Part the Sixthe

Or

Poopy, Meet Fan

A Huge disclaimer.

I woke again around nine and decided that enough was enough. I dropped silently to the floor and gently shook Luna.

“Wesssrrry?” she asked, and opened her eyes a bit.

“I’m just going to take a real shower, ok?”

She yawned and stretched a bit.

“Ok, Harry. Let me know when you’re done so I can have one.”

And because tossled and sleepy Luna is cute, I press a kiss on the top of her head, and wander out and upstairs, sparing a glance for the ghost sleeping near the ceiling where I was hanging in the corner of the room.

She’d been almost deliriously happy last night. Really, it was more than a little bit disturbing. For someone to get so much pure enjoyment out of a movie marathon spoke of long term deprivation and unhappiness. Really, it was imperative for both of us to give her a thorough education in happiness. Our duty, in fact.

Well, not that I really had that much background in excessive happiness, but I was willing to give it a shot.

Speaking of happiness, a nice hot shower was going to give me a good start in that direction.

It was, of course, halfway through that shower when the wards started to go off, indicating a trespasser walking towards the house.

Cursing, I quickly washed the soap off, and leapt out of the shower, ready to dress and kick ass.

Amy chose that moment to float up through the floor.

“Harry, Luna says that…” she faced me, and her eyes widened.

“Hwa… grrrkk.”

It seems that ghosts do disappear when they faint.

Heh. Mr. Potter, you are a sexy, sexy beast.

With a swagger in my step, and additional clothing, I pounded down the stairs and tossed open the front door to look outside.

My tactical analysis was interrupted by a sudden explosion of body parts inside the house, as what looked like a whole group of Death Eaters made an assault through Luna’s Splice-Of-Doom wards.

Incredible. It looked like a total horror show. Screams echoed through the house and chunks of flesh jerked and wiggled all over the floor and furniture.

Sweet.

After I satisfied myself that there weren’t any connected wands, hands, and eyes in the room behind me, I turned back to look out the door.

Death eaters, check.

Werewolves, check.

Two giants, check.

Wow, well they certainly weren’t pulling many punches when they pulled this lot together. Obviously my reputation was still intact.

I stepped out of the door, whistling like I was out for a morning stroll, and headed out to meet them.

Sadly for them, Luna’s reputation in the world in general was obviously that of “some mad bitch who publishes some rag newspaper.”

The roar from behind me of an assault rifle firing on full automatic convinced me that her reputation should have been, at the very least, “some mad bitch who publishes a rag newspaper and who owns an AK-47 and isn’t afraid of using it.”

As she switched in the second magazine and emptied it into the group as well, I took a moment out from watching death eaters struggle to erect wards against the bullets, and peered back at her.

She stood amidst the scatter of shell casings, the rifle up at her shoulder, and cordite smoke spilling out of the barrel. She blew a stray lock of hair out of her face.

In case I hadn’t made it clear before, my new girlfriend, one Luna Lovegood, is the hotness.

She tossed me a wink, dropped the rifle, and scampered off back into the house, pulling her wand out from behind her ear as she went.

The sudden silence was deafening, spoiled only be the cries of death eaters who’d been hit, but not fatally.

One of the giants slowly toppled over with half of its head missing, crushing one more death eater in the process.

Well.

Time for me to fight then, I suppose.

I threw a few reductor curses into the ground in front of them, and watched the dust billow and scatter on their wards as it fell.

Huh. Interesting.

I snap draw my katana and hold it in front of me. Subtle illusions and transformations cause my cloak to billow out, and a faint haze of light gather around my body.

“Vacuum Cutter!” I shout, and swing my katana two handed in front of me, releasing the trigger on the illusion spell, shield folder, and cutter spells I’d cast while obscured by the dust from the reductors.

The wave of light expands in a wedge.

Their shields fold inwards along a line as the ward origami spell takes hold. The illusion ends in a flash of light that blinds them, and the cutter spell slices the first rank of death eaters in half.

I cast a complex illusion, and step three paces to the side while the death eaters are still blinded by the flash of light, and the spray of blood from their comrades.

They panic, and start to hurl Ava Kedavras towards me.

Sadly, my illusion isn’t actually me, which allows me to construct the unsettling image of me actually parrying the AK spells with my katana.

Of course, I’m not. I’m standing five feet of to the side, cloaked and invisible. But really, they don’t need to know that.

They choose this time to panic a bit.

Some at the back start to retreat, as those at the front scramble to try and put something between them and me, whether that’s new warding, a death eater, or a wall.

For those at the back, their flight is a short one. They scurry in a group through an anchored airblade ward, which neatly cuts off their feet.

Oh dear. This is going to take quite some cleaning up, isn’t it?

You might think that the sight of five or six individuals screaming on the ground, dying of shock and bloodloss would cause some sort of twinge, right?

I’m the hero, right?

I grin, and throw the concussion grenade towards the closest death eaters shortly after the spoon on it pops up.

It distracts them with dazing force as the molten lava that had been heating beneath their feet since they tripped the first wards suddenly surges out of the ground, charring and burning.

At the same time, I merge back with my illusion. No need to give that particular trick away.

The remaining giant topples with a confused look on its face as it’s slowly burnt to a cinder starting at it’s feet.

Sad flickers of magic spill out of the decimated group as some of those who are left attempt to apparate or portkey out, only to be caught by their own wards erected to keep Luna and I from fleeing.

I toss a quick tracing spell, and see that there are three mages left with shields up.

Not bad.

“Harry, look out on your sides!”

Amy says it quietly into my ear. It’s a bit of a shock, since she’s barely visible and I hadn’t noticed her.

I had noticed the werewolves slinking towards me, of course, but I didn’t want to crush her little contribution to the fight. A bit of feeling useful and valued might do the world of good for her.

Provided I don’t have to shred her eternal spirit if she’s actually a spy.

“Got them, thanks Ames. Now you go ahead inside, ok? I don’t know for sure what will happen if you’re hit by an AK, and I don’t want to experiment with you, that’s for sure.”

I give her a smile. I expect light glints off my teeth. It’s that sort of smile.

By the faint red glow in the air, I know that I’ve managed to make her blush again.

Direct hit, Mr. Potter.

I crouch down, and an AK from one of the remaining mages sizzles past just over my head. A reductor curse in the ground is probably supposed to distract me more from the two weres that are even now charging towards me from both sides, slavering jaws open.

They leap.

I channel a transmutation spell through my hand into the earth at my feet, and two rocky spears shoot out of the earth into the path of the weres.

It’ll be painful for them, but not fatal.

Which is why, just before they impact on them, I transmute them into silver.

Whoops.

Their dying howls of agony wash over me as they twitch and struggle, impaled on metal that sears through their corrupted flesh.

I stand up, decapitate one of the weres with a swing of my katana, and sheath it again. Wouldn’t want to do that with it unblooded.

I draw the wakazishi that is it’s twin into a reverse grip in my right hand, and pull my wand left handed.

Three wizards remain, that’s all.

Well four, if you count that chap over on the hillside watching through binoculars. Take a good look. Enjoy the spectacle I’m putting on for you here.

Scurry back to your boss and let him know just what I’ve done.

And then I’m engaged in a magical dual, and don’t have time to focus on that lone figure anymore.

I figure that the three left are pretty useful. They’ve managed to ward themselves against bullets, levitate up from the lava, and avoid being stunned by the concussion grenade.

They show it with their attacks, trying to combine their assaults to overwhelm me.

They aren’t good enough or familiar enough with each other to do that, but I remain on the defensive, analyzing and cataloguing their spells. It’s nice to know what death eaters are being trained in these days. It keeps me current.

A sharp crack echoes out, and one of them crumples to the ground.

The fact that Luna just took one of them in the head with an enchanted ward piercer bullet fills me with….

Well, she’s being unexpectedly vicious.

Luckily for the sake of our relationship, for me girl gun unexpected sniping ability turn on.

However, I’m really, really hoping that she isn’t pushing herself too far. I don’t need to deal with psychological trauma in someone else at the moment.

And she’s been pretty good so far. I wouldn’t want her to get ed up like me.

The two left raise redundant wards to defend themselves. Another bullet sparks on one set, but drops to the ground.

No more shots means that she’s seen the redundant shielding and isn’t going to waste expensive bullets on them. But the Death Eaters still have to maintain them, which sucks down their energy.

Vicious and thrifty too.

Two big reductors into the ground in front of them send gravel shooting high into the air.

A barrage of minor cutting, stinging, and binding spells keep them busy as I switch over to attacking.

Hexes flash and whine on the shields in front of them, especially in front of their heads.

And then the 50 ton boulders transmuted from falling gravel slam into their shields from above.

Unable to take the pressure, the shields of the one on the right buckle and crack. He tries to dodge out of the way to the side, but it just crushes his lower body, pinning him to the ground.

He’s done for.

The death eater that’s left is unexpectedly good for the first wave of attackers. He’s probably the one in charge of this whole thing. Maybe if I gave him time, he’d apparate out of here, or use a portkey. I’m fairly sure they’ve taken down their wards by now.

So I keep him busy.

His spells take a turn for the slightly more exotic. He’s probably getting a bit desperate by now, hoping that blasts of fire and the like might get me away from him for long enough so he can stop shielding and get out.

Not going to happen.

He stumbles, tired from channeling the magic it took into a huge conflagration spell.

Caught in the middle of it, but cozily shielded against fire, I use a quick legimency attack. A vivid mental image of fluffy bunny rabbits overwhelms him. Situational irony at work, baby.

In a magically powered rush, I cover the distance between us in an instant, and shatter his wards with a ritual disruption spell that’s taken me the last 20 seconds to prepare.

And I cut off his hands.

A quick flash of fire cauterizes the stumps, a medical spell stabilizes him so he won’t die of shock, and a portkey crammed into his mouth rips him away into an auror holding cell back at the ministry.

A muffled crack from the hill tells me that the scout has seen all they need to see, and has fled.

Smart of him.

Hopefully he won’t notice the tracer spell until later.

Ok, maybe not so smart.

I sigh, and look around with a grimace. The reek of burnt flesh fills the air, and huge swaths of grass are blackened and dead.

The dead and the dying are everywhere.

I suppose it’s time for me to clean some of this up. Nobody needs to see this sort of thing. Nobody should ever have to see this sort of thing.

From long experience, I created an adaptation of the scourgify spell that works on blood and the like. You have to be a bit careful because it would probably peel your skin off if you cast it on yourself, but nothing beats it for mopping up those pesky pools of blood on the ground.

I sigh. It takes a considerable amount of time to actually do the research and create a new spell. I suspect the fact that I’ve put so much effort into this spell says something telling about my life.

The next spell I make will cause pretty flowers to bloom up from the ground.

And maybe I can make a variant that creates flowers with deadly pollen…

Dammit! It’s just that sort of thing that worries me sometimes. Sometimes, Potter, a flower is just a flower, not a hidden instrument of death.

Plus, if I can grow flowers, I can give them to Luna all the time.

Whoops! Down boy. That sort of thought is worrying in a whole different way.

I come across one Death Eater who’s still alive. My wand twitches through the first motions of a simple cutter, but I manage to stop myself. I look down at him, rolling on the ground moaning. It seems that he put his amputated feet in stasis, and avoided dieing of shock. I toss a portkey at him, and off he goes to a holding cell at the ministry.

Well, I suppose the whole ‘return to heroism’ thing has to start somewhere.

Maybe I could have stunned some of these punks.

Luckily, molten magma tends to get rid of the corpses it creates, so clean up isn’t so bad. I just hope Luna wanted a rock garden in her front yard, that’s all.

Anyway, I head back into the house to find Luna and see how she’s doing.

Bits of Death Eater moan and scream piteously all over the floor. I’d forgotten about them. I quickly shovel all the parts down into the holding cell in the basement and fill up the dishes again.

Then I head upstairs to find Luna and Amy.

In a curious reversal of last night, Amy is standing looking on helplessly as Luna kneels on the floor, sobbing. I gently take the hunting rifle out of her hands, put it on the bed, and pull her into my arms.

Her sobs get louder.

Poor thing. I suppose that she’d seen everything that had gone on out there, something I wouldn’t have wished on my worst enemy.

Of course, it was happening TO my worst enemy, so they wouldn’t be seeing it, really, other than first hand.

Eventually her sobs trail off into hiccups. She pulls back a bit from me, and looks up at me, her eyes red and watery.

“Oh Harry,” she says, “Love, it’s terrible.”

“I didn’t want you to have to see that, Luna. It’s just the sort of thing I get involved in.”

“Mmm, but… Harry… all these years,” she says. “You’ve been doing that, and haven’t had anyone to hold you and support you.”

“Um?” I say.

“That’s what’s terrible, Harry. I suppose the bloody bits are sort of bad, but… come here, love,” she says, and pulls me close to her, cradling me against her.

She smooths my hair down a bit, and whispers to me.

“There there, Harry. Even if I’m not your girlfriend, I won’t let you face that sort of thing alone anymore. I promise.”

She hums something under her breath, and just holds me.

I think I come within spitting distance of breaking down and bawling like a big baby. Once again, she’s totally defied my expectations. Anyone normal would have been worried about themselves. This weird girl of mine was still worried about me.

What I say is normal is highly fucking over-rated.

I sit up and crush her against me in a fierce hug.

“You’re a wonderful girl, Luna Lovegood,” I say to her. “Now let’s get some breakfast.”

We start to wander downstairs.

“And you too Ames. Well done.”

She flushes with happiness as she floats behind us.

“Thank you, Mr. … Harry,” she says, a bit breathlessly. I suppose she thinks that standing with me on the field of battle gives her the option to use my first name. Of course, she could have used it before with no problems at all, but still she’s really earned it now.

“Just be really careful, huh?” I warn her. “I want to make sure that something like an AK won’t effect you, even though you’re a ghost. I’m not going to let you get hurt anymore than you already have,” I tell her.

“Oh… oh, thank you Harry. Thank you!”

She’s tearing up. Ah well. So the ghost haunting me is a big softie. No worries, I guess.

“So, Luna,” I say, “are you going to tell us where you learned to shoot like that?”

“Oh, sure,” she says, munching on some celery. “Of course, my father and I traveled all over the world looking for various animals, and there’s quite a few places where being a young woman, attractive or not, carries it’s own risks. Of course usually I disguised myself as a boy, just for the sake of prudence, but at the same time there’s a lot of people for whom a small pointy stick isn’t quite as effective a deterrent as an assault rifle.”

I nod gravely. Very true, that.

“And then of course, since I was carrying, I had to learn how to use it. But the end reason was really those bloody crumple horned snorkaks.”

“Really? But you wanted to find them so badly.”

“Well yes, we did, but Merlin, the whole reason their horn is crumpled is that they keep on smashing into things with it. Once you find them, you end up with whole herds of the ornery bastards charging at you with their horns down.”

“I had no idea.”

“Neither did Dad, actually, but after the first Landrover got trashed we didn’t have much of a choice. Telephoto lenses to take pictures, and rifles if they get mad.”

“Luna, you’re full of surprises, you know?”

“I try to be,” she says with a slightly impish smile.

“Well so far they’ve all been good ones, so keep it up.” And I answer her smile with one of my own.

Somehow that precipitates a round of snogging quite noteworthy for… well, lots of things really.

I even manage to wink at Amy while she hovers watching us.

Damn, that girl can blush.

Of course, just as things have the potential to become truly interesting, Luna’s doorbell rings.

Someday, I will seriously hunt down Mr. Muphy and kill him dead. Then I’ll burn his smart ass laws.

But this time, seeing Luna stamp her foot in frustration almost makes it worthwhile.

Sorry for the delay.

You'll note that I upped the rating. I figured that a higher one was now required, really.

I remember one of the reviews was expecting more blood. Here it is, you just had to be patient, that's all. For everyone else, I hope this isn't too much of a shock. I wanted to portray Harry as an efficient killing machine, which is what he's been forced to become. I also hope nobody finds Luna's reaction too off. She might think about what she did next chapter, but for now, she's just thinking about him.

Also, I'll give three guesses as to who is at the door.

A final note... if anyone out there wishes to complain about my speeling, please offer to beta for me instead. Nagging might get chapters out faster that way anyway.