FD: This is gonna be a long one, folks. And a songfic! Hooray! won the 20 Mega FD Points! WOOT! That's 20 ponts towards a fic of her choice! Kinda like a coffee card!

Shimo: And I know Imma bitch... and what are you?

With a Little Help From My Friends

Chapter 5

By: Fenrir’s Daughter and Shimoariku

xXx

Dojo seemed to be taking his sweet time flying through the air to the north. They were headed to Russia; Shimo could just tell. The scenery below brought back memories from a long time ago. Memories she was thankful to have… and memories she wished she could just rip from her being. He was one of those. He would pay dearly, but only if they crossed paths. Shimo did not want to go out of her way.

Besides, she had bigger fish to fry. This Onyx Crow sounded powerful, and she was going to be the one to get her hands on it. It could prove useful on more than one occasion, especially when it came to her favorite blue fuzzy boy.

She giggled to herself from the thought of what she could do to Kurt. She giggled loud enough for Jack to hear, making him all the more wary of the Kyuuketsuki. Kurt, on the other hand, had a feeling he knew what was going on in Shimo’s mind, and his toes were tingling from the idea. Good thing he was furry, otherwise the others would clearly see him blushing.

FD, on the other hand, was preoccupied with the monks; if Jack had problems with them there could be trouble. She looked them over, particularly the small boy with the large head. Something told her to watch out for him.

The dragon slowed his flight, curving as he moved to land. “This is it, kids! The Onyx Crow should be directly below.”

Dojo skimmed the ground and they jumped off, the monks and Jack searching while the newcomers stood around curiously. Of their little motley crew, only Shimo and FD really showed any enthusiasm; Shimo for potential gain, and FD for an opportunity to impress Jack.

“So,” the ookami said, “what exactly are we looking for?”

“Anything out of the ordinary,” he said. “This thing should be giving off a strong magical aura, too, if that helps.”

She grinned. “Yeah, that helps.” FD sniffed the air; at first the only magic she smelled was coming from a reptilian creature nearby. Not Dojo, but someone stronger, and two other beings she didn’t recognize. The ookami growled; “We’ve got company…”

Sure enough, out from the bushes sprang a girl in a leather catsuit, screeching like a bat out of Hell. She dove for an object shaped like a small black bird on a chain, and at the last possible moment, FD grabbed it at the same time. It was the Onyx Crow, and it glowed a deep gold around the two girls. Out from behind the same bush walked a tall Asian guy and a slightly older looking red-headed woman. She did not look at all pleased, but the male smiled a Mona Lisa smile as if he knew something the others didn’t.

The small Chinese monk flipped in front of him, pointing an accusing finger. “Chase Young! So we meet yet again!”

“As we do every time, young monk,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “But I do not believe I have met the dead weight you’ve brought along…”

“That’sssssssss undead weight, jerk!” Sasuke corrected. Shimo slapped her forehead. Chase spoke again.

“In any case, it seems that your new friend and Katnappe are going to have a Xiaolin Showdown. Honestly, I do not have great confidence in the canine one; from the way she holds herself she seems a novice.”

FD glared at the man who insulted her. “Jack,” she hissed through bared fangs, “what do I have to do?”

He answered quickly. “It’s a Xiaolin Showdown! Challenge her to a contest or something—“

“Alright, Pretty Kitty,” the ookami growled, “I challenge you five levels of Guitar Hero; highest score at the end of the set wins.”

“I accept, but don’t call me Pretty Kitty.”

“Now shout ‘Gong Yi Tan Pai’ to start,” Jack further advised, and the two girls did.

As their cry rang out into the brisk Russian afternoon, fences and a great stage sprang up from the cracking earth. Light rigs, scaffolding, banners and flags in tatters and rags; at first sight, they also seemed to be surrounded by all manner of demons and the undead, but after a moment Tsume and Sasuke pointed out that they were just a bunch of punk, goth, and metal kids. Somewhere in the distance, a mosh pit started, and the crowd roared. Jack and the monks looked around wildly, but FD and Katnappe were nowhere to be found.

“What in TARNATION?!” Clay yelled, being overtaken and lifted to crowdsurf. Tsume shrugged and proceeded to pogo with a group of mohawk clad youths. Shimo’s eyes widened and she pointed to the stage.

“FD!! GET DOWN FROM THERE!!”

“She’s fighting the cat chick; let her be,” Jack reassured her.

“Oh…KICK HER ONCE FOR ME, FD!!”

Sure enough, FD was on stage in combat boots, her hair out and wild and her shirt torn in a vaguely ‘80s style. Katnappe, on the other hand, was on the opposite side of the stage in a Catholic school uniform, the shirt tied just under the bust. Both had mini replicas of Gibson SG’s in hand, and a large screen stood behind the feuding girls.

“What’s this?” the feline girl asked in confusion, and her challenger laughed.

“Time to unleash your inner rock star. Carpe diem, baby.”

In a flash of smoke and kick ass pyrotechnics, two out of shape middle aged men appeared, one balding and the other with shoulder length hair and a goatee. FD beamed, but all others present stared in confusion.

“What the fuck is Tenacious D doing here?”

They answered almost immediately. “We are your Masters of Ceremonies, kids, so welcome to the ultimate amateur guitar video game battle thingy!”

“We worked so hard on saying that in sync” Jack Black whispered.

“All right, so this is how it goes,” Cage said, sneering into his mike; “Five levels, one song each; you move yer fingers on the buttons to make chords, yadda yadda yadda, lets go! We gotta finish shooting The Pick of Destiny!”

Music started up and colors scrolled down the screen behind them, dictating what notes the two were to play. The first four levels came and went without much upset; the audience who had appeared from nowhere in particular constantly heckled Katnappe, referring to her as ‘Britney’, ‘Christina’ and ‘Avril’, but she bared through it stubbornly. FD, of course, trounced her without mercy through the first four level slash song thingies; first, the opening lick, “I Wanna Be Sedated” by the Ramones; the axe-grinder, “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand; Queen’s thrash and burn song, “Killer Queen”; finally, the major fret-burner, Ozzy Osbourne’s “Bark at the Moon” ended with FD heavily in the lead. Both girl’s fingers were cramping, and they longed for clemency, having been there nearly forty-five minutes, but the end was in sight; only one song remained and their battle was done, though it was clear who the winner was.

“I can’t believe this! Jack’s actually winning!”

“Um, he’sss not, uh doih,” Sasuke shot back at the Japanese girl. “FD isss, and of courssse! She’sss, like, religiousssly metal.”

“Yeah,” Tsume agreed, pogo-ing with the weirdoes in the crowd as Clay was lifted overhead, finally giving in and calling out a resounding “YEEEHAH!”

“THIS IS IT, BIOTCHES! TIME FOR THE FACE-MELTER!” Jack Black and Cage called out simultaneously.

“Your final song” said Cage.

“Your last hurrah” said Jack Black.

“CONSUME LOSERS!!”

The song started up, and here they stood, fighting tooth and nail for what was theirs; the notes scrolled, and Motorhead played. In the back round, Lemmy Killmeister’s voice rasped out his angry, disaffected ‘I’ll do what I wanna, so fuck you’ lyrics, and Katnappe and FD played along.

If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man
You win some, you lose some, it's all the same to me
The pleasure is to play, makes no difference what you say
I don't share your greed, the only card I need is
The Ace Of Spades

The Ace of Spades

Playing for the high one, dancing with the devil
Going with the flow, it's all the same to me
Seven or Eleven, snake eyes watching you
Double up or quit, double stake or split
The Ace Of Spades

The Ace of Spades

You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools
But that's the way I like it baby
I don't wanna live for ever
And don't forget the joker!

FD’s fingers moved furiously up and down the fret, practically scorching her claws; the audience and the monks, as well as Chase’s crew, were awestruck at her amazing guitar solo. How could she possibly have this kind of power? Raimundo was completely dumbfounded at the accuracy of each note; even Jack felt something stir within his soul, and he knew from then on he would no longer be goth, but strive for something greater.

Towards the end of the face-melting powerhouse performance, Katnappe glanced sidelong at FD’s half of the screen, seeing the high numbers and the constantly blinking ‘ALL TIME HIGH SCORE NUMBER ONE!!’ and with that she shrugged and gave up, too tired to try any dirty tricks or even care.

Pushing up the ante, I know you wanna see me
Read 'em and weep, the dead man's hand again
I see it in your eyes, take one look and die
The only thing you see, you know it's gonna be
The Ace Of Spades

The Ace of Spades

The crowd, the monks, Shimo’s troupe—Hell, even Chase Young and Wuya cheered! Never had they seen such a harrowing performance. With a final burst of energy, FD grabbed the mike from Jack Black as he was about to declare her the winner and return them to the real world to give her only fans a final message before they were parted forevermore.

“I AM FENRIR'S DAUGHTER, THE VIKING GODDESS OF ROCK, AND I! TAKE! NO PRISONERS!!”

She strummed one incredibly loud note, fire lit the stage, the crowd roared with excitement, and then all was black.

FD: Wow, that was long, but it was so FUCKING WORTH IT!!!

Shino: Even I liked it. Go figure. Oh… here’s the next FD challenge…

FD: Umm, I hadn’t thought of one yet… Gimme a minute…OH!! What Metallica song did I mention after I said ‘Unleash your inner rock star’? That’ll be a nice fat 50-pointer.

Shimo: And since she hogged this chapter… I GET THE NEXT ONE!!!!

FD: Fine by ME! (lies down for long ass nap)

Jack(Spicer): fwoo, I’m safe for tonight.

Jack(Black): DUDE! Wanna go with me an’ Cage for Jello shots?

Jack(Spicer): Sure! Wow, you’re really nice! When I rule the world you can be a kick ass Duke!

Jack(Black): All right, but only if there’ll be risin’ up in the street; those bastard coated bastards at city hall are gonna pay!

Cage: (singing) And set shit on fire!