Author: gunman PM
Ritsuko comes up with a way to read Shinji's dreams when he lapses into a coma. ShinjiVarious. Chapter 3 uploaded.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Humor - Shinji I. & Rei A. - Chapters: 3 - Words: 15,012 - Reviews: 240 - Favs: 252 - Follows: 240 - Updated: 12-01-08 - Published: 12-01-06 - id: 3268590
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: Don't own anything. This is just something I did in my spare time.
The doctors rolled the stretcher into the examination room. The occupant was one Shinji Ikari. While it was not unusual to see Shinji on a stretcher, in fact he had his own personal one, the problem this time is that he wasn't in an Eva/Angel battle, Asuka hadn't beaten him this time, and no one had attacked him at school.
That and the fact that he was smiling.
"So what's going on Rits?" Misato Katsuragi asked as her friend reviewed the reports.
"You tell me!" Dr Ritsuko Akagi stated as she stared at the woman.
"Just what I told you. Asuka and I get home, we find no dinner cooking or waiting for us, and Shinji is in his bed, with a smile plastered on his face. We tried everything short of drop-kicking him through a wall to wake him up. Nothing."
"Everything? You tried everything?" Ritsuko asked, rasing an eyebrow.
"Shouting at him, shaking him, dumping cold water on him." Misato said, counting on her fingers. "PenPen was pecking at him, that didn't work. We even tried talking sexy to him, but it's like he didn't head either of us."
"You and Asuka tried talking sexy to him? Our Asuka?"
"Oh yeah. I just had her pretend Shinji was Kaji. She... made me promise not to tell."
Oh, yes. Fine promise-keeper you are. she shook her head at the woman. "Did you try kissing him?"
"Yeah, no response." Misato suddenly went red when she realized. "RITZ!"
"You didn't have sex with the boy, did you?" she accused.
"Oh I guarantee, he would have woken up from THAT!" the purple-haired woman teased.
Or would have died from the massive nosebleed and heart attack. "At any rate, the report indicates that Shinji is in a coma." the blond said as she reviewed her clipboard.
"Any way to snap him out of it?" Misato asked, now a little worried.
"We don't even know what happened to put him in it, or what's going on in there." Ritsuko said.
"There has to be something we can do." the purple-haired woman pleaded.
Ritsuko paused for a second, thinking deep.
"Well... there's the new brainwave scanner I built." she said.
"So, what is this thing again?" Misato asked as Ritsuko hooked up the scanner to the purple Evangelion.
The device itself looked like some kind of weird computer laptop built on top of a standing three-door tool box, with wheels and several connector plugs that could interface with other devices.
"Something I've been tinkering with in my spare time." Ritsuko replied.
"You? Spare time?" Misato looked on in disbelief.
"I know, I know. Anyway, the idea is based off old research done on REM Sleep and electrons that exist inside and around the human brain. As we know, the human brain emits a series of electronic pulses, in a pattern of sorts, that are actually thoughts flowing across your brain. I've developed a program that will read these electrical patterns and translate them into images."
"But what good does that do us?" Misato asked as Ritsuko finished hooking up the scanner.
"It'll let us see Shinji's dreams." the blond explained.
"His... dreams? You've got to be kidding me." she said skeptically.
"Hardly. By putting Shinji into the Eva and submerging him in LCL, the neural connections that he uses to control the Eva will act as a type of thought transference through which the scanner will detect and interpret, thereby giving us a living picture of what Shinji is thinking." she explained.
"So that's why you put his neural connectors on his forehead before he went in."
"Exactly." Ritsuko said as she pressed the button and the monitor came alive. "I've got something." she said.
(Transfer the images to the control room and get up here.) Gendo ordered from the control room.
Ritsuko did just that and she and Misato headed up to the command center.
"Signal's coming in." Maya said as the pair arrived seconds later.
"Patch it to the main monitor." Gendo ordered.
"Yes, sir." Maya said as she punched in the command keys as Misato, Ritsuko, Kaji, Asuka, Rei, Hyuga, Shigeru, Fuyutsuki and Gendo watched.
The monitor roared to life as the image of Shinji came into focus. There was a large screen image with a small box in the corner playing a separate image. The smaller image was of Shinji sitting in his Eva, the larger image was his dream.
In his dream, Shinji is playing his cello in a large concert hall, preforming a very complex piece.
"Well, well. Looks like he's normal after all." Kaji grinned.
"Doesn't explain why he's happy." Misato said.
Shinji finished his piece and exited the stage to the awaiting applause of his mother.
"Yui?" Gendo gasped, seeing the young image of his dearly departed wife on screen.
"Okay, now we know why he's so happy." Misato said as the woman hugged the boy warmly.
Just then, a figure appeared out of the shadow, also applauding.
"Is that..." Asuka asked.
"The commander?" Hyuga gasped
"Can't be." Shigeru said.
"Why not?" Maya asked.
"He's smiling." Kaji answered.
And it was true, Gendo Ikari was smiling, and not one of those twisted evil smiles. A genuinely happy smile that surprised even him. And he was clean shaven and not wearing sunglasses.
((Well done, Shinji-kun.)) Yui Ikari said on the screen.
((Thank you, mother.)) Shinji said with a smile.
((Yes, most impressive, son.)) Gendo said as another man approached Shinji and presented him with a rolled certificate.
((Congratulations, Mr Ikari.)) The man said as he handed the boy the certificate. ((You're the winner of the Tokyo-3 Scholarship to study music at the prestigious Vienna, Austria Music Academy))
((In four years when you become 18, of course.)) Gendo added.
((Of course.)) the man said.
((Well, we're very proud of you, Shinji-kun.)) Yui said as she hugged the boy once again, kissing his cheek softly. ((And we still have time for lunch before Ritsuko's presentation.))
That got the blond scientists attention real quick.
"Presentation?" she gasped.
Shinji, Yui and Gendo are then shown eating lunch at a café where they are just talking.
((So, how is your project coming, Shinji?)) Yui asked as she ate her salad.
((Pretty good. Ibuki-sensei seems to like my idea.)) Shinji said as he swallowed his teriyaki.
"Ibuki-sensei?" Maya Ibuki gasped as she heard her name.
((Maya always did like your school presentations, son)) Gendo said.
"I'm... a teacher?" Maya gasped.
To be honest she wasn't sure how she should feel. If this was Shinji's dream, than subconsciously he thought of her as smart enough to be a teacher, yet she never really considered it a career choice. She eventually came to the conclusion that Shinji simply didn't know her well enough to have her do anything more 'worthwhile' in his dreams. In the end, she thought it was rather sweet of him.
((Oh look. It looks like Shigeru's new music video.)) Yui said, indicating the television screen in the café where a familiar long-haired man was enthusiastically playing a guitar.
"I'm... a rock star?" Shigeru Aoba gasped at the image. "Cool!"
The Ikari family ate their lunch and then left to go to the science academy. They took their seats inside a large auditorium surrounded by hundreds of people and even press, when a distinguished-looking man appeared on the stage.
"Is that..." Maya gasped.
"It's the sub-commander." Hyuga confirmed.
((Greetings fellow scientists and distinguished guests. We are here today to present the Nobel Prize for Science to this years winner, the youngest to ever achieve this hard-earned award, for the third time in a row. It is with great honor, as the president of the Japanese Science Council, that I present this well-deserved award, to Dr Ritsuko Akagi!)) The elderly man in the Italian suit said.
The auditorium erupted into applause as back in NERV, an elderly sub-commander was grinning, and said woman had fallen onto her butt.
President of the Japanese Science Council, eh? The elderly man thought. Thank you very much Shinji.
"Ritsuko, are you alright?" Misato asked the fallen woman.
"Uh... I... won the Nobel Prize?" Ritsuko gasped.
"And three years running no less." Misato said as she helped her friend up.
Ritsuko appeared on screen, looking virtually the same as she did now, only seemed to be wearing a stylish 'little red dress' underneath her white lab coat, sauntered up to the podium and accepted the award. Fuyutsuki smiled as he handed the award to her, kissing her on the cheek and causing her to blush, and then walked off, leaving Ritsuko to give her speech.
Whoa, Dr Akagi look's hot. Shigeru thought.
((I'd like to thank everyone who made this scientific achievement possible.)) On-screen Ritsuko said. ((Particularly that of the Ikari family for recognizing my genius enough to provide the primarily funding for my pet project in advanced cellular regeneration. A process that had saved hundreds of lives this month alone.))
"Humble, aren't we?" Misato teased the 'hot blond'.
"Quiet! I'm speaking!" Ritsuko said, actually smiling that this is what Shinji thought about her. Both in intellect and apparent attractiveness.
"I notice that I haven't shown up." Asuka grumbled off to the side.
((And I'd rather not bore you with a lot of scientific equations you probably wouldn't understand, as...)) She started to say, as the alarms suddenly sounded.
Everyone was on their toes at that.
"Are those our alarms?" Gendo asked as he rose up out of his chair.
"No. It's coming from the screen, sir!" Maya said, once she had confirmed the alarms origin.
On the screen, everyone was racing outside to see a giant monster that looked like the Third Angel smashing buildings.
((What are we going to do, mother?)) Shinji asked.
((Don't worry Shinji. Asuka will be along soon.)) Yui answered.
That caught the redhead's attention. "Huh?"
Suddenly on screen, a thunder storm whipped up as a familiar voice caught everyone's attention.
((Have no fear, citizens! The Crimson Valkyrie is here to save the day!))
No one blinked as they stared at the image of Asuka Langley Sohryu, dressed in a red metal 'bikini' like something out of Star Wars, wearing a helmet with horns, thick knee-length red boots, a long flowing red cape and carrying a spear in her left hand. Her right hand was on her hip.
"Oh, this is going to be interesting." Misato grinned as she turned to the girl.
"I KNEW HE WAS HAVING HENTAI DREAMS ABOUT ME!!!" Asuka roared in anger. "LOOK AT WHAT I'M WEARING!!"
"And he's got you painted up as a goddess no less." Kaji smirked.
"And he is right to do so!" Asuka declared with pride.
"You watched 'Return of the Jedi' last week, didn't you?" Ritsuko asked the female major.
"How did you know?" Misato giggled.
"Wild guess." the blond doctor turned to the screen as Asuka attacked.
The Crimson Valkyrie raised her spear high into the air, summoning lightning to her as she threw it back at the Third Angel, stunning it enough for her to fly in and punch the monster in the face, knocking it down.
"YES! GO ME!" Asuka cried as her on-screen-self blasted the Third Angel once more.
She was about to finish it off when she paused, as if noticing something off to the side.
"Huh? Why'd she stop?" Asuka asked as she flew away from the down Third Angel over to a large billboard.
That was enough of a shock, until everyone saw who was on the billboard.
"KAJI?" Misato gasped as everyone in the command center stared at Ryoji Kaji: underwear model.
"Uh..." the unshaven man stared in disbelief, wondering if this is what Shinji really thought about him, standing there on the billboard, dressed in only a white bikini-brief and his trademark smile, winking as his left hand was pointing straight ahead, like an old Uncle Sam recruiting poster.
(OH BABY! ASUKA LIKE!) The Crimson Valkyrie grinned widely at the billboard.
No one said anything, though snickers were heard all over the place. Something along the lines of, 'Even in other peoples dreams she acts the same' and 'that doesn't surprise me about Kaji' and even 'that's not Kaji's body.'
The last thought was actually from Misato's brain.
Just then, the Third Angel rose up and slammed it's fist down hard upon a distracted Asuka, sending her face-down into the street. Much like she had been during the Seventh Angel attack.
The scene turned back to Shinji and his family.
((I hope Rei gets here soon.)) Shinji said.
That brought NERV's resident albino to full attention.
Shinji-kun is... thinking about me? She wondered.
The Third Angel was about to slam it's hands into Asuka once more, when a golden lasso wrapped around it's arm and yanked hard, tossing the Third Angel through the air, across the city and crash landed violently near the outskirts.
The image followed the lasso to it's owner, which was apparently Rei Ayanami, dressed in what looked like a red and blue swimsuit with a gold eagle on her chest, the blue mini-skirt and underwear patterned with little white stars. There was a gold lasso in her hands, a gold tiara with a red star on her forehead, she was wearing red boots and long silver bracelets. And she was flying.
((Don't Worry, Crimson Valkyrie. Wondergirl is here to help you!)) The blue-haired girl said.
The room was speechless as Rei was staring unblinking at the screen.
Shinji-kun thinks of me as... a superhero? She thought as her on-screen self flew towards the Angel and slammed her fists into it's face.
She does very well, better than Asuka, the Angel no match for the swiftness of her strength, until it's eyes glowed and blasted her with a powerful laser beam. The beam knocks Wondergirl away from it, across the city and slammed her hard into the concrete and asphalt of the city streets.
((REI-CHAN! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?)) Shinji asked as he ran up to her and tried to help her sit up.
Wondergirl said nothing, just smiled as she caressed his face with her hand, then kissed him gently on the cheek.
Everyone was a little shocked by this and whispered around the command room.
'I thought he had a thing for Rei'. 'It's a cute outfit too.' 'Makes sense, with all times Asuka calls her Wondergirl.'
No one failed to miss the large poster that was behind them, which showed another picture of Kaji, spokesman for 'Ultra Pleasure Condoms'.
"So, this is what Shinji really thinks of me, huh?" Kaji sweat dropped.
"Yeah. Hard to believe." Misato said, her voice dripping with ridicule.
Just then, the on-screen military arrived.
((This is Commander Misato Katsuragi of the JSSDF! Everyone Get Down!!!!)) Misato shouted.
"So, I'm the commander of the JSSDF? Nice." Misato said with a smile as the military assembled.
"So, is that why you're wearing a little black dress with high-heels, a beret and a scarf?" Kaji asked.
"And why are there like three people around you taking pictures?" Ritsuko asked as Misato noticed there were cameramen snapping pictures of her on-screen self.
((Commander, we have to hurry.)) Makoto Hyuga said, running up to the woman. He was wearing a business suit of sorts.
((Why?)) She asked.
((You have that photo-shoot in an hour.))
((Another one? You can't be serious!)) She asked with a glum expression.
((But it's a cover shoot for the Swimsuit Issue.))
((Like the Victoria Secret cover wasn't enough? Fine, let's get this over with.))
The purple-haired woman nearly gagged at that.
"So, I'm an underwear model and a condom spokesman, and you're a military officer who models lingerie on the side, huh?" Kaji grinned.
Misato was grimacing at the man. "At least I have a real responsibility over you!" she spat.
However, she had to admit, that if this was what Shinji thought of her, it was a pretty flattering. Being both responsible enough to be the JSSDF's commander, and sexy enough to have people want to put her in lingerie and swimsuit magazines.
"And I'm the major's... publicist?" Makoto gasped.
"Sounds like something you'd be good at." Maya giggled.
On-screen, the full force of the Japanese Strategic Self-Defense Force attacked with everything they had. Guns, missiles, bombs, flamethrowers, lasers, and whatnot.
Like always, it did no good.
"Everything but the kitchen sink." Maya commented.
((We can't stop it! Hyuga! Activate the Giant Robot!)) Misato screamed.
"The Giant Robot?" Makoto gasped.
"Looks like Shinji dreams of Eva's too." Ritsuko said.
On the screen, the elevators that the Eva's usually rode on, rose up to reveal... something truly unexpected.
"Is that..." Maya gasped.
"It looks like..." Makoto said.
"It can't be." Shigeru replied.
((LAUNCH THE GIANT ROBOTIC PENGUIN!!!)) Misato shouted, doing a pose like that Crane-kick from the Karate-Kid.
"You can't be serious." Misato gasped as she hid her face with her hands, more from the corny pose she was doing than what she was saying.
((GO PENPEN!!)) Misato shouted, her hands pointing like she was holding a gun.
"She's serious." Ritsuko said with dry expression.
((ULTRA-TITANIUM CLAWS!)) Misato shouted as she pressed the remote control on her wrist.
PenPen attacked the Angel, slashing at it with it's ultra-titanium claws attached to its flippers, then leaping into the air to deliver a roundhouse kick that sent the Angel backwards. The Angel let loose a powerful energy beam that knocked PenPen backwards through the city.
((PENGUIN SHRIEK!)) Misato shouted as she pressed the command into the wrist control.
PenPen let loose a powerful, almost deafening 'WARK!' that knocked the Angel backwards. This allowed him to stand up to launch another attack.
((MISSILE BARRAGE!)) Misato shouted again as the backpack on PenPen opened up and released nearly a dozen missiles that arched around him and slammed into the Angel.
"This... Is just ridiculous." Asuka groaned as she continued to watch the screen.
"I wasn't aware your son was so... creative." Fuyutsuki said to Gendo.
"Neither was I, sensei." Gendo replied to the older man.
((The weapons are having no effect, Commander!)) Makoto shouted to Misato.
((We have to penetrate it's shield! Hyuga! Get me my secret weapon!)) Misato shouted.
((But Commander! You Can't! It's Too Dangerous!)) He protested.
((JUST DO IT!)) She shouted.
To everyone's mild surprise, Makoto hands Misato... a large silver keg of beer.
"Oooooooooh, god!" Misato groaned as her face was buried in her hands.
Misato races up the side of a large building, and when she reaches the roof tears the lid of the keg off, and downs the entire barrel in seconds, her mouth growing to outrageous size to do it.
"It's nice to see Shinji's keeping everyone in character." Ritsuko said.
"OH, SHUT UP!" the purple haired woman growled.
The on-screen Misato then whistles to the giant monster, who turns towards her, as she lets out a monstrous belch that hits the monster in the face like a fist, knocking it down onto it's back.
"Yes, definitely in character." Ritsuko grinned.
"You are this close, woman..." Misato said as she pinched her fingers together.
((Alright! Load the catapult!)) The on-screen Misato shouted.
"Huh?" Misato wondered as she continued to watch as this giant Medieval catapult suddenly appeared, it's launcher holding what looked like a large boiling glob of a strange brown substance.
((RELEASE THE BIO-HAZARD!!!)) Misato shouted, doing another dramatic pose that had her bending over her side, while her arms were both pointed at the catapult.
"Bio-Hazard? Using a catapult?" Ritsuko wondered. "I know it's a dream, but..."
Everyone watched as the Angel was slowly getting back up, still dazed, as the catapult launched the bubbling brown substance at the creature.
It struck the Angel in the face and chest.
The Angel let out a piercing scream and started flopping wildly about on the ground, like it was in pain, as if the substance was acid.
The 'acid' theory held weight as parts of the Angel, where it had been hit, started to melt.
Misato walked up to the catapult and drew her finger across the residue, stuck it into her mouth and grinning happily.
((Absolutely Delicious!)) She squealed happily as she turned to the still shrieking Angel. ((What's wrong monster? Didn't like my Special Curry Surprise? I cooked it myself!))
Back in NERV...
"Told you that stuff was toxic." Ritsuko smirked.
"THAT'S IT!" Misato huffed as she put the blond in a headlock.
((FINAL ATTACK! PENGUIN BELLY-FLOP!)) Misato shouted as she pointed once more.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god!" Misato groaned as she watches the robotic PenPen leap into the air and come crashing down on the monster, belly first, destroying it.
"Misato... can't breath..." Ritsuko gasped.
Back to the screen...
((Congratulations, Ritsuko. You're giant robot penguin won again.)) Yui said as she shook the blond woman's hand.
((Yes. Who knew creating PenPen would have won me my first Nobel Prize)) Ritsuko beamed.
((Don't forget, the Ikari family funded that project, Ritsuko.)) Gendo said.
((How could I? Your money, my genius.)) She stated proudly.
((And you gave it to the JSSDF.)) Wondergirl said.
Rei noticed that the on-screen Shinji had his arms around Wondergirl's waist and Wondergirl looked like she was enjoying it.
I did not know I could smile like that. Rei thought.
((Well, where was I going to put it? In a gigantic underground base beneath the city? That's just ridiculous.)) Ritsuko asked.
((You could have called it the Geofront!)) Shinji stated as Wondergirl rested her back against his chest.
(Creative, but wholly unbelievable, Shinji.)) the blond said as behind her, The Crimson Valkyrie was picking herself up from the hole she had been pounded in to.
Back in NERV...
"Oh, we're going to have to have a talk with this boy." Misato groaned.
"When he wakes up." Kaji said.
"If he wakes up." Fuyutsuki mumbled.
"I don't know, I found it kinda flattering." Ritsuko said, rubbing her neck.
"At least you're not the star of his perverted fantasies." Asuka growled.
"You are not the only star." Rei said.
"That's right! Rei did kiss him." Misato grinned.
"He wanted her to kiss him!" Asuka shouted.
Asuka blinked. "What are you getting at?"
"It means that he likes Rei more than you." Misato stated.
"Please tell me we were recording that." Ritsuko said to Maya.
"Yes, sempai." Maya acknowledged.
"So, how did he come up with all... that?" Misato asked.
"Well, dreams are simply a collection of events and occurrences that a person experiences, as well as their own personal thoughts, and thus when they dream these things arrange themselves in a way that best fits what they secretly want." Ritsuko explained.
"So... this is what Shinji honestly thinks about us, or wishes us to be?"
Originally I did this story out of boredom, but it just kind of got out of hand as I kept coming up with different ideas for each person.
I tried to include as many characters as possible and tried to get them to interact and such, which ultimately excluded Toji, Hikari and Kensuke.
And also, the premise for this story was that Shinji in the series had a bad and sad life. Therefore, it's not entirely out of the question that his dreams could have been better. So much so that he would have lapsed into a coma from having some pleasant thoughts overwhelm his dreams.
Hope everyone liked this. Depending on how many reviews I get for this, I might decide to do a second one.
So please, read and review.