of me really doesn't care.
Jolee opens his mouth, then collapses. I see Bastila standing behind him but it's not Bastila. She steps over Jolee without looking at him. Her face is shadowed and pale.
"I serve my master," she says, her voice as blank as her face. I would say she had fallen, but there was none of the anger I had heard from her on the Star Forge. I swing round to face Revan again. He smirks at me.
"Yes, so I'm controlling her. Did you expect me not to use the wonderful bond you left lying around inside you?" He laughs as the rest of the crew come blundering into the main area of the ship. "Pity I can't use these ones too. Well, as something more than target practice, I mean."
Anger boils up inside me, overwhelming everything. Even my fear goes. How dare he use Bastila like this? The protectiveness I was once famed for wells up and I square my shoulders.
"Carth, give me your blaster!"
Carth throws me it, trusting me to do what's right. Trusting me. If even Carth Onasi trusts me, I'm not doing so badly. I stuff the blaster in my belt and throw myself at Revan once more. Body against Force ghost won't work. I let my sense of self, my 'me', out so it shimmers just outside of my body. My very own Force ghost, with the advantage of me still being alive. The two still work as one and I tackle Revan in the stomach. We go rolling over and over into the garage.
"Seal us in!" I yell as we pass through the door. I sense Carth's hesitation. "Seal us in, dammit! I know what I'm doing!" So that's a lie, but it works and the doors slide shut.
"Kyle, just give in already. You did last time, you know," Revan isn't so cocky now, he seems more cautious. He shimmers a little more quickly. I suddenly realise why.
A soldier hates fighting a desperate man. You can never tell what the bugger is going to do next. And I am definitely a desperate man. I let my 'me' slide back into my body.
"What are you going to do, Kyle? Kill me? I'm already dead, for Force's sake! You are my link to the world," he uses his powers to activate my saber. The blue blade shines brightly against the redness of Revan. "And whilst that does mean I can't really kill you, I can make you hurt. A lot. When you fall again – and you will fall, Kyle, with the dying screams of your friends still ringing in your ears – I will take back my body. But I won't destroy you. That anger, that rage burning inside you will feed me well." He swings the saber at me. I duck, twisting around to keep him in front of me. "Or maybe I won't let you fall. You could just sit in my head, whilst I use that body. See how you like it. I'll leave just a little part of you to see through my eyes, see what I do! You'll be able to see exactly what I do, who I kill. You think it's bad to just remember blood on your hands? You'll feel the blood on your hands and you will never be able to stop it. Any of it."
And I hate him so much. For Taris, for the pain he caused the galaxy. For all the deaths and screams that I am still hearing. We start circling again, more out of habit than anything else.
"Saviour of the galaxy? You couldn't even save yourself, never mind about your friends." He pauses, and smiles at me again. "Actually, I tell you what, Kyle. I quite like you, all things considered. Instead of you having to fall again, you could just stop fighting. I will just slip back into your head and we can be one again. No pain, no remorse, no guilt. You feel a lot of guilt, don't you? For all the deaths you caused? Let me in and I will take in all away."
A minute ago he was willing to torture me back to the darkside. And his new offer is much more tempting.
But not tempting enough.
I remember waking up on the Spire, not knowing anything but the feel of a blaster in my hands. It feels good to end it this way. The blaster in my hands is Carth's, a special mix of Republic, Sith and Mandalorian design. Strong enough to destroy energy shields at one shot. It should be strong enough for my plan. I can sense him trying to get into my mind, but spend enough time with Bastila in your head and you really get good at hiding things.
"I might not be able to kill you," I say, looking him in the eye. "But I can take you with me-" I fire twice, the second shot leaving only a microsecond after the first, relying on instinct and skill to hit my target. The bolts hit my saber squarely. The first destroys the casing. The second ignites the energy cell.
I have time to rip down my mental shields. Revan was trying so hard to get in that he falls into my head as the shields fall.
I feel heat, pain and hear two screams, one my own and the other Bastila's, emptiness, and then –
The Ebon Hawk was silent and badly damaged. The garage was gone and with it their leader.
Zaalbar roared his pain and anguish out at failing in his life debt. Mission was sobbing in Carth's arms, her throat already turning purple from Revan's attack, and Carth wept for another friend who had left them. Juhani leant against a wall, too shocked to cry, and Jolee had ripped out a few of HK's wires before locking himself in the medbay. Canderous was reciting in Mandalorian, letting Kyle's spirit know he was a true warrior and would be remembered as such. T3 didn't understand the concept of death, just as he knew nothing of life as such, but even he sat and beeped sadly for his old master.
Bastila stood by the door to what had once been the garage. None of the others wanted to disturb her. She knelt, laying one hand on the door.
"Ah, Kyle, you never thought things through, did you?" said Revan softly, enjoying the sound of his new voice. "Don't worry. I'll take good care of her," He stood in his new body, taking his time to get used to it. Then he laughed, a high female laugh, and his eyes glowed red