Title: Reconnecting

Author: thousandmiles

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Nothing is owned by me. Just having some fun.

Summary: Post war at home fic. Their connection seemed lost. How were they going to find it again? How are they going to find their way back to each other?

A/N: Watching the War at Home I realized it of course needed a post-ep fic. And this time I decided to write one. I let it all settle for a bit and thought what I wanted. I wanted angst, romance, Alex angry at Bobby, Bobby not knowing what to do, and… some sweet moments. But most of all I wanted to show how everything affected them both and how lost they both were without their connection. Not sure if that’s working out, but here is the first chapter. I’ve finished the second already and I’m working on the third. But I won’t post the second till I’ve written more on the third chapter. Enjoy and let me know what you think. The first chapter is Alex oriented.

Chapter one

They needed time apart, that’s what the rational part of her said. But the another part yelled at her to go to him. To help him through the pain he was struggling with. Still his refusal to talk to her hurt and made her want to back off.

After talking to Ross they’d agreed they would have a week off to cool down and hopefully get back on track again. If not, Ross had warned her, there would be consequences.

And now she was wandering the streets on her way home. She didn’t know what to do. Bobby had told her to back off. Never before had he been that blunt to her. Yet that also told her how much he needed her. She needed to hang in there. He couldn’t loose someone else in his life. Still she couldn’t shake his refusal to talk to her. Every question she’d asked had been left unanswered. And not for the first time did she wonder if maybe this was related to his own time in the army. If this case had somehow hit a nerve?

Eventually she ended up at the cemetery. She would visit Joe’s grave a several times a year. Especially when she didn’t know what to do, she usually found her way to his grave. He’d always been the one to help her through her rough times. When they’d been together, he could always give her a solution or made her see things differently. Walking to his grave she thought about how different he and Bobby were. Joe had been outgoing and social. Bobby was introvert and uncomfortable around groups. As different as they were, her love for them was the same. And the hurt she felt from Bobby’s betrayal wasn’t something she could let go.

Crouching down at Joe’s grave she traced the letters. Joe Anderson. She still missed him, but she’d long ago found her peace with his death. In the beginning she never knew what to say. It had felt awkward, standing at his grave…, just talking. She was too down to earth for it, but she’d found out it helped.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Joe. I can’t seem to reach him. He won’t let me. What can I do if he won’t let me help? He… he seems so lost. He’s in so much pain and he just wants do it all by himself. Nothing I do seems good enough. He ignores me.., he… it’s as if he can’t bear to be with me anymore and that hurts. I love him, Joe. He’s one difficult man to love. He won’t let me in, won’t let me get close. I thought we were growing closer. Ever since the kidnapping.., it’s just not the same anymore. The distance… it’s growing… and it’s killing me. Why can’t he see that I won’t hurt him? Why does he still doubt me? Why won’t he trust me, Joe? Where did I go wrong?”

She felt the tears run down her cheeks. Never one to cry, she angrily wiped away the tears. Bobby’s actions caused her so much turmoil. She loved this man. But she wondered if he would ever let her love him. She stayed at Joe’s grave for a few more minutes before she went back to wandering through the streets.

She didn’t know what time it was or how long she’d been out, when she suddenly saw where she was. She was a few minutes away from Bobby’s apartment building. Stopping she thought about her options. She could just leave or she could see if he was there. Then again she didn’t want to be the one taking the first step yet again. She wanted him to need her. More and more she started to feel this was all one sided. Just like her love for him. Even though part of her refused to go to him, she started to walk to his apartment building.

Inside, standing in front of his door, she knocked. She had the key, but first she wanted to see if he was there and if he would open the door for her. After knocking for the third time and the door still didn’t open, Alex searched for his key. They had exchanged keys a long time ago and she’d never used it before. Today was going to be a first.

Closing the door behind her she only found darkness. Clearly he wasn’t there. Turning the lights on, it immediately became clear that things weren’t going well for him. Bobby usually kept a tidy and neat place and now… in the sink there were still plates and cups. There were plates on the coffee table in the living room. There were clothes and a blanket thrown on the bank. Pushing the blanket away she sat down on the couch. Sighing she ran a hand through her hair. “Bobby.” Alex whispered his name. Putting her elbows on her knees, she leaned forward, her head on her hands. “Where are you?”

TBC...