A/N: Hey guys! I’m back with two new stories! This one shot and (soon) my newest novel, ‘Old Love New Story’.

After reading my parody of the movie Narnia (‘The Chronicles of Narnia: The Witch, The Wardrobe and The Lion’, check it!) a wise Chinese friend told me I was good at writing comedy, but maybe he was a liar… see what you think! Thank you very much!

Disclaimer:The characters here represented are not my propriety, they belong to Marvel.

‘What can be funnier then Scott Summers drunk? Maybe Scott Summers and Kurt Wagner drunk at the same time, but that’s for another story. Only Scott this time. R&R’

Bubbles

MM

“C’mon Scott, it’s going to be fun!” Said Jean as she sat on the Black Bird’s sit.

“I don’t know… it’s not my kind of…”

“Scott, it won’t be the same without you.” She grabbed his hand and gave it a little squeeze.

“Vhat is not going to be the same?” Came Kurt’s voice right after the smoke of his teleport.

“Nothing much.” Scott fasted his seat belt. “Sit down, we’re going to take off,” he checked the plane panel. “…it’s just a party from Jean’s class on college. She wants me to go.” Jean turned to close the plane’s door.

“So, go.” Said the German.

“I don’t want to.”

“Then I’ll go.”

“Kurt!”

“Man, that’s a great opportunity!”

“I dunno… I’m tired… and we had this mission…”

“Mission? I thought ve vere here just to skip Logan’s Danger Room section.”

“We are, but I got tired piloting the Black Bird.”

“But Scott, it’s on the autopilot!”

“Shut up, Kurt, you’re not helping!”

“Scott,” Jean came back to the conversation. “if you don’t want to, I won’t force you. That’s ok.”

“Thanks.” The aircraft’s turbine started to make its noise.

“I’ll go by myself.”

“What?” The plane de-stabilized when Scott turned to Jean in surprise. The three jolted but in two seconds Scott reassumed the control.

“Yeah, I won’t lose this opportunity, as Kurt said.” The elf smiled.

“Well, hun, then…”

Five minutes later, the X-Jet was on autopilot. Jean was finishing the last commands so the plane would follow the right way.

“Hey Scott?” Kurt asked.

“What?”

“Come here just a second.” They took off their belts and got up.

“Where are you going?” Asked Jean.

“Hun… Just something I need to show him in the plane’s electric panel.” Said a smiling Kurt.

“Ok.”

“What?” Asked in a whisper Scott when they were away from Jean.

“Do you like Jean?”

“What?”

“Stopping asking ‘vhat’!”

“Wha- I mean, sure, wh-”

“Shh. Just listen. These parties, you know, have a lot of hot girls right?”

“Sure. But I’m with Jean.”

“I know that. But besides hot girls, vhat more can you find there?”

“Well” He started to think…

College party.

College party with hot girls.

College party with hot girls and drinks.

College party with drunken girls and boys.

College party with a drunken Jean and a lot of boys.

…end suddenly understood.

College party with a drunken Jean with drunken boys and Scott at home watching The Simpsons.

“Damn… I’ll go.”

“That’s vhat I’m talking about!”

“Thanks, Kurt.”

“Now… can I go with you?”

“Kurt!”

MM

“My God, I’m, like, really tired. Logan killed us today!” Complained Kitty.

“Oh…” Said an uninterested Kurt while playing with his cereal.

“Why are you like this?” Asked the young girl.

“Vell, Jean and Scott are on that party and ve are here, watching TV on a Saturday night and-” He was suddenly interrupted by the girl’s laugh.

“Sorry… it’s just that Homer got totally drunk at home…”

“Ahem. As I was saying, ve’re here watching Simpsons when ve could be having some real fun.”

“Bah, I like to stay at home. And more, what do you think they would do there? Drink?” The two busted into laughing at the idea.

“Imagine, imagine…” Kurt was still catching his breath from the laugh. “Hey guys, let’s, let’s do an extra section on DR, glup” He was doing an impression of a drunken Scott.

“C’mon, I mean, that will never happen.”

MM

“Don’t worry, you look good.” Jean whispered at his ear as he, for the tenth time that night, checked his shirt.

“Yeah…” The house was full of young adults, some playing pool, other in the pool, chatting, drinking… mostly drinking.

“You said Paul would be here.”

“Oh, there he is!” She pointed for one corner in the house where the bar was settled. “He’s a barman in these parties. And does a great job, you should try it.”

“I’ll go there say ‘hello’.”

“Sure.” She kissed his cheek. “I’ll be around.”

Scott sat on the balcony and greeted his friend.

An hour later Jean was chatting with some friends outside the house when she heard some yells from inside the same. She and a couple of other women were sitting at a round white table.

“What is that about?”

“Some competition, nothing really important.” Responded the brunette at her side.

“Hey girls!” One of Jean’s friends came from inside the house and joined them on the table. “You should check it out! There’s a new guy that is using the funnel and is so cool! They are putting everything there and he’s drinking! Mark was trying to beat him, but couldn’t! The man already drank a whole bottle of vodka! Haha, tomorrow he’ll feel what that can do!”

“Oh my…” Jean and the others girls laugh.

“Yeah… those guys are crazy…” The woman sat at the table and continued to talk.

Meanwhile…

“Chug, chug, chug, chug! Yeahhh!” Yelled Paul as Scott drank another dose of Tequila.

“Oh, this, this is waaayyy too gooood!” Said Scott to the crowd around him. “Hey! Jean!” He continued to say as the woman entered in the room. “C’mon, honey, let’s dance!”

“What?”

“Jean! Let’s daaance! You look so beautiful today, I, I mean, tonight!”

“Oh, thanks. Ok.” Scott started to dance, or at least tried to. After spinning for five minutes he stooped.

“You alright?” Asked his partner. He put his arms around her neck for support.

“When, When I feel good… I feel good.” He said with conviction.

“Hu…Ok.”

“Sooo many bubbles…”

“Huh… sure!” She rolled her eyes.

“Let’s dannnce! And don’t peek inside mah head, I’m not thinking nice things…” He made a malicious smile, with came up as a half grin.

“Oh, you are really drunk.” And they continued to dance.

Outdoor

“So Jean, did you come alone?”

“No. I’m with my boyfriend, Scott.” Answered Jean to her friend.

“When are we goin’ to meet him? Is he that ugly?” The girls laugh.

“No, not at all!”

“Huh… so is he that handsome you can’t show us? We won’t steal him from you… I think.” They laughed again.

“Come, I’ll introduce you to him.” The four women around the table got up and headed for the living room, where the dance floor had been arranged. Jean opened the door.

There was a circle of people watching some guys drinking on the funnel.

“Oh my…”

“Yeah, they are excited today. Yoo-hoo! I’m next!” Said Jean’s friend.

“Look that guy drink!” Said her brunette friend.

The people were shouting a name. Who was that? Luot? Suot? Shot?

“Oh my God…”

“Scott! Scott! Scott!”

“I know, isn’t he great?” Said a man next to her.

Jean stood still with her mouth open when she realized who was drinking.

Ok, maybe it wasn’t a good idea invite Scott for the party.

He and more three guys (one of them on the floor) were shirtless, Scott was with the end of the funnel in his mouth and Paul was putting a mix of Whiskey and energetic drinks in the funnel. Jean had never seen Scott THIS red before.

“OH my…”

He finished his challenge and started to scream with the other guys, all them drunk of course. And then he turned to a girl, who didn’t seen to be sober too, and kissed her cheek.

“Scott!” Jean called his attention.

“Jean!” He run to hug her. Jean stood still giving a skeptical look to the woman that was with him. She was avoiding Jean’s death look.

“Wooow! Two Jeans!” Scott was in the middle of them looking at Jean and then back to the who-is-this-girl.

“Scott, what happened here?” Asked Jean (the real one) with a firm voice.

“Haha, he’s dead.” Whispered Jean’s friend to the other one. The crowd was focused on the couple.

“Look a Jean! Hey other Jean! Hahaha!” Scott kept looking at the two women.

“Out.” Said Jean to the who-the-hell-is-this that was with Scott.

“He was drunk, we didn’t do-”

“Out!”

“Ok, ok…” She rushed to the door.

“Scott, come with me.” Jean got his hand and was trying to pull him out of the house.

“Look! Another Jean!” He said as one girl passed beside them.

“No, there is just ONE Jean, and she’ll make you think you are a panda tomorrow if you don’t shut up… now, let’s go.”

“I like pandas…”

“Let’s go Scott!”

“What? Why? The fun’s just beginning! Yahooo!” He turned around a couple of time before she stopped him.

“Come with me, now.” She kind of ordered him, trying not to call too much attention. “You are not feeling ok.”

“What? No, I’m – OUCH!” She kicked his balls.

“Now you’re not. Come.” With her TK, she made him walk straight to not call attention till the place they parked. Then she released him.

“OUCH! My balls! My damn balls!” He was on the ground with his hands at his… well, balls.

“Maybe I compromised the future of my kids doing that but- Scott! Put your pants back on, oh my god, Scott!!”

“But I need to pee! Damn, it’s hurting…” He turned around so his pee wouldn’t hit the car. Jean couldn’t help but peek at his whole anatomy; he was already shirtless anyway… ‘Focus Jean! He’s drunk! Really drunk and you have to help him… but hey, isn’t he gifted in many ways? Damn, Focus!’

“I’m sorry, c’mon get in the car.” She helped him to get up. “And please, but your pants back on!”

“I’m trying, but, but they seem not to fit… look! Trees!” He run to the tree next to the car and hugged it. “Hi Ms. Tree. Can I piss on you please? Thanks…”

“Oh my God… that is so pathetic…” Jean closed her eyes and concentrated. After all, she drank a little too.

“Jean! Hey, I look like a dog peeing here! Haha, maybe if I-”

“No Scott! Keep your both feet on the ground. And get in the car when you finish it.”

“It’s not fitting!”

“What the, oh my God… Scott?” She took a deep breath.

“Wha?”

“What were you thinking about when you took off your pants? Argghh…I’m gonna kill that girl!”

A little bit of sobriety beat on him. “Oh Damn. I’m on.”

“Yep.” Said a totally blushed Jean. “Now, get in the car and I’ll take you home.” ‘And hit you so bad that you’ll have to have your hair cut when you wake up!.’ Tripling as he got in the car. “The keys.” She said between her teeth.

“In my pocket.”

“Get them.”

“NO!”

“Scott…”

“I don’t know where they are… twinkle, twinkle little star…”

“Oh…” She said as she had to put her hand in his pocket to find the keys. While feeling his arousal. Focus. Focus Jean, Focus. Nothing could happen, though, he was with his head fallen behind now. Ok, you got it.

She fastened the seatbelt on Scott, who was murmuring something about penguins, and started the car.

The way back was not so tumultuous during the first half, when Scott woke up and continued to sing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’, when they were stopped on a red light. There was a family car next to them, and the man who was driving the car made a face and closed his window.

“…up above the World… sooo high… Jean?”

“What?” She asked dryly.

“What’s next on the song?”

“It ends there.”

“Really… Jean?”

“Yes…”

“Why are the stars so shiny? Your hair shines like them sometimes…”

Ohh… even the drunk version of him could be cute.

“Scott I-”

“Do penguins fly??”

“Well, no.”

“Why are they birds then? They shouuuld fly!”

“Yeah but-”

“They should fly!” He yelled and hit the car’s panel.

“Aren’t you tired Scott? Don’t you wanna sleep?” He was dozing off.

“My stomach don’t feels so great…”

What was she thinking? With all the thinks he drunk it was a physic law to throw up.

“Scott, if you want me to stop the car…”

“No… I just want to sleep…” With that he rested his head on the panel.

“Thank God…”

“Jean?” He put his head back up again. “Why is green, green? I mean, it should be yellow ‘cuz trees like sun and… green.”

“Sleep Scott. Just sleep.”

“Can I lie on your lap?”

“What?” She looked briefly to him and back to the road.

“P-please? This is hard!” He hit the car’s panel again.

“Stop! Yes, yes, come.”

“Thanks…”

Some time later…

Jean was parking the car.

“Scott, wake up, we’re here…” She whispered to his ears.

“Hunf…?”

“Scott, Oh my God, No!” He was so pale and she saw the moment he was going to throw up. She jolted back and accidentally hit the wheel and froze at the moment she heard Logan’s bike falling.

“Scott!”

“Sorry…” He was trying not to laugh when he got out the car. “You are dead; Logan is going to kill you! Lalalalala!”

“You puked on me, Damn! Oh, my… gross…” She took off her blouse. “And the car!? Look at the car Scott! You’ll clean this tomorrow, and… oh… honey…”

He was starting to cry.

“Don’t yell with me… I’m sorry…”

“Scott… come here, let’s go… you look cute when you’re drunk, but never do it again and…”

He was going to throw up again.

“Let me help you.”

They stood in the yard for more twenty minutes till Scott was empty again.

“I’m sorry, but Logan will kill YOU when he sees that.” She pointed to the yard that was with tones of orange and yellow now. She was helping him to walk.

“Never again…” He kept telling to himself. “Never again…”

When they walked to the kitchen, Jean was the first one to stop.

“What are you two doing up at this time?”

Kitty and Kurt didn’t move when they saw Scott.

Shirtless.

Drunk.

Hugging a Jean that was also shirtless.

“I knew it! I knew it!” Yelled Kurt.

“Shh… everybody is sleeping!” Said Jean, then she realize that she was shirtless and tried to hide herself behind Scott, which didn’t work.

“Kurt, please…”

“Wow…” Kitty was still shocked.

“What are ya two doing here?” Came Scott’s weak voice.

“… Simpson’s special… wow…” Answered the girl.

“Scott? Can you lend me your car tomorrow?” Asked the German.

“Suuuure.”

“I wouldn’t ask that…” Said Jean.

“Hey Scott… how was, like, your first kiss with Jean?”

“Like shit, I messed up everything…”

“Scott!” Jean blushed and Kurt laughed.

“Jean, are you virgin?”

“I’m sober Kitty.”

“Just testing…”

“Oh my god, is that Logan’s bike?” Kurt was at the window.

“Oh…”

“You’re so dead!” He laughed again.

“I love the way you help me. Now please, teleport us to my bedroom, please…”

“Huh… your bedroom…”

“Kitty…” Said Jean with a serious voice. Kitty just put her hand at the mouth.

“3rd floor.” Kurt touched Jean’s arm and ‘bamfed’.

“Thanks Kurt….” She said when they were at her room. “Kurt?”

“Huh, yes…sure, velcome.” Said Kurt now focusing on her face.

Jean snorted and he ‘bamfed’ again.

“Scott, I don’t know if you’re listening to me, but you’ll sleep here tonight ok?”

She got a ‘yoleleihooo’ for an answer.

“Ok. Sounds as a ‘yes’ for me.” With her TK she, not so delicate, put him on the bed.

“I’ll take a shower and sleep too…”

Meanwhile…

“What do you think they are doing?”

“Vhat you mean?” Asked Kurt.

“Well… you saw them…” Continued Kitty “… Scott looked like... I mean, do you think…?”

“Are you asking me if I know if they are doing it?”

“Well, hu…”

“Kitty. I’d never expect this from you…”

“Oh, forget it!”

“I’m just kidding…”

“Ok…”

Silence.

“So?”

“So vhat?”

“Kurt!”

“No, no, wait! I know how to find out.” He teleported them to the hall, in front of Jean’s room.

“Now, peek inside.”

“What? No!”

“That’s the only vay!”

“Shh… we can just try to listen…”

“No, Jean’s bed is far from the door.”

“Well, ok.”

‘Don’t even think about phasing that wall.’ Echoed the telepath’s voice in their heads.

“Geez!” Kitty laughed. Kurt smiled.

“Yep. We have our answer.”

She didn’t want them to see Scott in this state… he was still mumbling some things but soon sleep would take over. Jean was caressing his head and thinking of how cute he looked when he was drunk, but reaffirmed to herself that he’ll never do it again… oh… he was sleeping like an angel…

He burped.

Jean rolled her eyes and turned to sleep.

Two hours later…

“Hunf…” Scott shook his head trying to make the dim go away. It didn’t. “What…” He opened and closed his mouth a few times, tasting the salt flavor. “I’m thirsty…” He got up, and not even realized that Jean was sleeping at his side.

The way he was, he searched for the door in the dark room, which took him fifteen minutes, and got out, heading for the kitchen.

At the TV room, Kurt and Kitty were still there doing… well, watching TV.

“I love these specials. Twelve hours of stupid cartoons…”

“That’s depressing.” Suddenly they heard a noise of someone falling and a yell of pain.

“Vhat vas that?”

“Mah head… ouch…” Continued the voice.

“Scott?” Kitty got up and helped him to. “Ha… what happened, are you ok?”

“Kitty!” He noticed the girl for the first time. “I’m thirsty…”

“Kurt, teleport him back to Jean’s room and…”

“No, no, vait… let’s do something first…”

“What you mean?” Asked the girl.

“Let me test him. Hey, Scott?”

“Yeahhh?”

“Let’s play a game? Ve’ll take odd and even, if get odd I win, if I get even you lose. And the loser answers some question, hun?”

“Yippee, I love games!”

“Yeah… and I’m feeling that I’ll love this one…” Said a smiling Kurt to Kitty, who got the idea.

“Well Scott, like, let me help you… here, sit here.” They sat at the kitchen table.

“I’ll start. Odd.”

“Eeeeeven!”

“Ha. Even. You lost…”

“Damn…”

Kurt cleaned his throat.

“Scott, are you virgin?”

“Kurt!”

“Stop, Kitty, let him answer…”

“Nooooo… hehehehehe…”

“Huh… cool…”

“I’m feeling that I’ll win now… odd!”

“My turn, like, even.”

“Even, you lost Scott.”

“But who said five is even?”

“Scott, that’s four fingers…”

“Oh… sure… Jean!”

“No, I’m Kitty.”

“Ha, ok. Kitty!”

She sighed between a laugh.

“Scott, I’ll ask you a question…”

“Twinkle, twinkle… oh, ahem.”

“… how far did you go with Tyran?”

“Ohhhh…” Said Kurt.

“I didn’t like her.” Said Scott pouting.

“Why?” Continued the girl.

“She didn’t like Jean, soo, I don’t like whoever doesn’t like Jean…”

“Oh, that’s cute…”

“My turn!” Said the German. “I won!”

“Reaally? Already?”

“Sure Scott.” Kitty tried her best no to laugh. “Ha, let’s see… you said you veren’t a virgin… who did you do it with?”

“Like nobody knows…” Said Kitty.

“I was raped when I was a little boy.” His voice was firm. Kitty and Kurt stopped laughing and stood with a shocked face.

“Man, I’m, I’m sorry, I-”

“Got ya! Hahaha!” Kitty sighed in relief and Kurt pushed Scott lightly, but strong enough to make him fall from the chair. Kurt and Kitty continued to laugh…

“Haha… Scott?” Asked Kitty to the fallen Scott. “Oh, My God, Kurt help him!” Kurt got him up, he had passed out.

“Oh my God! Jean is going to, like, kill us! Oh my God, we killed Scott!”

“OH man!”

“Oh, the Professor is going to kill us! Wait, I’m going to kill you! Why did you do that!?”

“He--he wasn’t-I, damn…”

“Sooo many bubbles…” Scott raised his head and then let it fall back again.

“Oh…” The two said in relief. “He’s alive. I’ll teleport him back.”

“Ok. Good night Kurt, and,” she looked at Scott. “…good luck.”

Kurt ‘bamfed’ to Jean’s room and dropped Scott on the bed. He mumbled something for a couple of minutes and finally fell asleep. Kurt checked on Jean; deep sleep. He went back to his room in the same way.

Half an hour later…

“Hanf!” Scott woke up from his sleep. His sight was still dim, and sure he didn’t remember anything that happened in the past eight hours. “I’m thirsty…” He got up again, and in a drunken way got out the room, and was walking through the hall.

“Scott?” Said Amara, who was getting out the bathroom, obviously shocked with the view of her leader.

“Oh, hi Jean. I’m thirrrrsty.”

“Ha… good night!” Between a laugh she got into her room.

“Water, water… WAAAAATER!” He yelled when he fell from the foot of the stairs and hit the floor, again, near the kitchen. He would feel this tomorrow. Nobody woke up, thanks to Logan’s section.

“Who put this stair here…?”

He finally made up to the refrigerator and drank some milk.

“Huh… white water…”

With the same capacity he went upstairs and got inside the room.

MM

The morning after…

“Oh… my head…” Mumbled Scott. He turned to the left to find a watch that marked 8 a.m. He sighted. “What a crazy dream… ouch!” He felt a sudden pain on his back, and when he turned to see what was it, he saw that he wasn’t sleeping alone. Someone was at his side hidden between the blankets. And for the first time he noticed himself.

Shirtless and feeling that last night he was turned on.

“Huh… Jean?” Smiling he searched for the body at his side, taking the blanket out of it. “Love you sweet- AHHHH!!!”

“AHHH!!!” Yelled Kurt.

“AHHHH!” Scott tried to get up and fell off the bed, swearing because of his painful body, but as soon as possible he was at his feet again, screaming and trying to get far away from Kurt, who was at the other side of the room, also screaming.

“Ahhh!” Huffing, Kurt noticed Scott’s state. “What happened? What happened here!”

“AH! I, I don’t remember I… my head hurts… men… did we…?”

“No! No! Nothing happened!”

Scott sighed in relieve.

“Wow, thank God! Nothing against you, but…”

“OK, I got it…”

“But, what, what happened? Why does my head hurt-” Kurt didn’t say a word, and was trying to hide his grin. Scott stood looking at the nothing, remembered what happened in little pieces…

Party with Jean.

Party with Jean and Paul as the barmen.

A challenge, he accepted.

Other girl, some kisses…

Another girl, some kisses and a lot of beer, vodka, whiskey, tequila and a panda.

Wait a minute, a panda?

“Oh my…”

Kurt couldn’t help and started to laugh really hard.

“Was it that bad?” Asked Scott.

‘SCOTT!’

Came Jean’s voice in their head.

“Ask her…”

“Oh…”

As Scott walked back to Jean’s room, he saw some students. The girls laughed at him and Bobby even patted him on the back. Kitty looked at him and laughed until a tear dropped from her face. Then she said:

“Jean is downstairs… hahaha! ‘So many Bubbles’…hahaha!”

“Oh… thanks.” As he reached the bright room, he thanked God for the fact he was already wearing glasses. He saw Jean in the corner of the table, with a cereal bowl.

“Hey.” He sat next to her, not even realizing he was wearing the same clothes he wore the whole night. She didn’t answer. “Are you mad at me?”

Silence.

“Jean?”

More Silence.

“I’m-”

“You’re dead.” She said taking the spoon out of her mouth.

“Wow… you’re being-”

“No. I’m not going to kill you. Not now.” She finished the sentence by looking at him. “He will.”

“Who?”

And then he heard the yell from the garage followed by a growl.

“SUMMERS!”

He knew that voice by heart.

“What did I” Despair was taking place of his features and his whole body when Wolverine appeared in the kitchen door, his claws out.

“Oh Damn…”

MM

Wow, cool. I enjoyed writing it. Sorry if it got too long for a one-shot, I’m still getting used to it. xD

I hope it was funny for you as it was for me. Let me know what you think, reviews are always welcome:)

Maia

Oh! I almost forgot… this is just a small protest that I should have done months ago about the third X-Men movie…WHERE ARE JEAN’S GREEN EYES?!?!

Ahem.

Thank you,

Maia