|The Bludger: A Black and Stinking Lie
Author: JohnTFS PM
Arachnae Israel sets the record straight on Sirius BlackRated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Words: 1,706 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Published: 06-22-01 - id: 326809
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Author's Note: All characters belonging to J. K. Rowling are used without permission or intent to harm. The character of Arachnae Israel is a deliberate homage to Warren Ellis' character, Spider Jerusalem, from his brilliant, moving comic, "Transmetropolitan" (which anyone interested in good writing should read).
A Black and Stinking Lie
Byline writer: Arachnae Israel
So it turns out the bad man wasn't so bad after all.
Based on stories I've heard and evidence I've gathered, I've come to believe that Sirius Black was not guilty of the crimes for which he was convicted. Let's start by recapping the load of crap we've been calling truth for these past fourteen years or so. Sirius Black, who was called by those who knew him to be James Potter's best friend in the world, allegedly sold him out. Black was supposedly the agent of Lord Voldemort who betrayed the Potters and left their only child, Harry, an orphan. After this treachery, another of James' friends confronted Black on a busy street, one Peter Pettigrew. Pettigrew called out Black's crimes for all to hear. In response, Black used a deadly curse to kill Peter and anyone unlucky enough to be within twenty feet of him. Indeed, the only bit of Peter large enough to be found was his finger. As I look over that story, I can't believe that I fell for it for all that length of time.
Let's start with the one piece of Peter that was found, the finger. Muggle police had it in their possession and analyzed it as evidence. You know what they found? They found that the damn thing had been cut off. Since the muggles don't have access to magic, they pay a lot more attention to the effects of the physical world around them. They can tell whether something like a severed finger was ripped from a body by an explosion (or curse) or whether a sharp knife cut it off. So here we have skilled, intelligent investigators who have no reason to lie (since they don't even know about magic), stating that the finger was not separated from its owner by the explosion that supposedly killed that self-same owner.
But, hey, they're just muggles, right? It's not like they know anything. Fine. You don't want to believe me? Believe Harry Potter.
I really didn't expect Harry to speak to me when I posted him by owl. After the way he was treated by that lying, whorish dung beetle of a reporter, Rita Skeeter, I figured he'd use a Patronus on me if I got within thirty feet of him. Harry, if you're reading this, it's still probably best to do that the next time you meet somebody in the media. When we scent a story, we're as fair-minded and courteous as starving vampires.
Harry told me that he encounter Black a little over a year ago and managed to here his side of the story. According to Harry, Pettigrew was an unregistered Animagus who could take the (appropriate to my mind) form of a rat. The real story was that Pettigrew actually betrayed the Potters and that Black was confronting him on that street. So, the rat-bastard used a concealed wand to kill everyone within twenty feet of himself, change to rat form and scurry for his life. Later, it seems, he came back and planted the finger to fake his own death. This story comes from Harry Potter, who witnessed the proof of these events with his own eyes. It comes from the boy who lost his parents to Voldemort because of this treacherous piece of flubworm-vomit.
But wait, you might ask, holding onto your comfortable beliefs like an alcoholic to his last bottle. Isn't Harry unreliable? After all, the articles that Rita Skeeter shat out of her dung-beetle brain indicated that he might be losing it. Fine. Don't believe only him. Three other people, Remus Lupin and two other (at the time) third year Hogwarts students confirm Harry's story to the letter.
The Ministry of Magic dismisses these claims with their usual stubborn, willful ignorance. According to them, Harry and the others were under a Confoundus charm that Black placed on them. Well, that must have been one hellishly powerful Confoundus because Harry believes Sirius' side of the story to this day. Harry Potter has no reason to lie about this.
What about the Ministry of Magic? Surely our beloved guardians of truth and order have no reason to lie. Or do they? Only a year prior to the events Harry described, Minister Fudge and his people stuck another innocent man into Azkaban, the Hogwarts groundskeeper, Hagrid. They'd look pretty damned incompetent if it turned out that they'd had yet another innocent man in Azkaban wouldn't it? Especially one that had been there for over twelve years, while than rat-man who'd done the crimes was walking (well, crawling) around free and clear.
Also consider that the Ministry seems to have ignored Albus Dumbledore's statement. The revered wizard baldly stated that not only has Lord Voldemort returned (with the aid of the presumed-dead Pettigrew), the Dark Lord also cold-bloodedly murdered an innocent boy who was one of Hogwarts' students and a competitor in the Chalice of Fire tournament. Of course, for the Ministry to give credence to Dumbledore's words, they would have to admit that they'd been wrong about Black.
You know something else; I have to wonder whether the supposed "embarrassment" of the muggles killing Black wasn't the best thing that could have happened to the Ministry. If the Ministry had managed to actually capture Black, there might have been a chance for him to tell his story. With Black now dead at muggle hands, further inquires into his "crimes" is effectively impossible. I don't think that Minister Fudge could have gotten a better outcome to the Sirius Black situation if he'd planned it himself.
I don't suppose that there's any other wizard (aside from myself) with brains and the (metaphorical) balls to suggest, "Maybe he did" is there?
Of course not. That would be upsetting to most wizards, wouldn't it? We don't like to think about the idea that we can make mistakes. We want the Ministry to tuck us in our beds and tell us bright, cheerful stories before we go to sleep. If Fudge is telling lies, they're the lies you all want to hear. Hell, the truth of that matter is that Fudge is just being a public servant. If the public wants lies, cover-ups and a simplified view of the world, I guess he's supposed to give it to them. To you.
I was going to close this article with a plea for us to wake up to the fact of Voldemort's return before it's too late. Before other innocent people become casualties of Voldemort's manipulations. That way I could end this article on with a rousing "call to arms." That way you could all focus on his wrongs his and his evil instead of on your own.
I hope Voldemort comes back. I hope he rides into our smug, complacent, selfish little lives and rips them asunder. I hope we know the pants-shitting fear of real evil. I hope he burns our cozy little homes to ash. I hope that this time he leaves a scar on all of us instead of just on an innocent kid who happened to be in the right place at the right time.
You want to know why? Simple. I am coming to believe that in our desire for comfort and order we have sacrificed compassion and justice. We shut our ears to hard truths because we prefer our easy lies. I think we pay a price in the lessening of our souls each time we take the "easy way out." I think that only something as awful as Voldemort tearing his way through the heart of our little society can wake us up to know that truth.
There's still a little bit of hope for the coming hell. After the fires are out and the bodies are buried, perhaps we'll take a look around at ourselves. Perhaps we'll resolve to be better wizards and flat-out better human beings. Perhaps we'll see how the blind ignorance and cowardly complacency allowed Voldemort to return. Perhaps then, we'll say as one voice, "Never again."
No, I don't believe we will either. Still, after I fire off this column to my readers, there's couple of things I'm going to do. First off, I'm going to drink some butterbeer in a toast to Sirius Black, a hero in spite of us all. Then I'm going to think about Lord Voldemort.
And when I do, I'll think I'll root, just a little bit, for the bad guy.
As always, those of you willing to learn the Truth that's been left unrevealed should send your 5 Sickles and subscription notice by owl to the address listed below. The rest of you mindless sheep in wizards' clothing can continue to slurp down whatever dung the Powers-That-Be choose to tell you to believe.
Legal Notice:All articles published here in The Bludger are the opinions of the writer and may not be considered as libelous or subject to lawsuits or injunctions of any kind. That means you cowardly filth can't sue me into oblivion for telling the plain Truth like you did last time. So read my words and tremble, because I'm coming for you. The Bludger is coming for you. And all the Beaters in the world can't keep you safe from the Truth.