Disclaimer:

We all know I don't own anything from FF7 or square-enix/soft. No characters. No locations. No vehicles. No Chocobo. All I own is myself, and I'm not even sure about that one.

Oh well, at least this story's mine. See, I can see the silver lining to every Cloud... :-p

Sorry, couldn't help that one :-p

Don't upset the Lifestream... I want to share the fun too! Wait for meeeeeeeeeee!

In the Darkness of Creation

The first things I see are the blurred lights on the ceiling. I sit up, whimpers of pain escaping from my cracked lips, blood in my mouth. How long have I been like that? I crawl back next to you, trying to ignore the burning pain in my throat, my chest, my head. Scattered, broken apparatus lay on the floor… my fight for mastery of this body had been so violent, it had transferred to the physical world.

So, the time has come… I sit back wearily against the table, unable to lift myself up. I close my eyes and try to remember…

My son… is he the one I have seen, that handsome man with murderous insanity blazing in his cruelly intelligent eyes? How will I ever know, I who have never seen him, who did not even get to name him? Now he is far away from me, in Midgar. My baby... what have I done to you? Your future spreads out in front of me bleak, lonely, painful, desperately yearning for your mother as she yearns for you. And this, this could be my greatest sin. My innocent, angry, beautiful monster child.

My mentor. Was he my first love? I had deep feelings for him, but he was so much more older than I was. Yet, so understanding, so open… the only one who believed in my thesis, the only one who did not laugh. Kindness shining in his strange eyes, peace as he closed them for the last time.

And you. You my love, who has his eyes, yet even more dizzying, more compelling. I rejected you… because I… was afraid to lose you. If you knew about your father, whom you loved and was mourning for, you would hate me. And seeing that love turn to hate would have destroyed me. But it seems I did it quite well on my own. For I am dying. The real me cannot hold on much longer. In her stead, I feel something else, something powerful about to take over. Entity. JENOVA.

Another wave of pain stabs at my mind and I nearly blank out once more. But I hold on. This is the last time we are together, and I want to leave my thoughts, what remains of my heart, here, for you. In a form that will remain unchanged, for it is not living. A true reflection of who I am. So that one day, you might understand. And when you do, you will unfailingly forgive; this is how much I know you, my love. I know your generosity, your strength, your pure heart, all too well. My Shining Prince… You will forgive me…. But I, I will never forgive myself, because of who I am, because of what I did.

I embrace your immobile form, the way I had wanted to embrace your father's. Keeping both of you close to me. But I never had the chance to hold him, he was already gone, and you are not here. Not truly. Just as I am not really here anymore… I… go away, leave this wretched place where all the misery, all the agony in the world reside. I am about to die, but this body will go on living. Where can I go? What place is fit for one such as I now?

Hell. Darkness.

Born of darkness… my feet lead me to the place where everything started. The cave where your father had discovered the trapped essence of the one who now lives in you, the very reason I was able to save you. The very entity that killed him. Again, how strange… Destroyer and Redeemer. Chaos is both, neither, I don't know, I can't remember any more…

Full circle.

I have come back to the cave… back to the place I should never have defiled in my haste, my hunger for recognition and respect, such mundane things. Yet it still looks the same, after all that time. Was it truly so long ago, or is it a trick of my mind again? The lake… the glowing Mako crystals… I sit by the edge of the water and feel at peace… maybe here, Its hold was not so great. Here where the darkness of Creation reigns supreme. I lay back and feel the softly enveloping, soothing water carry me, lifting the weight of invasion, yet demanding something else in return from me. I gladly surrender my body and retreat to that special place left in my mind, the quiet place where I can hide and where I keep safe my most precious memories and feelings. A place that cannot be destroyed, unlike my body, my mind, my soul, my heart… and there, I remember, for this is all that is left to me. The only glimpse of the Promised Land I will ever allow myself.

I am Lucrecia Crescent, scientist, wife, mother, lover, fool, puppet and murderer of those I loved. I will not live to see my son's next birthday, but I will live on here, among the shadows and the ghouls that haunt this world and my memories.

Floating in the Darkness of Creation, a sinner in a white wedding dress.

I debated for a long time whether I should include this story in 'After the End', which is my main writing project at the moment, including it in the Past Imperfect arc. However, being given the style of the prose and the lack of more substantial events, I decided to release it as a separate story. Not quite separate though. Think of this as my 'Lost Episode', connected to the main story, but not really part of it.

This short story was, yes, all about Lucrecia and her last moments, in a sense. Because I don't think that Vincent and co. actually saw her in that cave; just a reflection, as in Dirge of Cerberus.

I hated her, but I feel sorry for her now that her story has come to light. Talk about blind hatred.

If there's anything I learnt from her: not to stick your head in the sand; grab a guy like Vincent liike mana from heaven if he comes courting and DON'T let him go, whatever motives you might have to do so in the first place; never agree to experiments on yourself especially if it involves something that's dead or looks like it; get more data before judging and hating, i.e. don't be prejudiced.

So back to 'After the End' now... unless you really burn for me to continue this.