Disclaimer: We do not own Square Enix’s Kingdom Hearts, nor are we making any money off this fanfiction.

-o-o-

Author’s Notes…

Vash’s Girl: Whoot, sorry this took a while. Life kind of took over for me, and it was difficult to get around to working on this project. I’m glad everyone waited so patiently, though, and I hope most of you are still willing to follow the storyline even though it’s been a while.

The Glass Slipper: Yeah, it’s funny because we started this chapter immediately after finishing the second, but its completion just kept getting delayed, no matter how many times we complained about how much we missed this story. We’re really glad to be working on it again, and we really do hope it’s still worth reading. The next update will likely be faster!

-o-o-

Nobody Needs to Know

Chapter Three

Falling into the Forbidden

-o-o-

He had never felt so good in his entire life as he did right at that moment.

Sora let out a low moan, twisting his hands through his own hair and arching his hips up to that inviting mouth, enjoying the wet heat wrapped around him, suckling hard and fast. He didn’t care who heard him—he wanted everyone to know that his body was on fire and that his heart was ready to burst free from his chest and fly away to the heavens. He had always heard stories about how great a blow job was, but he had never listened. He should have; it was even better than being jacked off.

He dug his heels into the back of the owner of that delicious mouth, giving an encouraging hum of delight, lowering his hands to the sheets so that he could twist his fingers through them. In response, the mouth tightened, gliding along his arousal with a slow bob, a wet smack filling the air as it retreated to place a kiss to the head. A thrill shot through his stomach, adding fuel to the heat in his veins. God, he didn’t want this to stop.

It was almost too good to believe—how did the person know exactly which ways to touch Sora, just how to give him what he’d been craving, when the brunette hadn’t even known he’d wanted it?

Sora didn’t care for questions, though, just ached for more. He mewled, crying out in pleasure as he was taken deep again, further into that liquid heat than ever before. It just felt sososo good. He loved the warm, encasing mouth, the slippery, swirling tongue—loved the owner, whoever was giving him all that intense delight.

“Nnh,” Sora whimpered, forcing himself to open his eyes. He wanted to know…

He wriggled his hips, trying to prop himself on his elbows, something that made the man purr in the depths of his throat, sending small tremors along Sora’s length. Overwhelmed by pleasure on top of pleasure, distracted completely by the appearance of white starbursts over his eyes, Sora slumped back down and just pushed himself into that mouth.

“Cloud…”

The name rushed from his lips without a thought. It had to be his brother. No one else made him feel that good.

Right?

Euphoria slammed into him, taking his breath and his sanity away, and for a few precious moments he was riding out his pleasure, wave after wave crashing through him, bringing a scream from his lips as he arched back, spilling into that wondrous mouth.

It wasn’t until a minute later that he found himself slumped over in his bed, his sheets and his chest soiled by pearly liquid that definitely hadn’t been there when he had fallen asleep.

Nausea twisted through his stomach, and Sora buried his face in his pillow, trying to hold back bitter tears.

So his brother was invading his dreams now, too?

-o-o-

“What the hell took you so long to answer the phone yesterday?” Riku was saying crassly on the other end of the line as Sora spooned some Cheerios into his mouth. “And then you hung up on me. What was going on? I didn’t call back because I assumed something was wrong.”

Sora took a moment to swallow before he answered, “No, nothing was wrong. I got to the phone, but no one was there, so I hung up.” He knew he was lying, but it was better than Riku finding out the real reason why he hadn’t bothered to talk to him last night.

“Okay…” Riku replied skeptically, seemingly wanting to argue, or at least to tell his friend that he’d been cut off, but reluctantly letting it pass. “Well, what’s going on today? When should I pick you guys up?”

“Um…” Sora trailed off, looking across the kitchen, past a half-wall of cupboards to where Cloud was sitting on the couch in living room, eating his breakfast of fruit and yogurt alone.

Something hard caught in Sora’s throat as he stared at the back of Cloud’s head—all that shimmering flaxen hair—and the long nape of his brother’s neck. Cloud hadn’t said a single thing to him all morning, not even when Sora had tried to help him carry down their hiking gear.

Sora was trying to reason with himself, thinking that this was what he wanted. Wasn’t it? He’d asked Cloud to give him some space, but he couldn’t help how it hurt to be ignored like he presently was.

All Sora could think in that moment was that Cloud must have been right. He was selfish—he’d made this entire thing about his own concerns without considering that Cloud had feelings and needs, too. No wonder the blonde didn’t want to talk to him.

“Sora?” Riku’s voice came over the phone, and the brunette swallowed against that lump in his throat.

“I think we’re ready, Ri,” he said as brightly as possible, rubbing a clammy left palm anxiously over his jean-clad thigh even as he spoke. He hated to lie, but… “I just checked with Cloud and everything’s packed, so come over whenever you want.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in probably half an hour, then we’ll pick up the others, too.”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye.”

When the phone line went dead, Sora pressed the end button with shaky fingers and then pushed his bowl of cereal away. Sighing, he got to his feet and slowly ventured into the living room, only stopping when he was standing directly behind his brother. For a long moment he didn’t say anything, just looked at all the individual strands of gold and near white in Cloud’s spiky hair. It was so nice to admire. Was he wrong for thinking so? Was it an evil thought?

“Cloud,” he said, his voice hoarser than he had intended for it to be. Silence stretched past, filled only by the crunch of an apple as Cloud took a bite out of it. “Cloud, c’mon…”

“What, Sora?” his brother replied, his first words since the morning had begun. He didn’t turn around, holding his apple in one hand as he used his other to spoon some yogurt up.

Sora bit his bottom lip, then came around the couch to sit by his brother, tentatively reaching out a hand and touching the older boy’s forearm. “I—I’m sorry about last night. You were right. I’m not being fair.”

He wasn’t sure what he had expected—maybe a ruffle to his hair as Cloud told him that it was okay, or even a nod of acknowledgment that he had spoken—but all that he got was… nothing. Cloud merely continued to watch the CNN Headline News, where clips of a burning forest were being displayed. Sora issued another sigh, settling back into the couch cushions, forcing himself to watch, as well, but he couldn’t help but find it boring. He preferred to see toons first thing in the morning.

His brother finished his yogurt shortly afterwards, setting the empty container on the coffee table and curling his legs up to his chest as he continued to eat his apple. Sora couldn’t help but feel a little angry at that—what did Cloud want from him? He wasn’t going to give in, and the blonde should have been grateful he had even gotten an apology out of Sora.

“Cloud, I said I was sorry,” Sora stated with a slightly bitter tinge to his voice, beginning to pick at a loose thread near the hem of his hoodie in aggravation.

“Don’t fidget like that, Sora,” Cloud ordered, standing up to leave, apple core and yogurt container in hand.

“I—sorry,” the brunette stammered, more than a little taken aback by the harsh reprimand. He really did rely on Cloud’s impression of him, because—when their eyes locked, when Cloud’s fingers threaded into his hair, even when they shared moments like the one in the shower—Cloud could make him perfect, worthy, wanted in ways that no one else did. Sora wanted to be back on that pedestal, and, in a strange sort of daze, he found himself reaching out to touch Cloud’s arm again, careful strokes imploring his brother to sit back down.

But Cloud gritted his teeth and pulled away, hissing, “Look, if you want to get through this camping trip without another of the incidents that seem to disgust you so much, stop playing around like this. I don’t know what to do with you anymore, Sora.”

Sora winced at the tone in his brother’s voice, sinking back down onto the sofa, powerless to do anything other than let Cloud walk away with a final glare. He so badly wanted to fix things, but it seemed that all he ever did was make them worse.

-o-o-

Another problem presented itself when they got to Tidus’s house.

There wasn’t enough room in the car.

While they all scrambled inside of the vehicle and tried to find room, Cloud sat in the backseat by the window, resting his forehead against the glass and idly fastening his seatbelt. He seemed oblivious to the rest of the bickering going on in the car, and he didn’t look up until Kairi shoved Sora on top of his lap, much to the younger brother’s chagrin.

“What are you doing?!” Sora hissed.

“You two are brothers—share a seat,” Kairi insisted, settling into the middle. “What harm is it going to do? It frees up space. If a cop comes by, just hunker down. The windows are tinted, anyway.”

That’s not what I’m upset about, Sora thought, but he wisely kept that bit to himself. No need to inform the others of what was going on in his life.

Seeing as how he didn’t have much of a choice, Sora shifted, aware of the blue eyes boring into the base of his skull but ignoring them for the moment. He gripped at the back of Riku’s seat to support himself, his legs dangling over his brother’s, the blonde’s muscular thighs strangely cushioning. It was kind of embarrassing to be sitting like this, but what other choice did he have? The others weren’t going to let him have a seat of his own.

“Let’s get this party started!” Tidus crowed from the front passenger’s seat, where Kairi should have been sitting—she was still griping about it.

“Calm down, I can’t drive with that kind of noise,” Riku snapped, also irritated with the seating arrangements and surrounding events. But since they were in a hurry to get to the campground before it got too warm outside, he couldn’t make Tidus move.

Not long after and they were pulling onto the highway, Kairi singing along with some popular song on the radio, Wakka hunkered down in his seat for a nap. Tidus was drumming his hands on the dashboard, trying to get rid of some of his energy. Riku was totally focused on the road.

And Sora was still sitting awkwardly in his brother’s lap, the blonde having yet to say anything since his curt departure from the living room earlier.

Not only was his current position making Sora intensely anxious, but it was also beginning to get a little uncomfortable. Although he knew that the seating arrangement would be a lot more agreeable if he’d just settle into his brother’s lap, rather than apprehensively trying to maintain his distance. His legs were beginning to burn. Somewhere along the way he had started to practically squat over Cloud’s thighs to avoid placing too much pressure near such a sensitive area. He refused to make anymore contact than was absolutely necessary, for his own sake, as well as Cloud’s.

It was getting to be too much, though.

“Guys,” Sora choked, needing to clear his throat before he continued. “Maybe we could stop at the next gas station and give Cloud a break.”

Selphie, who was seated next to Kairi, just rolled her eyes. “Pfft, Sora you weigh, what? A hundred and twenty pounds? I’m sure Cloud’s fine.”

But Riku frowned and threw a glance in the rearview mirror, “Maybe we should stop, Selphie.”

That was when Cloud finally spoke, surprising Sora with a calm voice as he said, “Don’t worry about it. She’s right. Sora’s a complete lightweight. Let’s just get there.”

Then Sora found himself pulled fully onto his brother’s lap, his bottom nestling against the curve formed by the junction of Cloud’s abdomen, hips, and then thighs. God. Even in that moment, amidst the crowded vehicle, Sora had to think that he fit perfectly there. For a split second he didn’t deny it—just took simple pleasure init.

Why did they have to be born as brothers?

Sora decided to take a leaf out of the blonde’s book and laid his forehead against the cool surface of the window, letting his eyes slip closed. It was warm in Cloud’s lap, when he was sitting properly. He didn’t want to move for a while. And God, did he feel guilty for feeling that way, but what could he do until they got there?

He shifted a little, trying to get a bit more comfortable, but it was hard with his head pressed against the glass, so he finally pulled away from the window. Another shift, and his back was resting against Cloud’s chest, one of his legs slipping between the blonde’s, a position that shouldn’t have been so intimate to Sora. Cloud wasn’t moving again, content against the headrest of his seat, his eyes closed and his breathing even. Sora wished he could be that peaceful right now—his heart was starting to beat a mile a minute as he caught sight of the full mouth that had tried to kiss him the night before, that had invaded his dreams this morning.

Was it really as soft as it looked?

C’mon, Sora, get it together, he thought, turning back around, his butt momentarily digging into Cloud’s thighs as he adjusted himself.

Despite the noise of his companions, it seemed quiet in Sora’s mind. He stifled the urge to sigh, rubbing his hands over his face, and then nearly gave a start when he felt it. That noticeable bulge pressing into his backside, hard and familiar, and somehow Sora could feel the heat of it even through the layers of their clothes.

Within an instant, Sora’s cheeks had turned bright red, and he trembled with the urge to scramble away, so very aware that his brother’s erection was for him. Shit… How could he have been dense enough to not realize how all the squirming and shifting he had been doing moments ago was affecting his brother? He had been basically grinding his ass against Cloud’s crotch for the last five minutes—of course the blonde had a hard-on.

And all this was happening between brothers, in the middle of a car full of people!

Oh God, oh God, oh God…

It was so wrong. And shouldn’t Cloud have been embarrassed by that sort of thing? Sora’s whole face was flushing with shame, but Cloud’s blank visage barely hinted at anything troubling. He wasn’t even trying to hide his problem either. If anything, Sora felt the hips under him wriggle suggestively, that terrifyingly hard arousal rubbing against the small of his back as he bit his bottom lip, desperately suppressing the desire to lunge away.

Fuck, tell me he’s not trying to get off like this.

Somehow, with his mind still screaming out mute warnings as he silently cursed the situation, Sora maintained his senses enough to know that he couldn’t react like he wanted to. He had to pretend that nothing was wrong. He had to just smile, sing along to the radio with Kairi, and make sure that he covered his brother’s erection with his body, hiding it from the view of his friends.

He felt fingers crawling on his thigh, on the side where it was pressed against the door and no one else could see. They slipped deftly into his pocket, stroking near his crotch but not too close, because something like that would have been a bit more obvious. Instead the fingers lingered against his warming skin, felt easily through the thin layer of pocket fabric, and Sora bit the inside of his cheek to keep from giving a small shudder. He could already feel his nipples perking beneath his hoodie, and so he did his best to close his eyes and try to think of something else, anything else.

Wasn’t Cloud mad at him?

Cloud’s thumb strayed back up enough to slip beneath his hoodie and rove over the dip of his pelvic bone. Sora’s hand automatically reached down to grab his wrist to stop him, but something about the light caresses made his senses hone in on them, and he turned his face back to the window, licking his lips, his lashes fluttering. God, this was embarrassing.

But as easily as the fingers had come, they left, and Cloud settled for just lightly resting his hand on the curve of Sora’s hip, above his clothes. The retreat was a bit surprising and threw Sora off a little, mostly because Cloud hadn’t seemed the type to give up until just now. So was that just a blatant tease? Probably. And he had fallen right into the palm of Cloud’s hand. Damn it.

He could practically feel Cloud’s smirk emanating off of him, but he refused to turn around and find out if it was just his imagination or not. A blatant tease on top of possibly payback for the night before. Or maybe Cloud was just testing his resolve, testing to see how far he could push it before Sora snapped, even if that included being in a car full of his close friends. But he couldn’t possibly know—if there was one thing he had always been sure of, it was that Cloud was unpredictable.

-o-o-

“Sora, watch out for that tree branch!”

Sora ducked at the last possible second, wincing when he saw how close he had come to gashing his forehead open. Was that thing low hanging or what? Although, maybe if he hadn’t been so zoned out, he might have seen it coming. It was at eye level, after all. Sheesh

His thoughts were still back in the car ride, even though the better part of an afternoon had passed since then. He couldn’t help it. Even though it had been so damn wrong, the feel of those fingers tickling up his thigh had been hot. And, being the growing hormonal boy he was, he kept replaying it in his head over and over again… God, what the hell had gotten into him? Cloud was right. He needed to stop playing games. One moment he said he hated it, the next he craved it. It was like his body and his heart really were at war with each other.

Riku’s hand rustled over his hair, and then vanished as the older boy stooped to gather up a promising tree limb. “You should pay more attention to your surroundings. I mean, you are a klutz, but this is a bit ridiculous, don’t you think?”

“Oh, shut up, Riku,” he muttered, tossing aside a stick when he discovered it was rotting through. Like you could possibly understand the amount of stress I’m under.

…Ha. I sound like such an adult.

“Okay, Mr. Crabby Pants,” Riku said with raised brows. “What’s crawled up your ass, anyhow?”

“I have to share a tent with Cloud,” Sora retorted, then, in a fit of irritation, threw all the sticks he was holding to the ground. He could hear Kairi’s girly laughter reverberating through the trees, and on its heels, Cloud’s softer chuckle. It was sort of like a warm caress on a cool day, promising to melt your heart straight through. Sora had always imagined that his brother’s laugh would one day conquer the hearts of many women (or men).

He had never predicted that he, himself, would be caught up in its tricky strings so surely.

Beneath that slightly cool, slightly amused exterior lies a snake, waiting to gobble you up and then spit out your bones when he’s through with you.

Hey, yeah, that’s right. This is all a fucking game to him. See how riled up he can get me—and he’s even messing with my emotions. Letting me think he’s mad at me, and then doing something like he did in the car. Completely throwing me off track! God, this is so infuriating. I really should just—I don’t know. What? I can’t disown him. I mean, I could, but not now. I’m still in high school. We live under the same roof.

…Yeah. That idiot needs to move out. Get a life. Make some friends. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so infatuated with his own damn brother.

Maybe then I won’t wind up as screwed up as he is.

“Sora? Sora, did you hear me?”

Blinking, Sora looked in Riku’s direction. His friend was standing right beside him, waving a hand in front of his eyes. When Sora scowled and knocked it away to show he was indeed paying attention now, Riku frowned, putting his hands on his hips.

“I asked why it’s such a big deal that you have to share a tent with Cloud? You always have before.”

Sora cast his gaze elsewhere, biting his tongue as his first response bubbled up to the surface. (“Because he’s going to molest me when everyone, including me, is least expecting it.”) He shook his head. “I don’t know—maybe we’re getting too old for it? I already had to sit in his lap in the car. I guess… I don’t want Cloud to be uncomfortable with being stuck with me all the time,” Sora lied, but he had to admit, it sounded pretty plausible. Straightening after he gathered up the fallen sticks, he shrugged, finally glancing back to Riku. “It might ruin the trip for him. Hell, this already might be the last time he wants to hang out with a bunch of high schoolers. We shouldn’t ruin the experience so early on, you know?”

“Wow, Sora,” Riku said, sounding mightily impressed. “That was pretty mature of you to say.” Sora wondered if he should have felt offended or not. “But—even though you’re doing such a good job thinking of your brother’s feelings… how about you think about mine?” When Sora raised an eyebrow in confusion, Riku gestured. “Kairi. Me. Alone.” Something that didn’t quite make it into a laugh spread over Riku’s lips, alternately growing bigger and then fading. “You know—that sort of thing.”

“Oh.” Sora was surprised his cheeks were heating.

“Yeah.” Riku pushed his bangs out of his eyes with his free hand. “So what do you say? This may be the only chance I get with my girl, you know?”

“In a tent? In the middle of the night?” Sora didn’t know why he was pushing it. It wasn’t even because of Cloud now, but his skepticism was still rising quickly to the surface. “That can’t be comfortable. And it’ll be cold…” He trailed off, hoping Riku would see his point.

“So I’ll warm her up,” Riku replied suavely, a knowing twinkle in his eye as he gave a light punch to Sora’s shoulder. “I’ll owe you one, okay?”

“…And she knows about this?” God, why was he playing the big brother role suddenly? Sure, he had always cared about Kairi’s well-being, but normally he trusted Riku to look after her. Except this time it seemed that he was on the opposite side of the coin.

“Of course, we already talked about it. Why do you think we’re so excited this time?” Now the laugh managed to break free, and Riku started heading back towards camp, his arms full of firewood.

Well, I guess that settles that then, Sora thought sourly.

He trudged along behind Riku, sullen as they made their way toward the voices. Another round of cheering and laughter erupted, pouring through the woods to greet their ears, and Sora’s expression tightened as he realized that it was still Cloud’s chuckle that stood out to him. Maybe just because it was familiar… No, Sora thought with a sigh, it was more than that.

Halfway back now, he frowned and stumbled a bit, having grown too distracted to lift his feet beyond a shuffle. When Riku looked over his shoulder to make sure he was okay, a small part of him wanted to continue sulking, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Instead he smiled reassuringly, flashing his teeth despite his unease as he hurried forward and overtook Riku. They had might as well join the others; he couldn’t even remember why he had wanted some time alone with Riku in the first place.

Had he, somewhere in the back of his mind, actually thought that he would confess what had happened between him and Cloud in the car, and even before that?

It didn’t matter. He hadn’t, he wouldn’t, and Riku clearly had other things on his mind for the weekend. Sora couldn’t very well expect his friend—even his best friend from childhood—to worry about him without having the slightest notion of what was wrong. Riku had already shown him more than enough concern, and each time, Sora had insisted there was nothing wrong. Now it was up to him to keep his own hormones in check, simple as that. He wasn’t going to ruin the weekend for his friends.

“Come on,” he called, waving Riku forward. “Everyone’s probably hungry. I think it’s been two hours since Tidus last ate.”

Riku laughed, but Sora took little satisfaction in the front he was putting up. At least no one suspected anything was off when they returned. Still trying not to show his disappointment with the sleeping situation, Sora helped pile the firewood, even chancing a quick look in Cloud’s direction, only to find his brother as impassive as ever. What the hell? he thought bitterly, experiencing the distinct feeling that Cloud was getting off easy—unfazed and not at all bothered—while he stressed over everything. It made him even less eager to get into that tent with Cloud.

But then, a heartbeat before he could look away, Cloud’s eyes caught his, and they were pretty, clear, and blue. There was something so understanding behind them, that when Cloud gestured for Sora to sit beside him, he did so like the younger sibling he was: one who’d always been close to his brother and didn’t want that to change.

The words that came out of Cloud’s mouth, however, weren’t what Sora was expecting. He had been ready to hear a sympathetic statement, but instead he was faced with a low whisper of, “I realize that you’re probably stressed out by this… but Sora—you keep sending me these looks, and it’s like… despite what you tell me, your heart is saying differently. That despite the—difficulty of our situation, you want it, too.”

Sora’s gaze dropped to his shoes. His heart rose up to his throat, and he swallowed against it, not sure what to say at that point. He wondered if he should lie—but would Cloud see right through it? “…Cloud, we shouldn’t even be having this discussion,” he said at last, figuring it was a safe sentence that revealed nothing and yet everything.

“I think we should be,” Cloud retorted in a casual murmur as he stood, grabbing his sleeping bag from beside their log.

Sora stood, too, so he wouldn’t have to raise his voice for Cloud to hear him. He grabbed his own bag, tossing it into the tent when Cloud opened the flap. “Well, definitely not now.”

“Tonight, then. When everyone’s gone to sleep.” Cloud’s blue eyes sought out his, as clear as they had been moments before, and then his voice became very intent, very sure. “I mean it, Sora. No more running away.” His words were a heated murmur, and his fingers played along Sora’s just as he turned his body so no one would see the movement. The caress was so sensual that Sora shivered despite himself, biting into his lower lip. “I heard you calling my name out in your sleep last night.”

Sora’s face immediately turned a bright red. What could he say to that without blatantly lying about it?

That soft chuckle that he knew so well reached his ears. “You’re right. We should eat.”

During the time that it took everyone to eat the hotdogs and chili beans over their respective camping plates, Sora felt certain that he was the only one who was so awkward. He and Cloud had reclaimed the log, and whenever their thighs brushed together, be it on accident or not, a shudder would jolt through him, and he’d nearly drop his food. Fortunately, everyone was too engrossed in separate conversations around the campfire to really notice.

Cloud ate his meal in silence. He had always been the quiet sort, and everyone expected it of him now. He’d answer a question if one was aimed at him, but other than that, he didn’t go out of his way to make small talk. Usually Sora found a sort of comfort in that—now, though, he felt he might die if he couldn’t find out what was going on in Cloud’s mind.

He didn’t really want to talk about it. He didn’t even know what he was feeling himself. It was like this sickening sort of anticipation would build up inside of him, and then when something was actually happening between them, he’d be in absolute bliss, but… the moment it was over, things went straight to hell, and he wanted to scrub his body clean. Like he was tainted—like he was dirty. Like he didn’t even deserve to have been put on this earth.

This wasn’t what that sort of thing was supposed to feel like, was it?

Wasn’t love—or sexual situations—wasn’t… wasn’t all of that supposed to be beautiful?

Sora just found it so ugly.

It was Cloud who jolted him out of this brooding to point out that the others were cleaning up—well, at least Kairi and Riku were—and getting ready to spend the evening around the campfire. Someone had pulled out a guitar, and several people had disappeared into their tents to grab warmer clothing, leaving the central area oddly quiet for the time being. Sora stood with the intention of helping his friends gather up the paper plates they had used. He stilled, though, at the feeling of a subtle touch on his wrist, his stomach sinking with a dread that had become all too commonplace lately.

It really was so ugly to him in that moment, especially as the corner of his eye caught Riku leaning in to kiss Kairi sweetly. He wanted that, not whatever this filth with Cloud was.

“Let’s go,” came from Cloud, who was standing straight and acting almost businesslike about the whole thing. And the worst part was that even then Sora found himself wanting to be treated like he was special, not a transaction.

“Cloud…” he muttered, hating how near to a whine the name sounded. Why couldn’t he be firm with his brother? Even when he tried, he never managed to be forceful enough to get anything through Cloud’s thick skull.

“Let’s go, Sora,” Cloud said again.

This time his voice was brotherly for Riku’s sake, as the boy had turned towards them and was looking on questioningly. Sora tried to smile as he shrugged at Riku, but in his mind, he wondered if this was what it felt like to be imprisoned, led away from his normal life by Cloud, his captor. He swallowed and quickly told himself not to be so dramatic. Nothing was going to happen. He was going to tell Cloud that, yes, he was confused, maybe even tempted, but they absolutely could not act on it.

When he climbed into the tent, Sora looked at the proximity of their soon-to-be sleeping arrangements and, no matter how hard he tired, he couldn’t fight an ebbing of contentment. For a second, the thought of sleeping next to another man was wonderfully appealing. Like finally getting something he’d been waiting far too long for. Then he realized that man was his brother, and he bit his lip hard to keep from growling disgustedly at himself.

“You said we’d wait for everyone to fall sleep,” Sora mumbled, though he didn’t really know why he was trying to protest. Cloud had him for now.

“Well, I don’t think some of those people are going to be getting much sleep.”

Sora narrowed his eyes, knowing exactly which couple that remark was intended for and not appreciating Cloud’s casual, almost belittling attitude towards Riku’s relationship with Kairi at all.

“Besides,” the blonde continued before Sora had the chance to retort, “I figured since you want to keep this private so badly, we should discuss it while everyone else is busy making too much noise.”

“Of course I want to keep this private,” Sora hissed, amazed by how quickly he could be angered these days. His emotions ran in extremes around Cloud, it seemed. “Do you honestly not realize how abnormal this is?”

“Sora… We’ve been through this. I know, okay? It’s followed me around since high school, since we both started to mature.” Something about that statement—the utter wrongness of it, probably—made Sora cringe, but Cloud continued heedlessly. “I’m tired, Sora. I see you going through what I did, and I already know the outcome. I know I shouldn’t pressure you… But I don’t want to wait any longer, and there’s no reason for you to, either.”

“Cloud, you can’t… You can’t expect me to make a decision like that. How can I say yes to having a relationship with my brother?”

Something Sora couldn’t define—amusement? desire? acceptance?—flickered across Cloud’s features, and before he knew it, a hand had closed around the nape of his neck. Cloud’s palm was warm, his fingers aimless as they played with the short brown hairs there, then grazed forward. In that very slight movement, Sora realized what kind of look he had seen on his brother’s face a moment ago—an opportunistic one. Cloud knew how to get to him.

Fingertips ran along his ear. The touch was so light that Sora barely felt it, but he shuddered as Cloud leaned closer. In a million years, he wouldn’t have thought that the shell of his ear would be so sensitive, but then Cloud’s tongue darted out to meet it, and it was all Sora could do to keep from getting hard on the spot.

Holy…

“You don’t have to say it,” Cloud murmured, the words factual and promising at all once.

That is true, Sora found himself thinking, his lashes fluttering shut as Cloud’s teeth closed around his ear. A fierce shudder gripped him, and his hand flailed out, grabbing a hold of Cloud’s hip. A hum of encouragement vibrated against his ear, tickling the skin behind it, and he nearly bit his tongue in half to keep back a moan of his own.

“W-Wait…” he managed to garble, pulling his head away, fighting against annoyance when his brother sighed. “Just… I’m having trouble coping with this… did you really—did you really go through what I’m going through now?”

“Yes, I told you,” Cloud replied, reaching up to push Sora’s spiky bangs off his forehead. His eyes grew softer then, as sympathetic as they had been earlier, before he had gestured for Sora to join him on the log. “And I’ll say it again—I know what’s going to happen. Eventually you’ll wind up like me—tired of being miserable, tired of denying all of this. You want it, too…” He leaned his forehead against Sora’s, his eyes slipping closed, his voice dropping to a murmur. “It’ll just be between me and you, I promise…”

He’d promised the same thing before, while they had been sipping their coffees at that shop. Even before that, when Sora had been attempting to sleep, and Cloud had come to join him at his bedside. But this time… Sora didn’t know what it was. It was like a little knot of anxiety eased inside of his chest, and before he could stop himself, he was reaching up, grabbing a hold of his brother’s shoulder, pulling him closer.

That mouth drew nearer to his own, and Sora took its full appearance in, noting that it looked as soft as ever, full and inviting. Those lips parted as if sensing Sora’s attention, and Sora’s heart did an odd flip-flop in response, setting his nerves on fire. He glanced up then, caught Cloud’s eyes staring full-fledged into his own. It was like all the restraints Cloud had kept up before were now being let free, revealing every intense emotion that he could have possibly summoned into that gaze.

Sora had never thought he would be on the receiving end of such a look. Looks like that were the wanting looks, the hopelessly devoted looks, the I’m-going-eat-you-up-with-my-lust looks, and yet also, they were the strangely vulnerable God-just-want-me-too looks. And how was Sora supposed to resist such an expression? Now he was stunned, his breath caught somewhere in his ribcage. His heart pounded fast, fluttering against his chest, jumping when Cloud’s tongue darted out to briefly wet his lips.

And then it happened—

Cloud’s arms snaked around his waist, pulling Sora against him. Sora’s hands entangled in downy soft strands of hair, then lowered, cupping around his brother’s neck. He rose on his tiptoes, Cloud bent his head forward, and their mouths collided almost roughly against each other, sending every thought of protest fleeing from Sora’s mind.

The tightening in his stomach was almost unbearable, but in the very best way, and it drew a suppressed moan from Sora’s throat. For the first time in his life, he knew what it was like to be properly kissed, to have another body press eagerly against his, and the sensations were dizzying. Cloud’s mouth was every bit as appealing as it had always looked, and Sora’s mind spun each time it shifted slowly against his.

Tongues followed; tentatively from Sora at first, but Cloud was patient and coaxing, and before long, Sora found the lapping, entangling motions plainly sensual. He gripped Cloud closer at the feeling of another jolt in the lowest point of his abdomen. His knees felt wobbly and ready to give out, but the kiss only deepened as he clung on.

God, he was really letting his hormones take over, wasn’t he? But it was about time. Cloud was right. They both needed this; they’d both been waiting, watching other people fall in love, for too long. Why couldn’t they have it, too?

Sora felt the fabric along his back inch away from the hem of his jeans as one of Cloud’s hands dug into the area of shirt between his shoulder blades. Soon after, deft fingers sought out the newly revealed skin, playing gently along Sora’s spine. As he melted into the touch, Sora wondered if he’d ever figure out how his brother knew exactly when to tease and just what sort of pressure to apply. Then Cloud’s entire hand splayed over the small of his back, and he pushed that thought aside to enjoy the fading moments of their embrace.

Their kiss slowed, lingered, and then broke off, saliva trailing between them to Sora’s slight embarrassment. His cheeks heated. “Cloud,” he muttered the name, his voice rough and tremulous.

His brother didn’t answer, but Sora felt a nose nuzzle into his spikes, and then wet lips pressed against his temple. Cloud’s hold was almost too tight; the blonde’s arms nearly shook with the force of it, and Sora felt overwhelmed. But he liked Cloud like this—almost… grateful. He didn’t entirely want to admit it, because it seemed to validate all of the hard-to-get games Cloud had been playing earlier, but Sora was glad to have this appreciative side of his brother back. All of Cloud’s attention and warmth and fervency—he wanted it.

“We…” Sora swallowed to clear the constricted feeling from his throat, but when he managed to speak, his voice was still thick with emotion. “We have to do this at my pace, okay? You can’t… spring anything on me.”

Cloud loosened his grip such that Sora was able to look into his slightly greener (and much prettier, Sora thought unavoidably) eyes as he spoke. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but eventually, Sora…” The already low voice trailed off. Nerves fluttered around in Sora’s stomach as Cloud paused to brush his bangs aside again before continuing: “You know what I want. We can’t avoid—”

And then “Wind storm!” was the enthusiastic warning that cut instantly into Cloud’s forming monologue.

At the sound of Tidus’s voice and the crackle of a tarp, both brothers jumped apart, Sora more hurriedly and with wide eyes. He wiped furiously at his lips as they held some remaining evidence of the kiss, while outside, Riku and Tidus rustled the sides of their tent playfully, the former calling over the noise for them to join everyone around the campfire.

Sora could see Cloud thinking about how much time they had before the boys burst in, and trying to guess exactly what could be heard over the flapping of their tent. He seemed to decide they were safe. Sora froze as Cloud, all reassurance and no alarm to speak of, reached out and fixed his recently tousled spikes carefully. The soft smile on those just-kissed lips was telling Sora to send his friends away so that they could enjoy the rest of their moment together.

Oh, God, Sora mentally whimpered. There was nothing but a sheet of plastic between them and the others, and Cloud was doing this now?

Of course he was.

And as those slender fingers circled around his hips again, tugging him forward, Sora found his resolve melting away. He shivered as Cloud’s mouth sought out his own, this time not bothering with the light stuff for long. A warm tongue caressed boldly against his, and Sora hummed, stroking back in a welcoming greeting. Why did he lose control when Cloud touched him? When Cloud wanted him?

The sounds of their kissing were wet and hungry, and if anyone had bothered coming straight up against the side of the tent, they probably still wouldn’t have heard it over the racket outside. It calmed Sora a little, and his fingers stretched out, curling against the front of Cloud’s jeans, brushing against the bare skin beneath his sweater. Despite the slight chill pervading through the camp’s atmosphere, Cloud was like a furnace, and before long Sora’s hands were greedily leeching from it, tracing up a firm abdomen. The muscles trembled beneath his touch, and he was reminded of that day in the bedroom when he had imagined doing this.

Now it was finally coming true.

“God, Sora, your touch is driving me crazy,” Cloud breathed against his mouth, grasping Sora’s hip bones, but it wasn’t painful. If anything, it urged Sora to continue wandering, his fingers tickling over Cloud’s ribcage. “If you don’t stop…” He let it hang, his breath quickening, and Sora could make out the pounding of his heart beneath his palm.

If he didn’t stop, Cloud would—what? Deep down, he knew what…

Did Sora want to push this? Did he want to test Cloud’s warning, see if his brother would follow through with it? A darker, eager part of him was whispering, “Yes.” But the Sora that knew that they had company still awake outside, that knew that they could be walked in on any moment, wasn’t so certain.

His hands slipped away. “Maybe we should wait to do this—it’s really risky right now, Cloud,” he said, his tone placating, and when Cloud gave him an uncertain look—like he didn’t trust that Sora wasn’t going to revert back to his shell, “I want to.” He leaned up on his tiptoes again, placing a kiss to that perfect mouth, as soft and tender as he could make it. “But I’m worried about being walked in on.”

Cloud’s fingers found his hair, stroking the base of his skull. “You’re right,” he sighed at last.

Sora looked down, a frown twisting at his lips. “I wish that if we were walked in on, it could just be something everybody laughed off, you know? But instead… all these secrets…”

“Hey…” Cloud’s fingers cupped his chin and tilted his head up in a way that reminded Sora of when they were much younger and he had pouted over less important things. “It doesn’t matter,” Cloud promised. “When they’re not around, we’ll have lots of time to be ourselves, okay?”

His eyes still locked with his brother’s, Sora paused to allow the words time to filter through his mind. Could they honestly keep their relationship a secret? And more importantly, could they ever be a normal couple? Sora tried to imagine being with Cloud on a date, in a restaurant or at the movies, holding hands, sharing glances the way he always thought he would with his future boyfriends. But he knew that Cloud and he would have to be so much more careful with their displays of affection.

The world suddenly seemed to close in, as if isolating his brother and him for the choice they’d made. It was going to be Cloud, him, and no one else, if what they were doing ever turned into anything long-term, for who other than they could accept it? Sora felt suffocated. He had to get out of this tent before Riku and Tidus started to wonder what was keeping him.

Sora looked at Cloud a second longer, nearly spoke, but ultimately wrung his hands and stepped around the blonde for the tent flap. He didn’t know what message he was trying to send—probably because he still hadn’t sorted out his emotions. One moment, Cloud was the most attractive person in the world to him, and the next, practically the most abhorrent. It wasn’t fair, Sora knew, but all he could think to do was to return to the normality of the campfire with his friends, who were now calling for him to hurry up.

Yet it was Cloud’s hoodie he grabbed before leaving the tent and stepping out into the crisp night air. The same sweater he’d been wearing when their Monopoly game had turned into a wrestling match and he’d caught that unspeakable something smoldering in Cloud’s eyes for the first time. Thinking of that moment, he pulled the sweater on, knowing that his brother’s gaze would turn possessive at the gesture. Some part of him liked it—liked the way the hoodie hung loosely and told of Cloud’s more developed frame—and he acknowledged it, slipping through the flap of their tent with a deep breath.

“What were you two doing in there?” Riku asked out of the corner of his mouth as Sora fell into step beside him. Tidus was moving ahead, and Sora could hear Cloud emerging from the tent behind them, giving the two boys a small degree of privacy as they walked towards the center of their group campsite.

“Heh—nothing. I couldn’t find my toothpaste,” Sora lied, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously. “You know what a terrible packer I am.”

“Yeah… You sure you’re okay? You look a little hot,” Riku noted, eyeing the flush on Sora’s features.

Sora looked away, feeling guilty that Riku was looking for signs of fever or illness, when all he was really going to find was a blush and kiss-swollen lips. As much as Sora appreciated the concern from his best friend, he couldn’t stand the thought of Riku ever finding out what he had just done. He had to stop the questioning before it revealed something nobody ever needed to know.

“Riku…”

“Yeah?”

“I’m fine, okay? Really. Stop worrying about me.”

Despite his best efforts to keep a steady voice, Sora very much doubted that he sounded fine. Riku seemed to be of the same opinion because he examined Sora for a moment longer and then glanced at Cloud. That shift in focus made Sora hold his breath and left him with nothing to do but look on, reading every angle of Riku’s face carefully for signs of suspicion. But he saw none. Of course there were none. Riku wasn’t going to assume something like incest. He wasn’t looking for anything more than a clue that maybe Cloud had noticed Sora’s recent nervousness, too.

“You’ll tell me if there’s anything…” Riku trailed off, obviously left with nothing solid to go on as Cloud breezed by, as collected and worry-free as ever.

Sora nodded, reiterating for the last time that there was nothing to tell, no reason for Riku to worry. He was sure his friend wouldn’t pressure him with questions any longer. When Riku knew Sora wasn’t in the mood for talking, he always respected that, trusting that they’d discuss whatever the issue was when Sora was ready.

Once, there had been a small part of Sora that had thought maybe Riku would somehow end what was happening between him and Cloud before it could get out of hand. Because Riku was too involved in his life for something so huge to slip by unnoticed, and not even Cloud wanted anyone else to know what they were doing. But it was out of hand, and Sora had just asked for space to let it continue. He’d made it easier for Cloud, for their relationship, and he even wasn’t sure if he regretted it or not.