Disclaimer: I do not own the HP characters. Other things I do not own: Brad Pitt’s sexy booty, the rights to any/all of the Beatles songs and the Fight Club DVD.

Author’s note: Holy crap. This one took me forever to get out. And it’s not even that long. Leave me notes! Any and all flames will be used to light cigarettes, so bring it on.

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Hermione relaxed on her bed in the Gryffindor girl’s room. She still had an hour before lunch, and not a lot to do. She knew she should get started on the project, but she also knew she had two and a half months to do it, which – for her – was more than enough time. She could start tomorrow, she supposed. Perhaps she would take a walk, say hello to the giant squid and see if Hagrid was around.

Since Harry and Ron were nowhere to be found, she had Ginny accompany her on her walk.

“So, Hermione. You must have loads of ideas for research,” Ginny said, munching on a bag of Bertie Bott’s, occasionally tossing one or two (or a handful) to the squid.

Hermione nodded. “I’m really not sure what Muggle high school courses are like exactly. I never went, obviously. But I have the basic idea. I think that things like math and such are pretty much out of the question. They really don’t let you know what Muggle life is really like. But things like Home Ec might be good.” She plopped down in the grass and stretched out. She felt a bit odd, stretched out on the grass by the lake in jeans and a tee shirt instead of her robes, but found it comfortable.

“What’s Home Ec?” Ginny asked and Hermione laughed.

“Home Economics. They teach you how to cook, sew, take care of babies and balance your checkbook. It’s all very domestic, Martha-Stewart-type stuff. Ridiculous, really, since it’s geared toward girls. I mean, just because I don’t have a penis doesn’t mean that I am doomed to spend my life running after squawking children,” she finished in huff.

Ginny was just about to ask what a checkbook was, when a shadow fell over them.

“Actually, Granger, it does. Although who in their right mind would procreate with you is beyond me. Perhaps you should talk to Weasley, the Wandless Wonder. I mean, look at his parents. Proper baby-making machines, those.”

“See here, Malfoy. One more word and it’s in the lake with you. You can insult the squid all you want.” Ginny stood up, fists clenched. Hermione jumped up and grabbed the other girl’s wrist.

“Come on, Gin,” she said, dragging Ginny toward Hagrid’s. “You don’t need to waste your anger on the likes of Malfoy.”

And they made their way across the grounds, Hermione glanced back at Draco with a look that was really more like a knife sliding between his ribs. He smirked and sat down, his back against a tree. He loved being a prick. He was so good at it.

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“Draco, what are you doing?” Blaise leaned in the doorway of the boy’s bathroom, watching Draco plaster his hair to his head.

“Grooming, Zambini. You might want to try it.” Draco turned back to the mirror, pushing an errant strand of hair back into its place. Blaise shook his head and wandered away. Draco smirked at himself in the mirror. He really was good-looking, if he did say so himself.

And he did.

A lot.

Draco glanced out the window and saw Hermione and Ginny making their way back to the castle for lunch, that oaf Hagrid lumbering in their wake. He growled. He was still sore about Granger suggesting he wouldn’t keep up with her during the research. Draco huffed. He’d show that filthy Mudblood. In fact, he thought, I think I will skip lunch and get started early.

His mind made up, Draco headed to the kitchens, grabbed a sandwich, and headed to the library. Once there, however, he wasn’t sure where to start, so he asked Madame Pince if she had extra copies of the standard Muggle Studies book. He knew that this would be the main text used in the course and figured he should get acquainted with it. Draco seated himself at a table and began to read, occasionally jotting down things he might find useful.

The more Draco read, the more he was totally fascinated. How could millions of people get along for millions of years without magic? It was astounding, and he eventually stopped taking notes, he was so engrossed in the book. He was so engrossed, in fact, that he didn’t even notice when the library door opened and Hermione sat down across from him. She sat for a moment, waiting for him to insult her. When he didn’t even look up, she reached over and snatched the book from him.

“Malfoy, what are you doing?”

“Reading, Granger. You’re not the only one who knows how, you know,” he retorted and grabbed the book back. “Oh, great. Now I’ve lost my spot. You are really intolerable, you know that?” Draco scowled at the girl across from him.

“Oh, please Malfoy. Like you tolerate anything that doesn’t cater to your exact preferences.” She rolled her eyes at him and set a black bag on the table. “You know, Malfoy, that book is totally useless to us. It will still be used in the class, so it’s not like we’re going to get anything new out of it,” she told him as she unzipped the bag and pulled what looked to Draco like a shiny silver book out of it. He watched intently as she opened it and moved her hands around behind it.

“Oh, Granger,” he drawled is his most charming tone, “What is that?”

She looked up, startled, and just stared at him for a moment before clapping a hand to her forehead.

“Of course you don’t know. What was I thinking?” She turned the book around so that it was facing him. He realized that it was not, in fact, a book. The part that stood up looked like a picture frame, and the bottom part had a bunch of buttons on it.

“It’s a computer. It’s like a book, only…better.” She stopped, floundering. How was she supposed to explain a laptop to someone who didn’t even know what electricity was? “It stores information, finds information…um…you can communicate with other people with it, or make pages that other people can see. It’s complicated. Come here, and I’ll sow you.” She motioned him over to her side of the table and, after a moment’s hesitation, he got up. As he took the seat next to her, Hermione started fiddling with the buttons and moving her finger around on a little grey square. Draco watched, fascinated, as a little arrow on the picture part moved in sync with her finger. Hermione chattered away at him about something called the Internet as she moved the arrow around. She put it over a certain picture and a box popped up. He watched, not hearing a word she said, as she began to push buttons and on the picture, the corresponding letters appeared.

“Granger,” he breathed, “Are you sure this isn’t magic? Because this is simply amazing.” He looked up at her in wide-eyed wonder and she laughed. Draco frowned.

“Stop laughing at me, Granger, and do more magic.” He motioned at the computer and she laughed again, but obliged and wound up spending the rest of the afternoon teaching none other than Draco Malfoy how to operate a laptop. By dinnertime, he was very good at it and was very pleased with himself. As she packed up the laptop, she watched Draco out of the corner of her eye, picking up his parchment and quill and stuffing them in his bag.

“What are you looking at, Granger?” he snapped and she jumped.

“Nothing, Malfoy. I was just thinking that maybe you are a human being after all. You haven’t made a single snide remark about me in the last two hours.” She threw the strap for the computer case over her shoulder and stood up.

“Really, Granger, don’t flatter yourself. I was simply pursuing further knowledge. There are more important things than getting on your nerves. You are incredibly self-centered, you know.” With that, Draco swept out of the library, leaving Hermione seething in the library.

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