Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING. Except my beautiful kitty, Socks. If you're reading, Socks, hey baby, mommy's on the Internet! More to the point, this is a self-insertion thing. Yay!

My POV - My House

"Mom, I'm off to the riverside with my friends!" I called. I heard her reply, slightly irritated I'd interrupted her über-important vigilant watch for the aliens landing. Thank God that her brand of craziness didn't run in the family, or I would be seriously screwed over. Thank God for mp3 players and PS2, the things that kept me sane.

Trent, Shell and I were planning to go out of town to catch a movie (our town is absolutely tiny – it doesn't have a cinema or ANYTHING that should be remotely fun that hasn't been wrecked by the little BRATS down my street, who are for ever making everyone in the neighborhood's lives a fricken misery by egging people's houses and basically spoiling everything for everyone), which is something my mom is ABSOLUTELY awful about. I'm not actually allowed out of town because "the streets aren't safe anymore". Not even with my friends. I have no freedom.

"Hey, you're late." Shell said.

"Like the train, I suppose?" I laughed.

"Yeah. Don't worry; we already got you a ticket." Trent said, handing me said ticket.

On the run down, smelly train that has gum on the seats...

"Hey, why are we stopping?" I asked, noticing we were slowing down. Then there was the announcement tone.

"Apologies for the inconvenience. We are experiencing engine problems. Please wait and stay calm, the problem will be fixed soon." I heard the guy on the intercom say. I gazed out of the window. This sucked. We'd already reserved and paid for our cinema tickets! And now we were gonna miss the Goddamn movie. They better refund our tickets, or I will be maaaad. And when I get mad, all should take cover, friend or foe. My uncle taught me LOADS on how to fight, and when I'm mad, it takes a lot to stop me going berserk. I noticed a train coming, but rather than it just going by, it had switched tracks and was on a collision course with us.

"Oh my God, we're gonna crash!" I yelled, pointing at the other train. Then there was the sound of the screeching noise of the train hitting us, and all went black.

Then pyreflies were everywhere in the blackness. They were soo pretty. Wait. PYREFLIES? This was so not right. I did a 360 turn and saw the small fayth boy.

"Don't be afraid. You must come to Spira." An infinite light surrounded me and I passed out.

"Hey, hey, wake up!" I heard a gentle voice say, and I felt a warm hand shaking my shoulder. I muttered something incoherent.

"Wassap?" I slurred. I opened a bleary eye, and saw Tidus sat next to me. Freaking TIDUS. I pulled myself up. We were in the Baaj Temple ruins. Oh, joy.

"My name's Kelle." I said, rummaging through my backpack (while also silently thanking the fayth for materializing it here with me, even though I didn't have it on the train with me). I found a pair of dark gray sai blades, yaaaayness. Something useful.

"Let's get going before we freeze to death." Tidus said, not really liking my expression. With good reason, too... (I can get pretty nasty when irked) I dived into the water.

"Follow me." I said. I swam to where I knew the Al Bhed compilation sphere was. I activated it, and the info sped into Tidus' head (HAHAHAH). We swam to the ruins, where the chest and Al Bhed writing were. I translated it and wrote it down in my (Thankfully not wet) notebook. Did I ever say how much I loved that backpack?

"In the land where bolts of light,

illuminate the blackest night,

with Macalania behind,

the fourth pillar you sight,

Look not on the left, but on the right."

We swam on, and found a huge building. Baaj Temple. I couldn't tell Tidus this, as it would affect his story. I spied the Onion Knight chest, but left it. We would get it when we had the Celestial Mirror. A Geo whatsit attacked us, and chased us inside the building.

"If we ever come back here, that thing's head is going on my mantelpiece at home!" I said.

"Yeah." I grinned at his response, shivering. Ohhh, God, it was freezing in here!

"Come on."

I found some tinder, and Tidus found some flint. We made a fire, and ate some energy bars from my pack (Don't ask me how they got there, I didn't pack them or anything), but we were still hungry. Hurry up, Rikku. Save us. I thought desperately. As if on cue, a fiend with scythe-like legs and a blade on its head attacked us. I jumped on it's back and started tearing out chunks of flesh with my zai.

"Hurry! Help us!" I called to her in Al Bhed. She nodded. I jumped off it as Rikku chucked a couple of grenades at it. Me and Tidus slashed it, and Rikku blasted it, until the damn thing died. The Al Bhed with Rikku started saying we were fiends in human form. Rikku knocked Tidus out, and one of her cronies bashed me around the neck and knocked me out.

"Uhh, I'm gonna get you guys for that." I growled as I woke up after. I had my pack, and I had my stuff, except my weapon. I noticed Tidus passed out next to me. "Wakey-wakey, sunshine." I said jokingly, shaking him. He groaned and woke up.

"Where are we?" He said.

"I think we're on their ship. We're powerless. They have our weapons. Damn." I replied. The door opened and Rikku, Brother, and other Al Bhed came out.

"Search them!" He said. (A/N: When the words are in Italics, in speech, It's Al Bhed.)

"Wait my name's Kelle and this is Tidus, please don't hurt us, we washed up there!" I said quickly. "Please give us back our weapons, we will help you in return." I added. I winked at Tidus and he nodded.

"Deal. Does he not speak?" Brother asked. I shook my head. "Ti, we're gonna help 'em. They'll give our weapons back. No attacking." I said to him. I turned to Brother. "Okay, done." Rikku pulled us over and pointed to the water. We nodded and dived in with her.

Still my POV, later on salvage ship.

Tidus ate his food like a total pig. Then he choked and gagged. Rikku gave him a drink. She'd spoken to us in true English, or Spirean, I don't know.

"It's 'cause you eat too fast!" Me and her chorused. I had my weapons back, and all my stuff intact. Life was sweet. I boredly sat on the edge of the deck, my legs dangling boredly. Oh, for God's sake, why won't Sin come and sink us already? I thought boredly, rolling my silver-gray eyes and shaking my chocolate brown curls out of frustration and boredom. I bet this is some whacked-out coma dream anyway. That train collided, I should be in hospital – not here... Though I'm not complaining...

"Rikku?" Tidus said. They went into their second conversation.

"You'd rather stay here?" Rikku said, at the end of their conversation. Tidus shook his head. "OK, I'll go tell the others. Wait here." She walked off. Before she reached the door, the ship shook. The Al Bhed guys came running out.

"Sin!" one yelled.

"Sin is come!" the other cried.

"Under us! Under us!" panicked the other guy. The ship gave an almighty lurch, and me and Tidus fell into the watery depths, Rikku looking over the railing to see us falling to what she possibly thought was death. I hoped not. That would really suck, to die in a coma dream (Still not quite convinced this was reality.)

I woke up once again, near to Tidus in the water near Besaid. He spluttered, and lifted himself up.

"Rikku!" Tidus shouted. A blitzball hit us both on the heads.

"Blitzball!" he said cheerfully. I merely gritted my teeth and muttered choice curse words, rubbing the VERY sore lump forming on my forehead. Meanie.

"Hey, You OK?" A guy with crazy red hair yelled at us.

"HHHEEEEEYYYY!" Tidus responded. He dived under the depths and shot the blitzball back to it's owner at astonishing speeds.

"Who-ho-ho-ho-hoa, h-hmm." Wakka grinned, probably thinking Yes, if this guy joins, we'll actually might win a match this year!

"Wait." I said to Tidus. I swam to the hidden area of the beach and retrieved the Moon Crest. "Now we can go there."

The Aurochs gathered around Tidus like he was an animal at the zoo. But it was funny to watch. Actually, it was hilarious.

"You wanna... try that move... one more time?" Wakka said. Tidus happily complied. "You no amateur. Who you play for?" He said in his heavy accent.

"The Zanarkand Abes!" Tidus replied cockily.

"What team you say again?" He said dumbly.

"The Abes are a little-known memorial team." I lied. The fool didn't suspect a thing.

"How come you washed up here, ya?" he asked.

"Sin attacked our boat. I feel kinda nauseous." I muttered. No lie, I really DID feel sick. Probably from hunger.

"Sin's toxin prob'ly gotten to ya. But you both survived. Praise be to Yevon."

He looked at us sympathetically and I said, "Who are you?"

"I'm Wakka, coach and Captain of the Besaid Aurochs, brudda. Let's go to the village, I'll get'cha somethin!" Me and Tidus smiled gratefully.

We walked to the valley. I dived in, because I didn't want pushing. Tidus (poor guy) felt the wrath of Wakka's Push Of Doom. It was funny to watch. Then Wakka dived in. He'dve crushed poor ol' Ti if I hadn't saved his butt.

"This way? Are you sure there's no way of getting there without getting wet?" I said grumpily. Wakka nodded wickedly. Liar, I thought.

At the village, everyone was edgy, because the apprentice summoner (Yuna) hadn't returned from the Cloister Of Trials for over a day. Wakka gestured to us.

"You do remember the prayer, right?" Tidus opened his mouth to speak, but I got there first. "I remember Yevon, but I forgot how to pray, could you show us, please?" I said politely. Wakka nodded and showed us slowly. I did the prayer gesture perfectly, and Tidus did passably OK.

"OK, now, go present yourself to the temple summoner, then we can eat." Tidus and I nodded in unison.

We ran to the temple and I heard the Hymn of the Fayth and felt a little better. Tidus walked up to a statue of Lord Braska, Yuna's father, not that I told or anything.

"Ten years have passed since Lord Braska became High Summoner." A priest said. "And, finally, we receive a statue for our temple."

"What's a high summer-ner?" Tidus said. Gasps erupted from the temple-folk (as I like to call them).

"Forgive him, we were attacked by Sin. We washed up this morning. The toxin is making our heads funny. Please, refresh his memory." I said, doing the dorky-prayer-bow thingy. Ugh. Politeness BAD. Tidus bowed his head.

"Pray hard, and I am sure Yevon will help you regain your memory." the Yevonite said.

"We will." I said, with my fingers crossed behind my back. We left the temple and walked toward Wakka's hut.

"How do you know what to say? I mean, you're obviously not a Yevonite." Tidus said.

"I'm not from anywhere near here, but I'm smart. I know more than some about this particular... place, but I never expected to come here. That's not what matters. What does is the future. Look to that." I said. We were quiet the rest of the way there.

"Sorry, guys. No time for lunch yet. Take a nap, you look bushed." Wakka said when we arrived. I slept on the couch, and Tidus got the bed. Real polite world, ain't it? I didn't really sleep. I waited for him to fall asleep, and went to the clothing shop. I bought a mini-skirt, and a tight black vest top with silver tribal designs of flames along with a black and pink silk bandanna. I also got a black leather belt. The buckle was silver, and had a swirl design with lots of mysterious glowing gems incorporated into the design. I bought straps for my whip, and belt pouches for items. Out of my bag I pulled pink Al Bhed-style shoes to complete the outfit. They were really comfy. I ran back to Wakka's and Tidus was still asleep, thank GOD. I laid down and feigned sleep until Wakka and the priest guy came in.

"You could at least go see how they are doing." The priest said.

"We can't interfere, it's a rule!" The crazy-redhaired Yevonite said. What is it with Wakka and rules? He seems to have some kind of Yevon-slash-rules fetish. Rules were MADE to be broken, in my opinion anyway.

"But, it's been nearly..." The priest began as they walked out. I sat up and waited for Tidus to wake up.

"Wakka?" He asked groggily. I got up.

"Not here. Should we look?" I said. He nodded, and we went to a Yevonite's favorite place, the temple. What a co-inky dink, he was there, arguing with the priest.

"What's up?" I asked.

"The summoner hasn't returned from the trials." he said simply. Tidus and I ran up the stairs.

"Why don't you go check?" I asked.

"There are already guardians in there. Besides, it's against the rules." Wakka said seriously. Okay, his obedience was starting to freak me out! Seriously, who adheres THIS closely to ANY rules?

Tidus and I started up the stairs.

"Hey, but what if something happens? What if the summoner... dies?" Tidus cried, worried.

"The precepts must be obeyed!" the priest said furiously.

"Like I care!" he said, le gasp. He simply ran inside.

"Sorry, but I have to keep an eye on him. He might hurt himself." I said, bowing. Then I ran after him, feeling filthy after my show of politeness. I was never polite, only to my friends, and even THAT was rare.

We worked together to complete the trials and used the destruction sphere to find the hidden treasure, which was, predictably, a Rod of Wisdom.

As we completed the trial, Wakka came in. "Only summoners, apprentice summoners, and their guardians can enter here." he said.

"What about you?" Tidus asked in complete bemusement.

"Me? I'm a guardian." Wakka replied, crossing his arms across his chest. The lift started up and took us down. We walked to the antechamber.

"What are you doing here? Didn't think we could handle it did you?" Lulu greeted Wakka with. I noticed a Ronso at the other side of the room.

"Is the summoner alright?" Tidus asked. Lulu walked up to him.

"Who... are you?" she said, looking incredulous, for her, anyways. Tidus didn't get a chance to reply, because the door to the Chamber of the Fayth opened and Yuna stumbled out, falling into Kimahri, who caught her. Good reflexes, I must admit.

"I've done it... I have become a summoner." She gasped happily. Funny. She signed her own death warrant and she's happy? They really done a number on her, eh?

Tidus and I walked outside, and Wakka got us both on headlocks and dragged us to the front of the crowd. "Wait til ya see this!" He said. Yuna summoned the beautiful bird aeon, Valefor. The village celebrated what they called the "birth of a summoner". Yuna may not have had parents most of her life, but she was well loved and cared for, unlike me. Night fell, and Tidus was with the Aurochs. Cheers of "Victory! Victory! Victory!" could be heard coming from the ecstatic team. Tidus walked over to where Yuna was, and I merely watched from afar, not wanting to get an earful.

"You heathen!" The old man yelled at him.

"You're a bad man!" The little girl cried.

"Stay away from the summoner!" The old lady crowed. Hag. Yuna got up and started to walk over to him.

"Lady Yuna, be careful!" the geezer cautioned.

"But it was really my fault to begin with." she said softly.

"Oh..." the old guy looked upset at that.

"I'm Yuna. Thank you so much for your help earlier." She said, not noticing the pussy-whipped expression on Tidus' face.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that. Were we not supposed to... guess we kinda overreacted." I said, since Tidus clearly wasn't able to.

"I saw that aeon thing, that's amazing!" Tidus finally got out. Yuna looked ecstatic. Yes, forget all about me. I don't matter. I thought, pissed off. Heck, I was lonely. And worried about what had happened to Trent and Shell.

"Really?" he nodded. "Do... you think I can become high summoner?" he nodded. Tidus gave her one of those goofy smiles. "So, tomorrow then."

"Tomorrow?" Tidus said. "We're going on the same boat, aren't we?" She said, puzzled.

"Well, if he is, I am." I butted in. Tidus smiled at me.

"Uh huh." Tidus gave me a noogie, alarming Yuna. "Well, yeah, that's how I get to Luca to blitz with the Aurochs, right? Oh, and this is Kelle." Tidus said. The little brat came over.

"Lady Yuna? Come play with me some more!" She said. I guess she didn't know how it sounded. As soon as they were out of earshot, I burst out laughing.

"Do you know how funny 'come play with me' sounds?" I said through fits of laughter. Comprehension dawned on his face and he started laughing too.

"You have a dirty, dirty mind, Kelle." This made me laugh more. "It makes you laugh, though!" I said. He nodded. We went to our beds in the Crusaders' lodge. That night I had a dream about my ex who cheated on me with some girl who'd had so much plastic surgery, she'd got an award for it. Probably 'cause she'd had her boobs stuffed to the size of footballs. When I woke up from it, Tidus looked at me funny.

"Who's a cheating bastard?" He asked.

"My ex. I was dreaming about when I found out he was cheating on me with some faker. It... hurt so much." I said sadly. I hung my head and he placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, if we see him, lemme know and I'll kick his butt. Nobody hurts a friend of mine and gets away with it." He said. "Where'd you get the new clothes?"

"When you were asleep, I went shopping." I said. "Like 'em?" I smiled. He nodded.

I took out my mp3 to listen to (Right then, I was very happy. I hadn't expected my mp3 to be in my pack), and Tidus asked, "What's that?"

"An mp3, Tidus. You save music on it, and it lets you listen to it on the move." He nodded and laid down. I left and went to the beach and listened to my favorite song.

When the song finished I went back to the village.

I woke up bright and early. I took a shower and ate some breakfast. I walked outside to where Tidus, Wakka and Lulu were. Yuna hadn't come outside yet.

"Yo, sleepyhead! Somethin' I wanna give ya." Wakka said to Tidus. He pulled out the beautiful Brotherhood sword. "And you." He added, handing me pink mother of pearl coloured sai blades, like the ones I already have, only more awesome (Meaning they were a lot sharper). And they were lightweight. And they came with free strength boosts.

"Thank you!" I said, beyond happy. "They're great!" Tidus swung his sword a little, only to be interrupted by Lulu.

"That's the sword you gave Chappu." She said monotonously.

"Well, he never used it." Wakka said. Yuna came out of the temple with a HUGE trunk.

"You really don't need all that luggage!" Lulu called in a motherly voice.

"Uhh, they're not really my things. Th-they're gifts for the temples we're to visit!" She called back.

"This isn't a vacation, Yuna." Wakka said gently.

"I... I guess you're right." She replied. She walked over to the huge yellow circle in the square and looked back at the temple, saying goodbye to the place she'd never see again, or so she thought. The others left the village, but I had other ideas. I went to the weavers' hut closest to the temple and I collected the something slobbery and mangled from the dog which gave Valefor the overdrive Energy Blast. I caught up with the others and we fought the first battle together. There were two lupine-type fiends, and a flying-type one. I took out one of the lupines, Tidus the other. Wakka got the flyer. A elemental flan appeared next.

"That... looks like trouble" Wakka muttered to us, but Tidus, cocky as usual, just said,

"Heh, watch this!" He attacked it with his Brotherhood and it had next-to-no effect. "What the?"

"Told ya. Only magic can beat that thing. If ya can't beat 'em down, ya gotta hit 'em with magic of the element they don't like!" He replied smartly. How weird. Wakka being smart. "Let's have our black mage show you what I mean!" He switched with Lulu, since we weren't gonna switch.

"Clueless, aren't you? Good thing I'm here." She cast Thunder on it and the twat died.

"Cool, could you teach me magic?" I asked her in admiration. She gave me a small smile and nodded. Next, a HUGE birdy-thing appeared outta NOWHERE and attacked me. It left a really deep gash in my stomach and I collapsed. I had no armor to defend myself yet. I was awake and the pain was unbearable. I was so sleepy.

"Kelle!" Yuna rushed over to me and I felt a warm sensation on the gash. I looked at it and it was gone. Even my skin-tight vest had the rip fixed. She summoned Valefor and it made mincemeat of the sucker. I found a Safety Band in a chest which fitted me. I noticed it had Auto-Shell and Auto-Protect on it. (A/N I don't know the name armor gets when it has those auto-abilities, so bear with me.) Another birdy-thing appeared, and in my rage over what one of those had done to me before, I drew my weapons. I jumped on its' back and slashed its' guts out 'til it died.

"Damn you!" I shouted. Last time I was injured so bad was by my cheating ex, so obviously I got mad. So taking my anger out on it felt good. I broke off some chocolate from my bag and stuffed it in my mouth. Tidus smiled reasurring at me, saying it was alright. "That felt nice." I said calmly.

...Yes, in case you are wondering, I do have a psycho temper.

We walked to the dock, where loads of people were waiting to say their final farewells to Yuna. One little kid was crying. Poor thing. I walked and sat on the deck, where I watched the Aurochs mess around. I waited near Wakka and Lulu, watching the crowd around Yuna disperse, then Tidus went to speak to her. Then, the boat shook.

"SIIINN!" One of the sailors screamed. Or Jecht, as I happen to know. Lulu had taught me the first level spells like she said. Well, nodded. I mashed two out of three sinscale and me and Lulu cast Thunder on the fin at the same time. Yuna then Grand Summoned Valefor and it used Energy Blast and then the evil bitch (Sin) retreated. Wakka noticed Tidus had gone overboard, so he dived in after him.

The wait was agony, even though I knew they'd be fine. Why? Because Yuna was flapping around and panicking over him. She'd ended up sobbing into my shoulder that she was afraid and blah blah blah. I just reluctantly patted her back and reassured her that everything would be fine. Peaches and cream, and all that lah-dee-dah.

When they did surface, Yuna was happy-happy-happy, hugging them and going on about how she'd been so worried and telling them to never worry her like that again.

The rest of the day, Tidus rested his head in Yuna's lap and gazed at her.

"I will defeat Sin... I must defeat Sin." She said. I nodded.

A/N: I hope you liked the rewrite!