Author: Hermy Puckle PM
Ask Calus is The Daily Prophet's new advice columnist and he is sweeping the wizarding world! But who is this mysterious man? Hermione Granger is going to go undercover to find out. Along the way she will make friends, eat cheesecake, and get numb feet! VRated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Hermione G. & Severus S. - Chapters: 11 - Words: 25,399 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 12 - Published: 10-17-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3203150
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: My name is not Jo Rowling. Thus, anything you recognise here aren't mine. However, Caleb, Lola, Stephen, etc, are. You may play with them if you ask nicely.
...FOLLOWED BY THE RESOLUTION
Ginny half-gasped, half-shrieked. "No, it can't be."
"I take it you finally figured it out." Professor Snape stood up from behind the desk and smirked down at me. "A bit later than I'd expected but…"
My friend seemed to find her voice. "No," she told me. "That doesn't make sense! Professor Snape is Calus?"
Snape barely noticed her. He came around his desk and asked me, "How did you find out?"
"With your help of course. Twice." I took out the paper I'd knicked from the office. "I took this then later, I found a cheesecake on my desk from you, with this." I handed him the note he'd left. The handwriting was nearly identical. "Now, there are many people with similar penmanships but then I had a friend find all the names of the employees with the middle name Calus, thanks to your tip. There were more than you'd think but when I saw your name on there, I knew it had to be you. I mean, as far as I was previously concerned, you shouldn't have been anywhere on that list. But there you were."
"Didn't you think that my name could have gotten on there by accident or that there could possibly be another person by the same name? Its not uncommon."
"Yes, but the coincidences were too much. You with Calus for a middle name? Severus Calus Snape? Also, how you were always in this corridor? And things began to make sense. I mean, when you told me you couldn't tell me the identity of Calus for fear of getting sacked, I'd thought it odd that you'd lose a completely unrelated career. But no, you meant this job as the article writer. And the multi-part interview you were doing that never showed up in the paper was a bit suspicious. It also added up how you claimed having the illusion of dating me would benefit you. I wondered at that too but now I realize that other workers here might not have bought your story about the interview and you needed an excuse for your reappearances here. And how you were able to 'make certain' my letter had made it into the paper! You did it. You've been he all this time!"
"Well. You seem to have figured everything out," he said, leaning on his desk, eyeing me with admiration behind his inky black eyes.
"Severus?" pressed a female voice. I turned around to see Lola peek into the room. Her eyes fell on me and she stepped fully into his office. She smiled brightly. "I take it you found out the truth?"
I blinked at her. I mean what else could I do? Things were beginning to get odd. "Wait, you knew who Calus was the entire time? You told me you didn't know!"
Ginny pointed wildly at her. "I tried to tell you! She's the editor!" she yelled then pointed at Snape. "She's his personal editor!"
To me, Lola smiled apologetically. "I know a lot more than you think, Hermione. Yes, I know that you aren't Lucy Puckle: editor for The Daily Prophet; you are, in fact Hermione Jane Granger: reporter for The Quibbler.
"You see," she went on to explain to my shocked self. "When I saw you two talking so familiarly with each other, I got suspicious and asked Severus who you were. He explained that you were actually here to find his identity, or rather: Calus'. He warned me that it wouldn't be long before you uncovered the truth and that, when you did, he would be giving you an interview and going public."
Oh, I was so confused. "You managed to keep all that to yourself so well! I thought…" I tried to think up something that wouldn't insult her but she finished for me—
"…That I was incapable of keeping anything private?" She gave me a smile to prove that she wasn't hurt. "See, I had to self-pronounce myself the office gossip in order to keep his secret from getting out. If I was the one that seemed to know everything, then people would listen to me if I gave them information about Calus—yes, he is a bit of an obsession around here as well. This enabled me to divert their attention and lead them away from the truth."
I let out a whoosh of air. Here was a woman I'd thought I'd had all figured out, neatly labeled and placed in a box, me, a person who practically invented the term "don't judge a book by its cover" and I was completely, wholly, utterly, absolutely, totally, entirely wrong! You'd think I, of all people, would have realized long ago that there was no such thing as black and white, but actually, it was all a series of greys.
"So Snape is really Calus?" Ginny asked. I knew she was thinking of her slight fancy of the writer.
"I think I will take…Ginny is it?—outside to explain the confidentiality she is now under. I'll let you take care of Hermione." With that, Lola ushered Ginny out the door, leaving me alone with Snape.
After a very swollen silence, Snape asked, running his fingers through his hair, "So you aren't angry with me?"
I walked over and leaned next to him. "No. I suppose I should be seeing as how you let me run around seducing people—"
"I honestly didn't expect you to do that," he pointed out.
"But," I continued. "I can understand. I mean, you would have lost this job and you probably also needed a reason to be seen here and me willing to pretend I was your girlfriend was just the ticket."
There was silence and I looked over at him.
He smiled bashfully. "Actually, that wasn't why I agreed to pretend with you."
"If other people saw me, they either figured I was another journalist or being interviewed. I really didn't need anything else to keep myself hidden."
"Then why did you agree?"
He shrugged. "The pleasure of your company. Plus you said you needed it so I didn't mind doing something enjoyable. I mean, what man wouldn't agree to spending so much time with a beautiful, intelligent, not to mention thoroughly entertaining, woman?"
Even I couldn't deny that he was talking about me. And me being me, I couldn't help a flush from creeping into my cheeks.
He smiled at that. "If you want to, I would like to go on a real date with you. Unless of course, that is too uncomfortable—"
He was absolutely adorable all flustered like that. And of course, I wasn't uncomfortable with the prospect of going on a date with him. In fact, it sent my stomach aflutter and my heart started to pound happily. "I would love to."
He smiled that beautiful and warm, not to mention rare, smile.
Then it was gone.
He leaned down and his eyes eased closed.
Oh, my God, he's going to kiss me! I thought.
Then he said, huskily, "…Mr. Darcy turned around and addressed Elizabeth cordially with a bow…"
I opened my eyes to find him grinning wolfishly. "You are horrible, you know that?"
"Did you like the cheesecake I made for you?"
"It was delicious."
"Then I'll have to tell Mrs. Potter that her advice worked."
"That wasn't what—" I started to protest but he suddenly pressed his lips to mine, cutting off both my voice and my ability to do anything other than kiss him back. His soft lips first worked slow and gentle, but as soon as I began to respond, one arm wrapped around my waist pulling me so that my entire body was against his while his other hand went to my neck, his thumb trailing my jaw line. His kissing deepened and we even stepped into full frontal snogging.
"I knew it!" came Ginny's voice from somewhere near the door.
I knew that there'd be no more living with her after this but I really didn't care.
Alrighty, that was loads of fun. Let me know what all of you think of my story. If enough people review, I might write a companion where it is from Snape's point of view, including how he got to be Calus.
Oh, and I got the name from "callous" which isn't the thing you get on your hands from working too hard.
Love to my betas! How fantastical you both are!!!
Oh, and please r&r! I will give you cheesecake!