The Light & the Glass

I told myself many times that I wouldn’t get attached. I never allowed anyone to get close enough to me for that to happen. But… I let my guard down. At first, it was only a little. I didn’t even notice it happening. She’d sit next to me on the buses that we took, or she’d be somewhere by me in saloons. When she wasn’t working or deep in thought, her smiles were sweet and shy, but still beautiful. Her blushing was kinda cute, too. I would end up glancing her way a bit too often. It was fun for a while, though—all the name calling, teasing, and especially the coy smiles that she would give me. I knew things had gone wrong the moment I looked forward to seeing her trailing behind me when I traveled.

And then things took a turn for the worse. The Gung-Ho Guns started appearing right and left; every moment she spent following my footsteps, she was in great danger. I told her to stop coming after me, but she refused. “It’s my job,” she had said, her lips pressed into a firm frown. Meryl was so resolute with me and she demanded that she stay by my side. When she was caring for me, tending to my wounds and ensuring that I recovered from battle, I became even closer to her. Her hands were soft and tentative, but she always ended up touching one or two of my scars one way or another, asking where they had come from. Me answering her was something that she seemed to enjoy. She’d carefully brush her fingers over my injuries, checking their progress and wrapping them up as I told the stories of each scar she had asked about. I knew that was in too deep already, but a part of me kept saying, “I don’t care anymore. I just want to savor this. Can’t you just allow me to do that while it lasts?”

Before I left to find my brother, I wanted to kiss her. Not on the cheek—not like I had done when she had saved me from those men who had wanted to take my life in the village—but on the lips. I had begun to wonder what she would feel like. I had begun to wonder if she harbored anything for me with all of those soft touches and personal questions. But I knew I couldn’t ask her; it would be far too soon. I had so many other things to take care of before I could pursue a life of my own. For the past century and a half, my life had revolved solely around finding Knives. It felt strange that I wanted to devote a part of it to her.

And now? I still want to. I still wonder about all of those things—I still want to know what it would be like to have a serious moment with her where I don’t have to worry about her safety… I just don’t know if she wants the same.

--

Darkness swathed the city, rendering the streets black and somber with its touch. It was a cloudy night, one where the moons and stars could hardly be seen floating in the sky amidst thick, murky wisps. The lights in the surrounding houses were all out, for it was well past midnight. Vash moved down the vacant roads, trying to find one house in particular amongst them all. It wasn’t much farther from what he remembered. It had only been a few months since he had been here last.

Then, he saw a dim light suddenly cut through the inky streets. It was coming from a small house just a ways from where he was standing. There, he could see the silhouette of a woman’s figure in the window. His heart leapt in his chest. Stepping forward, he willed himself to stay calm. This was no different than the times before. He approached, being drawn to the only lit home. Sand crunched beneath his boots and tender winds rustled his hair, every step he took leading toward the miniature flight of stairs that led to the source of the light. The closer he came, the clearer he could see through the window. And he had been right; it was a woman standing there, looking out beyond him and into the seemingly endless darkness, but it wasn’t just any woman—it was Meryl. Her face and shoulders he could distinguish through the shadows and through the glass, and the soft, dim glow around her gave her an appearance of yearning.

She’s still here? She’s awake? His heart began to pound against his ribcage. Perhaps he wasn’t ready for this just yet. His feet carried him forward in spite of his reluctance, and his fingers curled into a fist to knock upon the door. Two short, hesitant thumps were all it took before she was in front of him.

“Vash?” It came out as a choked whisper. She looked so astonished, so breathless. Had she believed that he wasn’t planning to return?

“You left the light on,” he said, watching her through the darkness. “Were you expecting someone?”

Meryl fidgeted, not quite meeting his gaze. “Maybe. I could’ve been.”

With his right hand, he gently cupped her face. Her skin was soft and smooth, just as he had remembered. Her dark hair, blending almost entirely with her surroundings, had gotten a little longer; it just barely reached the tops of her shoulders. “I might’ve tripped if you hadn’t,” he continued. “I could hardly see.”

“You would’ve deserved it.” She turned away, rejecting his touch. Even though she tried to hide it, he knew that she was hurt. The fictitious expression of indifference and unconcern on her face wasn’t the least bit convincing. He knew her too well for that. The delicate shimmer in her grayish-blue eyes mitigated the tension within him ever so slightly. “You… you were gone. Did you find him?”

Vash took her chin between his fingers and brushed his thumb over her lips, silently demanding that she look at him. “Yes. We arrived really late this evening… He’s in the doctor’s place just near the inn. They’re taking care of him there.”

This time, her hand came up and rested on top of his. She squeezed, hard enough that her knuckles turned white. “Does that mean… you’re staying?”

“I…” He trailed off and swallowed uneasily. “Yes. Yes, I’m staying.”

“Liar.” She said it so coldly, but she said it with a morose smile. “You’re a liar. You won’t stay. You never do. You’ll be off again once you’re healed and once he wakes. You’ll wait until the right moment comes along, and then you’ll slip away without as much as two words. Stop lying to me, Vash. You’re making me hopeful.” Tears began collecting in the crescents of her silvery eyes, and he felt one of the minute droplets as it dripped onto his hand. It was warm, just like her skin.

“I’m not lying,” he tried to assure her. “I… I want to stay. Believe me, I want to stay. I don’t know about Knives and his current condition, but I’ll do anything I can to settle here.” His thumb brushed away a few of the small rivulets that were now trickling freely down her cheeks. Vash moved closer, beginning to place his left arm around her waist, but she broke free before he had the chance.

Meryl backed through the threshold and into the safety of the house, her figure illuminated by the sudden growth of light around her. “You’ll try,” she said, her voice quiet and forced. “You want to. You’ll try. But does that mean you really will?”

Something constricted around his heart and made his chest hurt. Seeing her like that weakened him considerably. Where was the tough and stubborn Meryl? Was she hidden amongst this mess of tears and sniffles? “You… You don’t believe me, do you?” He had to press the steps he took in order to cross her doorframe. As he entered with hesitance, he felt the warmth of the indoors grace his skin. Now, he could see her even better. She wore loose jeans and a lavender blouse, the light purple accenting her eyes most beautifully. Her hair, though longer than it had been, still looked as soft and kempt as he had remembered. “I guess I can’t blame you,” Vash continued. “I’ve done nothing but run for so long. Now that I’ve decided to stop, it… it feels strange—but a good kind of strange. Meryl, please, believe me when I say that I want to stay.”

She took a deep, trembling breath. “Vash, I… I’d like to tell you to leave. More than anything, I’d like to tell you to leave right now so you’ll spare me from you suddenly disappearing in a few weeks. But… god knows I can’t. I can’t do it.” A melancholy smile tugged at her lips, a diminutive, knowing one that was still managing to hold up that ponderous façade that she kept. “So I suppose I’ll just bear through it and keep my worries to myself. I’ve gone through worse. Remember that man named Vash the Stampede who had unexpectedly vanished two years ago? It was so long until I saw him again. At one point, I had almost given up hope, but he somehow decided to reveal himself at the most opportune moment. I… I was so glad when he came back.”

Glad? Vash had trouble grasping what he was hearing. The short, obstinate insurance girl had just poured her heart out to him. She was glad. She was glad that I came back. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do? Pure impulse took over, and he gently cupped her face with his hand again. Her skin was warm and damp from her hushed weeps, but it sent a pleasing jolt through him, regardless. Slowly, he traced his fingers along her jaw line to end up at her lips, where he diffidently brushed over them, too. Meryl had closed her eyes and she was leaning into his touch; it was the perfect time to finally put an end to his constant wondering. As his left arm curled around her waist and brought her close, he pressed his mouth to hers in a light, chaste kiss.

Within, he couldn’t have been more elated. She was just like he had imagined, and so much more; her lips were soft, supple, and slightly moist, more than tempting enough to suck on and to tease, but he held himself back. One step at a time, his mind counseled chidingly. You don’t know if she’s ready. Wait and see. When her hands curiously reached up and hooked around his neck, Vash felt his heart palpitating with delight in the confines of his chest. Her petite body flush with his made his blood gradually begin to simmer in his veins, and it caused the longing that had swelled up inside of him to nearly burst.

And then, Meryl pulled away. She absentmindedly licked her bottom lip as she gazed up at him with such expectance. Her face was noticeably flushed, and the golden light around her from the lamps gave her such a pretty color. Before Vash could worry about what to do next or even what her expression was for, she leaned up and kissed him again. It was innocent at first, just as the previous had been, but it increasingly grew into something deeper and more heated. Her hands threaded through his hair as she sucked and nibbled at him with care, coaxing him into doing the very same in return. The gentle softness of her body made him ache and the muffled moan that she let escape didn’t help in the least.

When she drew away again, Meryl smiled. A few stray tears had fallen down her face, but she was still smiling, and a genuinely happy one at that. Gently, she took him by the hand and led him inside, shutting the door just behind. “Milly’s asleep,” she whispered, stopping to fully embrace him. She clung to his body so tightly as if she never wanted to let go. “We’ll wait until morning to tell her you came back.”

Vash didn’t argue; he simply reveled in being there, being close, and sharing something so personal that he would never forget with her. He glanced out through the window, beyond the light and the glass, and wondered how long all of this would last. Would his brother interfere when the time came? Would he have to flee again to take Knives somewhere where he wouldn’t harm anyone?

All thoughts of failure were banished from his mind, however, when Meryl affectionately murmured, “Welcome home.”