Author: r'n'rb PM
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder...Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Angst - Starfire & Robin - Words: 1,594 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 4 - Published: 12-05-06 - Status: Complete - id: 3275550
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Story: The Departed
Characters: Robin, Starfire
Summary: When all is said and done. When the fights have died down and the last tear shed, what happens next? oneshot Rob/Star
"Sometimes I wonder…"
Her words slip out into the air and he tries to catch them for they are ever so faint. He smiles warmly albeit mirroring the apprehension she holds.
His hand searches out hers, reaching through the fabric of her coat and latches on when he finds her. Her fingers are cold and, he rubs them tenderly absentmindedly with his thumb and forefinger.
"What do you wonder?"
His words are just as soft, a snowy clouds form as his breath hits the cold air.
She doesn't answer for a while and he finds himself unexplainably grateful, whatever she has to say she is reluctant to, he's reluctant to hear it. Instead silence cools over them, spiraling upwards in white clouds of warm breath as they sit, still, linked at the hands and breathing.
She opens her mouth to speak and closes it instantly, in a stasis, a purgatory; neither good nor evil but on the brink, always on the brink. The cool air chills her feet as they dangle off the edge, her green boots vivid against the grey of the building. It's been a while since they have sat like this, atop a roof looking over the work as they breathe, together.
And then finally the words come, slightly less harsh than he had imagined, slightly less articulate than she had practiced but spoken all the same, etched from tongue to ear.
"Sometimes I wonder if we would be better off – if we were, not together any- sometimes I wonder when this will end…"
She drops her hand from his as if she has been burned; his hand remains limp and unmoving.
"We can't do this anymore, it's not fair Richard. Not for you, not for me. We…can't"
The silence is deafening, so quietly piercing, and it stings. He knew it had been a long time coming, she knew as well. There had been too many nights with her and cold sheets; too many broken engagements, promises, too many excuses and ever so many tears, tears over their loss, their love, tears shed over tears themselves. But now that it has been said it cannot be taken back, not like when she shouted to his photograph or when he cursed her for not understanding. Now it is out there, an invisible barrier risen out of nothing, and it stings.
His sigh breaks the silence and he places his hand idly in his lap, already he feels alone. There are so many things to say, so many things he wants to tell her, but his apologies never come out quite right. And even so it's late, too late.
"I know Star"
He calls her by her old nick name, it slips out unnoticed by him, to her it stirs her emotions, she winces, it stings. He continues.
"We should have ended this a long time ago. After losing the baby… It wasn't, it isn't fair to you, to be always waiting for me.
Tears fill her eyes, though it was her that had dropped the guillotine blade in the first place. Liquid prisms fall from green eyes, he wants to brush them away and kiss her firmly on the mouth like he used to. He wants to make her blush again as he whispers things only meant for her ears, but most of all he wants to see her laugh, not out of formality but that true sparkling laugh if hers. Most of all he wants her to be happy again. All he truly wants is her.
"It's not your fault Richard, I was the one who drew this out too, I kept on waiting …"
She looks at him through tear filled eyes, he looks listless and broken and it is all her doing. It takes all the will power within her not to fall into his arms; she wants to feel his strength again. To tell him something and see his eyes light up with excitement and energy, he used to have so much energy. But he was always gone, and she is always waiting. She has to let go, she tells herself she can't always be waiting. Several times he had accused her of wanting to change him, a small smile flits on her face. She never wanted him to change, ever. All she wants is to have him there and smiling at her with that look he saves just for her. All she wants is him.
Something stirs in him, he leans toward her, questioning.
She starts at his voice; her stomach twists itself into a tangled web of knots.
"Why did you wait?"
She mumbles something, looking off into the distance, her vision clouded by countless tears. He grabs her shoulder, almost angrily. She jumps at his touch, terrified and reveling in it all at once.
"Don't tell me it was about the baby Kori, why did you wait?"
A million words to be spoken, a million questions asked and yet even when it was just her and his photo, it always came down to this, why did she wait?
"Because it's you Richard. Because it's you"
She gesticulates wildly and the tears stream freely.
"It's always been you, when I was with you it was like nothing else mattered, even after the child Richard, I always had hope for us. It's you, we were supposed to get married someday, and somehow no matter how long I was sitting up waiting for you, it was all worth it when you came home. Even now, Richard, it's you always, has been always will."
He reaches up to cup her face, a blazing look of anguished adoration on his face. She pushes his had back quickly, he can't touch her like that, not now she would just end up falling again. Sadly though, she already fell, and even now she hasn't bothered to get up.
"But it's too much. I can't handle being alone anymore. After everything, I just can't".
He nods, his hands are back at his sides, his posture defeated.
"You know I love you right?"
She nods, but holds back the 'I love you too', it's too routine and it's not enough. She watches him as he continues, again she has to stop herself from falling into him.
"And that I'll always be there for you, no matter what- maybe I'm not always there in the way you want, the way you need but I am always there"
"Yes…" And she looks to the sky again, he watches her from the corner of his eye. It does no good to look to the past, what's done is done and yet all he can do is think back, back to when he should have stayed and celebrated their new home instead of breaking in the new office. All he can think of now is a montage, ten moments of sheer agony and desperation for every one happy moment of theirs. And yet the happy moments were worth it so worth it, what he wouldn't give to go back and do it all over. He shifts slowly so that he is sitting closer to her, he doesn't touch her though, not now, not now. His eyes study her going over every inch of skin, he doubts there is a place that he hasn't touched and yet what he wants now is untouchable. Though she loves him, though he loves her, though she will always be waiting, the past their happiness. Untouchable, for now at least.
He speaks finally, they have to leave, what's said has been said it's time to move on.
"You'll always be waiting wont you"
A small smile quirks the corners of her mouth.
Desperation gets the better of him, and he finds himself grasping for straws.
"So why can't we just-"
Her answer knocks the wind out of him and he slumps, defeated, rising only at the sudden soft touch of her fingers on his face. She is standing now; he gets up slowly and joins her, coughing out a surprised 'oh' as she pulls him into a tight hug. So close but so far away, he is never one for clichés but as he wraps his arms around he, it is all he can think of. Her voice snaps him out of his reverie.
"At least not for now"
He pulls back and looks at her.
She smiles wearily, though a spark of hope flashes through her eyes.
" Maybe, just not now-"
"Give it time Richard"
He nods and smiles sadly.
She smiles, a mirror image of broken heartedness.
Anyways review please,- in general( as in not just for my stories ) nobody reviews anymore
I'll have the next Undoing of Realism chapter up soon ...