A/N: I am aware that I am public enemy number one in this small community of CSI:NY viewers at the moment. But go with me on this. This is the last chapter of Moments Like These. This chapter is in the format of an admissions essay written by Danny and Lindsay’s daughter Taylor. I think you guys will really like it. I still own nothing.

Chapter Nine: My Name is Taylor Lindsay Messer

My name is Taylor Lindsay Messer and this is my Student Government admissions essay. The topic of this essay was to write about a significant moment in our lives that shaped us into the people we are today. All my life I have been taught this one lesson: Anyone can to anything to anyone at anytime. The first time I learned that particular lesson I was seven years old. The lesson began the night my mother was murdered outside the Metropolitan Opera House ten years ago.

I was seven years old at the time and had just finished a month at St. Sebastian’s Prep. Things in my life were good. I was an only child, not by choice but because of outside circumstances. I had a loving family, friends and a slew of aunts and uncles that showered me with wisdom and occasionally gifts.

Not everyone knew the reason behind my name. I was named after my uncle Mac Taylor and the Taylor street subway station. As my mother told in a bedtime story one night, I got my name because it was my uncle Mac that gave my mom the job that led her to the city. It was in the NYPD crime lab where she met my father. After a series of interesting events, my parents fell in love, but neither one would say anything to the other. It took the Taylor street subway tunnel to collapse on my mom before Dad would admit that he loved her.

There were no two people more opposite than my parents. My father Danny was a tough-talking, street-smart, hot tempered Italian, Staten Island boy whereas my mother Lindsay grew up on a ranch in Montana. That also happened to be my father’s nickname for my mom, Montana. According to my aunt Stella, Dad used to call her that because it bugged her. But then she started to realize that he did it because he really liked her. So as you can see, my father loved my mother dearly.

The Christmas before I turned seven my father had bought my mother season tickets to the Metropolitan Opera. Mom loved getting to get all dressed up with Dad once a week. They loved getting to go to a real restaurant where they could order something other than chicken fingers and French fries my meal of choice at the time. I loved watching my mother get ready for her “date” with Dad.

Usually on those Saturday nights I was picked up by Nanna Messer and I would spend the night with her and be promptly returned after Mass on Sunday mornings. Mom always said I would come home smelling of a combination of vanilla, lavender, tomato sauce and incense from the church.

Saturday October 23rd, started out like any other Saturday night. My mother was in her bedroom putting her hair up, applying her makeup, clasping on her jewelry and picking out her dress for that night. That night she chose a full length ball gown in a dark green with black embroidered ivy along the sides. I had never seen that dress before. I remember the look on Mom’s face when she looked in the mirror. It was the same look she had in every picture she was in with Dad. The look of complete happiness.

My job was to make sure that Dad didn’t spill anything on his suit and to spray Mom with her perfume. Mom wore Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker. After Mom died Dad bought every bottle he could find. He also spent hours in the lab creating a spray that he called Montana. It had every element that was my mom in it. It had her shampoo, conditioner, body wash, perfume and her laundry soap. He kept it hidden in his closet and when it got to the point where the scent of Mom could not be found on her pillow or on her clothes, Dad would take out the bottle and spray a little of his Montana back onto them.

Shortly after Mom was ready the doorbell rang. Nanna had arrived to take me over to her house for the night. I remember vividly every detail of those final moments with my mother. I ran back up to my room to retrieve my backpack and teddy bear that Uncle Mac had bought for me when I was four and had broken my arm. Mom was waiting for me when I came back downstairs. She hugged me, told me to have a good time, mind my manners, and that she loved me more than I knew. She kissed my cheek and watched me leave with Nanna. She and Dad waved from the stoop. That was the last time I would see my mother alive.

A few hours later, while watching Finding Nemo for the millionth time, the doorbell rang. I got up from the floor and ran to answer the door. I turned the porch light on and saw my godparents, my Aunt Stella and Uncle Don standing there, looking very sad. I asked why they were here and Aunt Stella said, “Can we come in? We have to tell you and your grandparents something important.”

I never imagined what Aunt Stella was about to tell me. Nothing could prepare my seven year old psyche for the news that my mother had been murdered outside her favorite place in the entire city. Aunt Stella told me something that night that I have never forgotten. “Taylor,” she said. “I’m going to tell you something that your mom told me about you. You were the best thing that ever happened to her. She loved you more than anyone else I knew.”

In the days that followed Mom’s death things around my house got very tense. As I soon found out, my grandfather Jerry Monroe, was suing Dad for custody of me. Grandpa Jerry had himself convinced that my father was not fit to raise me, that he was dangerous, a wild card that couldn’t be trusted. For two weeks my entire family was put under the watch of a DCF rep. Her name was Hannah Jacobs. She came to school with me, to the lab with my dad, came to Nanna’s and was very nice. I like to think that she was the one who kept me in New York with my dad.

That Christmas I found a small red box under the tree. Dad had never seen it before and had no idea where it came from. The tag on the box said it was for me and it was from Mom. I opened the box and found the silver locket that I always wear. I opened it up and found a picture of my mom and dad. The card on the bottom of the box said, “So you can keep us close to your heart. Love Mom.”

Dad had no idea where it had come from or who had brought in the house. We finally decided that it was a true Christmas miracle. It was just the thing that Dad and I needed to make our lives whole without Mom there. It took time but Dad and I made it work. There were nights when I would wake up crying for Mom and Dad would be there to rock me back to sleep.

When I got older I asked my father why Connor Bishop killed Mom. He looked at me and said flatly, “In this lifetime I have learned that anyone can do anything to anyone.”

I carry that lesson with me all the time. Just like the locket. I hold both close to my heart, for there no one can take them away from me.

Seventeen year old Taylor Messer shut her laptop, pleased with the essay she had written. She looked over at the clock and noticed that it was getting close to five thirty. Her father would be home soon and they would have dinner. She was making his favorite, spaghetti and meatballs.

“Did I ever tell you about the case Hawkes and I worked on with the strange food?” Danny asked, that night at dinner.

“Wasn’t that the one where Uncle Mac bet you five bucks that Mom would eat one of the bugs?” Taylor questioned.

“We had mealworm spaghetti, Thai dragonflies, stinkbug pâté, cricket croquets, braised ant brochette, wasp tamales, deep fried breaded spiders and grasshopper chutney,” Danny said. “We were mocked mercilessly by the rest of the team for weeks.”

“Mom used to say that you would put gummy worms in the spaghetti just to remind her,” Taylor said, twirling her noodles on her fork. “She said gummy worm spaghetti was your wedding reception dinner.”

“It didn’t start out that way,” Danny said. “We were going to have prime rib and salmon at the Plaza, but after Montana got shot things changed.”

Danny loved talking about Lindsay with Taylor. His daughter was getting to that age in life where she wanted to know how her parents met and fell in love. He also knew that she was using the information for her admissions essay for Student Council.

“How’s your paper coming along?” Danny asked, sopping up the last of the sauce with a breadstick.

“I finished it this afternoon. You can read it if you want.”

“What was the topic?” Danny asked.

“Describe a significant moment in your life that shaped who you are today,” Taylor said.

“What did you pick?”

“Mom’s murder,” Taylor answered, looking down at her plate. “I don’t mean to pry at this Dad but has there ever been a time when you wished it had been you instead of Mom?”

Danny knew this question was coming. He had thought about his answer for a long time. There were times just after they had lost Lindsay when yes he did wish it had been him taken out. But then there were other times when he didn’t.

“Every now and then,” Danny answered. “Like when you decided that you were going to date Eric Flack. You owe me fifty bucks on that by the way.”

“What?” Taylor asked. “Why?”

“Flack made a joke when you guys were kids that you would end up dating one of his and Stella’s boys. I said never in a million years and then he bet me fifty bucks.”

“Sorry Daddy,” Taylor laughed, smiling.

“You know when you do that you look so much like her,” Danny said softly. “Or when you look at me like I’m crazy.”

They looked at each other, each remembering something different about Lindsay. Danny sighed and scooped another helping of spaghetti onto his plate.

“When do you have to have your paper in by?” Danny asked.

“Monday,” Taylor answered. “I’m probably going to go over it a few more times just to make sure it’s right.”

“You want me to read it when you’re finished with it?”

“Only if you want to. I mean there’s a lot of personal family stuff in it,” Taylor said. “It’s there if you want to read it.”

Danny nodded. He understood that whatever his daughter had written in that paper it meant a great deal to her. He knew that none of her friends had ever gone through what Taylor had at such a young age. Taylor had lost her mother in a stupid senseless crime and had almost been taken away from her father by her grieving grandparents.

It had taken a long time but Danny was finally back on speaking terms with Becky and Jerry Monroe. Danny was sorry for the way things had turned out and Jerry apologized for the suit. He and Taylor now heard from them on a weekly basis. Taylor kept them informed on her schooling and her life. Becky had asked her once if her father had dated anyone at all.

“No Grandma,” Taylor answered. “There was only one woman on this earth for Dad and she’s gone. I think he’s happy with it just being me and him.”

Monday morning Taylor was up and out the door to school before Danny had even had his first cup of coffee. Being an overachiever, she wanted her essay to be the first one her leadership teacher read that day. Out of those selected to be in Student Council there would be a nomination ceremony for the officer positions. Taylor was a shoe in for council president. She had a good base of friends, had perfect grades and was well liked by the majority of the student body at St. Anthony Prep.

A week later the council members were chosen and the nominations were in. Taylor was nominated for president along with James Ryan. She was so excited that she went straight to the lab to tell her father. She rode the elevator to the 35th floor of the ME’s office and stepped into the lab. She looked down the hall for her dad. She saw Stella instead.

“Aunt Stella!” Taylor called.

Stella stopped and turned around. A big smile encased her face when she saw her goddaughter. “Taye! Danny didn’t say you were stopping by today. Did something happen?”

“I have to tell Dad first. Is he here?” Taylor asked, pure joy emanating from her.

“I think he’s in autopsy with Mac,” Stella replied. “Do you want me to beep him?”

“No. It can wait. I’ll be in his office. Can I use the copier in Uncle Mac’s office?”

“Yeah sure,” Stella said. “Are you sure you can’t tell me? I’m really good at keeping secrets.”

“This I have to tell Dad first. But you’re second on the list, Aunt Stella. I promise.”

“I’m going to hold you to that. You owe me anyway for stealing my spotlight at my wedding!”

“I was fifteen months old, Aunt Stella! Let it go!”

Taylor took off down the hall to her father’s office. Not much in it had changed over the years. He still had his and Lindsay’s wedding picture in its frame closest to his computer. Next to it was Taylor’s school photo. Taylor sat behind her father’s desk and began to do her chemistry homework.

The nicest thing about having a Dad that worked in a lab, she had all the homework helpers she could ask for. When one particular problem stumped her, she wandered around the lab for someone who could help her. She found Hawkes in the recon room. He was more than happy to set aside his experiment to help Taylor with her chemistry problem.

“Do you think we could run this experiment in the lab? See if it actually works?” Taylor asked, when they had finished.

“You may be the angel of the lab, but I think you can survive not knowing, Taylor,” Hawkes said. “Hey there goes your dad.”

“Thanks for the help, Uncle Sheldon!”

Danny had beat Taylor to his office. He knew instantly that Taylor had been there. Her backpack was slung over the back of his chair, her school books covering the top of his desk and the can of Diet Pepsi sitting on a coaster. He heard her come in.

“You know they assign homework to be done at home,” Danny teased. “You took my good pen again.”

“I’ve been nominated for council president!” Taylor announced.

“That’s great Taye! I am so proud of you!”

“Now that I told you I have to go tell Aunt Stella. I’ll be right back,” Taylor said, rushing out.

“Taylor, my pen!”

As he said that the pen in question came flying into the room. “Thank you!”

News spread around the lab that Danny’s daughter had been nominated for student council president. For the rest of the afternoon, countless people poked their head into Danny’s office to congratulate him. He could not contain how proud of Taylor he was. He knew that growing up with just him hadn’t been easy for either of them. She had turned into a remarkable young lady under his nose.

He stared at the photo of the woman he had loved with all his heart and soul. It was times like these that he wished she was there to share in all this. There were still nights that he dreamt of her, could feel her embrace, her touch, he even could make out the sound of her voice.

“I miss you so much Montana,” he whispered, placing his fingers to his lips and pressing them on the picture.

When he arrived home that night he was met with the sounds of the stereo blasting, smells of Chinese take out and the chatter of teenage girls. Taylor had posters, art supplies and a button machine spread out all over the living room. Her three best friends, Kellie, Layla and Meg were covered in glitter and hole punch dots.

“Apparently I’ve walked into campaign central,” Danny said, setting down his keys.

“I’ll get it all cleaned up Dad. There’s veggie lo main, two egg rolls and almond chicken in the fridge for you. We’ll be done in an hour, I promise.”

“It’s never just one hour,” Danny said to himself as he escaped to the quiet of the kitchen.

He soon heard the door bell ring. More of the campaign members had arrived. He heard the distinct voices of the Flack boys. Danny could not get over how much the boys looked like Flack. They had their father’s height, their mother’s curly hair and a combination of both of their eye colors. They were good looking boys. Danny poked his head into the living room to check on the progress of poster making.

On all of the posters Taylor had as her slogan: TLM for you. Tender, Loving Management brought to you by Taylor Lindsay Messer. I’ll be on the scene for you! He had never thought that she would go by both her first and middle names. She started it when she hit third grade and Danny couldn’t talk her out of it. Taylor no longer had a middle name. She was Taylor Lindsay Messer, no more no less. It was more than Danny could have ever wished for.

Epilogue: Taylor ended up winning the election. She and Eric Flack were the number one couple at St. Anthony’s until she graduated, they are still good friends. She graduated with top honors and was class elected speaker. The speech she gave was her admissions essay for Student Council. As she spoke at graduation, she looked down the row of her family. She smiled at her father. Next to him was Poppa Messer; Nanna had died just after she had turned eighteen. Next to them was her godparents Don and Stella Flack, and the rest of her father’s coworkers that she had known and loved all her life. As she looked back over at her father Taylor Lindsay Messer noticed another person in the row. She was a short reddish-brown haired woman with soft brown eyes. Taylor knew her anywhere. It was her mother, her guardian angel.

Taylor Lindsay Messer went to NYU where she majored in political science and law. She worked her way through college as a personal assistant to the mayor. She went onto law school at Columbia. She is now a member of the DA, working the other side of the law. There was not a prouder father in the seats of the Columbia Law school graduation than Danny Messer. He smiled proudly when he heard the best name in the world be called.

“Graduating suma kum lade, Taylor Lindsay Messer,” the dean called.

Just like at her high school graduation all of the people that she loved were in the audience watching and cheering her on. When her name was called as suma kum lade, there was a loud cheering from her family’s row. She had overcome great tribulations to get to this moment. It was a defining moment not only for her but for the man that had raised her. And the woman who watched from heaven. Both could not have been prouder of their little girl. And that made Taylor smile.

The End