Disclaimer: Dear Sora, I have stolen your keyblade. If you ever want to see it again, you’ll renounce yourself as the property of Disney, Squeenix, and Riku…please?

Author’s Notes: Aw, crap…you know, I’ve written one-shots before, but this is actually the first multi-chaptered fic I’ve ever finished…SGW won’t be done for a while, and while I’ve got a few other multi-parters in the works…this is the first, ya know? It’s been a wonderful ride, and I’ve enjoyed it through it all. Oh, and the chapter title is a line from Shout It Loud, the opening from King of Bandits Jing. It’s a gorgeous song, soft yet loud, and I think we’ll all agree it’s appropriate. And because I really don’t have much more to say - besides the requisite plea to review and enjoy - I now present the fifth, and final chapter of Advanced Theory.

Dedication: To The Writer You Fools who…is just one of the most amazingly awesome authors on this site, and who’s an amazingly awesome person, even beyond that. This was all for you, hun, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I adored writing it.

Advanced Theory

Chapter Five: A Faintly Covered Truth

---

It was warm.

Sora awoke, blinking blearily and trying to adjust to the lack of light. He could faintly make out the red numbers of the digital clock lying on the bedside table, just out of reach. Four minutes past six in the morning, and Sora frowned, wondering why he’d awoken so early. He absentmindedly snuggled into the large body holding him tightly and closed his eyes, trying to fall back asleep.

His eyes shot open ten seconds later and he turned onto his side, peering at Riku’s face in the darkness. The older boy’s eyes were shut and his mouth was open slightly, the gentlest expression of contentedness lining the contours of his face. He murmured in his sleep and tightened his grip on Sora, nuzzling into the smaller boy’s neck.

Sora relaxed, the tension that had immediately sprung into his body upon realizing his position seeping out. Slowly, oh so slowly, a soft grin spread across his face, and he raised himself onto an elbow, smiling down at the white-haired boy clinging to him in sleep.

‘Last night,’ he thought, lifting a palm to his mouth in order to stifle the almost hysteric giggles begging to be released. ‘I told him, didn’t I? I made him happy.’

The thought caused his soft smile to morph into a full grin and he dropped his head onto his crossed arms, examining the boy he was sharing a bed with. Riku’s hair was splayed out around him, strands of it falling onto his own shoulders and tickling Sora’s nose. He sneezed, and the sound drew another murmur from Riku, his eyebrows knitting momentarily before he turned, rolling in his sleep until he lay half-sprawled on the younger boy.

The brunet choked on a laugh and drew one of his hands through the head of white hair resting on his chest. He shook his head, a gentle sort of amazement trickling through him. ‘Beautiful,’ he sighed to himself. ‘How did someone like him ever fall in love with me?’

“Sora,” Riku mumbled in his sleep. “Love…”

“Shh,” Sora whispered. “Go back to sleep. It’s still dark out.”

The larger boy groaned and rolled more fully on top of the younger one. Sora gasped for air and chuckled, shifting so that he could breathe easily. He grinned down at Riku and tugged lightly on the strands of hair. Beautiful…everything from the fluttering of his eyelashes as he fought for sleep, to the strength in his arms as he clutched at Sora like a teddy bear, to the way his overly large shirt was beginning to slide off one shoulder to reveal a delineated clavicle and corded muscles…Sora’s eyes softened.

The past few days had been so horribly, heart-wrenchingly confusing, but it was worth it. In the end, he thought, tapping Riku’s nose with one finger lightly, it was all worth it. The pain and frustration and guilt - so much ever-present guilt - had all been worth it. Even that first day, when he’d unwillingly given Riku the one thing he could never take back - even that day, for all it’s agony and horror, had been more than worth it. Sora smiled. Riku was beautiful and warm and loving and here, and Sora wasn’t sure how he’d never realized it before.

Before…

The smile that had been shifting across Sora’s face faltered, and he stopped squirming around. If he thought back…back to before…to that day, three weeks ago, when in a fit of anger he’d uttered a single lie, and had forever changed his life…

The little black guilt-demons suddenly made their reappearance, exchanging one form of shame for another. Because maybe he could now make Riku happy, maybe he could now reciprocate the older boy’s love, but in the end everything had been based on a lie, and Sora was far too good-hearted to feel comfortable with lies.

‘Damn,’ he murmured idly to himself. ‘Will this never end? How do I fix this?’

The answer was obvious, of course - it would only take a few words, a single revealed lie, and all bets would be off. All secrets would be laid bare on the table, and…Sora bit his lip to stifle a sob.

And…

“Sora? Whassamatter?” Riku blinked sleepily and lifted himself onto his arms. He squinted his eyes shut, rubbing at them kittenishly. “Why’re we on the floor?”

Sora smiled, and just like that every bit of pain he was feeling faded into the background. He would tell Riku…he had to. He couldn’t bear to lie to anyone, and lying to Riku made his chest hurt in ways he couldn’t stand. But not yet. For now, he’d enjoy this fuzzy warmth, enjoy the arms around him and the green eyes blinking confusedly down at him.

“We fell asleep here last night,” Sora laughed. “Come on, let’s get to bed.”

Riku moaned irritably but clambered to his feet, dragging Sora with him and dropping him unceremoniously onto the bed. He automatically scooted closer to his source of warmth and tugged the other boy closer, closing his eyes and evening his breath.

Sora sighed, letting his eyes drift closed. He’d made his decision, and the weight that had been pressing onto his shoulders was dissipating slowly. He’d enjoy this comfort for now, and after that he’d tell Riku. Tonight. He’d pull Riku aside, and explain.

‘He loves me. He’ll be angry, but…I have to trust that he loves me. I have to trust that he cares enough to forgive me. I love him…Give me strength. Give me enough strength to be able to tell him…convince him…please let him forgive me.’

The body behind his froze suddenly, his long arms convulsing around the smaller boy’s waist.

“S-sora?” Riku breathed haltingly. The sleep had disappeared from his voice, and the name fell from his lips falteringly.

“What’s wrong?” Sora asked, turning in Riku’s grasp to look up at him. The older boy’s face was visibly pale, even in the dim light. Sora frowned, the last vestiges of guilt and fear fading away, worry replacing them. “Are you okay?”

Riku bit his lip, raising a hand to cup the other boy’s cheek. The limb halted halfway, and he let his arm fall without ever making contact. “Sora,” he whispered. “What happened last night?”

And just like that, the brunet understood. He smiled, the expression soft but bright in its sincerity. “Go back to sleep, Riku,” he murmured. “It’s early.”

There was silence for a moment, before Riku spoke, his voice breaking softly. “I love you.”

The words sounded more like a question than a statement and Sora grinned. He slung one arm around the other boy’s waist and shifted closer, twining his legs with the other boy’s. “I love you, too,” he smiled, making sure that Riku’s eyes were trained on his own before he spoke.

There was a sudden exhalation, and then Riku pulled him closer, his mouth seeking Sora’s own and finding it, pressing down in an almost frightening jumble of relief and desperation and sweet, sincere love. He rolled the two over until he was holding himself above the small brunet, laving at his lips and sucking on them.

Sora moaned softly, shifting his legs apart unconsciously so that Riku could lay between them easily. The older boy groaned, deep in his throat, and immediately shifted, his hands working themselves under Sora’s borrowed shirt and sliding, massaging the slight muscles until Sora was writhing underneath him in delight.

“Love you,” Riku whispered, leaving Sora’s lips to plant kisses all over his cheeks, forehead, neck. “Love you…thank you…”

Sora smiled and slid his hands in the soft white hair tickling his shoulders. The lips on his neck gentled, until they were leaving only soft butterfly kisses. “Love you, too,” he sighed happily. He pulled Riku up until they were at face level, then leaned forward, resting his lips on the pale ones of his boyfriend. Riku returned the soft caress, moving against the slim boy resting under him in a way that was almost painfully gentle.

Sora pulled back finally, laughing as he blew Riku’s hair out of his face. The other boy grinned, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, and collapsed beside the brunet, holding him to his chest playfully.

“What time is it?” he asked, darting a glance out the window. The sun had yet to rise, and a crescent moon was barely visible through the blinds. Sora yawned, pulling the covers to cover themselves.

“S’not even 6:30,” he said through the yawn. “We’ll wake up later.”

Riku grinned, his eyes already drooping sleepily, and pulled Sora up so his brunet head was resting on his arm. “Don’t,” Sora said, making no effort to move. “Your arm will fall asleep.”

The last words Sora heard before warm darkness overtook him were “That’s okay. I figure it’s worth it.”

---

The next time Sora awoke, the sun was filtering through the blinds and casting a pale glow on his face. He batted at the rays irritably and squinted his eyes shut, burrowing deeper into his soft, make-shift pillow. In his stupor, it took a few seconds before he realized why he’d awakened. And then his eyes shot open.

His cell phone was ringing, over and over, and Sora knew who it was.

He frowned. He’d left his phone on the floor the night before, and it would take a huge amount of effort to climb out of bed and grab it. On the other hand, it’d take even more effort to pacify the caller if he didn’t. He sighed in the manner of one who has been unfairly put upon and reached over Riku’s body to try and grab the ringing appliance. The key word here being try, because as he stretched out his hand to reach for the cellular, Riku batted his arm away and crushed him to his chest.

“No,” the older boy growled in a manner that was almost petulant. “Tell the phone to shut up and go back to sleep. It’s barely 8.”

Sora bit his lip, actually considering the proposal. “I need to answer, Riku,” he sighed finally, trying to pull away from the larger boy’s death grip on his waist. “You have one guess as to who’s calling.”

“Don’t care. We have leverage. We caught him in bed last night. He can’t make you do anything.”

The phone stopped ringing. Sora and Riku both shifted to watch it with bated breath. A split second later, it began again. Sora groaned, half-heartedly trying to grab at the cell phone. Riku’s growl turned into a roar and he rolled, pinning the younger boy and laying flat on top of him. Sora yelled in surprise and couldn’t help the laugh that forced itself out of his throat. “Get off!” he ordered, pushing at the white-haired boy’s shoulders. “He’ll kill me!”

“I’ll kill him,” Riku snarled playfully, collapsing fully onto the other boy’s smaller body. Sora hacked, laughing and trying to squirm out from his prison. “It’s Friday. First class isn’t until 11. We’ve got three hours, and we’re gonna spend them here.” He wrapped his arms around Sora’s lower back and pushed their hips together. Sora’s giggle turned into a gasp, and Riku chuckled. The phone stopped ringing, then began again a few seconds later.

“He’s gotta give up sooner or later,” Riku muttered. He bent slightly, sucking on the skin of Sora’s neck almost absentmindedly. The slim boy attempted to sigh in frustration, but the sound that emerged sounded more like a whimper.

“If I don’t answer,” Sora managed, “He’s gonna come over.”

“So?” Riku mumbled, laving at the pale expanse of Sora’s throat. “We’re not gonna do anything. You promised.”

Sora moaned, whether in aggravation or gratification, he himself couldn’t quite tell. “Idiot,” he gasped. “Get off.”

Riku released one final groan of discontent and rolled, his handsome features pulled into something scarily reminiscent of a pout. “If you answer the phone,” he grumbled, “We’re skipping class. And we’re gonna spend the entire day in bed.”

Sora bopped him upside the head, fighting a blush. “’m not having sex with you yet,” he muttered in embarrassment. Riku’s stern look melted into a smirk.

“That’s what you say,” Riku joked. “You give me a day in bed, and by hour 4 you’ll be begging for it.”

Sora snorted, fighting the full-body flush just waiting to turn him into a human tomato. “Whatever. I’m answering.”

Riku huffed and Sora smiled, leaning up to place a kiss on his cheek. Riku batted him away in mock-anger and the brunet’s smile morphed into a grin.

It was strange…up until this moment, Riku had always watched his words carefully, had always paid special attention to how many liberties he took. But Sora’s confession the previous night had worked some sort of miracle on the older boy. Riku’s smile was bright and lacking the subtle sadness and desperation that had been there for the last three weeks. His teasing, now, was carefree and relaxed. Riku no longer seemed to weigh every single word he said, and Sora grinned with the knowledge that he was the one who had made the older boy so happy.

Sora leaned over him, grabbing at the cell phone twice before he managed to grasp it. He flipped it open hurriedly, then pressed it to his ear.

“Sora?! Where are you? Why didn’t you answer the first time I called, you damn idiot?!”

The brunet winced, holding the phone away from his ear slightly. “Sorry,” he apologized. Beneath him, Riku’s hands began wandering up the smaller boy’s shirt. He muffled a gasp and plopped down atop the upperclassman in retaliation.

“I’m at Riku’s,” he answered. “And I just woke up. Sorry, I couldn’t really hear the phone that well.” He winced at the lie, crossing his fingers behind his back.

On the other end of the conversation, Roxas frowned. “You sound…happy,” he stated curiously. When Sora answered with a cackle of glee, his eyes widened.

“Hey, Sora?” he began, his voice halting slightly. “Is…did everything turn out okay?”

Sora smiled, wiggling into a comfortable position. He laughed softly, the sound filled with so much happiness Roxas started grinning upon hearing it.

“Yeah,” Sora whispered. “It’s okay.”

There was a sigh of relief on the other end, and Sora twisted so that he was lying on his back, still trying to crush Riku with his weight. “Do you wanna go to breakfast soon?” he asked. Underneath him, Riku squawked angrily.

There was a small pause, and then Roxas coughed. “Err. No, actually. I think…I’m gonna skip breakfast today.”

Sora raised an eyebrow and was about to ask why, when the sounds of a small scuffle on the other end of the conversation sounded through the phone. A second later, a new, slightly nasal voice began speaking.

“What Roxas means,” Axel said, a broad smirk evident in his voice, “Is that he’s not exactly fit to walk, and will probably be spending the day in bed.” A thoughtful pause. “With me. In fact, I’d suggest not coming back to your room any time within the next 24 hours.”

Another scuffle, and this time Roxas’s voice was the one Sora heard through the phone. “Sorry. Um…yeah. Just…ignore Axel. But…don’t come back to the room. And…tell Zexion that I’m missing his class. Because I’m…sick.”

Sora snorted. “Of course. You have a cold. Traditional folk remedies, and all that.”

He could all but hear the blush in Roxas’s voice when he stammered a goodbye and hung up. Sora grinned, flipping his cellular closed and shifting until he slipped off his bed mate and lay beside him.

“No breakfast today,” he said, by way of explanation. Riku’s face brightened, and Sora’s grin widened. “But we do have to go to class. Roxas is counting on me to make his excuses.”

The older boy’s face fell momentarily before a smirk spread across his face. “Blondie’s not going to class today?” he asked, voice teasing. When Sora nodded, he laughed out loud. “Damn,” he whistled, looking almost envious. Sora flushed, pulling the covers up to his neck.

“Shut up,” he ordered. “That’s my brother you’re talking about.” Riku sighed then, rolling Sora atop of him.

“So,” he whispered, voice low and a lascivious smirk lifting his lips. “We do have the next three hours to ourselves, right?”

Sora shivered slightly, refusing to make eye-contact for fear of erupting into embarrassed flames. “Shut up,” he muttered embarrassedly. “We’re gonna spend those three hours sleeping.”

Riku didn’t argue, but his smirk shifted into a soft smile. He rolled Sora off and lifted himself onto his elbow, peering down at the younger boy intently. Sora frowned, his eyebrows drawing together awkwardly. “What?” he asked, shifting. Riku’s gaze was discomfiting and he self-consciously curled his body inward. Riku laughed gently then, reaching to tug at one brunet spike gingerly.

“It’s nothing,” he murmured. “I’m just a bit shocked I guess.” When Sora lifted his eyebrows in question, he continued.

“A month ago,” he whispered, bending to drop a single kiss on Sora’s brow. He chuckled when the smaller boy squirmed slightly. “A month ago, this was a dream. I mean…really…this was just a dream. I…every night I’d let myself wonder what this would be like…I’d let myself believe, just for a little while, that you were here, that you were by my side.” He closed his eyes, nuzzling the other boy’s cheek with his nose.

“Every night I’d think of you, for hours at a time…I’d wonder if you were really as fragile as you looked-” At this Sora snorted and smacked him lightly on the head. Riku laughed, ignoring the interruption. “If your hair was really as soft as it looked. I’d wonder what you’d feel like…” He lowered his face again, this time running his tongue against the seam of the brunet’s lips. Sora opened them without a second thought, and Riku laughed, pulling away teasingly.

“Wonder what you’d kiss like,” he sighed, rubbing his thumb against the cupids-bow lips parted before him. “I’d wonder, and I’d dream…and I loved you so much, knowing…I knew that you would never feel the same.” He sat up then, his smile quivering slightly.

“And here you are,” he whispered. “I told myself to stop being an idiot. I told myself that you hated me, that you would never love me the same way I love you. And here you are.”

Sora looked up at him, eyes veiled. He smiled, pursing his lips against the digit stroking against them. “Here I am,” he whispered, and made the words sound less like an invitation than like a promise. Riku’s gaze softened, and he grabbed Sora’s hand, bringing the palm to his lips.

“You’re so brave,” he sighed, his voice unbearably soft. “I told myself that you hated me…that confessing to you would be a waste of time, because you’d never return my feelings. I never treated you like I wanted to, because I was so scared…I was so fucking scared that you’d see right through me.” He pressed his lips against Sora’s wrist, then brought the proffered hand to his cheek, nuzzling it.

“I would have gone through life loving you but never showing it. Wanting you, needing you, always looking but never touching. I never…never would have told.” His smile grew slightly then, turning warm and almost proud.

“And after all that…you were the one who confessed to me. You were the one who risked getting hurt.” He placed one final kiss on Sora’s hand before clutching it to his chest. “You’re so brave,” he whispered.

Riku lay back down, burying his face in the brunet hair. He completely missed the look of pain that flashed over Sora’s face at his words. Missed the tightening of Sora’s chest as he closed his eyes against the sudden welling of hurt and guilt and tears.

‘I’m not brave.’ Sora thought. He curled in, molding his body to Riku’s in an instinctive urge to hide himself. Sora closed his eyes, weariness dragging him into sleep almost despite himself.

“I’m a liar.”

---

Sora awoke again to lips moving over his own and fingers dancing across his stomach. His eyes shot open, landing on long white strands of hair falling around them and deep green eyes sparkling merrily. He jerked, and Riku laughed, the sound muffled by Sora’s own mouth. He drew away with one last smack of lips against lips and sat up on his heels.

“Morning,” the older boy said, his smirk belied by the softness of his voice. “Wake up, you lazy bum.”

Sora sat up, flushing to the roots of his hair. “What was that about?” he asked, wiping at his lips self-consciously. Riku grinned, shrugging.

“It’s the best way to wake up in the morning,” he answered, laughing. He paused, then smirked wider, flicking Sora‘s forehead with one finger. “Well, that’s a lie; I can think of many better ways to wake up. But I don’t think you’d be comfortable with that yet. Plus,” he continued, jerking his head toward the digital clock. “We’ve got fifteen minutes to get to class.”

Sora gasped, then rolled off the bed. “What?!” he half-shrieked, grabbing his cell phone. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I was hoping you’d oversleep,” Riku said truthfully, lazily hopping off the bed. He dodged the punch Sora aimed at his shoulder and pointed to his closet. “Go ahead, pick out whatever you wanna wear,” he said, a smile evident in his voice. Sora scowled at him, but walked over to the cabinet anyway.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” he muttered petulantly. At Riku’s laugh, he quickly grabbed the closest pair of pants and shirt and disappeared into the bathroom. He reemerged a minute later, hurriedly running his fingers through his air in a vain effort to tame it. Riku grinned at him over his shoulder, tugging on a pair of boxers. Sora flushed, ducking his head and pulling on his shoes. A few seconds later, Riku coughed discreetly, and Sora turned to look at the smirking boy.

“You look better in my clothes than I do,” Riku laughed, reaching forward to adjust Sora’s borrowed shirt slightly. The smaller boy blushed angrily and glowered.

“They’re falling off my shoulders,” he mumbled.

“That’s why I like ‘em,” the upperclassman grinned. Sora aimed another punch, this time connecting with his stomach. Riku wheezed, his laughs erupting even louder now. He grabbed his book bag from the floor and slung it over his shoulder. Sora glanced at the bag and winced.

“I left mine at home,” he said. “Do you think I could-?”

“Roxas isn’t coming to class today,” Riku interrupted. “So I’m sitting next to you. We can share books.”

Sora sighed in relief and grabbed the older boy’s arm, tugging him out the door hurriedly. They arrived at their classroom with five minutes to spare. Zexion lifted his head from where he was organizing his lecture notes, and paused. Belatedly, Sora realized that he was still clutching the older boy’s hand tightly, and that they were both flushed and out of breath.

The small brunet blushed darkly and bent his head, dragging Riku to the back of the classroom. Zexion raised an eyebrow at this, and Sora hurried to explain.

“Roxas isn’t coming today,” he muttered. “He’s…sick. Yeah. And I forgot my textbook, so Riku offered to let me borrow his.”

Zexion nodded slowly, but let his eyes linger on the way Sora had yet to release Riku’s palm. And when the class was over, and he realized that the two were still hand in hand, he sighed and walked forward.

“Riku?” he asked calmly. “Can I speak with you?”

The tall white-haired boy shrugged, releasing Sora’s hand and bending to drop a kiss on his brow before ushering him outside. The door closed behind him and Sora leaned in, pressing his ear against the door.

A few minutes later, Sora collapsed in a frustrated heap, his back leaning against the door. He could hear nothing. Shit. What kind of professor insisted on sound-proof walls? The kind that often dragged his blond lover in for a between-classes romp, that’s what kind.

The door opened, and Sora caught himself before he fell onto the floor. Above him, Riku peered down, his face oddly ashen.

“What did Zexy wanna talk to you about?” Sora asked curiously, clambering to his feet. Riku shrugged, bit his lip, then answered.

“You ever seen Happy Tree Friends?” he asked, voice a half-octave higher than normal. Sora frowned, then shook his head.

“Good. It’s nothing but blood and gore. It’s also about five times tamer than what Professor Zexion said he’d do to me if I screwed with you.”

Sora muffled his bark of laughter in his palm. “Yeah,” he said, folding his arms behind his head and walking down the hall. “That’s Zexion. He’s all calmness and poise until he gets mad. Sorta reminds me of his big brother. This freak named Saix.”

Riku chuckled, the nervousness fading from his voice slightly. “He also invited me to dinner this weekend at Demyx’s place. Meet the parents, so to speak.”

Sora laughed, pulling Riku by the wrist in the direction of the cafeteria. “I have no advice for you,” he smirked. “There is absolutely nothing I can say that’ll make it easier. Demyx and Zexion are gonna have a field day with you.”

Riku groaned, but allowed a smile to spread across his lips as he followed the younger boy. “We’re eating with Kairi and the rest, today?” he asked. Sora nodded.

“Yeah. And Riku, don’t you dare antagonize Hayner again. If you throw so much as a peanut in his direction-”

“You’ll never kiss me again,” Riku finished, rolling his eyes. “Of course. Don’t worry. I’ll bear with the little blond idiot-”

“Riku!”

“Who’s an idiot?” a loud voice suddenly interrupted. Riku stifled a groan. Beside him, Sora grinned, waving. The entire group, from Wakka and Tidus and Selphie, to Hayner and Pence and Olette were waiting at the entrance to the large, two-storied building that housed the cafeteria and dining rooms. Standing at the forefront was Kairi, grinning happily at Sora.

“No, really,” Hayner repeated, with no small measure of smugness in the tone as he smirked up at Riku. “Who were you calling an idiot?”

“This guy I know,” Riku answered, his lips tilting in an answering smirk. “He’s a friend of a friend. I don’t know why anyone puts up with him, though, because he’s the most idiotic, imbecilic, hot-tempered, pus-”

“He’s talking about Seifer,” Sora interrupted hurriedly. “A real chicken-wuss, that one. So who’s hungry?”

“Lord knows I am,” Wakka and Kairi muttered.

Sora grinned and took off at a run for the cafeteria. The meal passed in what was most definitely not silence. Kairi and Wakka both noisily shoveled food into their mouths, Tidus and Selphie argued over slices of pizza, Pence and Olette laughed and cracked jokes at everyone’s expense, and Hayner and Riku alternated between sneering at each other and teasing Sora within an inch of his life.

A half hour had passed before Sora groaned and grabbed at his stomach. “I never wanna eat again in my life. Riku,” he moaned, turning to face the upperclassman. “If you don’t take me home right now I think I’m gonna burst into a thousand pieces.”

Before Riku could respond, Kairi turned in her seat to grin at her brunet best friend. “Hey, Sora,” she began, her voice lilting slightly. “I’m gonna go grab a snack from the vending machines. Walk with me.” She didn’t wait for an answer, but grabbed his arm and dragged him out of his seat, laughing at his indignant protests.

“I’ll have him back in a few minutes, Riku,” she giggled. “You just wait here and get to know everyone a bit better.”

The upperclassman scoffed and threw a bread roll in Hayner‘s general direction. By the time he turned back to his boyfriend and said boyfriend’s best friend, they were gone.

It wasn’t until Kairi had pulled Sora past the vending machines and up the stairs to the vacant second floor that she came to a halt. She spun to face the spluttering boy, and then grinned.

“You look different,” she said, her voice teasing. “What happened?”

Sora paused, wetting his lips nervously. “What do you mean?” Kairi snorted in disgust, and rolled her eyes.

“Don’t you try to fool me, Sora,” she crowed. “Something happened between you and Riku, and I wanna know what it was.”

Sora flinched in embarrassment and dug his toe into the floor. “You’re such a gossip,” he muttered. When Kairi giggled but said nothing to defend herself, he sighed. “What do you mean, I look different?” he asked. The little redhead laughed happily and performed an easy pirouette.

“I mean you look different. Ya see…” she bit her lip, wondering how to phrase herself. “You’re never happier than when you’re with Riku. That much is obvious. Maybe you used to hate him, but there’s no way you still feel like that. You laugh and joke too much with him for that to be true anymore. But no matter how happy you used to be, there was always this little part of you that was holding back. Like…you would sometimes drift off in the middle of conversations, and every know and then your face would drop and you’d just look so sad. As if you were drowning yourself in guilt for not being able to return his feelings.”

“And now?” Sora asked softly. Kairi smiled and leaned forward at the waist, peering up at her oblivious best friend.

“Now, that barrier is gone,” she sighed. “You look free.”

Sora smiled, ducking his head in an awkward happiness. The small girl’s face softened and she took one of her friend’s hands in her own. “Do you love him?” she asked gently.

He bit his lip, turning to stare out the window at the green lawns below, filled with students meandering and running and laughing and joking. He smiled, and that was all the answer Kairi needed.

“I do,” Sora murmured. “More than anything.” He turned to glance at the redhead and faltered. Kairi was standing there, her hands clenched tightly in her skirt and her eyes welling with tears.

“Kairi?” he asked nervously. “Are…are you okay?”

The slim girl took a deep breath and then ran forward, throwing her arms around her best friend. “I’m just so happy,” she whispered. “No one…no one in the whole entire world deserves love as much as you do. I’m just so…so happy.”

Sora winced, brushing her tears away from her face. “Then don’t cry, Kairi,” he mumbled. “Laugh.”

She did, wiping her hand across her eyes. It was the work of a few minutes before she managed to compose herself. Her expression fell slightly, and she turned toward her brunet best friend, her face somber.

“Are you gonna tell him?”

Sora winced, his expression freezing. He didn’t need to ask what she was talking about - it was evident.

“Yes,” he whispered. “I…I don’t want to. But I will. Tonight. I need to tell Riku that it was a lie…that it was all a joke-”

“A joke?”

Sora and Kairi both spun around, clutching their chests wildly. Riku was standing there, his face ashen and his hands trembling at his sides. He took a step forward, the movement faltering.

“I…I was looking for you,“ he began. “You…you two were gone for a long time, and I was getting bored…I wanted to take you back home. I…Sora?” he asked, his voice cracking on the second syllable. “What are you talking about? What do you mean, ‘joke?’”

It seemed as if all the blood had drained from Riku’s face, leaving it as pale as his hair. His fists clenched at his side. “S-sora?”

“It was nothing!” Kairi gasped, rushing forward and thrusting her arms to the sides as if to shield her best friend. “Please…it was nothing.”

Sora shook his head wordlessly. It felt as if every drop of blood had fled from his body, leaving him cold and empty. As if his heart was seizing in its cavity, crushed under the weight of his ribs and of the agony that was so evident on Riku’s face. The older boy’s eyes were huge and wide and horrified, and his entire body was shaking. Sora bit back a moan of pain and shook his head once more.

“Kairi,” Sora whispered, his voice quivering. “Go back to the others. I…I need to talk with Riku.”

The small redhead glanced at her friend, fear evident on her features. “I’m sorry,” she breathed. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I…I’m sorry.” She clenched her eyes shut, threw her arms around the brunet and squeezed. A split second later, she was running down the hall, back to the cafeteria.

Sora stood frozen, his eyes never leaving Riku’s. He could feel every limb of his body trembling. He opened his mouth, but no sound emerged. ‘You were going to tell him anyway,’ a soft, still voice murmured from the recesses of his mind. ‘The end result is the same.’

Sora took a deep, shuddering breath. ‘But not like this. I was going to explain…I…’

“Sora?” Riku breathed. His eyes were wet. “Please. Tell me what’s going on. Please.”

Sora closed his eyes, unable to look at the older boy for another second. Not when tears were leaking down his face and he was trembling like a leaf and you could barely distinguish the words with how soft they were being spoken. “I was going to tell you tonight,” Sora finally said, his voice barely discernible over the low hum of the students milling around on the lower floor.

“Tell me what, Sora?” Riku asked, the words coming with great pauses in between as if he was trying to muster the strength to actually speak. “What were you…what…what did you mean when you said it was a lie?” His fists clenched impotently at his sides, and Sora could swear he saw rivulets of blood running between the curled fingers. “Do you mean…when you said you loved me it was a l-”

“No!” Sora shouted. His eyes shot open and he ran forward until he was standing before Riku. He shook his head wildly, clenching his fingers into white-knuckled fists. God, no no no, this couldn’t be happening. “No, I do! Please, I wouldn’t lie about that! Maybe I didn’t but now I do-”

“Do what?” Riku interrupted, his voice quavering under the force of his words. “Love me?” He tried to sneer, but the expression was belied by the wetness on his cheeks. “You admitted to Kairi that it was a lie, that it was a joke.”

“Would you listen to me?” Sora cried, pounding his fists helplessly against his thighs. Please, God, no. Riku had to listen. “I-”

“I’ve been listening to you for the past three weeks, Sora,” Riku hissed. “I’ve been listening to you and loving you and worshipping you, and…” He sobbed then, just once, before he straightened his shoulders and looked down at the trembling boy standing before him.

“I don’t…I don’t know why you would do this. But…if it’s what you w-want, we’ll end it.”

Sora jerked back as if slapped. He shook his head. ‘Please,’ he whispered internally, and had no idea who he was directing the prayer at. ’Please, you have to make him listen. Please, he has to listen, I can’t let him go, I’m not that unselfish, I’m not like him. Please, please, God above please.’

“No,” he moaned. He unclenched his fists, pressing his palms to his eyes. “Riku,” he whispered. “Please. I…please. Please.” He gasped for breath, falling to his knees in what was not so much a supplication as it was the abandonment of all the strength remaining in his body. “Riku, no, please…Don’t hate me…Don’t leave…Please…I…”

Riku stared at the bent form of the smaller boy for what felt like an eternity but could not have been more than a few seconds. And then his features contorted and he shook his head.

“Damn it,” he whispered, falling to his knees before Sora and pulling the smaller boy’s palms away from his face. “Don’t…don’t cry…please don’t cry.” He moaned, deep in his throat, and grabbed Sora’s face between his hands, kissing each eyelid once. “God…” he groaned. “God damn you. I can’t…I could never hate you. Even if you lied…even if you don’t love me, I could never-”

“I love you.”

Riku drew back then, his palms falling from the younger boy’s cheeks. “Don’t lie to me, Sora,” he whispered, and Sora could not remember ever hearing a sound so full of anguish. “It’s…please. If you don’t love me, then that’s okay…I told you before that I would love you even if you didn’t feel the same. I don’t…I don’t need you to love me. Just…please. Please don’t lie to me.”

Sora shook his head and bowed it, letting his hands rest on his thighs. He had to…he needed to make Riku understand. It felt as if the tears running down his cheekbones were wreaking havoc with time and space and Sora had no more idea how much time had passed since this conversation begun than he had idea of how it would end. But somehow…

“I’m not lying,” he whispered.

Someway…

“Believe me,” he said, his shoulders jerking forward with the force of the sobs he was trying to suppress. “I love you.” He raised his eyes then, the sky-blue irises flashing fiercely.

He would make this right.

“I love you,” Sora whispered. “And…you don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to love me the same way. You don’t…” he gasped for breath. “You don’t even…have to look at me. Just…please just let me love you.”

Riku fell back onto his heels, his eyes widening and the pupils of his eyes shrinking into tiny pinpricks within a sea of green. The words had been his own, once, and now...

“Sora,” he whispered, his breath coming in large, heaving pants. “You don’t mean that.”

The smaller boy closed his eyes, bending forward until his head lay butted against Riku’s stomach. “Will you listen to me?” he asked. He bit his lower lip between his teeth, needing something to ground him to reality. “I want to tell you everything.”

Riku said nothing for the longest while, just peering down at the brunet head lying against his abdomen. Finally, he reached a hand to tug at one messy spike. Sora took it as all the encouragement he needed.

“I used to hate you, y’know” he murmured. “Everything about you. You were so mean…so cruel…you acted as if you deserved the world by virtue of just being you.” He chewed at his lip until it turned a deep blood-red. He didn’t know why he was saying this, it couldn’t possibly help him as much as it would hurt him. But…Riku had to understand…

“I don’t know why I took it so personally. But I did. Everyone told me to ignore you, but even back then I couldn’t help but look. I hated you…but I felt more for you than I did for any one else.”

“Sora,” Riku breathed. “Please. Don’t tell me this.”

“But I have to,” Sora cried, fisting his hands in the fabric of Riku’s shirt and shaking his head violently. “Because it’s the truth, and you knew, didn’t you? You knew that I hated you, I never made it a secret. It’s the truth…and it’s the reason this all started. Do you remember that day? The day when Kairi walked up to you and said that Myrna wanted to go to dinner with you?”

“The day you confessed to me,” Riku said, his eyes widening. Segments of the puzzle were piecing themselves together slowly, but he couldn‘t yet see..Sora nodded haltingly.

“I was just so mad. You were so high and mighty, and you acted like you hated everybody…like you were better than everybody. I just wanted to throw you off kilter. I just wanted to prove once and for all that you were human. And…I didn’t think. I never do. And it was the only way I could think of…I didn’t know what else to do…”

“Sora?” Riku asked, his voice faltering. His hand froze on Sora‘s head. “Are you saying-”

“I just wanted to see you lose your cool for once in your life,” the young boy whispered. God. He had to stop crying. “So I lied…I told you that I cared. And-”

“And I was too happy to see the truth,” Riku interrupted, his voice quavering. “I thought you were mine, and I took you home and…” His eyes widened, then, and he drew back. “Oh. Oh God. I…you hated me…and I forced you. I raped-”

“No!” Sora cried, reaching for Riku as he fell back onto the floor. The older boy shook his head, scooting backward.

“Is that why you did this?” he breathed, his voice barely audible with how badly it was breaking. “I…I raped you, and you hated me so much for it that you pretended…you acted as if you loved me. To hurt me.” He shot backward, scrambling to his feet and clutching at his throat in horror.

“Oh God,” he whispered. “Oh God. This is my fault. I hurt you and this is my fault, everything that’s happened is my fault.”

Sora blanched. He could see, could feel everything crumbling around his ears. Riku was backing away from him, blaming himself for some imagined transgression and Sora knew that if he left now, nothing would ever be right again.

“Riku!” Sora screamed, shooting to his feet. “Stop!”

And just like Riku did every time he heard that word - the word Sora had once asked him to obey the first time it was uttered - he stopped. Sora ran forward and threw his arms around Riku’s neck, resting his face there and praying that the older boy wouldn’t notice the tears sliding wetly onto his skin. Because if he could just hold onto Riku long enough, if he could just keep him from leaving…

“Stop it, Riku,” he whispered. “Don’t say that. I didn’t hate you for that first time.” He took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to vanish the wetness in his throat. “How could I hate someone who loved me that much?”

“I fucking hurt you-”

“I know you‘re hearing me, Riku, but you‘re not listening,” Sora cried, squeezing his eyes shut tight. “You didn’t hurt me, I let it happen. Because even back then, no one got under my skin like you did. And no one has ever loved me like you do. And I…” he whimpered, frustrated tears running down his cheeks and onto Riku’s shirt. “I’ve never loved anyone…the way I love you.”

Slowly, so painstakingly slowly, Riku’s arms raised until they rested on the younger boy’s shoulders. Sora shook his head and continued.

“I never blamed you for that time. I hated myself, because I had let it happen, because I enjoyed it. Everything you did was out of love, while my actions were based on…lies and…cruelties…and other bad things. You loved me…so much… and then I fell in love with you.” The blood from his bleeding lip was coursing alongside the salt tears, now.

“What I told you last night…that wasn’t a lie,” he sobbed, twisting his fingers further into Riku’s shirt. “I love you. More than…more than anything. I don’t want to end this. I don’t want you to leave me. And if you do…if you can’t forgive me…then at least give me this. Give me a few minutes, so that I can pretend that maybe today is still yesterday and we’re falling asleep on the floor, and I’ve just told you that I loved you and you’re laughing and hugging me, and everything is perfect. Please. Let me pretend.”

There was silence. Then a slight inhalation, and Riku spoke. “Sora? Sora, look at me.”

The smaller boy gasped for breath, but lifted his eyes slowly to meet Riku’s. And what he saw there robbed him of the last vestiges of air he had in his lungs.

Because Riku was smiling, and the expression was the most beautiful thing Sora had ever seen.

“You don’t have to pretend,” Riku whispered, placing a soft kiss on Sora’s brow. “Everything is perfect.” The smile widened slightly, and he pulled Sora towards him in a gesture that would have been violent if not for the love evident in his every movement.

“We’re both idiots, aren’t we?” he laughed, planting kiss after kiss onto Sora’s wild hair. “I think it’s all my fault and you’re sure it’s all your fault, and in the end we still can’t believe that maybe someone loves us as much as we love them.”

“R-riku?” Sora asked, hardly daring to trust the smile in the older boy’s voice. Riku pulled back then, and at that moment Sora realized that there would never be an end to the increasingly beautiful smiles from the older boy - they would only ever grow in their sheer magnificence and utter love.

“Maybe you lied to me that day when you told me that you cared about me,” Riku murmured, his eyebrows lifting at their insides in an expression that might have been pain if not for the happiness visible in his every movement. “But if you hadn’t…if you hadn’t lied…then this would never have happened. I would never have had you in my arms. I never would have confessed to you, and you’d have gone through your whole life hating me.” His smile softened, and he tilted Sora’s chin up to meet his eyes.

“How can you expect me to be angry with you for lying - and really, it was more of a practical joke - when it was that lie that led me to you?”

Sora swayed on his feet, leaning forward to place most of his weight on the taller body standing before him. “You…” he began, then licked his lips. His mouth was strangely parched, but he couldn’t remember ever feeling more giddy. He wanted to apologize again, wanted to make sure that everything was honestly okay, but he couldn’t find the words to ask. Instead he raised a trembling hand and patted Riku on the head lightly.

“You’ve gotta stop acting like such a sap, Riku,” he said, voice wobbling. “People are gonna start thinking that you’re a girl.”

Riku laughed then, and the sound that rang through the empty room was as warm as the first rays of sunlight breaking through the clouds after a long, hard rain. “Well, that’s okay,” he chuckled. “As long as you know I’m a guy.”

Sora spluttered, giggling as he wiped the tears irritably from his cheeks. “Why does everything you say have to be perverted?” he asked, laughing in pure relief. Riku grinned.

“Only because you take ‘em that way,” he said. He took a step back, shoving his hands into his pockets and turning towards the door.

“Y’know,” he called over his shoulder. “We could probably dub this our first real fight as a couple.” When Sora snorted in disbelief, he continued. “No, really! This was our first argument! We should mark it on the calendar: Sora and Riku’s Big Fight.”

“You’re an idiot,” Sora said, slouching as he walked towards Riku. ‘My one true love,’ he thought to himself, rolling his eyes internally at the utter sappiness of the term.

“Maybe,” Riku grinned, holding a hand out for Sora to take. “But I’m your idiot. And I’ll never have it any other way. ‘Cause I love you, and all.”

Sora laughed with glee and echoed the sentiment. And then, for good measure, he repeated the words, all the way home.

---

Years later, Sora woke up at four minutes past six in the morning and sat up, blinking blearily at the white-haired figure laying beside him.

“Riku,” he muttered, shaking the older boy - now a man, though neither would ever be caught dead acting like one - awake. “Wake up. We promised Selphie we’d pick her and Tidus up at the airport.”

The larger figure of his long-time lover moaned and pulled the covers over his head. “Don’t care,” he groaned. “It’s not their anniversary. I don’t see why we should wake up at the crack of dawn to pick them up.”

“Shut up,” Sora said, grinning. “They came all the way from Destiny Islands to see us. Hell, everyone’s coming to see us. It’s the least you can do.”

“The ‘least I can do,’” Riku mock-snarled, rolling over until he was sprawled atop his younger bed mate, “Is keep you here all day long. And then we can go pick ‘em up. Like, tomorrow, or something.”

“Riku!” Sora laughed, pushing the larger man away from him. “Get up! Or I’m cutting you off for a week!”

There was a small pause, and then Riku groaned, rolling off the bed and onto the floor. “You’re such a little jerk,” he muttered irritably. “I don’t know why I put up with you.”

Sora sighed and crawled over the bed, smiling down at Riku from his spot on the carpeted floor. “Because you love me,” he whispered, bending down to press his lips softly against the white-haired man’s all-too-willing ones.

Riku sighed in amusement and stood up, wrestling the coverlet away from Sora and tying it around his naked waist. “Yeah,” he smiled, shooting Sora a bright grin before walking towards the bedroom door of their shared house. “I guess I do.”

He paused at the doorway, then turned back to his naked lover with a soft, unbearably loving smile. “Look under your pillow, Sora,” he murmured, drinking in every detail of the younger man’s lovely face. “Happy Anniversary.”

Sora waited until he heard the sound of the shower running before he allowed himself to lift the pillow.

On the bed lay a small, velvet-covered box. Inside lay a ring. Engraved on the interior of this ring was a small caricature of a little white dove and the words ‘Until the end of forever‘ circling the band. Sora noticed none of this. His attention was on the object resting alongside the little box.

A single flowering branch from an arbutus tree.

Owari.

---

Author’s End Notes: I think I might cry. I really can’t describe how much I loved writing this fic, how much I loved it. I mean…it’s not perfect, and now matter how much I go back and edit, I doubt it will ever be. But…this fic began as a gift to a good friend, and it ended as the story probably closest to my heart. Through all the ups and downs, through everything, absolutely everything…this is the one fic that I really poured all of myself into…the one fic I poured every one of my own emotions, every bit of love I’ve ever had for any one. I didn’t try to describe love, because I don’t know if that’s possible - and if it is, I doubt that I’d be able to do it. But…I wanted to show it. And to all of you who read it, who enjoyed it - and especially those who liked it enough to review it - I want to say thank you. For all your support, whether they were Orange Mooching Gophers, as The Writercalls them, or whether they were paragraph long reviews that asked questions and quoted favorite lines and shared all of the happiness they received, simply because I wrote this little fic. For everything, thank you. For sticking with me even after that first chapter, where I’m sure mouths dropped open in shock. Just…thank you.

It almost feels a bit funny to ask you to review…even though, yes, I would very much like you to do so. So I’ll just say this: If this story ever stirred in you a bit of happiness or sadness or some kind of emotion that showed how much you liked it…please review. A line or a comment or a quote, or even a paragraph or two if you loved it enough. But thank you so much for reading, and for sticking through this. I’ll see you all later. And I’ll always love you.

-Dual