Disclaimer: I own nothing, nada, zip. Blaze owns me. Vixen owns Corrinth.

A/N: Utter daftness, because I’m bored at work. No plot, one shot only, not particularly part of timeline.

Gripe Sheet

The X-Jet is a marvellous piece of engineering. Fantastic, state of the art technology mingles with a design so stunning it is almost enough to be classified as art. However, it is not always perfect. Like any piece of technology, sometimes there are problems with the systems. So Professor Xavier introduced a procedure to rectify any difficulties the X-Men may experience with the Blackbird. After every flight the pilot fills out a form on the mansion’s computer system called a "Gripe Sheet". Then other members of the team with mechanical tendencies can look at the sheet on the hangar computer and see what problems have occurred. The mechanics correct the problems and documents the repairs. This is supposed to be a serious piece of documentation, emphasis on the word ‘supposed’. Here are some maintenance complaints actually submitted by the X-Men: -

Storm (pilot): Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
Wolverine (mechanic): Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

Cyclops (pilot): Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Vixen (mechanic): Auto-land not installed on the X-Jet, One-Eye. Actually that explains a lot…

Shadowcat (pilot): Something loose in cockpit.
Wolverine (mechanic): Something tightened in cockpit. C’mon Half-pint, put some effort in!

Iceman (pilot): Dead bugs on windshield.
Vixen (mechanic): Live bugs on order, should be in stock next week.

Beast (pilot): Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Cyclops (mechanic): Cannot replicate problem on ground.

Vixen (pilot): Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Gambit (mechanic): Evidence removed, Cherie, and free o’ charge. You can thank me later.

Wolverine (pilot): DME volume unbelievably loud.
Vixen (mechanic): DME volume set to more believable level. The problem may also be with your accentuated hearing. Recommend you come see me in the infirmary for a check up at earliest opportunity.
Jubilee (sticking her nose in): Hey, arrange your “secret” liaisons on your own time, coz I sure don’t wanna know!

Gambit (pilot): Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Cyclops (mechanic): That's what they're for. Sheesh, who taught you to fly?
Gambit (ace-pilot extraordinaire): Taught? Mon Ami, Gambit a born pilot!
Cyclops (sceptical): Yeah, right, born a bad one.

Professor Xavier (pilot): IFF inoperative.
Vixen (mechanic): IFF always inoperative in OFF mode, Dad.

Blaze (pilot): X-Jet developed pronounced shudder during manoeuvres.
Cyclops (mechanic): We all get the jitters when you’re behind the controls, Firefly.

Shadowcat (pilot): Suspected crack in windshield.
Gambit (mechanic): Suspect you're right, mon belle Cherie. Bravo.

Storm (pilot): Number 3 engine missing.
Beast (mechanic): Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Iceman (pilot): X-Jet handles funny.
Wolverine (mechanic): X-Jet warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Blaze (pilot): Target radar hums.
Beast (mechanic): Reprogrammed target radar to sing.

Storm (pilot): Mouse in cockpit.
Vixen (mechanic): Cat installed.

And last but not least...

Cyclops (pilot): Noise coming from under instrument panel during flight. Sounded like Iceman, acting co-pilot, pounding on something with a hammer.
Wolverine (disturbed): Took hammer away from Iceman. Who the Hell let Bobby loose with tools anyway?

The End…