|Thin Line Between Love and Hate
Author: Elizabeth Perry PM
Addek One Shot. Takes an alternate ending after the last GA's episode. Kinda long, please let me know what you think! Added another One Shot 11132006.Rated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 18,192 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 11-13-06 - Published: 11-08-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3235826
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Note: This is my first one shot so please be gentle:)
Derek looked up from his position of reviewing the chart to see Addison leaning against the counter with a defeated look in her eyes and her briefcase in her hand.
Derek sat down his chart and crossed his arms in what he now termed his "defensive Addison" stance. He didn't want to admit how much it hurt when on the heels of their divorce, Addison had confessed to him about the true nature of her relationship with his one time best friend. It had in effect devastated him which had thrown him for a loop. If he was in love with Meredith like he claimed, why was he so still torn apart over the realization that his wife hadn't been completely honest with him when she came to Seattle?
"Addison, there's nothing you and I need to discuss. Why are you even saying Goodbye to me now? What purpose does it serve?"
He watched as the flicker of hurt shimmered in her eyes as she looked down. She clutched her purse to her like a life-line and exhaled softly. She looked up as she bit on the bottom of her lip as if she was weighing her next words, "You win Derek. I give up. You got your divorce, you got Meredith, you have everything and I have nothing. I will leave Seattle to you. Enjoy."
After leaving those parting words she turned to leave when something inside of Derek called him to ask why. He grabbed her by the arm and felt shock when he realized that she had lost weight because even the grip on her arm wasn't the same. She turned on her heel and faced him and motioned for him to release her.
Derek cleared his throat and spoke gruffly, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched you like that. So what, you are just giving up everything? What does this mean? Why give you up your life and your practice when you could make millions in Seattle?"
Addison coldly chuckled and said "You are so naïve. You don't get it, and maybe you never did which is another reason why I'm leaving. I came to Seattle not because I couldn't stay with Mark but because I couldn't love him the way I loved you. He swore to me that you didn't love me, he swore to me that everything that you felt for me had died and I didn't believe him. I didn't know how to put words to the hurt I caused you or the pain you caused me with your indifference. Whatever it was, all I wanted was a chance to fix us. You never really gave me that chance; you dragged me through rumor mills in this hospital calling me everything from Satan and worse. I stayed, some would call me a glutton for punishment, and others would call me gullible. I called it being in love; however you showed me the true meaning of the word betrayal."
Addison rolled her eyes and exhaled as she turned around, "I don't know why I'm even bothering telling you this. I need to go, my flight will be late and you don't care anyway."
Derek shook his head, "You speak to me of betrayal when you slept…."
Addison snorted as she cut him off, "If I for one moment thought that what I did with Mark even got into the realm of your subconscious I would apologize again. You just used Mark and me as an out, an out to hide from your true feelings for me. You don't love me Derek, you stopped loving me years ago and instead of being a man and letting me go or being honest, you dragged me on hoping I would give up first but you forgot how stubborn I was…"
Derek grabbed for her again not wanting to give up the connection that had at one time sustained his very breath so he acted out, "I didn't fall out of love with you I saw you in bed with Mark. Why are you leaving anyway didn't Mark promise you the world?"
Addison turned and clutched to her purse tighter as she started off and said "I need to go, I don't have time for your theatrics right now or this pretend jealous act. You have everything you ever wanted, you can be free to be with Meredith all through the halls of Seattle Grace and I won't bother you. I won't even speak to you because I won't be here. I asked you for what you wanted and it was Seattle. The only thing, I want to beg of you is to leave me alone. I don't ever want to see you again."
Derek closed his eyes and said "Addi."
Addison flinched and spoke tonelessly, "You have lost all rights were I'm concerned Derek. Don't call me anything and especially not a name you used to call me when we made love."
Addison started walking when Derek spoke up again from behind her, "What about Mark?"
Addison turned around and said "What does it matter anyway? You don't love me and I don't matter so please tell me how my relationship with Mark affects you?"
Derek shrugged and decided indifference was the way to go and said coldly, "Just trying to keep up with the gossip mill that's all."
Six Months Later
Derek Shepherd was in hell. A hell of his own making. When his mother had sent his sister in to assess the situation and his emotional wellbeing he had no idea that on the end of that trip he would see Addison leave Seattle with her heart in tow and alone.
His name had been mud for the first couple of weeks after she left Seattle. Miranda had sent him looks that had him running for cover every time he saw her and she made snipping noises when she saw him that made him fear for his manly parts. Richard growled at him every time he spoke and wouldn't speak to him outside the realm of work. Mark was the one person who shocked him with the reaction of Addison leaving Seattle. It was almost as if Mark had flourished in the time that Addison had left Seattle. He had settled down his whoring ways and become in a serious relationship with the ortho surgeon, Dr. Callie Torres to the astonishment of everyone. What had been more shocking was the fact that they seemed to click as they both could go toe to toe with each other and still be happy.
He only wished that his own story with Meredith could have had such a happy ending. Two months into their dating Derek realized the thrill was gone. She was immature, she whined and was self-centered he was unhappy about everything and with everyone. She was a complex person with complications and she bored the hell out of him because he could finally admit to himself that she wasn't Addison and no matter how hard he tried, that's who he wanted. He had tried to feel anything for her because in his mind, he had given up everything for her but it didn't work. The love he swore to everyone he felt for her, fell apart in the light of day when they were together and forced to make a go of their relationship just the two of them. He had made her miserable and she had made him miserable. They had come to the realization after having what was the fifth fight in a 3 day time period. She had met him in the cafeteria and bluntly told him that they couldn't go on like this. He nodded in agreement and asked if they were wrong to try again to give it their all this time. Meredith shrugged and said we are both unhappy and have ruined not just our lives but those of Finn and Addison with their mistakes and that they needed to stop making mistakes and the first step was to go back to their normal relationship, whatever that was.
Just that one name had the power to strike a chord in his heart. How the last words that he spoke to her kept resounding in his head made him nauseous. He had been so cruel to her and she had just smiled at him each time while he killed a little more of her. His family had been right, he was a coward. They called him those names and worse each week on their weekly conference call. His mother had been quiet lately in respect to him after the first time he had asked her if she spoke with Addison. She refused to talk with him about Addison, she said that he had lost that right with the way he treated her. He then got into a fight with his mother about how Addison had been the way to betray him first and how she should be on his side and she had finally hung up the phone in his face after realizing it was a fight she wasn't going to win. Two weeks later and three cookie bouquets later, his mother spoke to him and accepted his apology and asked him a question that had him sitting here in his dark trailer with a beer in his hand and the muted pictures of the TV in the background.
"Do you still love her?"
His first instinct had been to laugh in his mother's face and rebuke the absurd notion but then he shut his mouth as his mother spoke again. "You need to figure out your feelings because if you didn't love her, why does it still hurt so much when she's mentioned? You should be indifferent."
So he went to an already angry Richard and asked for the week off. Richard had waved his hand and after insuring that Derek had proper backup sent him on his way. So here he was sitting in his trailer realizing what a mess he had made of his life. What the hell had he done?
11 years, 11 birthdays, 11 Christmases, 11 Thanksgiving. She had been his family and he had sent her away.
He had screwed over the one person who had always been there for him and he didn't know what to do. He couldn't dare ask anyone in SGH for the forwarding address of Addison for fear of castration in the middle of the hospital without anesthesia and he knew if the fight with his mother was any indication she wouldn't be receptive of the idea of his phone call either which left him with only one other option.
Ask Mark Sloan.
Mark Sloan, his ex-best friend and the "adulterous sociopath" as he so aptly named him had to have the contact information for Addison. He needed to see her, if even it was only for a moment, only to apologize and beg her for forgiveness so he would humble himself and ask Mark for the number. He had treated her cruelly and he needed her forgiveness because he recognized he couldn't pick up the pieces of his life without it.
He was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of the phone ringing, "What the hell have you done?"
Derek flinched at the aggravated tone in his sister's voice, " Nancy so good to hear from you. What's going on with you?"
Nancy screeched in his ear, "You know if you weren't my little brother, I would rip your throat out from across this phone line but instead I'm calling you to warn you that you have 30 minutes to get to the airport otherwise your going to be late to catch your flight."
Derek exhaled a calming breath and said " Nancy, why am I going to the airport? Is something wrong with Mom?"
He could hear Nancy pause and he wanted to scream. Whenever his sister's had something to tell him, they would pause to ponder how to tell him, it was almost as if they didn't trust him to react in a normal manner. It was a habit that Addison had picked up as well when he married her, as his thoughts inadvertently drifted back to her he heard his sister call his name repeatedly.
"Sorry about that Nancy, I got distracted."
Nancy snorted, "Still thinking of your slutty intern?"
Derek grimaced and said "Why don't you tell me instead why I'm supposed to be on a plane within the next thirty minutes?"
Nancy exhaled sharply and said "Mom is in the hospital."
Derek stood up and started for the door as he reached for the keys to his car and ran out to his car. As he slammed the door behind him he barked into the phone, "Why the hell didn't you say so? What's wrong with Mom?"
Nancy smiled and said "It's not Mom per se."
Derek swore under his breath as he got into his SUV and pulled out into the main thoroughfare and said, "What the hell are you trying to do Nancy? I'm having a heart attack over here. How am I going to the airport anyway, I assumed you already bought my ticket?"
Nancy smirked and he could swear he could see her smirk over the phone, "Of course your ticket is waiting for you at the counter. Listen, all I can tell you is Mom called me from the hospital and said that my mission was to get you to Manhattan within the next 2 hours or else she would never forgive me. I was of course under the assumption she was joking but then she called by my full name Derek….My full name."
Derek slammed on his brakes as he was coming to a red light as he cruised down the Feeder road before signaling to get on the freeway, "She called you your full name. She only does that in times…."
Nancy nodded and finished the sentence for him, "She doesn't call by my full name unless she's dying or someone's giving birth."
Derek listened as she mused aloud, "Someone has to be dying because Mom's not give birth anytime soon."
Addison opened her eyes slowly as she was coming back to consciousness and noticed the dimmed light from the lamp in front of her bed. It had been a difficult couple of months for her, when she had left Derek at the hospital all those months ago it had been with the hope that she would be able to forget him with time. But life has away of sneaking up and slapping the mess out of you. She had been feeling especially weak and nauseous for weeks after her return to Manhattan, all which she had chalked up to the fact that she was finally away from the better half of her soul and she no longer had any reason to go on pretending that she wasn't in pain. She had been one of those stupid romantics who believed the Greek legend about how everyone walked around the earth looking for her soul mate which she swore she had found in Derek. However when the doctor had laughed in her face and said you're not dying your just pregnant, she couldn't have been more shocked. She was in effect about to become a single mother. For a prestigious doctor like herself that wasn't acceptable, she was going to have to include Derek in her life again. He was going to be apart of her child's life and all her hopes and dreams of putting her disastrous marriage behind her, flew out the window.
She was going to become her mother. She hated the memory of Margaret Forbes Montgomery. The woman who had helped make her firm in her decision to become the complete polar opposite of her mother in every aspect of her personality. Her mother had been a woman who had loved her father with her everything and through all of his infidelities, abuse and alcoholism she stood by his side. She smiled when the gossip was flying around the society in their town because she loved her husband and her place was by his side. She didn't try to shut the mouths of those vipers because she knew that what they were saying was true. Addison had detested her father for putting her mother in that position but at times she hated her mother for not standing up for herself. Her mother had come from money and was smart enough to be able to survive on her own. She had never understood why she stayed so when her mother had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer she had gotten closer to her. It was almost like she realized that she might never have another chance to make up for leaving her mother behind and she had been shocked to realize that her mother had told her that when the type of love that she had for her father came along you would give them anything to keep them in your lives even if it meant looking like you were chasing after a impossible dream and were the laughingstock of all your friends and that she didn't regret a moment of her life with him. She swore to her mother up and down that day that she would never be in a position for a man to make her feel that way. Yet six months ago as she stared at the test results from her gynecologist that stated she was three months pregnant she recalled her mother's words and realized the truth in her mother's words.
She would never, not love Derek Shepherd. She would never, not want to be by his side but she would never, be his wife again. It was that thought that started her spiral into depression. She was pregnant with her ex-husband's child who didn't care if she lived or died and she was only surviving by the grace of God and she needed help to cope.
Her first call had been surprisingly to her ex-mother in-law who told her off after she asked if she could come by and talk to her.
"Addison, just because my son was stupid enough to divorce you doesn't give you the right to come to my home and insult me, for me you will always be one of my daughters' so please continue calling me Mom."
Addison felt her heart lift at the words. As sad as it was she had bonded more with Derek's mother than she had her own. There was something inviting about Derek's family. Even though she had been terrified with anxiety that they wouldn't accept her after Derek's sister, Nancy cracked the first joke she had become a part of a family that she missed desperately.
Derek's mother motioned her to a chair as she handed her a steaming cup of tea and some shortbread cookies that magically appeared as out of nowhere. She sat down herself and directed her to speak. "Mom, I need someone to talk to and since Derek is no longer my husband and you are the closest thing I have to family here, I came to you. Please let me know how I should proceed. I feel like I'm going in circles. Derek got his divorce and I gave him Seattle like he wanted but today I got this at the doctor's office."
Addison slid the paper across the table slowly. She knew her decision would greatly affect her relationship with Derek and his family but she had no other choice and as selfish as it seemed, she needed comfort as well and so she went to the woman who once had been her refuge.
Derek's mother opened the paper and after scanning it she started laughing. Addison gaped at her in shock. Of all the reactions she had been expecting laughter wasn't one of them.
"Mom, are you okay?"
Derek's mother pulled her into a hug as the tears started streaming down her face, "Of course I'm okay. I'm about to be a grandmother by my idiot son."
Addison flinched and said "So you don't think I'm trying to trap Derek back into marriage because I….."
Derek's mother cut her off, "I don't think that nor would I ever voice such a horrid thing. I was just laughing about the fact that my son seems to be under the impression that he can turn his back on you. I once, told him that his marriage to you was the most valuable possession that he had in his life. He obviously didn't follow my advice if this divorce is any indication. This piece of paper just proves my point. He can never be rid of you and you him, you two are meant for each other and this baby just proves it and I for one couldn't be happier."
End of Flashback
Addison had never separated from her mother-in-law's side after that conversation. She had moved into her house and into Derek's old bedroom and was coddled and looked after every step of her pregnancy. Derek's mother accompanied her to all her doctor's appointments and never asked why Addison hadn't called Derek yet. She told her that she knew that when she was ready that she would call him. Her mother-in-law never stopped expressing her disapproval of how he treated to Addison to her friends and even Derek himself when he called.
"No Derek, I will not sit here and listen to you badmouth Addison, because you know what? You were both culpable in what happened to your marriage. It takes two Derek; it takes to fight and two to cheat which I know you did some of your own in that... You don't get off that easy." Addison eased into the door with her hand cradling her sore back as she looked at Derek's mother fighting with someone heatedly over the phone. She was about to turn around and go back upstairs when she heard her name and then heard the word badmouth and she knew that it had to be Derek. She turned to leave when Derek's mother motioned to her side.
Addison shook her head but Derek's mother fixed her with the glare. She grimaced and sat down at the kitchen table. Derek always used to complain about the glares his mother sent his way and told her that she had the ability to make Hitler cringe in fear.
As she sat at her mother-in-law's kitchen table she realized that she concurred with Derek's earlier assessment of his mother's ability.
"Derek, I know your hurt about your breakup with that intern, but that doesn't give you the right to blame your unhappiness on your wife."
Addison looked up in shock at the words of breakup and Meredith. She smiled to herself, well now she wasn't the only one getting dumped. She rubbed her seven month pregnant belly in disappointment at her own thoughts. She shouldn't wish unhappiness on anyone, and especially not when she was partly responsible for the breakup of her marriage. She had tuned out the conversation when she saw her mother-in-law stand up, "No Derek, I already told you that we are not fighting about this anymore. Goodbye."
Addison stared at her in shock, "Was Derek finished talking?"
Her mother-in-law shrugged and said "As far as I was concerned he was. He's hurt because he put all his eggs in one basket, Meredith and it's not working out like he planned so he wants to blame you for everything from losing the world series in 1952 to why his sock's don't match in the morning."
Addison snorted in laughter, "Yea that sounds like Derek."
Addison leaned her head back on Derek's mom and exhaled softly "Mom, why does it still hurt so much? I've been out here for months and I'm still no closer to getting over Derek than when I came here if anything with his child in my stomach I feel closer to him than ever. I'm living in his room; I'm wrapping myself in his clothes. I just miss him so much and I'm scared, I don't think I've ever been this scared because I still haven't learned to separate myself from him."
Addison cried a lot that night but as Derek's mother held her through her tears and comforted her she knew that she would be okay as long as this strong woman was by her side.
End of Flashback
Addison smiled at the memories of being so close to her mother. Well, she was really her mother-in-law but it was an insult to her to be called anything else but mother so when she had gone into labor she looked to her mother for guidance.
As she felt the first contraction earlier that day she smiled in disbelief and excitement. She was ready to bring her child into the world but as she laid back on the bed she realized that she was bringing her first child into the world alone and without a husband by her side.
When Derek Shepherd's mother called you came. When she called you by your full name including middle you ran. So when he had boarded the flight headed for New York he didn't question. He had only had time to leave a quick voicemail on Richard's machine letting him know that he was going to attend a family emergency and would be reachable by pager if need be.
When he stepped off the plane he had called Nancy who he found out had rushed over to the hospital and as she gave him directions to the hospital he breathed deeply after giving the instructions to the driver asked again what was going on. Nancy sounded as baffled as he did and said that Mom only called her and told her what to do and that she was just following instructions. She swore that as soon as she found out anymore information that she would call him immediately.
As the taxi driver drove up to the hospital lobby room he realized that his hopes of learning about his mysterious visit would come to an end with whatever he was about to encounter here. After tipping the driver he pulled his jacket around him tighter and ran into the building. He encountered his sister, Nancy sitting in the cafeteria sipping on coffee quietly.
He sat down and said "What's wrong?"
Nancy looked up at him disconcerted and smiled softly, "You made it."
Derek rolled his eyes as he took her cup from her and stole a sip and gagged. "What the hell did you put in this stuff?"
Nancy smiled and rolled her eyes, "Little brother, I'm not going to dignify that response with an answer. Look, have you seen Mom yet?"
Derek shook his head and said "I wanted to know what was happening before I saw her. What should I prepare myself for here?"
Nancy leaned forward and swiped her coffee back from him, "Mom has to tell you because she's the only one who knows the whole story. I just came into this weird equation tonight."
Derek nodded in understanding and stood up when Nancy called him back, "Go easy on her, she did what she thought was right and you are no one to judge her."
Derek looked at her in shock and nodded again and went off in search of his mother.
Julia Marie Shepherd was the matriarch of the family Shepherd, as she always had been but she was a wonderful woman. People who walked down the streets swore that she was the only remaining icon of Donna Reed. She personified mother and grandmother in one so when his mother looked up at him with eyes full of tears he knew that whatever she asked he would give it to her. As a youngster, he had always been strongly affected whenever she cried so without waiting another moment he pulled her into his arms. She sobbed against his chest and pulled back and kissed him on the cheek and motioned for him to sit down.
He sat down in front of her as she pulled his hands into her lap, "Derek, thanks for coming."
Derek smirked softly and said "No thanks are needed I was told that my life was in danger if I didn't come and that was directly from Nancy's mouth."
Julia rolled her eyes at this and said " Nancy did over exaggerate. I wasn't going to threaten you bodily but I did use her full name which makes the matter urgent, we need to discuss Addison."
Derek flinched at the mention of her name and said "Mom, I don't think this is a good time to discuss her. I've had some time to realize the mistakes I've been making lately and the one that I regret the most is with her. She uprooted her life to give our marriage another try and I gave her nothing and I'm just sorry that I didn't have a chance to apologize the way I should."
Julia smiled softly as she stroked her son's hair and said "I'm glad you said that because Addison is why we are here today."
Derek looked up in shock, "What do you mean Addison is why we are here? What's going on Mom?"
Julia took her son's hand as they started walking towards the elevators. She pushed the button for up and then turned to her son and said "We are going up to the nursery. There's someone I want you to meet."
Addison opened her eyes as a shaft of light filtered through the door. She closed her eyes and cleared her throat again and said, "Mom?"
She had been waiting for the appearance of Derek's mother ever since they had taken her into surgery after they realized that a natural birth wasn't going to be possible. Addison had never been more frightened in her life and she now knew what compassion she needed to impart to all of her patients that found themselves in that position. She struggled to sit up because she was desperate to hear news about the baby. She had declined to learn the sex of the child because she had been determined to be surprised. She would love her child no matter what it was, boy or girl so she wanted to learn at the moment of birth but unfortunately as she was unconscious during the procedure her only hope had been to wake up to see her child in her mother-in-law's arms. She pushed the button on the side of the bed up as she came face to face with her visitor and fell back on the bed in shock.
Derek stood in the doorway with her child tucked in his arms with tears coming down his cheeks as Julia pushed him in the room and closed the door behind them. Addison felt the air leave her lungs as she lay back on the bed. She had always told Julia that she would never keep Derek from his child and she meant to keep that promise but what she didn't tell her was that she also wanted a moment to focus on who she was as a mother before she confronted her past and told Derek that he was the father of her child.
Addison felt the tears come to her eyes as the bundle in Derek's arm started crying softly. Addison still felt too choked up to speak and instead held out her arms in supplication for her child. Derek immediately walked over and complied and for the first time Addison looked down on the face of her son and instantly fell in love with the bundle of joy.
She had brought into the world Derek's son and she didn't know how she was ever going to be apart from him. She kissed him softly on the cheek and he quieted down and started searching. Addison knew what he wanted and she looked at Derek in question who without word helped her remove part of her gown so she could breast feed their son.
As she positioned her son in her arms she guided him to her nipple and he immediately latched on and started suckling. Addison gasped at the sensation and Derek looked up in alarm but Addison shook her head and cleared her throat, "It's just a new feeling. I wasn't prepared, everything is okay."
Derek nodded and sat down and watched entranced as she fed their child for the first time. Addison leaned back in the bed as her son drank greedily from her and looked at him, "Mom called you?"
Derek nodded and said, "She thought I should be here."
Addison nodded but didn't ask for any other explanation. As their son finished feeding she looked up at him shyly and asked if he would like to burp him and hold him. Derek nodded and reached for their son as Addison leaned back against the bed and after adjusting her gown she laid back on the bed and watched the two of them as Derek expertly walked around the room with their son tucked carefully in his arms.
Derek looked at her and said, " Addison."
Addison looked at him under hooded eyes, she was still under the effects of the anesthesia and she was about to drift off to sleep again. She rolled her head to meet his eyes and spoke softly, "What?"
Derek walked over to the bed and kissed her on the forehead, "Thank you….for showing me…."
Addison laughed and said, "I showed you something? I showed you what?"
Derek smiled and said, "That there's a thin line between love and hate and I think I finally crossed it. Addison, I love you."
Addison hadn't heard the end of their conversation as she fell asleep but standing in front of her hospital bed with his world in his hands, Derek swore that he would demonstrate that their love was stronger than any feelings of hate that he had once harbored to her and that the love they shared would help them heal each others wounds and themselves as they raised their future together.
Epilogue (1 Year Later)
Addison stood up from her place in the lawn chair and put her hands on her hips. "Cameron Jacob Shepherd what are you doing?"
Her one year old son turned on his heel and away from the flower bed where he was about to cause trouble and toddled back to her in delight. She swooped down and picked him up and smothered his face with kisses. He giggled as he wrapped his arms around her neck and Addison thought she would cry with the pleasure of holding her world in her arms.
It had been a difficult couple of months since she had come to the realization that Derek Shepherd wasn't leaving her side. He was set on the fact that he would be there for her and they would rebuild their lives together. It had touched her to realize that she wasn't alone in the feeling that they were still in love and so armed with that fact they broke each other down. To the LCD as she liked to call it, the lowest common denominator. There had been screaming and slamming doors but only when her mother-in-law was watching Cameron. She and Derek had agreed that they would never fight in front of their son and vowed that if they felt the need they would both go somewhere and cool off or go to separate rooms but that Cameron would never be a party to them not being able to communicate well.
For his part, Derek had been pretty sure in what he wanted. He wanted her back and a family with her and he thought it was pretty simple. Addison had looked at him in disbelief and asked if he suddenly had erased the past year of their lives. Derek shrugged and said we made mistakes. That had led to one fight, the fight that they now teasingly called the "year of my life" fight. She hated to remember their fights because it always had a way of depressing her. Yes, the fights were necessary because it helped them evolve into the people they now where but it didn't make it any easier when she reminisced on the nights of sobbing and fear that she went through worrying that surely this fight would be the one that would break the camel's back. It wasn't until around Cameron's six month birthday that she realized they were going to be okay.
"Derek, do you think we will have enough footage? Why didn't you call Channel 13 news so they could broadcast it as well?"
Addison stood in front in the kitchen of her newly purchased penthouse in Seattle with her hands on her hips. She had grudgingly accepted to move back to Seattle when she realized that Derek was serious about putting their lives back together and that his previous request of her leaving him Seattle was no longer valid. As she stared into Derek's eyes she felt exasperation and love at the same time.
"Addi, listen to me. Our son, Cameron is turning six months old and you know that we have to celebrate. We can't just let this celebration go by unnoticed."
Addison rolled her eyes in exasperation, "Of course I know that our son is turning six months, I was carrying him for nine months but Derek he's a baby and while I was planning on having a cake with your mom and sisters' and Richard and a couple of people from work, but hiring a catering company, having a balloon castle and an clown for a six month old Derek? Come on, you don't think that's a little extreme?"
Derek crossed his arms in front of him, "Addi, we only have one child yet….We need to think about how it will look to the neighbors if we don't blow out this party for Cameron now, when our other children come…."
Addison coughed to cover her surprise, "Other children? Derek, we can't go a week without a fight, half the time you live in your trailer I live in this penthouse and the other half of the time we are squeezing into your trailer when we miss each other too much. That is not the type of life I want Cameron to lead besides, our situation is so uncertain that I only think it fair if we take it one step at a time."
Derek pulled Addison to him and held her in his arms, "I can't take it any slower or else I'm going to explode Addi…"
Leaning down he inhaled her scent as he rubbed her back soothingly, "Addi?"
Addi was currently entranced by the feel of Derek's hand on her back. There was something about this man's hands that always left her like putty in his arms. "Mmmhmm?"
Derek smiled to himself, he had her just where he wanted her. "Addi, say you love me."
He ended the statement with a carefully placed kiss on her open shoulder and as he heard her sigh he knew he had won, "I love you Derek."
Derek smiled and said, "Say that I can throw this big birthday party for our son and you won't object."
Addison started to pull back and Derek quickly stepped up his ministrations as he simultaneously rubbed her back and started massaging her scalp. She was moaning with pleasure and said, "You can have as big as a birthday party as you want…"
Derek laughed satisfied that he got her answer decided to ask the one question that had been worrying his nights. The one he had pondered over asking her ever since he saw the ring in the jeweler's window and had on impulse purchased the item. "Addi, say you'll marry me again."
Addison exhaled on a sigh, "Of course I'll marry you again."
End of Flashback
Addison smiled as she remembered that memory. She had abruptly pulled back and looked at him in shock and asked if he was serious. After assuring her he was he presented her with the 3 carat diamond solitaire and bent down on knee and asked again. She had been ecstatic and had accepted on the spot which brought her to today.
Cameron was one year old tomorrow and he was currently enjoying some down time with his parents before tomorrow's festivities. After she had accepted Derek's proposal they had gone down to the courthouse with a couple of their closest friends, Miranda and her husband Tucker and the newly reunited Webbers, Richard and Adele had served as witnesses of course with their son Cameron in tow who to the delight of everyone present clapped when the judge said that he could kiss the bride. She was still remembering his look of innocent joy as she brushed his curly amber golden locks away from his face and pressed a gentle kiss to her son's brow. He was the joy of their lives and sometime she couldn't believe that she was currently in this position. Back with the man that completed her and with a child in tow who was the joy of their lives, it seemed too good to be true and at times she felt it was. She was surrounded by people who adored her son and her and she was happy in Seattle for the fist time since deciding to fight for her marriage.
She was startled out of her thoughts by her squirming son, Cameron, who was no longer content sitting on her hip alone and tried sliding down her leg and running off when Derek came outside. Addison's face lit up at the same time as their son's as Cameron squealed in delight when from behind him Julia Shepherd came from behind. She lit up too at the sight of her daughter-in-law and her grandson who was the perfect blend of his two gorgeous parents. She would tell anyone who asked how she knew that they would make gorgeous babies because let's face it, they were gorgeous themselves and Cameron certainly didn't disappoint.
Addison let him slide down gently off her hip and rubbed her back in discomfort. She had just gotten back her figure after the birth of Cameron and was excited to show off her latest bikini when Derek decided they needed to take a family vacation. She decided it was the perfect time to bring her bikini and try it out, unfortunately once she left the hotel bathroom and Derek saw what she was wearing the last thing on his mind was swimming in the pool which is how she wound up three months pregnant the day before her son's one year old birthday party.
"Mom, you made it."
Julia nodded as she easily swept a chatty Cameron in her arms and leaned over and graced Addison with a hug and a kiss. "How are you doing dear? I do miss you living with me, I used to see you every morning and made sure you were away from stress i.e. my son…How are you dealing with him now?"
Addison graced her with a beautiful smile and once again Julia was pleased she had waited as long as she had to call her son. She could tell the time apart from Addison had made him appreciate what he was about to lose for his stupid pride.
Addison smiled and said, "We are doing great and Cameron is certainly keeping us on our toes. Isn't that right Derek?" Derek nodded as he wrapped his arms around his wife waist while using one of his hands to gentle massage her slowly growing belly. He leaned his head on her shoulder and exhaled in satisfaction.
Addison leaned back with a smile and said, "What are you sighing about?"
Derek leaned in and kissed her on the lips softly, "Come on, I think we can walk for a moment. There's something I want to say."
Julia waved them off as her energetic grandson gave her the grand tour of his backyard.
Derek held Addison hand in his as they walked together, "You remember I used to take Spanish in college don't you?"
Addison snorted, "Yea I remember, you were so white."
Derek looked at her in disbelief, "What do you mean I was so white?"
Addison looked away and said, "Okay so I had friends who were fluent in Spanish and you were kinda speaking broken Spanish that they always made fun of….They called you the Gringo Spanish guy."
Derek rolled his eyes and said, "Well, I may have not been fluent in the pronunciation but I learned to love some of the music and there's this one from a song that I think fits perfectly. I want to say and then I can let this whole walk down memory lane go about how bad my Spanish is…."
Addison stopped mid step and turned to him in question, "What is it?"
Derek, after hearing what her friend's thought of his broken Spanish decided to go for it and spoke softly and with emotion, "Entre el amor y el odio esta la linea del perdon, cruzarla significa dale vida A esta passion y esta amor."
Addison pulled his head to hers for a kiss and said, "Between love and hate there's a line of forgiveness, crossing that line signifies giving life to this passion and this love. I love it. But your right, it sounds so much better in Spanish."
Derek locked lips with her again and sighed against her mouth, "I love you Addison Forbes Montgomery Satan Shepherd."
Addison looked back at him and rolled her eyes as they walked hand in hand back to their son and future, "I love you Derek Marcus Shepherd…even though you're still a jerk sometimes."