AN: I have finally cast “Summer” in my mind. She looks like Selena Gomez. I know I gave the impression of her being Summer from the OC, but my character took on a life of her own and she is NOT Summer from the OC. She is my Summer and my Summer looks like Selena Gomez. Thanks!

Special thanks: Lynn for the line she let me steal (and for just being the most awesome muse/bff/B to my R, R to my B), and to everyone who supports this fic. You all rule.

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Broody and the Bitch

By: Typokween

I Bitch because you Brood.

BITCH

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

—Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

---x---

“So you and Lucas keep no secrets from each other?”

se·cret (sē′krit) adjective.kept from public knowledge or from the knowledge of a certain person or persons; withdrawn, remote, or secluded a secret hideaway; keeping one's affairs to oneself: secretive; beyond general knowledge or understanding; mysterious or esoteric.

We all keep secrets. Mostly from the ones in which we should confide in most. I always like to think that if ever I needed to share a secret with someone, it would be Peyton. When I realized that was a bust, I found that Nathan was the only one I could ever really trust enough to not have to hide things from.

He gets me, I get him. It doesn’t mean anything other than the fact that we know each other. I hide things, but I can never keep them hidden for very long when it comes to Nathan. He knows me far too well.

Why can’t it be like that with Lucas?

I cannot believe I’m sitting in a hospital waiting room—again. Seriously? They should reserve a room just for me, so that way I won’t have to sit in these uncomfortable chairs. My ass is so numb it’s going to take a miracle to help me stand.

It’s also going to take a miracle for me not to freak the fuck out. No matter how pissed I am at Lucas, I’m far too scared out my fucking mind. And I’m functioning on two hits of Volume (thanks mom). As dazed and confused as I am, I’m still on the verge of a freaking breakdown.

No one will give me a straight answer because I’m not family. Which is bullshit because Lucas is 18 years old and in a few months so will I. All I know is that he nearly choked on his own vomit before we could get him to a hospital. Haley hasn’t stopped crying since this all happened and Nathan had to take her outside. They’ve been gone almost 20 minutes.

I’m terrified to see how Karen takes this all in. When I called to tell her to meet us down here, she blurted something that sounded like a yes and then hung up. But she and Keith are out of town and it could take at least another hour before they get here. I just can’t wait that long to find out what’s happened.

I nearly fall flat on my face when I stand up from my chair, I had anticipated my ass being asleep but not my leg. Which is ridiculous seeing as how I’ve been sitting on it for the past hour. And I’ve only been sitting because I’m way too dizzy to pace the room like I want to.

“Carly!” I call out when I see a familiar face in the west wing of the hospital. She looks a little startled to see me and asks if my dad is okay. I tell her he’s as good as can be and explain my situation.

“So, you think you can help me out?” I work my hardest to keep the most innocent looking expression on my face.

She sighs and touches my shoulder, “Of course.”

Quickly leaving my side to go check the computer, I wrap my arms around myself and wonder what the hell is taking Nathan and Haley so damn long. When Carly comes back she gives me the basics and shows me what room he’s in. But I can’t stop shaking and I swear I’m going to fucking lose it.

They had to pump his stomach and fill it with charcoal to soak up the high amounts of GHB in his system. When she tells me he’s been drugged I immediately start to cry. He was trying to tell me something was wrong and like a completely selfish person I ignored him. God, he looks so weak laying in that bed. His face is so pale it looks as though he’s not even alive.

How could this have happened? Who would do such a thing?

“I’m so sorry, baby,” I whisper in his ear and kiss his forehead.

Then I start to cry again.

---x---

Karen hates me. I know she does, she trying to remain calm and respectable but I can tell she blames me for this. She has to, because she hasn’t looked me in the eye since she got here and Keith asked me to wait outside the room for a second. I wish to God I had some more of my mother’s pills. I can’t take this.

It’s just me in the waiting room. I want to beg her not to be mad at me, I would never do anything to put Lucas in danger… intentionally.

“Oh God,” I moan into my hands and shiver in shame.

This is it. This is exactly what I’ve been dreading would happen. Karen is going to forbid him to see me. He’ll be upset at first but ultimately in the end he will agree and realize that he can do better. He’ll know that he deserves someone who is willing to open up and let him in completely instead of in small doses. He’ll find someone who won’t fight with him so much, someone with less issues and with no drug dependency. Someone who is not me.

“Brooke,” Keith whispers and I quickly jump up from my seat, “Luke’s awake.”

I feel my bottom lip tremble, “He is?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “he’s asking for you.”

“Yeah?” I whimper.

“Come on,” Keith holds a hand out for me to take and together we walk towards his room. “It’s not your fault,” he says softly just before we enter the room.

In shock I blink over at him and open my mouth to respond but then Karen is walking towards us on her way out. “He asked to be alone with you,” she says to me and places a hand on my shoulder, “I am very disappointed in both of you.”

I feel my chest cave in, “Karen, I—“

“We will discuss this later, for right now you go in there and take care of my boy. I don’t ever want this to happen again, do you understand me, Brooke?” her hand slides over to lift my chin so that we’re eye to eye.

I nod my head, “Yes, Ms. Roe. I take full responsibility.”

She sighs, “Oh, Brooke, you can’t shoulder the weight of this situation. Both of you went to that party knowing there would be drugs and alcohol.”

I frown and try to look down but she jerks my chin back upwards.

“I understand that it is impossible to avoid getting caught up in a party where alcohol is involved. But I should hope that you both think twice before putting yourself in a situation where someone could slip something into your drink. Especially you, Brooke. Women are always the main target,” she shakes her head. “But I will not lecture you here right now, you, me, and Lucas will have a serious talk about this tomorrow.”

“And me,” Keith replies and pulls Karen to his side, “it is not your fault for what happened but we’re very upset that you were both drinking. We hoped you’d be more responsible than that.”

God this is almost worse than being forbidden to see Lucas. I feel horrible, like a wounded puppy who’s just peed on the carpet. I keep expecting them to pull out a rolled up newspaper to whack me with. This is all my fault, every time I start to even think of excuses as to how it’s not I feel even more guilty than admitting it is.

I have to force myself to enter his room, it’s hard to face him after what had gone down the night before.

“H-hey,” I manage to stutter and hold up a small hand in greeting. Oh lord, I must come off as mentally challenged. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I had my insides ripped out of me,” he croaks out hoarsely.

“Oh, Luke,” my chest tightens and I stumble forward to his bedside. “I am so sorry, this is all my fault.” I whimper and pull his hand to my lips.

“Don’t say that,” he grimaces and looks around while licking his dry lips and I hurry to get him a cup of water and watch as he gulps it down hungrily. He sets the cup down empty and pants breathless, my hand slides back into his and I lean over to kiss his fingers again.

“I was so scared,” I whisper and press my cheek to his palm.

“Peyton,” he whispers and shakes his head, “I didn’t kiss her. I swear—“

“Just forget that,” I shake my head furiously, “I don’t care who kissed who, okay? All I care about is that you’re okay.”

He starts to laugh, so hard he starts to cough and I panic and reach for the nurse button but he stops me.

“You’re willing to believe I kissed her and forgive me, rather than to admit that she’s deliberately trying to screw with you?” He chuckles bitterly and leans back onto his pillow. “I cannot believe you sometimes,” he shakes his head back and forth.

“Lucas—“

“You know what? I don’t care about her or anything that has to do with her right now. I want to ask you something and I want a straight answer.” His eyes bore up into mine fiercely.

I gulp and nod my head, “Okay.”

“Do you have feelings for Nathan?” He replies with a straight face.

I laugh in disbelief, “This is a joke right? Cuz you’re not funny,” I shake my head.

“Good, because it’s not meant to be funny.” He snaps. “I saw you two in the hall the other day. I’m just curious to know why it is you can talk to him and not me? I bust my ass in order to be there for you and yet you still…” he pauses and chuckles down at his hands. “So, do you?” he looks back up at me.

I cannot believe we’re having this conversation.

“No,” I shake my head, “not in that way, no.”

He doesn’t even blink, “Have you ever?”

“Where the hell is this coming from?” I jump out of my chair and shout. “Seriously, Lucas? You’re in a damn hospital bed! You almost died last night and you kissed Peyton and you want to ask me if I have feeling for Nathan?”

“I did not kiss her! She’s kissed me! And yes, I want to know if you do or ever did. So that way I can understand why the hell it is that you keep running back to him instead of me.” He scowls.

“I can’t do this with you,” I shake my head and grab my purse, “you must be on some sort of morphine or whatever. Because you’re being a major dick right now.”

“Gee, I wonder why that is Brooke! Could it be because I was drugged last night and nearly died? And I find this all fairly coincidental that it happens at a party Nathan invited us to. A party where the two of you spent the whole night God knows where doing God knows what and—“

“Stop it!” I scream, “I can’t believe you! How dare you accuse me of cheating on you when you kissed Peyton!”

His face turns a deep crimson red and even though I know we really shouldn’t be fighting right now in his condition… I don’t really care. Because I’m pissed. But all he does is shake his head and laugh softly under his breath. It’s infuriating.

“You really have no idea, do you?” he says.

No, I really don’t, because he’s making absolutely no sense to me right now. I hike my purse up on my shoulder and turn to leave the room.

“He did it, Brooke!” he shouts and I stop at the door.

I turn around slowly and face him, “And how exactly did he do it, Lucas? Because like you said. He was with me doing God knows what—all night!”

He scowls, “Like he didn’t have someone else do it for him? Vegas was on my ass the moment I got there. Making me play drinking games and refusing to disturb you and Nathan out back.” He grunts. “Since when is Vegas my new best friend, huh? I’ve been a dick to the entire team all week, why the hell would they suddenly want me to hang out with them?” he scoffs.

“Because you are their team captain? Because you guys won? Because,” I gasp, “they actually do consider you a friend?”

“You’re being so damn stubborn about this!” He barks heatedly. “Damn it Brooke, why can’t you see it? He—they are trying to break us up,” he replies and sits up straighter in his bed, “you don’t think it’s a coincidence that Nathan is magically the good guy and Peyton—“

“Two times, Lucas?!” I shriek. “You kissed two times and you didn’t tell me once!”

“It’s not for lack of trying!” He roars. “I have tried several times to tell you and every time I did you shot me down. First by flat out telling me you didn’t want to know and then by ignoring me all damn week! Every time I even tried to approach you about it it’s as if you knew what I wanted to tell you and suddenly you had a million things to do!”

“So what are you saying Lucas? That I deliberately ignore you because I have selective hearing?” I snap. “I am going through so much right now and you… you don’t even know!”

“Exactly, and who’s fault is that Brooke, huh?”

I gulp. He’s right, he is so absolutely right. My hands start to shake and my brow dampens, I can feel my heart pounding in my chest and I feel around my pockets for something—anything to help make this stop. My hand digs into my purse for the bottle of my mother’s prescription stabilizers, or sedatives if you want to get technical. But I find that I only have two left.

I swear to God I had six in there when I left the house this morning. Or rather yesterday morning, because it’s now seven in the morning which means I’ve been here all night. I sigh and drop the pills into my palm then walk over to the cup that sits on the lunch tray over Luke’s bed.

I pop them into my mouth and reach for the water when suddenly Lucas snatches it away from me with a scowl. I flinch in surprise and wrinkle my brow at him then reach for it again and he pulls back—again.

“Lucas, stop,” I sigh and push the pills to the side of my mouth in order to talk.

“I’m glad you’re not trying to hide it from me this time.” He snaps.

“Well it’s either this or I start to freak out right here in front of you,” I reply and press a hand to my chest in order to calm my heart rate. The sweat that beads around my brow continues to grow and it threatens to roll down the sides of my face.

His eyes stare back at me in horror.

“Lucas, will you please just—Lucas!” I scream when he flings the pink plastic container to the floor. Water spills all over and splashes up against my feet where it puddles all around me.

I have no choice right then but to dry swallow the pills. When I do this Lucas looks as if I’ve just betrayed him in some way. Why can’t he understand how much I need them in order to be the girl he knows so well?

Does he know you Brooke? Does he know you at all? Does anyone really know you for that matter?

“Shut up,” I mutter under my breath to myself.

Lucas blinks up at me innocently and I feel a ball of emotion bubble up my throat. I gasp and press a hand against my mouth. He is so disgusted with me right now. I realize then that I’ve allowed this ‘problem’ to get way too out of hand. I can’t handle having him look at me like that.

“Stop it,” I reply and shake my head at him, “stop looking at me like that!”

“Like what?” he speaks back gently.

I can’t say, really. I suppose its because I want to hear it from his own lips. Or maybe I’m hoping he doesn’t think I’m a complete loser right in this moment. Dear God, I must look like a junkie.

“Just,” I shake my head and start to back away for the door, “don’t.” I whisper at him painfully.

“Where are you going?” he seems to panic suddenly, “Brooke!”

“I’m sorry,” I reply and head for the door, “I can’t do this. I’m way too messed up right now.” I run a shaky hand through my hair. “I’ll… I’ll call you later.”

“Brooke!” he shouts.

“Lucas,” I take a deep breath at the open door and refuse to look back at him. “I’m sorry I’m making this about me right now,” I clench my eyes closed. “But I can’t be around you right now. Because it’s making me feel like…”

“Like what?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I leave the room.

---x---

He’s on his bed staring down at a piece of paper when I barge into his room tearful and dump my coat and bag onto the floor then slam the door shut behind myself. Startled, Nathan sets the paper aside and stands up from the bed.

Then we stand there, him at his bedside and me at the door. My bottom lip trembles and I close my eyes and let one shaky breath escape past my lips. This can’t be happening. Lucas and I, we were supposed to be unbreakable.

I continue to stand where I am with clenched eyes and I hate that I can’t speak. I hate that I came here in order to feel any sort of calming comfort. Why can’t it be like this with Lucas? He’s my boyfriend.

Then suddenly there’s a warm hand on my arm, and it pulls me close to an equally warm chest. And I can’t help but to cling to his sweater and collapse into him letting go of everything. I’m nothing but a sobbing mess and Nathan just takes it like the best damn friend that he is.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers so softly I almost miss it.

I pull back and wipe the back of a hand across my eyes, “What?”

“Nothing,” he shakes his head and tries to pull me back into his arms. “How is Lucas?”

I shrug, “He’s okay I guess.”

Nathan’s brow rises, “But…”

“But we are not okay, Nathan.” I cringe and start to cry all over again. He leads me over to the bed and sets me down before sitting down beside me and pulling me to back to his chest.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he says.

“That’s just it, Nate,” I shake my head, “I tell you too much.”

He sighs and his free hand moves to grab a hold of mine, “Lucas is threatened.” He replies and plays with my fingers with his.

I blink down at what he’s doing and pause.

“Nate?” my voice is shaky.

“Yeah?” he drops my hand as if realizing what he’d been doing.

Its absurd to think that he could possibly have… feelings. For me. It’s stupid. I shake my head and sigh. “Never mind.” Lucas is just paranoid and threatened by the rock solid connection I share with Nathan.

“So Lucas is okay,” he speaks carefully, “did he tell you what happened?”

“He was drugged, Nathan,” I snap and pull away to scowl at him. “What more is there to tell?”

“Whoa, chill out it was just a question.” He holds his hands up at his sides in defense. I start to feel bad and sit back down beside him.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, “I’m just… I’m all over the place right now.”

“How many,” he rubs a hand over his face.

“Two,” I whisper.

“How many yesterday?” he mutters.

“I lost count,” I lean back until I’m flat against the mattress and staring up at the ceiling. I close my eyes and try to imagine what I’d be like if I didn’t have to swallow these suckers coursing through my system.

“So Peyton and Lucas? What’s up with that?” he says and stretches out beside me to stare up at the ceiling as well.

I groan and clench my eyes shut tighter. “I don’t know, she’s seriously crying out for something, Nathan.”

“So you’re not mad at Lucas?” he scoffs.

“I’ve been wrapped up in everything from my dad to Summer and Felix. Fighting with my mom, trying to keep my grades up and fighting the urge to swallow the whole damn bottle of whatever pills I can get my hands on. I really haven’t given him the time to explain—“

“Seriously?” Nathan sits up and looks down at me in disbelief, “Just like that? He’s off the hook?”

I push up to my elbows, “I trust Lucas, Nathan. I know it was all Peyton, him kissing her doesn’t make sense. But her kissing him?” I sigh, “I don’t want to admit that it makes sense… but it does.”

“Whatever,” he shakes his head.

“What is your problem? Are you saying it’s not possible? Peyton loves playing games, you and I both know that.” I can’t believe he’s upset about this.

“The guy gets drunk and kisses Peyton, and it’s okay?” he just can’t seem to grasp this. “He’s been a dick to everyone all week and then drinks himself into oblivion—“

“He was drugged, Nathan!” I shout and sit upright on the bed.

He just rolls his eyes and sits back down.

“You didn’t,” I pause and take a deep breath. “You don’t know who could have…”

He backs away from me, “You are not about to accuse me of having something to do with what happened last night.” He shakes his head in disbelief.

“No,” I clench my eyes, “I didn’t say that. It’s just that no one even breathes unless you say so and—“

His eyes widen, “You’re gonna put this shit on me?” he laughs incredulously and jumps up from the bed to pace the room. “Of all the things, Brooke! Jesus do you really think I would do something like that?!”

“No, of course not!”

“But you just said it!”

“I asked you a simple question, all you had to say was no!” I scream at him. “Why are you making this something it’s not?”

His eyes are full of betrayal, “I think you should go.”

“You didn’t let me finish!” I fight back, “Nathan, I just want to know who would go behind your back and—“

“Spare me your bullshit Brooke, I know you better than anyone else,” he snaps so venomously that I flinch. “You’re letting him poison your mind enough to make you think I—your best friend would do anything to hurt you?”

“It hurt Lucas!”

Why did I just say that? That’s not what I meant at all.

“Right, and by hurting him it hurts you. Do you get the distinction?” He blinks down at me as if I am the biggest idiot to walk the planet. And I am, I really think that I am. How could I even think to come here and ask these kinds of questions?

“Nathan,” I whimper like a fool.

“Just leave, Brooke,” he frowns over at me in pure disappointment. I know that look, I’ve seen it on every face that’s come across me.

Mom. Dad. Deb. Summer. Peyton. Keith and Karen. Even Lucas.

But Nathan?

“Get out!” he shouts at me.

“Why are you doing this?” I swipe a hand across my cheek to brush away a tear. “Nathan, you are all I have left. You’re the only one who gets me.”

His face in blank, his eyes are sullen, “Yeah, I know all that.” He replies softly.

I exhale a long held breath.

“But you don’t get me,” he rasps, “at least… not anymore.”

I blink in disbelief, how can he think…

“Please leave,” he whispers and turns his back to me.

How can I not?

---x---

No one will talk to me. Lucas, Nathan, Peyton…

Oh, and my mother hate’s me.

I tried to see dad today. I got as far as the front lobby when luck would have it for her to come waltzing out of the gift shop with the latest issue of Cosmo in hand. Her eyes had narrowed, she asked what I was doing there. I stated the obvious and she felt my tone was too snippy. Apparently my attitude was too negative to be near my father. He’s too fragile.

Thinking back, I laugh at how ridiculous she is. I don’t know why she won’t let me near him. He has to wonder why I haven’t been around, he has to.

“You okay?” a small voice startles me back into the present.

“I’m fine,” I grumble like Mr. Grouch from his trashcan.

“You don’t look fine,” her tone is light. Polite.

I hate her. Especially when she decides right then to come and sit down next to me on the front porch.

“And what about me not looking fine tells you that you should come and sit down next to me?” I snap back at her.

“Brooke, stop it.”

“Summer,” I growl.

She sighs, “I’m trying, Brooke. I really am, but its useless if you don’t do anything to help. You can’t hate me forever, dad did what he did and I’m here. Everything happens for a reason. And honestly? I don’t want to be alone anymore, Brooke. You’re my big sister, I want you to be my big sister. Please.”

Something in her tone keeps my bitch in check. Slowly, I twist to face her in curiosity, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she shakes her head.

I don’t feel like pushing her to tell me something she’s obviously not ready to say out loud. Maybe its about her mom, or maybe she wants to borrow my favorite pair of shoes. Whatever the reason, she’s not talking now. But I know one thing, she’s right about me being her sister, her big sister. I’m the big sister.

Wow. That sounded so weird.

“You sure you’re okay?” she asks and rests her chin on her knees that she’s pulled up to her chest.

“Yeah,” I rasp out sounding about as sure as I am about whether or not Britney’s boobs are real, “I’m fine. You sure you’re okay?” I add.

She nods, “I’m fine,” she whispers and stares out at the pink and purple sky.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” I say looking up at the same sky.

“Yeah,” she replies quietly.

“Does my mom let you see dad?” I blurt out curiously.

Her brow wrinkles as she purses her lips and squints at the fading sun. “Not really,” she tilts her head to the side and her hair goes sliding down her shoulder like a silk blanket. “Why?”

“Just wondering,” I mumble.

“It’s like she doesn’t want to share,” she confesses as if telling me a secret. “She’s always making excuses for me not to come and when I do she says he’s sleeping or he’s about to get some tests done. I’ve only really seen him three times since that day.” She shrugs.

I nod, “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

She sighs and blinks at the dark orange fireball in the sky, “It feels so empty without him here.”

She sounds like me when I was her age. Which was not too long ago, she’s only two years younger than me.

“Do you really mean it?” I ask without looking at her, mostly because I feel slightly embarrassed to even be asking this. “You know,” I shrug my shoulder, “about me being your big sister?” I tempt fate and turn to her.

A small smile touches her lips and she nods, “Yeah, I do.”

“Well then,” I look up at the sky again, “okay.”

“Okay,” she replies and together we just sit there and stare.

---x---

Haley doesn’t answer her phone when I call to ask what happened to her at the hospital. It was as if she disappeared, poof! Gone.

For a moment, I’m scared she’s taken whatever side everyone’s on that seems to be pissed off at me. Then I get angry. How the hell is this my fault? I will admit that I feel slightly responsible for what happened to Lucas. I haven’t been talking to him about my problems as much as I used to. I just don’t want to burden him.

Standing on the James’ front porch, I raise a fist and knock. If Haley wants to ignore me, I’ll make it impossible for her to do so. Because let’s face it, I don’t really have anyone if not Luke or Nathan. Because Peyton is too far gone in whatever hell she’s placed herself in. Lashing out by hurting me in order to get my attention.

I’m sick of making excuses for her. Yes, she would betray me. Yes, she would put posters of me around school revealing that my father had an affair. And yes, she would kiss my boyfriend just to ruin whatever happiness I have.

I knock again on Haley’s door and groan. I don’t think anyone is home. Turning around I start down the steps towards my car when the door cracks open.

“Yeah?” a groggy male voice whirls me back around.

I squint my eyes trying to see through the screen door and because it’s so dark inside the house, I can’t see a damn thing. “Uh,” I lick my lisp and make my way back up the steps, “is Haley home?”

“Whoa,” he scoffs and pushes open the door, “you are hot.” He replies and his eyes roam from top to bottom as he openly checks me out.

“Is she home or not?” I roll my eyes.

He nods, “She’s sick. I’m Alex,” he holds a hand out. “You must be MDG,” he nods.

I grimace, “Excuse me?”

“MDG? My Dream Girl?” he laughs. “You’re just as I pictured you,” he replies in awe.

“Sorry buddy, I’m taken,” I smile, “but thanks for the ego boost. Can I see Haley?”

“Why would you want to see my boring sister when you can live a life of splendor with me?” He asks incredulously.

I smirk, “Well, as much as I would love to ride that imaginary horse, I really need to see her. She can’t be sick, I was just with her last night and she—“

“So then you must have witnessed her drunken acts of idiocy? Because she was trashed when she came home at 5 this morning. Stumbling and singing and making a fool of herself? She puked all over moms garden,” he points to where the remnants of old vomit that now cover the once pink roses.

I grimace and look away, “That’s impossible,” I shake my head, “she was fine last night just before she…” I blink in realization.

“Oh my God, Lucas is going to die!” her words are too slurred to decipher but I made an educated guess.

“How much has she had to drink?” I asked Nathan who sped down the road way past the legal limit.

“How should I know?” he muttered and swerved around a slow car.

“I don’t feel so good,” Haley mumbled.

“Shit,” I cursed my luck, “Nathan, how much farther?”

“Almost there,” he said and glanced into the rearview mirror, “Haley, you okay back there?”

She nodded with her eyes closed and her arms around Luke’s shoulders. She’d refused to let go of him from the moment we sat inside the car. But her brow was now slick with sweat and she’d been breathing funny for almost the whole ride.

“I’m fine,” she nodded her head to Nathan then mumbled, “I’m just worried about Lucas.”

“I need to see your sister,” I grab onto the door and push him aside to get into the house. “Haley?” I call out. Thank God her parents aren’t home, because how rude would I appear to them? Some pushy snob rushing into their house and yelling out for their youngest daughter.

I tend to make horrible first impressions.

“She’s upstairs in her room,” Alex points, “third door to the right.”

“Thank you,” I say to him and rush up to where he’s directed me.

I feel bad when I finally enter her room and shut the door behind me. She’s laying on her stomach, spread eagled across her bed in a pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt. She looks as if she’s experiencing the worst hangover of her life.

“Haley,” I whisper and shake her slightly, “Haley…”

“Whaaat?” she whines and waves a hand out to slap my hand away. “I told you already, Alex, if you take one more picture of me to put on MySpace I will castrate you!” she snaps and whirls around to whip an arm out.

I yelp in surprise and barley dodge the flailing limb, “Whoa! Hey, it’s Brooke!”

“Brooke?” she squints up at me and pushes the hair from out her eyes, “What are you doing here?”

“How much did you have to drink last night?” I ask her.

She frowns as a bitter expression covers her face, she plays with her tongue as if tasting something horrible and then holds a hand over her stomach. “I only had one drink,” she groans and lowers back down to her bed. “And not even a whole one because Lucas grabbed it and swallowed it before I could get past halfway.”

“Wait,” I move closer and kneels down beside her bed, “you only had half a drink?” I try not to laugh at what a lightweight she is.

“Yes,” she says placing her hands over her face. “I don’t know what the hell kind of drinks you guys make but whatever it was I can’t handle it.”

“You didn’t pour your own drink?” I panic, “Haley, are you stupid?”

“Yes,” she nods her head into her pillow, “I never should have went to that dumb party. I was just so shocked that she invited me and she sounded so sincere…” she mumbles into her pillow. “I should have stayed home.”

“Who are you talking about?” I raise my brow curiously, “Haley?” I shake her slightly and she groans again in protest. “I thought Nathan invited you?”

“No,” she shakes her head and peaks up at me through one eye, “Nathan didn’t even know I was going until I got there.”

“Then who—“

“Does it really matter Brooke?” she shakes her head slowly and rolls over to look at me, “It doesn’t change anything that happened last night.”

“But I want to know what happened last night, Haley. Because nothing makes any sense right now. Please,” I take her hand, “please try to remember as much as you can about last night.”

She groans and I help her sit up against the headboard, “Fine,” she sighs. “It was after the game, and Bevin—“

“Bevin invited you?!” I scoff.

“No,” Haley frowns and rolls her eyes, “who is telling this story? Me or you?”

“Sorry,” I mumble.

“No,” she groans and covers her face with her hands, “I’m sorry. I’m being way grumpy its just that I feel like crap.” She drops her hands. “Let’s start over?”

I nod and she continues.

“So yesterday after the game, I waited after to look for Lucas. I’d never seen him act like that before and I wanted to ask what was wrong, you know?” she grimaces and I pat her knee in agreement. “Well, all week Peyton has been making an effort to be nice to me. Which is weird because she’s been hanging out with Rachel who is a complete bitch by the way and—“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I stop her, “Peyton’s been hanging with Rachel?” I scoff in disbelief. “Tutor girl, you must still be drunk.”

She rolls her eyes, “Anyways, I bumped into her after the game and Rachel invited me to the party—well let me rephrase that. She made fun of me and said that it was a shame I was such a prude because there was a party. I told her it was a shame she was such a skank and then Peyton intervened and said it would be cool if I went. So I thought about it…”

“…guess who just got invited to party with the cool kids?”

I blink in realization.

“I wasn’t going to go, I mean I was tempted,” she nods, “but then Lucas made me mad and so I went to find Nathan and got a ride with him.” She sighs. “When I got to the party I didn’t want Lucas to see how uncomfortable and out of place I felt. So I stuck close by Nathan but then I didn’t want him to feel as if I was being clingy or whatever so I started to venture out.”

I blink at her with a frown, Nathan would never think that about her. It was obvious he cared about her way too much to ever think she was clingy. If anything, he would cling to her.

“Then I saw Peyton in the bathroom line and we started talking. I tried to play it cool, as if I hung out at parties all the time and it was all just one big rerun but she totally caught onto me. She offered me a drink, I followed her into the kitchen where Rachel was mixing drinks.”

I’m really starting to hate Rachel more and more by the second.

“It tasted like pure alcohol but I sipped it until about halfway because I started to feel sick,” she laughs, “they laughed at the faces I made and then Nathan came in and I left with him. We started talking and laughing and then I saw you and Lucas…”

I bite my bottom lip nervously, “And?”

She shrugs, “I kept talking to Nathan but then I saw Lucas guzzling from a bottle and I shouted out after him. I told Nathan that I wanted to talk to Lucas alone and went after him. But I should have known it wasn’t going to turn out well because the instant I walked up to Luke, he swiped my drink and downed the entire thing in like one gulp.”

My eyes widen in disbelief.

“After that it was as if he was a college boy in a fraternity and I couldn’t stand to look at him. He was taking shot after shot and it just wasn’t him. So I went looking for Nathan to ask for a ride home and then the next thing I know Luke pukes all over my shoes and passes out.”

None of this makes any sense.

“I’m sorry tutor girl,” I pat her hand.

“Me too,” she frowns and slinks back down under her covers.

---x---

Last stop on the crazy train.

Peyton’s house.

But when I get there I see an unfamiliar black Denali parked out front. Anger boils in my blood when I think about Peyton being new best friends with Rachel. I am supposed to be her friend and she shoved me out of her life. But suddenly Rachel is worthy enough to open up to? How long has she ever known her? A week?

It’s ridiculous.

I storm into the house—which is unlocked because no one freaking locks their houses in Tree Hill—and as I make my way up the stairs towards her room, I hear her arguing with Rachel.

“Chill the fuck out, no one is going to find out,” Rachel snaps, “and stop pacing the room you’re making me crazy!”

“He’s in the hospital Rachel! This wasn’t supposed to happen! You were supposed to seduce him and have Brooke catch you and dump him. But no, you had to come on too strong get turned down.”

“I don’t see what the problem is, he kissed you.”

“Only because I threw myself at him! The guy was wasted, Rachel. You saw him down Haley’s drink. You know what was in that. God, none of this was supposed to happen.” She groans and I peak into her room to see her smash her face in her hands.

“So what? This is way better,” Rachel remains lounged out across Peyton’s bed.

“No,” Peyton shakes her head, “you were supposed to lace Haley’s drink to make her act like a fool in front of Nathan. Then he was supposed to dump her and she would be out of the picture for me to get him back.”

Rachel rolls her eyes.

“I just want things the way they were,” she cries. “I just want Brooke and Nathan back. I want it like it was! You promised me you make it like it was!”

“Chill out!” Rachel snaps, “God you are such a whiney little bitch, Peyton! It’s no wonder Jake didn’t want to date you. All you think about is yourself.”

“You don’t know a damn thing about—“

Rachel scoffs, “Oh yes I do. You want Nathan back, why? Because Jake rejected you. You want Brooke back, why? Because you realized that you suck as your own best friend. And Brooke was the only one who would put up with your shit. Because I sure as can can’t stand it anymore.” She stands up to leave.

“Where are you going?” Peyton panics, “You can’t leave me. Not until we figure out what to do!”

“There is nothing to do, Peyton! My work here is done. I posted those posters of Brooke for you. I spiked Haley’s drink and I even faked that doctor call to Victoria telling her that her husband’s heart attack was because of Brooke. Well, not in those words exactly but you get my point. I have done all of these things for you and what the hell do I have in return?”

“I fucking got you onto the cheer squad Rachel! You’re basically our captain now that Brooke’s been MIA, and as soon as she dumps Lucas he’s all yours!” Peyton shouts. “Your queen bee status is practically set in stone, so don’t tell me I haven’t held up my end of the God damned bargain!”

I gasp and back away from the door. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I can’t… I can feel my heart thumping in my chest, my eyes burning with tears. I can’t even begin to comprehend everything I’ve just heard. I hurry down the stairs and slam the door behind me, I don’t care if they see me. I don’t care if they know I heard them.

All I know is that Peyton and I are done.

For good.

---x---

“What happened?” is the first thing out of his mouth when he opens his door to see my red and tearful face. “Baby, talk to me,” he pulls me into his room.

“I’m sorry, Lucas,” I cling to his chest and allow him to guide up to his bed so that we can sit. “I’m such an idiot. Its just that I kept telling myself that if I pretended everything was going to be okay, then eventually it would come true. I thought Peyton was just acting out and she would get over it. I never thought she would deliberately try to sabotage me or us or anything…”

“Brooke,” Lucas holds me tighter, “I’m… I’m sorry,” is all he says and I cry harder.

“I’m spiraling out of control Lucas,” I pull back and look at him, “I’m so messed up. I can’t stop taking those stupid pills and I feel like my family is falling apart. I keep thinking that if I burden you with my problems you’ll start to pull away. I know you tell me you’re not going anywhere but a lot of people say that to me and now they’re all gone, Luke.”

“I’m not them, Brooke,” he tells me, “and it’s not fair to not give me the chance to prove that.”

“I can’t lose you, Lucas. I can’t.”

“You won’t.”

“But what if—“

“No,” he shakes his head.

“I know, but what—“

“Brooke,” his tone is firm and I pipe down almost immediately. “No more secrets, we talked about this, remember?”

I nod slowly, “No more secrets.”

We all keep secrets, and sometimes we realize that its time to share them.

So I take a deep breath and tell him everything I heard in Peyton’s room today, along with what Haley told me as well. He sits and listens and never once does he interrupt me. God, do I love this boy.

And he loves me back.

---x---

He’s home but I can’t bring myself to walk inside and tell him I’m sorry. He’s been my rock for as long as I can remember and today I had let him down. Unintentionally I have hurt him in the worst way. Accusing him of drugging Lucas when in fact it was the very person everyone has been trying to tell me it was all along.

I have to make things right again with Nathan. But standing on his front porch I chicken out. I can’t face him after the way he’d thrown me out of his bedroom earlier today. He’d looked at me as if I were his worst enemy. As if I’d betrayed him.

God, I’m the worlds biggest idiot.

Turning to leave I trot down the steps and towards my car when I hear the thump of his basketball against the pavement out back. I hear it bounce off the backboard and then his footsteps shuffle before he shoots again. I hear it swish and I smile to myself. He never misses.

Slowly, I walk towards the hoop but when I get there he’s just staring at out at nothing. Completely still and lost in deep thought. I almost don’t say anything, but then he turns and spots me. As if sensing my presence.

“What,” he mutters. It’s so Nathan of him.

“I’m sorry,” I reply softly, “I didn’t mean—“

“I don’t care what you meant,” he snaps, “it’s not even about any of that. It’s about me and how I feel and you being around me is just fucking everything up.”

I choke and back away a step, “Excuse me?”

“You’re so stupid, Brooke,” he shakes his head sadly and I feel as if he’s tearing my heart out the inside of my chest. “You sure are pretty, but you’re also very… stupid.” He shrugs. “I know you got a lot going on right now, and I know that you need me and shit. But,” he shrugs again, “I can’t be that for you anymore. So why don’t you turn around and go to Lucas, okay? Go to your boyfriend.”

“Nathan—“

“I mean it, Brooke! Get the hell away from me!” he shouts and I flinch and start to cry. It hurts too much to hear these words coming from him. “Don’t cry,” he whispers, and for a second I wonder if he’s going to cry too, “please just go,” he clenches his eyes and turns away from me, “GO!”

“I don’t want to go!” I whimper like a fool. “Nathan, please, you’re my best friend,” I beg him and take a step forward. “I need you, okay? I need my best friend.”

He stares at me, eyes boring into mine, “No you don’t Brooke,” he says shaking his head, “you’ll do just fine without me. It’s me who’s going to suffer.”

“What?” I snivel, “Nathan, I don’t understand. Why are you pushing me away?”

He drops the ball from his hands and backs away, “Just go to Lucas, Brooke,” he says, “because being around you right now just hurts too damn much.” He shakes his head then turns and walks back into the house.

I stand there confused and alone and I realize something. Nathan’s right. I am stupid. I’m also blind too. Because I think my best friend has feelings for me beyond those of friendship. Shit.

Now what?