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Snow Tigra
Author of 71 Stories |
Chapter 3
The lights were always blinding the first time he stepped out. Shining spotlights, taller then he was, were set in the back of the tent and aimed to the center top to light the entire place. Then another light, shined down on him as he stepped out, blinding his eyes so that he could only hope that there wasn't anything lying on the ground in front of him as he stepped out and prayed he wouldn't trip.
He could hear the people around him, hushed whispers and cheers and comments about how young he looked, how small he was and debating on whether or not he was a kid or a midget. He responded by doing a couple poses as he walked out, just as he'd been taught and he stepped over to the large heart shaped thing in the middle of the ring. The thing was a piece of wood, set upon a spinning platform, with places for him to hold on with his hands and feet. Sora took a deep breath, being sure to smile – always smile – and pulled himself onto the wooden platform, strapping himself in tightly.
In front of him, the other person in the ring posed and bowed to the crowd. He was a mean looking man, his side burns grown out while the rest of his hair was pulled back in long, tight dreadlocks that were set off by his patchwork performance outfit of different shades of leather. Large boots, large hands and just large all around, he looked like a force to be reckoned with. Oh, and the knives he was now holding, blazing metallic purple in his hands thanks to the lights, didn't help the situation either.
Always smile, that's what Sora had been taught. Smile and keep your eyes open as the platform begins to spin. Don't pay attention to the man standing in front of you, don't pay attention to the sound of the daggers and blades whining past your ears. Don't pay attention to the sound of them embedding themselves into the wood next to your body. Don't pay attention to the couple that will cut your clothes.
Sora just smiled and watched the crowd as the platform spun and the blades hit the wood around him, the crowd cheering and gasping in worry. It was an old trick, but it always seemed to delight them as he faced possible death from the burly man.
The platform spun and Sora forced himself to smile more, willing his stomach to not react to the spinning and swirling lights.
Then he noticed a face in the crowd.
A quiet face with deep bluish-gold eyes and hair and skin so white that they matched.
Riku.
The spinning stopped and Sora stumbled toward him, looking at the boy in the crowd until he was only a foot or so away.
Then the boy pounced, darting right toward him like a crazed animal-
Sora sat up in bed and winced as he knocked his head against the wall thanks to the twisted way he'd fallen asleep. Rubbing his head he stumbled out of bed and kicked his alarm clock. He was a full 10 minutes from when he normally woke up, but he was awake now, so better to avoid hearing that horrible sound then going back to sleep. Turning the clock back over with his foot he hit the off button with his toe and stumbled over to pull on his clothes.
The sun wasn't even up yet, and he could still hear the silence that usually starts around 3 am when literally everything has fallen asleep. The birds weren't awake and there was just silence. It was slightly refreshing.
Sora stretched and smiled as he went about his normal routine. Get up, clean up, get dressed, eat a can of something for breakfast – today it was a nasty canned pasta with fake meat – and then head out of the building toward work.
His apartment was sad and unremarkable, really only containing what other people might consider garbage. He'd managed to get a small table somewhere along the line, lacking one of it's legs, but it still stood as long as you only used one side. Canned food was all he could keep, thanks to having no way to warm or cool food, so he'd become accustomed to the taste. At this point it was really just something to keep his stomach from annoying him all day long, and sometimes it wasn't that bad. Besides, there was always some food booth to clean during the day and he snatched real food then, when no one was looking.
Course, back when he'd lived with the circus, his living quarters hadn't been much better. Back then he'd shared a tent, or if he was lucky, a trailer with a good portion of the crew. He remembered that Axel was always 'sleeping' with someone, usually pretty loudly; while Xigbar snored loud enough to send the tent flying into the air like a tornado. He'd never had a tent of his own and he'd grown accustomed to sharing one with 3 or 4 other people at a time, depending on the stop and how much room they had to pitch tents that weren't show related. He'd thought he would love having a place to himself in the real world and sometimes it was worth it, but most of the time it was just lonely.
Sora reached the plot of land where the circus and his job were set up, just as the sun was peeking over the horizon and ready to blind him. He was early, which actually worked out pretty well for him. Without much of a second thought, Sora walked toward the freaks tent.
Once inside the darkness was thick and crowding, forcing him to stop for several minutes before his eyes would adjust to the world around him. Once they did, however, he made his way through the exhibits to the back, where he knew Riku would be. As he walked his hand searched in his pocket for the items he'd grabbed last night.
Riku caught sight of him as soon as he stepped into that section of the tent. The white haired boy didn't move much, but his eyes followed Sora's every move as he stepped up to the cage, watching him warily.
"Morning," Sora whispered. "I know it's early, but I work late… and I wanted to bring you something." Pulling his hand from his pocket, it came out with two suckers about the size of flat walnuts, in the shape of a star. He took the wrappers off both of them, then moved over to the opening and reached his hand in, holding it out for Riku. "It's candy, it's really good. You eat it."
The white haired boy watched Sora quietly, not moving for a long time, then he slowly inched forward and snatched away the sucker, quickly darting back to the middle of the cage, holding it tight enough to bend the small stick. Sora's smile only wavered a little from surprise, but not much.
"See? You eat it like this." Lifting the sucker to his mouth, he licked at the sucker slowly, showing Riku how to do it. The sugar tasted good, much better then the poor excuse he'd had for a breakfast. He hoped the boy would also like it.
Riku frowned quietly at the sucker, then tilted it and took a small lick, trying it. Almost immediately he blinked, looking at the candy with interest. He tried licking it again, and this time kept doing so, apparently enjoying the candy.
"Yes! Just like that. But don't eat the stick, ok? That part doesn't taste good." Sora smiled and put his sucker into his mouth as he stood up. "I have to go work now, but I'll stop by later, I promise."
Riku stopped licking the sucker and moved closer to Sora, pressing his hand against the glass quietly, waiting for him to do something.
Sora smiled and pressed his hand against Riku's. "I promise. I'll be back later."
Then the boy did one of the strangest and unlikely things Sora had ever seen. He smiled. But it wasn't just a smile, it was a large one, mimicking Sora's smile, and seeming just as happy. Sora couldn't help but giggle a bit as he nodded and stepped out of the tent, nearly skipping to work.
He was already thinking about what kind of candy he could snatch for Riku tomorrow. The boy deserved more then just the simple meal that was pushed near him yesterday. Sora was even considering sneaking into the candy store and sneaking back out with a whole assortment to offer the boy. He couldn't wait to see that smile on his face more, every morning in fact-
Sora stumbled back and landed on the ground, wincing. Mentally he kicked himself for not paying attention. Hadn't he just run into someone yesterday and today he'd done it again. This was already turning out to be a great day.
"So you're the old kid?" The tone was insulting, patronizing and Sora looked up to see his 'replacement' standing in front of him with a mocking smile. Great. Life was just perfect just now.
"Let me guess, Roxas? Sorry, I didn't see you." Sora moved to stand up again, brushing himself off.
The blond boy smirked down at Sora, not even considering offering him a hand. Instead he just watched Sora stand up, his eyes moving over the now dirty uniform and the uncombed hair. "I can't believe I was worried when they said we were coming back to the town you stayed in. Thought you'd come back and I'd be out of a job… but I don't think they could be paid to hire you back on."
"Yeah, because I'm sure you look much better after cleaning out the animal cages." Sora muttered.
"As if I'd be given a job like that. You should head back to your job, boy, before I get you fired from this one as well." Roxas stepped past him, smirking more. "Which I'm sure Axel will do for me."
Sora didn't dignify that with a response, mostly because he couldn't think of one. Making some comment that he'd actually enjoyed cleaning out the animal cages just really didn't seem to have that much of a punch, especially against such a rude little… slut. Sora blushed at even thinking such a word and quickly ran off to the ticket booth, as if trying to escape his own thought.
Even if it was true.
The circus sounds and lights were hard and heavy on Sora's mind as he spent the entire day on the repeated motions of processing money and tickets. Cash came in and out of the window, followed by checks and cards, all paying for a couple hours worth of people dancing, juggling and keeping tigers back with a whip and chair. Face paint was reapplied on the clowns, growls and cries of glee from children, only to be followed by screams and annoying whining when it was time to go home.
Sora was quite sure he could sleep through his job and count money while he was unconscious and would have done exactly that, if he could have kept his job at the same time. From his little glass booth he could occasionally see the others, but they were usually rushing by with last minute preparations, or looking for a quick fix to a trick that had stopped working. Costume repairs, changes in performances… the day was a blur and it seemed to Sora all he had to do was blink, and the day was over. It was time to clean and the majority of the circus troupe had turned in for the night, all ready to sleep before another hard day's work.
He barely even saw any of them anymore… not that it mattered much as most wouldn't talk to him.
Lights turned off and money handed over to be put into the safe, Sora made his way to pick up the large amount of garbage scattered across the packed dirt ground, yawning and waiting for the lights to shut out, signaling that he could leave. He was so settled into cleaning and his brain zoning out that he didn't even hear the slow foot steps behind him.
"How is the new job treating you, Sora?"
Sora blinked and nearly dropped his bag of garbage, but somehow managed to scramble and keep it from spilling all around. He turned and found the tall figure of the circus manager standing in front of him.
Xemnas had owned this troupe for quite a long time, or at least as long as Sora could remember. The man wasn't the normal short and chubby stereotype that most attributed to circus managers, but rather a tall and well built man with years outside giving him a permanent caramel color to his skin. His age showed in his hair, leaving it a distinguished grey that flowed past his shoulders and highlighted eyes the color of amber. He had the face that could be threatening one second, then incredibly comforting the next, all with just the right tilt of his lips. Sora couldn't help but smile at seeing the man, and resisted the huge urge to sigh in relief that there was no ill will between the two of them. That much was obvious by Xemnas' carefree smile and loose stance, beneath his trademark leather coat and well pressed clothes.
"I guess its fine, kind of boring actually."
Xenmas responded with a soft chuckle and patted Sora's shoulder in a knowing fashion. "The outside world is very much that, normally. The trick, much like here, is to find a way to make yourself stand out."
"Maybe, if I pick up the garbage in a pattern, I can make art in the dirt." Sora returned a goofy smile that was mostly forced. He'd been pretty carefree when he was living with the circus, but trying to survive in the so called normal world had jaded his vision and in spite of Xemnas' words probably being true, Sora really just couldn't see how he could make himself noticeable. Especially not in a way that would make his life any different. Maybe he just wanted to return to the circus because life had been easier… safer.
Sora tugged on the garbage bag and tried to think of a subject to change to, that wouldn't let his mind dwell on depressing things. The troupe master seemed to notice this and beckoned with his hand for Sora to follow him back to his trailer. Sora nodded and quickly left the garbage bag leaning against the side of one of the tents, following the man's steps. His stomach rumbled at the unspoken hope of food and drink that didn't come from a cheap aluminum can and Sora couldn't keep the smile from his face as he climbed up the worn wooden steps and went through the squeaky old screen door.
The trailer, which was one of only a few owned by the circus, was decked out in posters from previous shows. Sora recognized his own face on a couple of the posters, but most were dominated with Xemnas' image over the years and the occasional Axel surrounded by fire, and the others in their various acts as they took turns being the title show for the year. Each poster was meticulously matted and framed, lining the walls with the extras laying carefully in the corner in a neat pile. Xemnas kept a copy of each, preserving it for his own collection, and using it as a spring board to design a new one each year. His painting supplies were kept tucked securely above in the corner shelf, waiting for the next flyer or poster to be designed. It was whispered that Xemnas was raised in a family of well known painters from overseas and had inherited all of their talent, but none of their interests. He'd run away to the circus and found other uses for his talents.
Sora remembered trading stories back and forth with Demyx and Xigbar about who in the circus did what before they came here. Most of the stories about the members were made up and created from what little they knew, because people who ran away to the circus always had something to hide and were never eager to share.
"Would you like something to drink?"
Sora nodded his head quickly. "Yes please." He let his eyes wander the trailer, noting the changes and the new poster in the corner. It was the newest one, obviously meant for this year. Staring back at him, from within a technicolor glass box, was the white haired boy, his eyes painted with an eerie gold color. Diz's impressive and foreboding figure stood behind him, the shadows covering half his figure and hinting at the deep and painful burns and scars that covered his body under the wrappings, while the name of the circus curved up the other side. Xemnas' painting this year looked more like the poster to some horror movie, but that seemed to be what people were into these days.
A steaming cup was set in front of Sora and he quickly picked it up, breathing in the cinnamon and vanilla flavored air. His stomach was more vocal this time, screaming at his nose for hogging the flavor and Sora quickly started drinking it, but not too quickly as he wanted to savor the taste and the luxury if only for a moment.
Xemnas returned to his seat with his own drink, smiling at Sora and watching him treat the glass like a precious treasure to be devoured. Sora returned the smile and drank more, sitting back in the torn and loved leather chair to enjoy the warmth sliding down his throat. He let himself imagine that this was his home, living in this trailer with the warm smell of vanilla and cinnamon and drying paint hanging in the air. Buzzing lights from the ceiling and the bugs starting to hit against the window outside. He wrapped the comfort of the place around himself and enjoyed it for all he could, even imagining for a second that he was the painter and the creator. That he was wearing a worn set of clothing not because it was all he had, but because it was what he could stand to get paint on. Reds and blues were smudged across his fingers, and the brush in his hand was poised and ready to draw a world of shadows and light, all for people to see as they bought their tickets and crossed into the main tent for the show of the night. He was the one behind it, he was the one who belonged… not the one who'd left.
He set the cup down and opened his eyes, watching the condensation on the side of the glass slide down and settle on the secondhand wood. Looking up, he gave Xemnas another smile, this one a bit sadder then normal. "It still feels like home… but I think you're right. I'm probably not trying hard enough."
The older man nodded, setting down his own glass. "You're welcome to stop in at any time Sora. I know the others aren't the best with ones who leave, but that doesn't mean that everyone here hates you. Some are just jealous that you were brave enough to do it."
Sora kept the smartass remark welling up in his mind to himself and just smiled, standing up. "I should get back to work. Good luck with your painting." Sora lifted the cup to make sure he got that last drop while he could, then hurried out of the trailer, grabbing his garbage bag and already feeling better about himself and the night. Maybe things weren't so bad after all, maybe he just needed to try harder.
Or maybe he just needed to concentrate on happy thoughts to make it through the night and one more day. Either way it was what he was doing and he'd worry about tomorrow when it was tomorrow.
The night passed quickly and Sora cleaned up the circus in record time, still running on his high when it was time to leave. For once in the last month he'd have time to get a full night's sleep before work in the morning. The rare motivation had helped his situation and he decided he had plenty of time to stop by and say hello to the boy in the tent before going home to sleep. So he dropped off his garbage bag in the huge dumpster and wove his way back past Xemnas' trailer to reach the freak tent.
He might have made it that far as well, if he hadn't noticed the strange smell wafting from the trailer and the fact that the door was hanging slightly off the hinge, one of the corners bent in and keeping it from closing tightly. Sora frowned and stepped up the wooden stairs, wincing as they creaked under his pitiful weight.
"Hello?"
Sora pulled open the door and stepped into the trailer, his eyes moving over the dark room before him. For a moment he couldn't see a thing, but then he started to pick out the familiar furniture and paintings that he'd seen only hours before. Xemnas was nowhere to be seen, just paintings and the desk…
As his eyes adjusted he began to notice that his eyes were lying to him at first. The room wasn't the same as before. Now the desk was slid back, marks on the floor from how quickly it was moved and how it scraped the worn wood. The shelf in the corner was broken, paint splattered over the walls and a couple of the paintings and posters that had the misfortune of being too close to the main site of the spill. The pile of paintings in the corner had suffered the most, as it was right under the broken shelves. Paint was spread all over the floor and the carpet, a dark mixed brown.
It seemed to take forever for Sora to notice the shape laying sprawled over the destroyed pile of paintings. And even when he saw it, he couldn't quite make himself believe that's what it really was. After all, he'd never seen one before in his life and he certainly could have never afforded to see what they looked like in the movies or popular media.
It took forever for Sora to realize he was looking down at a dead body.
Though, it only took him seconds to realize that it was Xemnas, and that wasn't all paint on the floor staining the wood.
It was blood.
