I loved him.

And I still do…

It's strange, for the longest time I didn't know that I loved him. Cared for him, yes, but love?

It's not the same love I have for, or receive from my two adopted brothers. Maybe it was because what I was feeling was so different then anything I felt before that I didn't recognized it…and it scared me at first when I first start to realize it. After all I was still somewhat young even though I was in my early twenties, I still am too. And, like I am now I was in my wander year then, I couldn't stay in one place for long.

I do remember when I first saw him. It was after the…incident with Greavenson, after I was shot. I was already starting to change then; I was an Anamobain, stuck in between being a human and an anthro.

Sonic and I were still traveling when we came across a cabin-slash-hide-a-way in some nock of what ever forest we were going through, I can't remember the name. Since we had been going for nearly three weeks strait and had wanted a safe place to conk out for a few days and relax, we kind of took over. Well, it looked like no one had been there for some time and there was no 'KEEP OUT!' sings posted. At least none that we could see.

It had been rather late in the night, Sonic and I were on the one bed in the place neither of us had wanted the floor. It wasn't the cleanest and we had seen a wicked looking bug down there. So we dive-bombed the bed and after some wiggling, tickling and a few curses we had gotten as comfortable as possible and proceeded to all but black out. I used my riding jacket as a pillow as Sonic used my shoulder as his pillow like normal, except he was being careful of my left shoulder that was still bungled and bandaged up. You can say we were cuddled up. In fact we where, but it wasn't anything more then two sibling wanting to stay warm and away from the creepy bug on the flour. We were safe from the wind storm outside and from almost every thing else.

It was nice, maybe a little bit chilly but nice. Nice to have a real bed too, I swear I'm never going to take beds for granted again after and during my wander years. You just don't appreciate things like that till you're stuck with out them for weeks at a time.

Anyways…

I'm not afraid to say that I gave a girly scream when the front door banged open, the wind adding to that bang. Sonic, who for once wasn't sleeping that hard, had both echoed my scream and somehow gotten to his feet a half moment later, his quills on end.

You can tell that even after a month or so after the Greavenson thing we were still a tad bit rattled. Just a little. Ignoring the fact that I was hiding behind my blue hedgehog brother, and almost under his quills, a strange anthro stumbled into the cabin, blinking owlishly at us in exhaustion and a haze of pain and failure clouded his violet colored eyes.

Then the red anthro did a face plant. Out cold.

Sonic and I looked at one another, knowing we probably wouldn't get any more sleep that night. We didn't, but that was okay. It had been several days before the echidna (we found out what he was after he woke up) came around. We had rigged up a hammock of sorts to take turns sleeping, Sonic was conked out and I was up when the echidna decided to come back to the land of wakefulness.

…as I was trying to change his bandages, with one arm. It's not easy doing so with an arm in a sling, trust me. But I was more or less managing, at least untill he woke up.

Now, even though I was an Anamobain I still looked mostly human at that time. With the exceptions of a small gray tail, pointed ears that where a bit higher then normal, wider eyes, better sense of smell and blunt, filed down nail/claws. But all in all I still looked human at first glance (unless someone was staring at my butt…). So the new anthro had taken one look at me and yelled something in his native tong, something I still haven't figured out what it meant, and the next thing I knew was that I was pined to the ground, shoulder burning with reawaken pain and whimpering like the canine I was turning into.

Sonic came alive then and the resulting battle between the two had me sitting in the doorway of the cabin staring at them with wide puppy dog eyes as they basically ran around each other tossing insults and punches back and forth. Even hurt this new guy could still dish it out. It was about that time that that one big bug decided to pinch my still sensitive tail.

At least my cry had broke up the fight…

Once every one had calmed down and no one was trying to kill any one else, except the echidna who ate the offending bug after it pinch his tail too (Ew!). We traded stories and found out that Greavenson was working with a man named Robotnik, and both of them had stolen something of grate importance to the echidna. Of course Sonic offered to help, even though I was all for running away, with my new tail in between my legs, from anything that had to do with the so called 'agent' and his buddies.

Being shot, beaten, used as bait and shot again can make me scared of some one like that. I mean I'm a mechanic and cook, not a fighter.

I remember the look that Knuckles, for that was the echidna's name, had given me. "What's the matter human?"

I looked away lifting my good arm and figuring the spot on my arm where one of the two bullets had gone in and felt embarrassed, ashamed and mad at the same time.

"I'm not human any more…" I muttered under my breath but both anthros had good ears. Sonic gave a blinking Knuckles a glare before sitting down beside me on the bed and pulled me into a hug.

"It's okay sis." He had said, "It'll be okay, I promised that Greavenson wouldn't hurt you again didn't I?"

"Yeah." I nodded before standing, "I'm going to take a bath." I said remembering that there was a creek near by and exited the cabin, pointedly waving my tail at Knuckles. I never did more then wash my face though and sat on the bank waiting for Sonic to come and give me another hug. He may be like a younger brother most of the time because of the way he acts and the fact that I some how take care of him half the time, but in reality he's older then me by five or six years, and he sometimes takes the role of big brother.

I didn't get my hug because it was Knuckles who came, not Sonic, and apologized. Apparently Sonic had told out full story and Knuckles had figured out that we were just as hurt by the same man as he.

Oddly, once he had gotten over most of his suspicions of us he had became interested in me, well in that I was an Anamobain. Though I didn't like the fact that he had poked my tail…

After the whole ordeal with Robotnick and after the Master Emerald was back on Angel Island the three of us were more or less friends, allies or how ever you want to say it. Knuckles was nice enough to let us stay on his island for a while, until nether Sonic or I could stay still longer then a minute then we left. Somehow we always came back, the island became a safe haven to us, a place we could let out guard down some and relax. During our stays I had found out more about Knuckles, and also when he trains…

Once again I found myself staring at him with the wide puppy dog eyes, but for a different reason. It was about then, when I was sitting up on a tree branch well out of the way but still close enough to watch him that I realized how… well, how beautiful he was.

He was so different then anyone I knew at the time and even now. He was brave, willing to take on almost any challenger. He's much stronger then he looked, coiled and hidden strength under his crimson fur. He was loyal too, and not just his duties as the Master Emerald's Guardian but to his friends as well. He was all that and more, all wrapped in a perfect scarlet package with spines.

I don't know how many times I've sat there on my branch, just watching him go through his exercises in the mornings or evening and dreaming silly little dreams about the Guardian of Angel Island. For awhile I remained apart of the back ground, half hidden in the branches. But one day, half way through his workout he pause mid punch, listening.

I had sneezed.

Those rich amethyst eyes slid to his right as he scanned for a possible threat. But it was only me, on my branch still staring dreamily with my now longer and 'fluffier' tail waging down behind me with enough speed and force that it could rival Sonic's moving feet. I was more anthro then human at this point, my ears dog-like and I even had my own gray fur coat, even if it was a bit thin.

Knuckles never looked directly at me as he slowly continued what he had been doing. Then he went on to do the most difficult exercise skills I've yet seen him do, all with an audited that said he knew exactly what he was doing and that he could take down anyone who dared get in his way.

I nearly fell out off my branch when I realized that he was showing off.

Insert happy whine here, and more tail wagging.

I was memorized all over again by his liquid grace and power. The way his spines moved with him. The way he used those deadly hands to slash and punch with their curved bone spikes that gave him his name. The way that white crescent shape mark that was strewn across his rich scarlet chest would rise and fall with every breath he took. He was lithe and slender, and could be full of a pure fury that might have come from hell its self if he was set off, though he wasn't now.

I was trapped there, by the Guardian's skill. His loyalty. His strength. And of course, his beauty.

I could have stayed where I was on my branch, content to watch and dream and fantasize some more long after Knuckles had left to do his duty.

I was a love sick puppy and didn't even know it.

At lest for a few days. Around the time Knuckles decide to return the favor of watching. At this point Sonic and I had found places on Angel Island that we liked the most. Mine was a small pool-slash-stream, it was a tad bit on the cool side but very nice none the less, and during the day you could lie on the bank and dry off in the sun.

Now you must understand that after living with Sonic for a long time, I've leaned to lose most of my human modesty, I mean the first few weeks we were staying together, (just after I all but ran him over…) he had walked in on my showers, with the intent to help mind you, since I helped him with his few baths. He hadn't cared for taboos like that and didn't see the point in most of them. I learned from him that most were, in fact, pointless and not that sensible. So I now have no problem walking into a stream, or lake, or ocean in nothing but a sports bra and underwear in front of anthros and most humans.

Even then it had been a bit of a shook to come up from rinsing myself off to see Knuckles on the bank, blinking those violet eyes in bewilderment. I blinked back. We stared at each other for a minute. Nether knowing what to do.

"…You have a twig in your spines." I informed him, still not knowing what else to do.

Knuckles looked up and swiped his gloved hand over the top of his head, picking the offending little stick out and glared at it. After all, the twig had no right what so ever to be there.

I still didn't know what to do, so I edge back making him turn his gaze back to me. Then I went insane. "Are you coming in to take a bath or not?" I asked as I turned, looking for my shampoo bottle that was happily bobbing around the surface with out a care in the world. I wish I could be that bottle as I heard the echidna give a soft snort.

Oh my god! What was I thinking saying that? Nothing apparently...

I almost yipped in surprise when Knuckles waded in, minus gloves, socks and shoes. I turned from a young woven woman to a tail waging puppy once again and had to sink to my chin in the deepest part of the pool to hide it till I could get myself under control. We half ignored each other and half watched each other when the other wasn't looking.

And then I caught him staring. Not in the place you'd think either. He was staring at my shoulder, my left shoulder. The one were I still have scares, three black splotches on gray. If there was a list of turn-offs for me then the thought of how I got those scares was near the top, along with my Grate Aunt calling just as things where getting steaming (and that has happened before).

I'm not proud of my scares, to me it's a big fat reminder that I got my self killed for not only trying to be someone I'm not, but also because I nearly got Sonic killed or worse: cadged.

So I turned, covering my shoulder with my other hand and sink again. This time with my tail tucked and full of bad, moody feelings.

"…you don't need to be ashamed about it." His voice was oddly soft, and had this been just two minutes ago I would have probably melted into the water, but it wasn't. So I blew disagreeing bubbles at the Guardian I couldn't see and tried to forces on the scenery. The old and young trees lining the far bank, the stares reflecting off the surface along with the moon, the soft sounds of both water and breeze and the shampoo bottle that was still bobbing around but now flouting away.

A crimson hand was placed on top of my right one as well as my other shoulder and I did a very good impression of a metal rod, stiff and straight. Then the arms wrapped around me, a head rested ageist mine and red spines brushed my neck and shoulders. I'm pretty sure I turned as scarlet as he.

Yet, I honestly couldn't grasp what had happened. I still don't know if I wasn't dreaming or not. If I had been, it was a good dream. One I'd never trade for anything.

Again I could have stayed there, on the island, content to dream wonderful dreams about the echidna Guardian. Maybe wake up one day and find out that those dreams were real, not just fantasies of the mind.

I could have. I would have. Oh how I wished I did.

…but I couldn't.

I remember that day too. It was the first time I truly hated what I was: A nomad with cursed blood. It hurt to leave, but it also hurt to stay. The part of me I love and loathe longed to go. Go far, far away, as far as I could go and never stop, never look back and never think about the past again.

And I did.

I left, taking only what I had on, leaving my favorite motorcycle and everything else on the island. I just left. I hated myself, more thing anything but I also loved it. I wasn't tied down to anyone or anything and I hate the fact that I loved that feeling so much.

It took Sonic four and a half weeks, almost five to find me. I remember blinking up at the blue hedgehog from where I had been star gazing under an old maple. I remembered seeing the look on his face that was a mixture of hurt, anger, confusion and a ton of other things all twirled up and tossed around.

I looked up at his emerald green eyes that were alight with his ever burning inner fire.

He was my hero.

He was the person that always saved me.

He was my best friend.

He was my adoptive hedgehog brother.

He was the one person I knew I could always love…

Because he was the one constant thing that had stay in my life since I turned twenty one.

I cried.

I knew I had hurt him, and Knuckles too more then likely, but I apart of me hadn't thought or cared about that. Again I hated how I felt, that I known and I still did it, would do it again. It was apart of me now, all but encoded into my DNA.

My hedgehog brother, who was both younger and older then me wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into one of his hugs. Sonic was also the only one outside of my father's side of the family that seemed to understand.

Our rolls were reversed that night. I was leaning on him, trying to make sense of the world as he reassured me that things would work out some how, and was a true friend and brother.

We did end up back at Angel Island, sooner then any of us thought we would. We also had hitchhiker and a new member to our odd family.

Tails.

I loved that fox, almost as much as Sonic. But that was also the same time that Greavenson and Robotnick had decided to team up again. It was also the time another had decided to steal my hart, and that's just what he did.

After some kidnapping, saving and a lot of swearing that is…

Sigh.

It's been over three years. I have my brothers and my dark knight. Knuckles has found that he wasn't the last of his kind and now has his own mate. She's sweet, a healer through and through and happily pregnant with her and Knuckles' second child.

I still come back to Angel Island some times, when the wind pulls and tugs or just to visit. Okay so I go mostly to see the puggies. I can't help it, their just so cute.

I also come back to sit on my branch in the mornings before anyone wakes so I might be able to watch the scarlet Guardian and dream old dreams, if only for a short time now. It's difficult to and yet it's wonderful as well.

I still love him, even now when I mated to another. Don't get me wrong I love my mate. I love him to death and hate him too, because he was the only one to make me stay. Knuckles had let me go, maybe with a hope that I'd come back. Sonic had gone with me on what ever road that looked the most interesting. Tails would fallow along behind, content to have family again.

Shadow however…he didn't let go or just fallow along. I hate him for that but I also love him. Strange your feels work isn't it?

But even though my hart is in the hands of a black and red hedgehog…I still love the Guardian of Angel Island.

And who knows? If some thing did ever happened to my dark knight and his healer…

We might be able to love each other on that wonderful island…

Again.

Queen's note: Okay, before those pitch-forks come out! This is a One Shot that's loosely based on my story The Road is Endless, but further along in the time line. Now for those that don't know, this is from an older Jessy's POV. I just had this idea out of the blue, though there is some things that are based on the plot for the other fic.

And no, I'm not telling what is and what's not true to the plot. XD I'll let you figure that out on you're own, after all there's enough spoilers here as it is.