|The Wizard of LGM
Author: GirlX2 PM
The Lone Gunmen's adventures in the Land of...LGM. Now updated with better grammer! But I lost all my reviews. : Oh well.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,284 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10-21-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3209004
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
'The Wizard of LGM'
"I'll kill him for this." Byers hissed as they ran down the stone staircase.
"I'll help." Frohike said. "But we've gotta find him first."
"Oh look, the stooges have gotten out of their cells." A sneering voice called from high above them.
"Fletcher!" Three venomous voices rang out. They stared up at the MIB agent, on a balcony at least forty feet above them.
"What did you do to Jimmy?" Langly demanded.
Fletcher smirked down at them. "It doesn't matter. It's already too late."
"You're lying." Byers hissed through his teeth.
"No, see for yourselves." Fletcher clicked the remote again, and a hidden screen alighted. Yves and Jimmy appeared, but Jimmy looked pale as...well, death.
"Give us the antidote." Frohike demanded.
"What antidote?" Fletcher countered. "Why in the world would I make an antidote?"
"You Bastared." Langly growled. "We know you too well. You have one, just in case you got injected."
"It's too late." Fletcher smirked. "Even if I gave it to you, he'd die."
"Then give it too us." Byers countered. "Since you have nothing to lose."
"Fat chance metal man."
'Jimmy, just hang in there, okay?' Yves pleaded. 'The guys will be back any second with the antidote.'
Jimmy couldn't reply. The parylisi hadd worked its way up to his mouth.
Yves stared at the watch desperately.
'Only five minutes.'
"I'm not falling for that." Fletcher smirked down at the Gunmen. "You three think you can trick me into giving him the antidote?"
Byers glanced desperately at the others. "What can we do? Time is running out!"
"I don't know." Langly replied miserably.
"This really must be out of GirlX's hand's now." Frohike muttered.
"That's it!" Byers said, almost to himself.
"What's it? GirlX isn't helping us. It's like she gave up." Langly interjected.
"Or was forced out of the game." Frohike put in.
"What are you three muttering about?" Fletcher demanded.
"Nothing. Except that GirlX is about to kick your ass!" Frohike said. "You really think she'll let Jimmy die?"
"Hah! That's your big plan? GirlX can't do a thing about any of this." Fletcher sneered.
"Yeah, sure." Langly caught on to the shorter man's ploy. "How would you know?"
"I got rid of her Keyboard, you dimwits." Fletcher said. "Just because I don't have the magic shoes, it doesn't mean I can't use the magic of technology."
"Right. GirlX just let you make her keyboard disappear." Byers said skeptically.
"I did it!" Fletcher flew into a rage and brandished his remote. "I just push this button on the remote and..."
"My keyboard!" GirlX cried out. It had suddenly repapered under her fingertips.
"I've gotta help them, but the ending to my story still has to be plausible!" Her fingers flew over it. "But first, I've gotta help Jimmy..."
"So, you see, I've emerged the victor." Fletcher smirked. He tucked the remote back into his pocket.
But, when he put the remote back, a little syringe was pushed out.
"No! That's not fair!" Fletcher screamed.
Langly ran under the balcony and neatly caught the syringe.
"Take care of him, I'll get this to Jimmy!" He yelled and ran up the stairs.
"Stop him!" Fletcher shrieked. Guards began to chase after our straw hero.
'I can't believe I'm going out like this.' Jimmy thought. 'Death by poison. It's embarrassing!'
Yves was stalking back and forth in front of Jimmy, watching the seconds tick by.
'Sixty seconds.' She was on the verge of weeping. 'Jimmy-'
Suddenly the door flew open.
"I've got it!" Langly gasped, tumbling into the room.
'Give it to him, quick!' Yves said.
Langly bent down and inserted the needle into Jimmy's neck.
"This should work." He nervously plunged it.
"I can't believe I'm dying this way." Jimmy suddenly moaned.
"You're not." Relief flooded Langly's voice.
'Where are Byers and Frohike?' Yves asked.
"At least we're going out fighting." Frohike muttered. Several guards had guns pointed at them.
"We're not dead yet." Byers said. "And GirlX just-"
Fletcher was clicking the button on the remote desperately.
"Its not working!" He whined. "You disabled it!"
(GirlX: No duh.)
"Hey, can you help us out here?" Frohike asked nervously.
(GirlX: Sorry guys, but this is outta my hands. The ending has to write itself, every author knows that.)
"Great." Byers muttered.
"Okay men, fire on my count." Fletcher tossed the useless remote aside.
"No way." A familiar nasal voice said. Fletcher spun around.
"Hello." Jimmy smirked and heaved the bucket of water at the villain.
"Ack!" Fletcher sputtered. "What did you do that for!"
"Duh, to melt you?" Jimmy replied.
"Water won't melt me you dolt!" Fletcher shrieked.
Fletcher rolled his eyes. "Are you really that dumb?"
"I guess I am!" Jimmy yelled.
Langly groaned and smacked his forehead.
"If you had one tiny iota of a brain in your head, you'd know my secret weakness is...MMPH!" Fletcher clapped a hand over his mouth.
"Cheater!" Fletcher removed his hand.
"Well, that didn't work." Frohike said in annoyance.
(GirlX: Shut up.)
"Just shoot them!" Fletcher said.
"Okay men, fire at will." A guard ordered.
Jimmy grabbed Fletcher's collar, and held him over the edge of the balcony.
"Don't shoot!" Fletcher squeaked.
"That's better." Jimmy smirked and tightened his grip. "Now, what was that secret weakness you were talking about?"
"I don't have one!" He gasped.
"Okay." Jimmy loosened his hold.
"Okay okay!" Fletcher cried out. "It's umm...uh..."
"Drop him." Langly hissed. "Then we can get his glass and get the Hell outta here!"
Byers and Frohike were still being held at gunpoint by Fletchers goons, and could only watch.
'Jimmy, let him drop.' Yves agreed.
Jimmy looked at them helplessly. "But guys, I can't-"
"Jimmy lookout!" Two voices suddenly cried out from below him.
"Huh?" Jimmy's gaze went back to Fletcher.
Fletcher had swung himself back over the railing. "Go ahead and push me Jimmy!"
"Uh" Jimmy took a few steps backward, suddenly confused.
'How did this get turned around again?' He thought desperately.
(GirlX: Psst, Jimmy. Don't worry about it. I think it's all taken care of.)
"What?" Jimmy said aloud.
"What?" Fletcher countered.
"Never mind." Fletcher smirked. "Guards! Bring those two up here! I want them to die in front of me."
Byers and Frohike were shoved up the stairs.
"Watch the suit!" Byers snapped.
"And so it ends." Fletcher took a gun from one of his drones. "Not with a bang, but with a whimper."
(GirlX: Not today, MIB.)
"What?" Fletcher took his attention from the Gunmen just for a second. It was just long enough.
Jimmy grabbed a nearby bucket of-something-and tossed it on Fletcher.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Fletcher howled. Green ooze covered the agent.
"Jimmy what was that?" Frohike said.
"I don't know!" Jimmy cried out.
"You imbecile! That was alien goo!" Fletcher wailed and slumped toward the floor.
"Alien goo?" Byers raised an eyebrow.
"Dissolving alien goo!" Fletcher rolled his eyes.
"Oh." Byers glanced at his comrades.
"Because that makes more sense?" Frohike asked.
"I guess." Langly replied uncertialy.
(GirlX: Nitpick me now, and I swere you'll know the meaning of humiliation.)
"Disolving alien goo it is." Byers said quickly.
"Who would have thought a nitwit like you could destroy all my evil!" Fletcher demanded. He was definitely melting now.
"Well this nitwit just did." Jimmy grinned for a second. "Wait, I didn't say that right."
'Too late.' Yves said. 'He's gone.'
Fletcher had melted into his cheap suit. All that was left was his unused wedding ring, a bad tie and-
"The martini glass." Jimmy picked it up.
'So, on to the Sapphire city?'
(GirlX: Sure, let me speed things up for you.)
The fortress dissolved around them in a wash of special effects, not unlike those in 'Star Trek'.
"Cool." Langly commented.
(GirlX: Thank you.)
"Okay, make it a double cheese with...Oops, my one O'clock is here." A short woman in a blue dress (Who bore a striking resemblance to Karen Walker of 'Will and Grace') appeared before them behind a desk. "So, your the ones who killed the Wicked Witch?"
"Uh, yeah, that's us." Jimmy said.
"Great." The woman smiled widely. "You have the glass?"
"Right here." Jimmy held it up.
"Very good." She said. "Okay, umm, who wanted the human thing?"
'Me.' Yves pawed her leg.
"And I can see why. Honey, you look like something the cat dragged in!" She giggled.
The Gunmen shared a skeptical look.
"You're Lydia?" Byers asked.
"Yes indeed hon." Lydia flashed them another smile. "Okay, human thing for Kitty-Kitty..."
"Floppy disks for metal guy."
"Um-" Byers began.
"D and D for the skinny one."
"Spaceballs for the lion."
"I'm not a-"
"And homeward bound for the cutie. Is that right?" Lydia smiled even wider at Jimmy.
"Um. Yeah. I think." Jimmy looked confused.
"Okay. What have you learned from all of this?" Lydia asked.
The Gunmen shared an incredulous look.
"We were supposed to LEARN SOMETHING!" Byers demanded.
"The moral of the story. You didn't learn the moral?" Lydia asked, slighly deflated.
"I learned I hate GirlX." Langly offered.
"Not even close." Lydia sighed. "If you didn't learn anything, you can't go home."
'Are you telling me,' Yves sputtered. 'That I am going to be trapped in this feline body IF I DIDN'T LEARN A BLOODY MORAL!'
Yves was spitting mad. Literally. (It was a good thing she was yowling with a cat's voice, or GirlX would have had to have upped the rating for this chapter.)
(GirlX: You seriously have no idea?)
"Not one." Byers shook his head. "Unless...Jimmy?"
Jimmy looked very thoughtful. "Maybe."
"Think very hard Jimmy." Byers said cautiously. "Have you learned anything from all of this?"
"I guess that...I learned that my friends will always come through for me." He said simply.
(GirlX: Whoa. Jimmy NAILED it!)
"That's IT? We're always going to bail Jimmy out, no matter how deeply in trouble he gets?" Langly yelled.
(GirlX: Ummm, yeah.)
Langly groaned. "So can we go home now?"
(GirlX: Hell yeah.)
Jimmy started awake. He glanced around his fully colorized room and grinned.
"I'm home!" He jumped up. "Hey Guys! Guys!"
Jimmy ran down the hall towards the kitchen. Langly glared at him.
"Langly, man, I had the weirdest dream. And you were th-"
"I know." Langly scowled.
"What?" Jimmy asked, confused
"I remember...whatever that was. So do Byers and Frohike."
"So...It wasn't a dream?" Jimmy asked, confused.
"Man, I don't know what it was, but I just hope it never happens again." Langly grumbled. "By the way, we now own the latest version of D and D."
Jimmy went into the kitchen. Byers and Frohike glanced up.
"I found my floppy disks." Byers said.
"And Frohike found 'Spaceballs.'" He added.
"Um." Jimmy said intelligently.
There was a knock at the Gunmen's door.
"It's Yves." Langly buzzed her in.
Yves, fully human, marched in. She grabbed Jimmy's collar.
"Hi Yves." He squeaked.
"Never. EVER. Dream. About. Me. Again!" She released him.
"Okay." Jimmy said meekly. Yves glared at him and stalked out.
"That was abrupt." Frohike commented.
Jimmy just looked after the hacker, jaw hanging open.
"I wonder if we'll see any more of GirlX." Byers said.
"I hope not." Langly grimaced. "Once was more than enough!"
"Sorry Langly." GirlX smiled over her keyboard. "I'm on a roll! Now, what shall I do next..."
The End...for now!