Living With Mum by x. by yours truly .x

Hi.

I'm James Potter, I'm twenty-three years old, the heir to the Potter mansion, and…

… I still live at home with my parents.

I know. It is embarrassing, actually.

I mean, I know how humiliating it is when you're famous, a bachelor, an Auror, and suddenly the media and press find out you're living at home with your mum.

Oh, yes. Mum.

My mummy is nice. She gives me soup when I'm sick, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when I'm hungry (sometimes too much peanut butter), and reads nursery rhymes when I am delusional.

She only asks me one thing in return:

Grandchildren.

It's not that I don't want to bear children for my dear mum.

No, it's just I've been dateless.

I think the Potter charm is wearing off.

No, wait!

No, not the Potter charm! It's the only defense I have when I'm flirting with a girl and Sirius is doing likewise.

NOOO! THE POTTER CHARM IS GONE!

No more children!

I'll be living with my mummy… forever!

Don't get me wrong. I adore children.

The only time I didn't was when this kid decided to climb on my back screaming, "I AM THE MIGHTY DAVID! I HAVE CONQUERED GOLIATH!"

I was visiting the children's section of St. Mungo's.

I often wondered why that healthy, strong, short but powerful boy named Kevin was in the hospital.

When I asked, I found out I shouldn't have.

He was held in there because he was too young to go to solitary confinement in the slammer.

Ah, the kids these days. I remember my childhood. It was a beautiful step taken, from boy to gorgeous man!

I knew I was never like them.

… Right?

I could have lived in the luxurious flat with the rest of my Marauder mates, but I doubt it is better than living at Mum's.

Sirius often burns their meals; Peter (who insisted on getting Muggle kitchen things himself) keeps breaking the 'stove' – you can never know if he knows the names of these things and they're very dangerous – and the oven; Remus often is smart enough to be out of the flat most of the time.

Now I know why Remus has bought a secret and small flat.

Smart guy.

Just like what I would have done!

Of course, Paddy would say I would've run around the parlor for a long period of time as fire was feeding on my bum.

… But that isn't true!

After all, I'm the one telling the story and I'm usually an honest guy.

In fact, I'll swear it on my mum's eye shadow!

… Not that I know what eye shadow is, of course.

Today somebody stopped by.

You're probably wondering who it was.

It's a lady.

And she's hot!

Everybody knew I was in love with her in my golden days. (My mates try to convince me that I was obsessed with her. But me, obsessed? No way.)

Now, we're just friends.

It's Lily Evans.

She still has that beautiful flowing red hair and sparkling green eyes.

Well, Lily dearest and I will be going to Hogsmeade to have a little chat for old times' sake.

When my mum heard I was going out, she cried out, "Don't come back till you bring me grandchildren!"

Toodle-loo!

Now Lily has a tiny foam mustache from the butterbeer.

She smiles and comments, "That was entertaining."

She's referring to Rosmerta's comment earlier, which was, "I could've sworn you two were a couple."

I smile back. I wouldn't mind being a couple with Lily.

She weaves her fingers into mine, like she did so many times before at Hogwarts.

"So how have you been?" she questions, as I smile and pretend to be depressed.

I tell her about how I have not been dating and how I fear the Potter charm was wearing off.

She laughs softly at my antics.

She then says very, very quietly, "I wouldn't mind dating you, y'know."

"REALLY?" I exclaim. "YES!"

Then I do something so girly, even my dear pal Paddy wouldn't do it.

… I squeal.

I run around into every shop in Hogsmeade shouting "SQUEE!" and scaring every customer out.

I don't think the owners of the Hogsmeade shops will appreciate the sudden disappearance of their usual customers.

But I'm dating again! I have an excuse.

And besides, this will choke the Daily Prophet when they find that the heir of the Potter fortune has started dating again – and even more unbelievable: Lily Evans!

I went home and then came in hand-in-hand to my mummy.

As I went to pack, I called, "Mum, I'm moving out! And don't worry, by next Christmas I'll have your first grandchild in hand!"

I don't know – or want to imagine – how my dear Lily reacted to that.